The CSWDW Chronicles

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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:07 am

MGK - Voices in the air plays as the Catchiest, Sexiest, Wittiest and most Delightful Wrestling show in the world recaps this WWA season in it's entireity entirity full.

This is, was, and always will be, a Marky and Electric Demon production.


Posts : 28481
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Age : 33
Location : Crawley, West Sussex

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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:09 am

Week 1: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting

The Arena is dark, the crowd are expectant, a sole spotlight appears on the ramp and a hooded figure is stood looking down at the floor. He looks up as the lights come on and music plays, the man is revealed as David Otunga;

Otunga: music I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window
I saw the flickering shadows of love on her blind
She was my woman
As she deceived me I watched and went out of my mind...
My Vick-ie, Guerrero
Why Vick-ie, Guerrero
I could see that girl was no good for me
But I was lost like a slave that no man could free... music

"Excuse me!"

(The crowd boo as Vickie Guerrero walks out alongside David Otunga)

Vickie welcomes everyone to the fed named in her honour, Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling! The crowd continue to boo as Vickie says this place will be the most talked about fed in the entire WWA...

Otunga: music She stood there laughing...

Vickie: HA HA HA!!!

Otunga: I felt the knife in my hand, and she laughed no more. music

(The lights and music go off)


Eric Young is backstage dressed as Danny Zuko from Grease. He's running around asking if anyone has seen Sandy. He runs straight into Ron Simmons, and the crowd erupts.

Ron Simmons stares at Eric Young in his leather jacket with his slicked back wig hair, he looks him up and down...



The Coach and Mike Tenay welcome us to Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling, and Lillian Garcia announces the first match of the evening.

***Jimmy Uso v Camacho***

Jimmy Uso looks distracted throughout the match, constantly looking at the ramp. The finish comes when he turns his back on his opponent once too often, Camacho hits a Backstabber and pins Jimmy Uso, one, two, three! Coach lambasts Jimmy Uso for being disrespectful, Tenay agrees reluctantly and wonders what was on Jimmy's mind.

***Winner by pinfall, Camacho***

Camacho celebrates in the ring. Four men enter the ring, one is a Cowboy, one is an Indian, one is a Builder and one is a Policeman. They stand behind Camacho and shout "Hey, Hey, Hey Hey Hey"...

Camacho: music Camacho, Camacho man...
I've got to be, Camacho man
Camacho, Camacho man
Yeah, yeah
I've got to be Camacho! music

(Camacho continues to sing and dance followed by his four desciples, up the ramp and to the back)

Jimmy Uso is sat crying and rocking back and forth as the camera fades to black.


Kevin Nash is backstage with Terry Funk, Funk is asking what's going on with all the singing? Funk turns away reminiscing somewhat, and says nothing like this would have ever happened in his day. Funk turns back to see Kevin Nash with 2 backing dancers

Funk: Oh no...

Nash: music I got passion in my pants and I aint afraid to show it...
I'm Big Sexy and I know it music

(Nash and the backing dancers dance)

Nash: Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle, AAAAAHHHHHHH... My Quads!

(Nash is on the floor clutching his thighs in agony, Funk walks away shaking his head)


Lillian Garcia announces the next match:

***Spud v Akira Tozawa***

Both men stand nose to nose ready to wrestle, when Assistant GM David Otunga walks out onto the stage, he tells both men they will be in a "Talent Show" against each other, right here right now! Otunga says he will decide the winner, and the loser will be FIRED!

Spud goes first with some rapping;

Spud: music My name is Spud, i'm the Spud-U-Like, my sister turned into a Diesel Dyke, my dad's a druggie and my ma's a lady of loose morals, that's what happens when yo family's poor.
I took up Wrestling, I got real good, I'm gonna be champ like I knew I would, I'm Spud-U-Like, i'm the Wrestling king, the girls all wanna see my ding-a-ling. Fo' real. music

(The crowd are shocked by the vile content but Otunga seems nonplussed)

Akira Tozawa: music I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
I'm turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so... music

David Otunga walks down to the ring, he calmly climbs through the ropes, he is staring at Spud and he cheap shots Akira Tozawa! Otunga hits his Spinebuster slam to Tozawa, and the crowd boo as Otunga shakes hands with Spud-U-Like.

Otunga: The winner, is Spud-U-Like. (Crowd boo) And the loser, is Akira Tozawa. So, Akira, Catchy Sexy Witty and Delightful Wrestling would like to wish you the best in all your future endeavours... Don't like it? Sue me.

The crowd boo as Otunga and Spud leave the ring.


In the backstage area The Great Muta is doing some stretches, when he is overshadowed by The Great Khali suddenly standing over him. Muta stands straight and looks up at The Great Khali, hen to Runjin Singh who is stood beside Khali, then extends a hand of introduction to The Great Khali.

Muta : I'm Great….

The Great Khali holds up his hand to stop The Great Muta from singing.

Khali : Bhalalaljajaja
Runjin : Khali sings he's Greater
Muta : I'm the Greatest!

The Great Muta stands with his arms spread wide and The Great Khali grimaces.

Khali : Bhalalalaljala
Runjin : Khali sings He's Great
Muta : I'm Greater
Khali : Bhalalalaljalaya
Runjin : Khali sings he's the GREATEST!

This time The Great Khali displays his physique by holding his arms widespread, then the two stare each other down.

Muta starts to shimmy his shoulders in dance.

Muta : music That don't impress me much. Do do do do.
So you're seven foot and three fifty pounds
Now don't get me wrong, that chop is alright
But that won't keep me down, next Sunday night music

Runjin Singh slowly turns to The Great Khali and sings The Great Muta’s verse back to him in Punjab. The Great Khali stares at the Great Muta, then big chops Muta, knocking him to the flooring.

