Things I wished I knew 20 years ago

Ok
To start this one off

Use vinegar and newspaper to clean windows.

Place a small piece of cotton wool inside the affected toenail to cure an ingrowing toenail.

Toothpaste is a great cure for zits.

Never buy cheap shoes.

how to urine over high walls

considering i'm 19 i can't really contribue to this thread

Thanks, i'll remember these if life ever gets tough.

Tomorrow is much more important than yesterday but make sure you enjoy today.

Stockpile beer.........It's going to get bloomin expensive

I wish I knew Christ 20 years ago, would have spared myself a lot of heartache and banging head against various walls of life....

ALso: cranberry juice from Holland and Barrats (small syrup bottle) is awesome as an antioxidant, bought it for urinary tract, cleared some fine lines around my eyes, botox eat your heart out!

Also: never run in flat shoes (i.e. converse etc), invest in arched, proper trainers, might spare you foot sugery!

Smile at every opportunity and give liberally of whatever you can: your time, your hospitality, whatever the talent WITHOUT expecting anything in return, giving is much more blessed than receiving and is what love is all about

This thread needs some music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qTJowtn38w

I wish I'd known 20 years ago that even though I was a boy I would never beat my big sister in a brawl. Witch is pure evil and prone to low blows

Euro millinos winning numbers would have been handy.

My children will still cost me loads of money even though they are now nearly in thier 40's

never put off to tomorrow what you can do today

also...

if you've got a problem, ask yourself the following question - can i do something about it? if the answer is no, don't worry about it; if the answer is yes, refer to the quote above!

One that helped me a lot during a days work was:-
'Do the grotty job first thing and leave the nice job till last.'

On my desk when I was having a really succesful time was:-
'No matter how busy I am I am never to busy to talk about how busy I am'

And finally the family one:-
'You don't remember days you remember moments.'

lkm

Don't eat 2 Big Macs before taking 3 Ecstasy pills, then take another 3 because you can't understand why the first 3 aren't working. Then the lot hits you all at once at about 3am when it's time to go home. I finally figured out that my body spent hours digesting the Big Macs and it took many hours for it to do that to the tablets which i took after the food.

If someone attacks you from behind and you chase after them and they close their front door before you can catch them, do not attempt to punch through the double glazing! I smashed the glass to pieces with my fist, but my fist got smashed to pieces, it would of been smarter to kick the door through and save my fist for the bloke.
I finally did break through the door, but the guy was at the top of their stairs with a baseball bat, so I had to run back out again

Third important lesson would be if your cousins and his friends (who are also your mates) have a 20 man brawl, (outside the Knights Arms in Porthcawl) with your best friends and drinking friends, and you can't find anyone to fight.... do not pick on the hard looking guy in a cream woolen top with a London accent, because he may just be a professional street fighter...
Of course sods law has it he was down from London as my cousin lives there, and my cousin had to break the fight up after being covered in blood himself, having been hit 3 times with a bottle of Bud...

Lesson 4 - If your 18 years old, 20 stone 3 lbs, full of steroids, think you can fight the world after a few drinks, and punch a guy you don't know in a cream woolen top full force (when in the middle of a big brawl) when he doesn't expect it , and he simply turns to look at you, winks as blood trickles from his eye, do not engage him in a punch up, as he might throw you over a table.

Lesson 5, if your weight lifting with a lot of middle aged roiders in Maesteg squash club next to Somerfield, do not under any circumstances press your face against the punch bag while trying to hold it steady for big Dai to hit...

Lesson 6 - If your 17 and your work with a guy who is a bouncer in Neath and a very strong, roided up bloke and he boasts he has never been beaten while on the door, do not test his resolve by jumping him from behind in front of all the boys, especially when your Father is the foreman... Sufficing to say he snapped my hands off when I head locked him, sweeped my feet from under me and choked me unconscious

Lesson 7 - if your a 19 year old bar man, and a 49 year old woman from Neath hits on you, who has a husband who is about 6'6.
Do not walk her back to her caravan and screw her on the grass outside her caravan front door, where her husband who is inside is sleeping... I did get away with it, but Jesus...

Lesson 8 - If you leave your girlfriends house, and see your mates girlfriend walking down the road (in the rain), don't stop and ask her if she needs a lift!
She said she was going to the shop to buy fags, and as it was raining I offered her a lift, as she was my mates girl. The shop is next to another friends house I was going to visit, so she waited in the car while I went to see him, before I was going to drive her home, and the boyfriend showed up... immediatly saw I had his girlfriend in my car, after she told him she was busy and couldn't see him that day...
Well you can imagine the explaining I had to do....

Lesson 9 - If someone picks a fight with you, do not attempt a flying head butt at them while their standing in front of a jagged wall!.. they might move, luckily despite me bleeding I managed to flatten the little ginger Tinkywinky with one punch.

Lesson 10 - Didn't do this myself but it is funny. If your a big roided up bouncer from Neath and are angry while out drinking in Swansea, Do not punch a bus stop sign! Because it may simply spin around the lamp post it is attached too, and smack you in the face cutting you wide open. Yup you can kick the shít into anything in South Wales, but one bus stop sign and your in a hell of a mess...

Alyn, you now scare me

Keeping it in your pants will save you in the long run .

AlynDavies wrote:the little ginger Tinkywinky

How to forgive myself.