Runjin : The Great Khali accepts. Great Muta!


***Damien Sandow v Kofi Kingston***

Kofi Kingston is out first to some Bob Marley music;

Kofi: How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

music We jammin'
I wanna jam it wid you.
We jammin', jammin'...
And I hope you like jammin', too.

Ain't no rules, ain't no vow, we can do it anyhow
I'n'I will see you through
'Cos everyday we pay the price with a little sacrifice
Jammin' till the jam is through.

We're jammin'
To think that jammin' was a thing of the past
We're jammin'
And I hope this jam is gonna last. music

Kofi finishes as Damien Sandow walks out to the ramp, he is carrying a Ukelele and he walks down to the ring;

Sandow begs the audience's indulgence for a moment. He introduces himself and says he's here to help. He says that throughout this very serial, he was compelled hear professional wrestlers resorting to verbal means to liberate themselves against our falsely anointed idol from the shackles of his own self-imposed inadequacy. The crowd boo, and Sandow asks that they remain silent as he speaks. Sadly, Sandow himself was expected to indulge in similar activities, undermining not only his enlightenment, but the enlightenment of us all. Sandow says he refuses to partake in such vulgarity, and he is here to teach Kofi Kingston a lesson. "You're welcome."

Sandow smashes the Ukelele over the head of Kofi Kingston as the bell rings to start the match, Sandow immediately goes for the Iron Lotus on the dazed Kingston! Sandow connects with it and he nonchalantly leans over Kingston to pin him, one, two, three!

***Winner by pinfall, Damien Sandow***


Heath Slater is backstage talking to GM Vickie Guerrero, Heath says he's the One Man Rock Band, and he wants to know who he's facing around here. Heath says he wants a challenge, he's sick of being the victim back in that other place...

(The crowd erupts as Flo Rida enters the shot and goes face to face with Heath Slater!)

Heath Slater grins and nods as he and Flo Rida stare down.


Lillian Garcia announces the main event of the evening

***Christian and Cody Rhodes v Sting and Mick Foley***

Cody Rhodes walks out to the ring with his old facemask on, he mockingly suggests that in a place where singing takes priority, he should try and be the Phantom of the Opera! Cody laughs but as he does, a familiar car screech noise plays and the crowd cheers as Mick Foley walks out dressed as Mankind! Mankind tells Cody he is the only Phantom in this Opera! Cody Rhodes looks confused as the match begins.

Mankind and Cody brawl through the crowd back and forth as the crowd egg them on leaving Christian and Sting in the ring, Cody gets the upper hand for a little while until Mankind goes for the Double Underhook DDT, Cody wrigles free and decides he's had enough, he runs away through the crowd as Mankind follows.

The match ends when Christian is going for a spear on Sting, Sting reverses it and hits a Scorpion Death Drop! Sting pins Christian, one, two, three!

***Winners by pinfall, Sting and Mankind***

Sting gets a microphone and sings Why Should I Cry For You? by Sting

Sting: music What would be true?
Sometimes I see your face,
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I? Why should I?
Why should I cry for you? music

Christian angrily strops in the ring and sings his own Sting song;

Christian: music I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't
I can't stand losing to you music

Mike Tenay and The Coach thank us for watching and wish us a very Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful week.


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:10 am

Week 2: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling

David Otunga opens the show stood on the stage, he is serenading Vickie Guerrero;

Otunga: music Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you

Vickie: 'Cause I've had the time of my life
and I owe it all to you

Otunga: I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me

Vickie: We saw the writing on the wall
As we felt this magical fantasy

Otunga and Vickie: Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it secretly
So we take each other's hand
'Cause we seem to understand the urgency

Otunga: just remember

Vickie: You're the one thing

Otunga: I can't get enough of

Vickie: So I'll tell you something

Otunga and Vickie: This could be love because
I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
'Cause I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
'Til I found the truth
And I owe it all to you... music


***The Great Khali vs The Great Muta***

Mike Tenay and The Coach sell this one as “The Battle of the Greats” as The Great Khali makes his way to the ring with Runin Singh.


Runjin: music Khali sings he's that star up in the sky
Khali sings he's that mountain peak up high
Khali sings he made it
Khali sings he's the World’s Greatest! music

The Great Muta gets to the ring and the match starts. Muta gets in some offence but Khali’s power becomes too much for him. After throwing Muta around like a rag doll, he attempts to hit the big chop, but Muta manages to take evasive action, rolling out of the ring. Khali leans through the ropes to pull Muta back in, but Muta has taken a chair from under the ring and smashes it into Khali’s head. The ref disqualifies The Great Muta.

***Winner by DQ, Great Khali***

Muta gets back in the ring and stalks Khali

Muta: music I’m that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
Yeah I made it

Vickie Guerrero and David Otunga appear at the top of the stage and announce that The Great Muta and The Great Khali will face off again next week… in a Hardcore Match. With that, the stage turns into a hardcore rave and Vickie and Otunga throw some shapes as Muta laughs at Khali.


Kermit the Frog is watching a monitor of the Khali v Muta match and he looks bemused (well, as bemused as a Muppet can be). He comments on how crazy this place is when he turns into Damien Sandow. Sandow tells him he is the definition of how professional wrestling is seen as a joke, where he will single handedly save this industry from itself. You're welcome.

Sandow walks off, Kermit quips "Welcome for what? What's going on?!"

Kermit is looking around for some other Muppets, he sees Kevin Nash dancing to more LMFAO, completely unaware of anyone seeing him.

Nash: Party rock is in the house tonight
Everybody just have a good time
And we gonna make you lose your mind
Everybody just have a good time

We just wanna see ya, shake that....

Everyday I'm shufflin...

(Nash starts shufflin then holds his quads again)

Nash: Not again...

Kermit watches and he turns around to see Ron Simmons stood behind him. Ron stares at Kermit, at Nash in pain, and he looks disgusted.



***Eric Young and Kelly Kelly v Camacho Man and Rosita***

Eric Young is wearing his Danny Zuko from Grease outfit, he and Kelly Kelly are stood in the ring. EY keeps referring to Kelly Kelly as Sandy. Rosita accompanies Camacho Man to the ring;

Camacho: Body...wanna feel my body?
Body...such a thrill my body
Body...wanna touch my body?'s too much my body
Check it out my body, body.
Don't you doubt my body, body.
talkin' bout my body, body,
check it out my body

Every man wants to be Camacho Camacho man
to have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging in the mornings, go man go
works out in the health spa, muscles glow
You can best believe that, he's Camacho man
ready to get down with, anyone he can

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Camacho, Camacho man
I've got to be, Camacho man
Camacho, Camacho man
I've got to be Camacho!

The match is short as EY spends the match combing his pretend slicked back hair, while Camacho Man is stood on the apron flexing his pecks. Kelly Kelly and Rosita have a short match, trading holds. The end comes when Rosita tries to tag in Camacho Man but he's not paying attention, instead oiling his chest. Rosita turns around and Kelly Kelly hits the K2! The Coach comments on how Jimmy Carr hit the K2 and it got him into trouble, Mike Tenay asks who Jimmy Carr is, Coach says he doesn't know. Kelly pins Rosita, one, two, three.

***Winners by pinfall, Eric Young and Kelly Kelly***

Eric Young and Kelly Kelly sing together and begin a beautiful romance;

EY and KK: We go together like
rama lama lama
ke ding a de dinga a dong
remembered for ever like
shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yipitty boom de boom

Chang chang chang-it-ty chang
That's the way it should be
Wha oooh yeah!

We're one of a kind
Like dip di-dip di-dip
Doo-bop a doo-bee doo
Our names are signed
Boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-e-dy
Shoo-by doo-wop she-bop
Chang chang chang-it-ty chang

We'll always be like one


Backstage Jimmy Uso interrupts Vickie Guerrero and David Otunga who are talking. Vickie says “Excuse Me” and Jimmy is apologetic. Otunga asks Jimmy Uso what he wants, and Jimmy tells them that he feels his career at CSWDW lacks focus, and he felt lost last week. Jimmy asks if there are any plans for a Tag Team Championship division afoot, seeing as this is where his forte lies.

Vickie cuts in on Otunga and tells Jimmy Uso that there are no plans for a Tag Team Championship in CSWDW this season, due to a distinct lack of recognised tag teams. Vickie asks Jimmy and Otunga to excuse her and she walks away. Otunga sneers at Uso and follows.

Jimmy Uso reaches into his pocket and takes out a photograph, it’s of his brother Jey Uso. Jimmy looks at it mournfully.

Jimmy Uso : music And I miss you…. Like the deserts miss the rain.
And I miss you…. Yeah…. Like the deserts miss the rain. music

Jimmy solemnly stares at the photo then pokes his tongue out in a Samoan fashion

Jimmy Uso : BLAAHHH!


***Entertainers Division - Semi Final***
***Flo Rida v William Shatner***

Flo Rida vs William Shatner

Flo Rida dominates the match with an impressive powerful display. Shatner gets in little offence and Flo picks him up onto his shoulders, spinning him around.

Flo: music You spin my head right round right round when you go down when you go down down music

Shatner’s spinning legs knock the referee out of the ring. Flo turns the spin into a high impact spinebuster, then sets Shatner up for the People’s Elbow. Suddenly Heath Slater dives into the ring and hits Flo Rida with “Sweetness” (Inverted DDT), then jumps back out again. Shatner covers Flo just as the referee gets back in the ring 1….2…..3.

***Winner by pinfall, William Shatner***

Shatner celebrates as Heath Slater backs away up the ramp shouting “How’s your Good Feeling now Florida?”


Kofi Kingston is backstage preparing for the main event of Kingston/Sting/Foley v Sandow/Christian/Rhodes, he is humming the tune to "Kingston Town" when Damien Sandow attacks Kingston from behind, he slams Kingston face first into the wall and then hits the Russian Leg Sweep. "You're welcome".


***Entertainers Division - Semi Final***
***David Hasselhoff v Pee Wee Herman***

Pee Wee: Today's secret word is "Aaaahhhhhh".

Hoff: I am going to beat this moron and win the Entertainers Division Championship.

Pee Wee: I know you are, but what am I?!

Hoff chases Pee Wee around the ring but Pee Wee avoids him and as Hoff hits the turnbuckle, Pee Wee trips him over then twists his ear!

Pee Wee: What do you say Hoff?

Hoff: Aaaaahhhhh!

Pee Wee: You said the secret word!

Sirens sound and lights go off and on, Hasselhoff looks confused as Pee Wee Herman jumps around pointing at Hasselhoff!

The Coach says this is the worst match since himself v JR. Tenay asks who's JR? Coach calls him "some hillbilly from Oklahoma".

Pee Wee Herman is facing the crowd, Hasselhoff school boys Pee Wee for the pin, one, two, three!

***Winner by pinfall, David Hasselhoff***


Flo Rida is backstage venting his rage at David Otunga about Heath Slater attacking him, when Gonzo from The Muppets walks in asking if anyone's seen Fozzie Bear. Flo Rida grabs Gonzo by the nose and holds him up angrily.