I wish that 19/20 years ago one directions parents decided to use a condom.....
being 18 this is brilliant for me but have a few things

don't punch a girls (who you like) best friend (lad) in the face, real pain to sort that out, although turns out she wasn't worth it

don't look frightened going into bars, you are 18, you don't need to look shifty!!!

don't start a fight with one of your rugby club team mates at a carboot sale, as having your mum trying to break it up is incredibly embarrassing

never mention a girl looks fat amongst your mates, they may be d!cks and tell her!

being nice and kind to girls often doesn't work!

20 things that are true:

1. Your wife will have the last word in any argument. If you try to have the last word, anything you say after she has spoken is the start of another argument.

2. Experience has taught me that to be criticised does not necessarily mean that I am wrong.

3. In any discussion, anything said before the word "but" should be completely disregarded (IE: I am not a racist/homophobe/Southampton supporter, but...........)

4. My parents were very glad when I joined the Royal Navy. The fact that it would mean long periods away from home seemed to please them even more.

5. The most remarkable thing about my mother was that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal was never found.

6. The trouble with referees is that they just don’t care who wins.

7. A sure-fire cure for seasickness: Sit under a tree.

8. A tragedy exhibits a state of things in the life of an individual which unavoidably causes some natural aim or desire of his to end in catastrophe when carried out.

9. Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Yes.

10. Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

11. No man can become rich if he takes proper care of his family. (Old Navajo proverb)

12. Never criticise American taste. They have the best taste money can buy.

13. Cats look down on humans, dogs look up to humans. Pigs treat humans as equals. I like pigs. (Winston Churchill)

14. When my writings are censored, I feel flattered. The act of censorship shows a primitive fear and dread of what has been written.

15. There are two things that the dull and ignorant dislike in writing: Information and wit.

16. I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof things keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things on.

17. I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

18. It is always best to tell the truth, unless you are an exceptionally good liar.

19. If you cannot annoy somebody with what you write, then there is little point in writing. (Kingsley Amis)

20. Being a teenager is the last stage of your life when you will be glad the phone call is for you

Trades such as plumbing, electricals, gas engineering etc pay brilliantly and they're probably quite interesting as well.

That it can be quite lucrative scrimping and starving to afford to get onto the property ladder then renting to mugs like me.

1. Britain is crap.........  

2. Taking steroids would screw my joints up.......

3. I should have majored in History instead of Industrial Psychology...The money would be worse but at least I'd have been engaging in a subject I like....everyday..

4. That Brits didn't walk around with bowler hats and umbrellas and say 'Old boy' every two minutes !!  

5. That having an affair wasn't a good thing to do.......

6. That I didn't have any balls and would be content to fly through life taking the easy buck and being too contented with what I have.....Instead of pushing myself......

7. That getting a good physique wouldn't dissolve my inhibitions and that I'm still the same guy who has the same sensitivities but is great at hiding it with b******t ....

8. That I was about to have a spoilt little brat.......That is ungrateful and empties my wallet regularly that also has the audacity to hammer me on his XBOX regularly......

That my life would turn out like this...I'd have made it happen 10 years earlier...however then I'd have missed out on the ten years that made me the man I've turned out to be but I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

Well I wasn't even born twenty years ago.

But if I could start again, then maybe I would say....it's better to not be born at all.

Or maybe I'd wish I could start all over again from the age of ten. Then I could brace myself for a few things, cut all the rubbish out and try harder at certain things, like education.

Perhaps when I die, which is only when we're truly happy, I'll have a chance to hit a rewind button. Not regrets necessarily, just some things I'd wish I'd done or perhaps handled easier.

Duty, I feel you'll come to regret using a conversation about rimming as an opening gambit in the search for romance.

I know It's a cliche........Kid but you have the world at your feet.......I was pretty much engaged at 19......

I should have been visiting Europe..Touring America .....Partying....doing all the things kids do.........

You are too young to have regrets......

Forget that guy at the library he was a regular at the Oyster....You weren't missing anything !!  

Ah Dave...you can always cheer one up.

The search for romance continues - interview tomorrow for the place where the guy I'm-kind-of-but-not-really-stalking works.

I probably shouldn't be honest about why I want to work there.

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:I know It's a cliche........Kid but you have the world at your feet.......I was pretty much engaged at 19......

I should have been visiting Europe..Touring America .....Partying....doing all the things kids do.........

You are too young to have regrets......

Forget that guy at the library he was  a regular at the Oyster....You weren't missing anything !!  

Thank you Truss, I appreciate it.

It's true Duty, the library guy (far too obsessed with his hair to take care of MY needs BTW) shouldn't be something to mourn it should be a tale to tell strangers on an internet forum when you want them to know just how weird you are without wanting to appear dangerous (oh wait...it IS!)

I'm not even twenty yet - but I wish I knew earlier that ingesting hash is a stupid attempt at a post-workout painkiller (damn you Bruce Lee)
Lotto numbers could have helped, failing that, I wish I borrowed £100,000 from a loan shark when I put my 25/1 bet on South Africa vs Spain... Could have retired at 19...

Regrets....? I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention.

ALWAYS check for an Adam's apple

How to send a Tweet.....

...we only had 'Text' back then. The name change made some wise-guy a fortune. I wish I'd thought of it before he did.

I wish I knew how important synchronicity was.