Flo: When I joined, it was for money, and for fun. Now the money's banked, the fun has ran out, and I want to hurt Heath Slater. Make it happen, or the puppet gets it.

Otunga: Ok, ok. Put the puppet down...

Gonzo: That's Muppet...

Otunga: At the PPV, it will be Flo Rida v Heath Slater, in a Miami Street Fight!

Flo Rida looks pleased with the announcement.


Lillian Garcia announces the main event of the evening;

***Damien Sandow/Cody Rhodes/Christian v Sting/Mankind***

Christian is out first, he says he cannot compete due to a muscle strain, but he has a doctors note and he will be at ringside throughout because he is a hero.

***Damien Sandow/Cody Rhodes v Sting/Mankind***

Once again, Cody Rhodes and Mankind argue about who should wear the mask, Cody says "Phantom this" and cheap shots Mankind, and the two brawl outside the ring and through the crowd!

The end comes with Sting setting up Sandow for the Scorpion Death Drop, Christian climbs onto the apron and Sting goes after Christian, Christian drops from the apron and berates Sting from outside of the ring. As Sting turns around, Sandow is back to his feet and hits the Iron Lotus! Sandow pins Sting, one, two, three!

***Winners by pinfall, Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes***

Sting recovers and chases Christian from the ring and to the back, leaving Sandow in the ring. Sandow gets a microphone, but as he goes to speak Kofi Kingston's music hits! Sandow stares at the ramp but Kingston hits the ring from the crowd and lays into Sandow with punch after punch!
Kingston gets the upper hand and he backs off, he sets up for the Trouble in Paradise kick and nails Sandow in the face with it! Kingston mocks Sandow by saying "You're welcome", and Kofi sings to end the show;

Kofi: music The night seems to fade,
But the moonlight lingers on
There are wonders for everyone...woo ho
The stars shine so bright,
But they're fading after dawn
There is magic in Kingston Town
Oh Kingston Town,
The place I long to be
If I had the whole world
I would give it away
Just to see the girls at play, yeahhhh

when I am king,
Surely I would need a queen
And a palace and everything, yeah yeah
And now I am king,
And my queen will come at dawn

She'll be waiting in Kingston Town
She'll be waiting in Kingston Town, by now
She'll be waiting in Kingston Town, oh ya
She'll be waiting in Kingston Town, oh ya music


Posts : 28481
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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:11 am

Week 3: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling

We are welcomed to Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling by Mike Tenay, who is sad to announce the departure of Sting from the federation due to what he calls contractual issues. The Coach comments on Sting taking his ball and going home, Tenay says he knows full well it goes deeper than that.

Christian walks out to the ring smiling, he says he got rid of Sting from CSWD because Sting is not welcome. CSWD is a ridiculous place, made only more ridiculous by Sting. Christian says CSWD is missing one thing, a World Champion. Christian suggests Vickie Guerrero and David Otunga put down their Singstars and crown him Champion.

Otunga is out and he says while he's not singing right now, he and Christian are singing off the same songsheet. Otunga says Christian will go one on one with a mystery opponent tonight, and the winner is going to be crowned the first ever CSWDW World Champion! Christian appreciates the announcement and says he wont let Otunga down.


Mike Tenay reminds everyone that Jimmy Uso had a tough time last week due to Vickie Guerrero’s lack of plans for the tag division, and that his brother’s absence from CSWD wrestling really seemed to hit home. Coach agrees and adds that Jimmy picked up a slight injury whilst playing hopscotch during the week, so has gone away for the weekend for a bit of R&R and to cheer himself up.

Coach points at the screen and we are taken to a sunny theme park where Jimmy Uso is stood at the end of a line of boys and girls queuing for a ride. Suddenly everyone starts bopping, including Jimmy, and a lot of the boys and girls link arms in couples and start singing.

music Rollercoaster. Of Love.
Rollercoaster. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Rollercoaster. Of Love.
Rollercoaster. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. music

The line starts moving along and the dancing continues

music Your love is like, a rollercoaster, baby baby.
I wanna ride.
Your love is like, a rollercoaster baby baby.
I wanna ride music

The queue gets to Jimmy Uso who stops bopping, with a smile on his face. The attendant says there are only two seats left, and points to a young couple in the queue behind Jimmy, indicating that Jimmy should be kind and let them through rather than take up two seats himself. The attendant ushers them through and they take their seats. The rollercoaster whooshes away and the singing fades into the distance.

The attendant puts a rope across the gate then walks off for a cigarette. Jimmy looks around and there is no-one else in the queue, so he stands alone, in silence. After a moment he reaches into his pocket, and takes out a folded up photograph of his brother Jey.

music And I miss you.
Like the deserts miss the rain.
And I miss you…. Yeah.
Like the deserts miss the rain. music

A tear falls down Jimmy’s cheek then he pokes his tongue out like a Maori.

Jimmy : BLAH!


***The Great Muta vs The Great Khali***
***Hardcore Match***

The Great Muta brings a Singapore Cane to the ring and begins the match by taking out The Great Khali's legs with a series of blows. When Khali drops to a knee, Muta breaks the Cane over his head.

After a failed pin attempt, Muta goes to the outside and finds another Cane under the ring. He swings this at Khali but Khali grabs it, and uses it to whip Muta into the ropes, nailing a Big Boot on the rebound.

Khali tries to hit Muta with a steel chair passed to him by Ranjin Singh, but Muta dropkicks it out of Khali's hands. Muta takes the chair and raises it high above his head, ready to smack Khali, but Khali evaded then when Muta tries a second time, Khali Big Chops the chair down into Muta's head. Khali pins 1...2....3

***Winner by pinfall, The Great Khali***

Some Punjab music plays and Khali dances in the ring in celebration. He goads Muta by dancing over him, but suddenly Muta sprays Green Mist up into Khali's face. Khali reels away blinded, rolling out of the ring. Muta grabs a mic.

Muta: music I Spit on You!
I will spit on you, I don't care who you are. I'LL SPIT ON YOU!
I don't give a f*** about you or your car. I'LL SPIT ON YOU!
F*** your house, F*** your jewellery and F*** your watch. I'LL SPIT ON YOU!
F*** your wife, F*** your kids, F*** your family. I'LL SPIT! music

Muta spits Green Mist into the air.

Ranjin Singh grabs a mic as Khali still tries to wipe his eyes clean. Ranjin says this has to end, so at the PPV The Great Khali challenges The Great Muta to a ladder match, where above the ring will be a briefcase with the word "Great" in it, and some Onion Bhajis. The winner gets to keep the prefix "Great" and the Bhajis - and the loser will have to drop "Great" from their name!

The Great Muta nods in agreement.


Kofi Kingston is backstage ready to sing the You and Me Song by The Wannadies;

Kofi: music Always when we fight
I hit you once or twice
And then I say "You're Welcome"
I know you hate that
I'll fight you in the ring
The week after the next
On the Pay Per View
And I will fight you
You and me - will fight - on Pay Per View
You and me - will fight - on Pay Per View

ba ba ba ba ba

It was always
You and me fiiiiighting... music


***Eric Young and Kelly Kelly v Spud-U-Like and Audrey Marie***

The match starts off with Spud trying to rap, he gets about two lines into it when Eric Young rolls up Spud, one, two, three!

***Winners, Eric Young and Kelly Kelly***

Spud is crazy and he argues with the referee, he turns around to Audrey Marie who slaps him across the face hard! Audrey Marie leaves the ring and Spud goes after her! Eric Young hugs Kelly Kelly and he gets a microphone;

EY: music Look at me,
There has to be something more than what they see
Wholesome and pure,
Oh so scared and unsure,
a pawn then,
Sandra Dee Sandy,
You must start anew,
Don't you know what you must do
Hold your head high,
Take a deep breath and sigh
Goodbye to Sandra Dee music

Eric Young finishes his song and the crowd is silent, Kelly Kelly is confused! The Coach points out that song neither makes sense, nor should it be sung by the man of the relationship...


Kevin Nash is backstage spraying a bottle of champagne around an empty room when Ron Simmons walks in;

Nash: music Champagne showers
Champagne showers
Pop it in the club
We light it up 80 hour
I said
Champagne showers
Champagne showers
Pop pop pop pop it in the club
We light it up 80 hour, 80 hour
Let the party rock! music

Nash turns to see Ron Simmons, who is now covered in Champagne looking completely unimpressed.

Nash: Ron, i'm-


Ron Simmons walks off disgusted and soaking wet...

Nash: ...Sorry...


***Cody Rhodes vs Mankind***

Mankind's music hits and he appears on the ramp. As he makes his way towards the ring Cody Rhodes jumps him from behind. Cody sends Mankind rolling down the ramp towards the ring then kicks him in the ribs against the apron.

Cody shouts at Mankind, telling him he's The Phantom. Cody slams Mankind's head into the ringpost then rolls him in the ring.

Tenay says this match hasn't event started as Cody gets Mankind in a Boston Crab position and tries to take his mask off. Mankind fights Cody off, whipping him into the corner and hitting a running knee then a double arm DDT.

Mankind sets Cody up for the Tree of Woe, but as he charges at him, Rhodes slides free from the turnbuckle and out of the ring. Cody grabs the ring bell and slides back in the ring. He goes to hit Mankind with the bell but Mankind ducks then goes for the Mandible Claw.

Cody breaks the hold by kicking Mankind in the gut then goes for a Disaster Kick, blocked by Mankind. They both end up on the mat, brawling, and taking it in turns to try and take the other's mask off. Eventually more referees arrive to stop the fight.

***Result - No Contest***


Terry Funk is backstage minding his own business when Pee Wee Herman and David Hasselhoff are having an argument about their match the week before. Pee Wee and The Hoff start shoving each other when Funk tells them both to shut up. Funk says he's sick of all this, "Entertainers" in a Wrestling world. Funk says he may be an old man, but he can still teach you two whippersnappers a lesson in pain. Pee Wee says "I know you are, but what am I?!"

The Hoff suggests Funk gets with the era of Entertainment, people like Funk aren't required anymore. Funk challenges Hoff and Pee Wee to a Hardcore match next week! Hoff accepts before Pee Wee can stop him. Hoff suggests Funk find a partner and make it a tag team match!

Funk nods and walks away, Hoff looks proud but Pee Wee shoves Hoff, asking "what did you do that for?! He's a crazy old man!" Hoff scoffs and doubt Funk even urinate when he wants to these days.


Mike Tenay says we’ve got a World Exclusive up next, a press conference with the one and only Flo Rida. The camera cuts to a traditional press conference scene, with Flo Rida sat at a table with a jug of water in front of him. The camera pans out to show that all the “press” are The Muppets.

Kermit welcomes Flo Rida and asks the floor for any questions. Gonzo stands up and asks Flo Rida why he’s decided to take up wrestling. Flo Rida answers that he never intended to wrestle in CSWD, but was going to contribute musically…. Until Heath Slater got up in his grill and stuck his big nose into Flo’s flow. No offence to Gonzo.

Animal stands up and says “You. Beat. Slater. You. Face. Me. ARRRRRRGGGH”. Flo replies that he doesn’t want to fight Animal because… music Hey I heard you were a Wild One. Ooooh. If I took you on it’d be a home run. You’d show me how it’s done music

Flo Rida laughs then leans over the table and tags hands with Animal, who starts banging the table as a drum. Flo stands up and starts rapping. The rest of the muppets dance.

Flo Rida: music Oh
I-I like crazy, foolish, stupid
Party going wild, fist pumping
Music, I might lose it
Blast to the roof, that's how we do'z it, do'z it, do'z it.
I don't care the night, she don't care we like
Almost dared the right five
Ready to get live, ain't no surprise
Take me so high, jumping nose dive
Surfing the crowd
Said I gotta be the man
When they heading my van, might check one too
Shut them down in the club while the playboy does it, and y'all get loose loose
After bottle, we all get bit and again tomorrow
Gotta break loose cause that's the motto
Club shuts down, I heard you're super models
Hey I heard you were a …… music

Flo is cut off by Heath Slater who has walked into the room sarcastically clapping. Statler and Waldorf can be heard booing. Slater says that Florida looks like a moron performing for The Muppets. He says that the Muppets have heard enough of that rap rubbish and now it’s time to hear some real music from The ONE MAN ROCK BAND!

Slater: music I’m just one ma-a-a-aan, ma-a-a-an.
I’m a one man ba-a-a-an, ba-a-and.
Take you by the han-a-a-an, ha-a-and.
I’m a one man b-a-a-an, ba-a-and! music

Heath shouts Yeah Baby then walks up to Miss Piggy and asks her who she prefers.
Flo jumps over the table and whips his shirt off, making Miss Piggy swoon, then starts singing for her.

Flo Rida: music Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Let me know
Girl i’m gonna show you how to do it
And we start real slow
You just put your lips together
And you come real close
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby
Here we go music

Miss Piggy points at Flo then faints. Slater looks annoyed and says “what do you know anyway you fat bitch?”, causing outrage.

Kermit gets angry and starts telling Slater he a mean man, but Slater tells him to Shut Up and swings a boot at the frog, kicking him flying across the room and out of shot. The Muppets go crazy, and they all follow Flo as he chases Slater out of the function room. Slater scarpers away and out of the building as the camera cuts back to Tenay and Coach.

Tenay : Wow. We might need some EMT’s back there for Kermit.
Coach : What a punt!
Tenay : That’s a little harsh Coach, he’s just a harmless frog and this is a family show.
Coach : I said punt!


Lillian Garcia announces the main event of the evening to crown the inaugrial CSWDW World Champion!

***Christian v ???***

Christian is in the ring waiting for his opponent. The crowd erupts as Randy Savage's music hits! The pop dies down as Camacho walks out dressed as Randy Savage, with a microphone;

Camacho: Ooooohhhhhh yyyeeeeeaaaaahhhhh! Camacho Man Randy Savage is in the house, i'm the tower of power, too sweet to be sour, and i'm gonna be the first ever CSWDW World Champion, ooooohhhhh yyeeeeaaaahhhhh!

***Christian v Camacho Man***

The match has Christian dominating throughout with Camacho getting some offence in. Christian gets some near falls with a Spear and a Frog Splash but Camacho is fighting on against the odds. The crowd are significantly behind Camacho as he fight on, but Christian goes for the Killswitch to end it.

Suddenly, the lights go red, and a voice starts singing;

music "I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight,
I've never seen you shine so bright,
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance,
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance,
And I have never seen that dress you're wearing,
Or the highlights in your hair that catch your eyes,
I have been blind;

The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek,
There's nobody here, it's just you and me,
It's where I want to be,
But I hardly know this beauty by my side,
I'll never forget the way you look tonight" music

The lights come back to normal, Christian is looking confused as the fans and commentators are as well, Christian turns around into an enziguri to the back of the head by Camacho Man! Camacho hits a quick DDT, then he does some eerily similar mannerisms to Randy Savage as he climbs to the top rope!

The Coach is going crazy, calling shenannigans as Camacho Man hits the Savage Elbow Drop to Christian! The crowd go wild and count along as the referee counts one, two, three!

***Winner by pinfall, and NEW CSWDW World Champion, Camacho Man!***

Confetti falls from the roof as Camacho Man is on his knees, he is handed the Championship belt by the referee and the crowd are chanting "Camacho" over and over!

Camacho: music I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through

I am the champion - my friends
And i'll keep on fighting - till the end
I am the champion
I am the champion
No time for losers
'Cause I am the champion - of the world music


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:12 am

Week 4: Catchy Sexy Witty and Delightful Wrestling

David Otunga is backstage and he sees Vickie Guerrero stood facing away from him;

Otunga: music I threw a wish in the well
Don't ask me, I'll never tell
I looked to you as it fell
And now you're in my way

I trade my soul for a wish
Pennies and dimes for a kiss
I wasn't looking for this
But now you're in my way

Your stare was holdin'
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy,
But here's my number, so call me maybe
It's hard to look right, at you baby,
But here's my number, so call me maybe music


***David Hasselhoff and Pee Wee Herman v Terry Funk and ???***

David Hasselhoff and Pee Wee Herman are first to the ring, they look ridiculous in their wrestling attire and they wait for their opponents. Terry Funk walks out to the ring looking ready to go, Coach says that Funk wants to teach the "Entertainers" a lesson about being in his yard. The crowd erupts as Kevin Nash is announced as Funk's partner!

Coach: Oh my god!

Nash and Funk stare at the now significantly less confident Hoff and Herman, and the match begins.

Funk starts off with The Hoff and he hurts him with a series of armbars and headbutts, as Hoff drops to his knees, Funk kicks Hoff square in the face! Hoff tags in Herman who doesn't want to get into the ring, Funk drags him in over the top rope! Funk lays into Herman with punches then throws him back to the corner to let Hoff be tagged in.

The end comes as Funk knocks Hoff down and tags in Kevin Nash. Nash big boots Funk! The crowd boo as Nash picks up Funk and hits the Powerbomb! Nash turns and walks out of the ring, as The Hoff pins the barely conscious Terry Funk, one, two, three!

***Winners, David Hasselhoff and Pee Wee Herman***

Nash has a mic, and he says Funk's crusade against the Entertainers is both immoral and a sign of Funk's old age. Nash says since these Entertainers have been in Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful, Nash has had more fun than he's ever had, and if the geriatric Funk wants to fight the Entertainers then Nash has no problem standing up for these guys. Nash says he wants Funk, one on one, at the PPV, and he'll even let Funk have the advantage of the match being Funk's forte, an Extreme Rules match!

Funk recovers in the ring, and he nods at Nash to agree to the match.


William Shatner is backstage alone, talking to himself;

Shatner: Come on Willie, it's just one match, us versus David Hasselhoff at the pay per view, winner becomes the NEW Catchy Sexy Witty and Delightful Entertainers Champion! And who knows, maybe Mr Winklechops will get some attention to celebrate... What do you say boys?

William Shatner looks up and sees Ron Simmons stood in front of him, looking both disgusted and appalled.



***Spud v Eric Young***

We are reminded of Eric Young pinning Spud within seconds of their mixed tag team match last week, Tenay says it was timed at 6 seconds, Coach says it was completely unfair. Eric Young is out first, still in his Danny Zuko phase.

EY: music We'll get some overhead lifters and some four barrel quads
Oh yeah
A fuel injection cutoff and chrome plated rods oh yeah
With a four speed on the floor they'll be waiting at the door
You know that ain't no poopie we'll be getting lots of boobie
Grease Lightning
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go- music

EY is cut off by Spud walking out to the ring, he freestyle raps on his way to the ring;

Spud: music I'm the Spud you like, but I aint in the mood
I got attacked from behind by a leather clad dude
He pinned me cheaply, one, two, three
I'm gonna show him you don't mess with me
I'm gonna punch him in his ginger face
He picked the wrong guy, wrong time, wrong place music

(Spud gets into the ring and faces Eric Young as the bell rings)

Spud: music I'm gonna hurt Eric Young, you'll all see... music

Suddenly, Eric Young puts Spud in an inside cradle, and the referee counts, one, two, three!

***Winner by pinfall, Eric Young***

Coach laughs and says he still managed to rhyme while being beaten, Tenay mentions that twice in a row Spud has lost cheaply to Young. Spud storms out of the ring as Eric Young celebrates.


Kermit the Frog is jogging along backstage when he comes across the CSWDW prop room. Kermit peers around the door to see no-one inside, then bounds in. Kermit looks around at an empty room with only a gigantic inflatable violin on the floor and a luminous mankini hung up on the wall. Kermit is about to leave the room before he sees a silver briefcase. Kermit opens up the briefcase to see the word “GREAT” stuck to the inside, written in brightly coloured fridge magnet letters, and a baker’s dozen of Onion Bhajis.

Kermit excitedly lifts up the briefcase and shouts “Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner… THE GREAT KERMIT!

Kermit makes a noise of fans cheering then puts on a commentator’s voice to say “Can you believe The Great Kermit has beaten Khali and Muta here tonight” then does another fan noise. Kermit dances around holding the briefcase above his head before running into a massive object and falling over. Kermit looks up and it’s The Great Khali.

Khali holds up his hand and Kermit winces, but Khali instead challenges Kermit to a “Chop Off” for the briefcase.

Ranjin Singh sets up two piles of wood laid across some breeze blocks. Kermit attempts to chop his pile, but doesn’t break one and hurts his hand. Khali cracks his hands then chops his pile of boards, breaking all but the final two of his.

Ranjin Singh grabs the briefcase and is about to give it to Khali when they all hear a scream.


Miss Piggy flies into shot and chops through every one of Kermit’s boards. Kermit says that Miss Piggy was amazing, and Miss Piggy says that she is actually The Great Piggy. And yes, she is amazing. Ranjin Singh reluctantly gives her the briefcase.

The Great Piggy says she will look after the briefcase until Khali faces Muta at the PPV, to make sure no-one gets their hands on those Bhajis!


Lillian Garcia confusingly announces the next match as a "Texas Tornado Trifle match"

***Audrey Marie/Rosita v Kelly Kelly/Serena Deeb***

The ring contains a paddling pool filled with a massive strawberry trifle, complete with custard and hundreds and thousands. Coach asks what hundreds and thousands would be called if you only had one, Tenay answers "A Sprinkle". All four women are in bikinis.

All four ladies get completely stuck in and coated head to toe in trifle as they fight, the crowd love it as all four ladies brawl in the trifle. Coach calls it "a match of the year candidate".

The end comes as Kelly Kelly hits Rosita with a K2 into the trifle, Rosita is face down and Kelly Kelly rolls her over before pinning her, one, two, three.

***Winners, the audience, or more accurately, Kelly Kelly and Serena Deeb***


***Heath Slater vs Flo Rida Rap Battle***

Heath Slater is being interviewed by Lillian Garcia. Slater says he doesn’t fear Florida. Slater asks what’s Florida even famous for? Just talking fast? Slater says that anyone could be a rapper, and Florida’s not even a good one – he’s as bad as John Cena. Slater says that Florida will be as bad as John Cena at wrestling too.

Flo Rida walks into shot and says that seeing as he’s accepted to play Slater’s game at the PPV, then Slater can play Flo at his game right now, and challenges him to a rap battle. Heath laughs and says “OK… OK”, cockily.

Flo Rida grabs the mic and immediately breaks into his rap.

music The mountain top, walk on water
I got power, feel so royal
One second, I'ma strike oil
Diamond, platinum, no more for you
Got adrenaline, never giving in
Giving up's not an option, gotta get it in
Witness I got the heart of 20 men
No fear, go to sleep in the lion's den
That flow, that spark, that crown
You looking at the king of the jungle now
Stronger than ever can't hold me down
A hundred miles gunnin' from the pitcher's mound
Straight game face, it's game day
See me running through the crowd full of melee
No trick plays, I'm Bill Gates,
Take a genius to understand me music

Lillian claps Flo Rida, but Slater barges in between them and grabs the microphone, slunking his shoulders and beginning to rap pathetically, visibly thinking between lines.

Slater: music Yo Yo Yo.
I’m Heath Slater yo.
The one man rock band show.
I’m making Ginger cool
By taking Florida to school music

Flo Rida asks is that it? And Slater says no he’s got loads more. Slater goes to rap again.

Slater: music Yo Yo Yo.
I’m the one man rock band yo
I’m Heath Slater don’t you know
The one man rock band show
Florida’s got to go music

Flo taps Heath on the shoulder patronisingly and tells him he’ll see him at the PPV. And that that was a terrible rap. Flo walks away, but Heath looks furious then grabs Flo from behind and throws him into the wall.

Heath stands over Flo and say “Now that’s a wrap, Florida”

Slater walks away singing his awful rap.


Jimmy Uso is sat in the canteen with Gonzo from the Muppets. Jimmy Uso is talking about how they recently re-released his favourite ever film, Titanic, in 3D. Gonzo from The Muppets says that he’s seen it and it’s fantastic, particularly when the boat goes down into the water. Jimmy Uso puts his fingers his ears and tells Gonzo not to ruin the film. Gonzo says it’s annoying how expensive 3D films are. Jimmy checks his pocket and asks will £7 cover his ticket, because that’s all he has, and Gonzo scrunches up his huge nose. Gonzo says no, but advises Jimmy that he could take a friend on Orange Wednesdays and split the cost. A man in a suit appears and hands Gonzo a cheque from Orange as Jimmy thinks.

The theme from Friends (“I’ll be there for you”) starts playing and the scene cuts to Jimmy Uso sitting next to Lilian Garcia and asking her to the cinema to watch Titanic 3D on Orange Wednesday, but she says she’s washing her hair.

The scene quickly cuts again to Jimmy Uso tapping David Otunga on the shoulder and inviting him to watch Titanic 3D next Wednesday, but Otunga says no.

A montage of several other people saying no to Jimmy Uso follows, before the theme from Friends fades out and we cut to Jimmy sat alone, looking at the handful of change from his pocket, then sullenly up at a poster of Titanic 3D. Jimmy puts the money away in his pocket, then takes a folded up photograph out of his other pocket. He unfolds it to reveal it’s of his brother, Jey Uso.

Jimmy Uso : music And I miss you.
Like the deserts miss the rain.
And I miss you…. Yeah.
Like the deserts miss the rain music

Jimmy wipes away a tear, then pokes his tongue out Maori style

Jimmy Uso : BLAH!


***Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes vs Mankind & Kofi Kingston***

Sandow and Rhodes make their way to the ring and await their opponents. The camera cuts to the backstage area where Kofi Kingston is laid out cold. Mike Tenay is asking what the hell could have happened to Kofi Kingston? Jimmy Uso is standing next to Kofi, asking the doctors if Kofi will be fit to go to the cinema on Wednesday. The doctor says Kofi won’t be fit to do anything this week – and Jimmy looks upset, saying Kofi had promised.

Rhodes laughs in the ring, as Sandow looks business as usual, stroking his beard. Mankind’s music hits and Mankind makes his way to the ring alone. Coach says this will now be a two on one handicap match.

Mankind slides into the ring and goes for the gung-ho approach, unloading on both of his opponents, getting the better of them for a while until the man advantage become too much. Rhodes and Sandow viciously beatdown Mankind. Rhodes hits a Disaster Kick, sending Mankind flying into a big neckbreaker from Sandow.

Sandow is about to go for the pin but Rhodes tells him that he wants the pin, to prove that he’s The Phantom. That Mankind can never see him coming – because he’s hidden in the shadows. Sandow looks confused and asks Rhodes if he’s ever seen The Phantom of the Opera? And when Rhodes says no, Sandow shakes his head in disgust and leaves the ring. Rhodes lifts Mankind and hits Cross Rhodes and makes the pin. 1………….2……………………3!

***Winners by pinfall, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow***

After the match, Cody succeeds in taking off Mankind’s mask and he holds it up in the air – asking “who’s the Phantom now Mankind?”

Cody tells Mankind that if he wants his mask back, he’ll have to come out of the shadows of the basement, and up onto the big stage… at the PPV, and take it back – by beating Cody Rhodes!


The lights go down and the crowd pops as the music plays and the new CSWDW World Champion walks out onto the stage singing;

Camacho: music Every man wants to be Camacho Camacho Man
To have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging in the mornings, go man go
works out in the health spa, muscles glow
You can best believe that, he's Camacho Man
ready to get down with, anyone he can
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Camacho, Camacho Man
I've got to be, Camacho Man
Camacho, Camacho Man
I've got to be Camacho! music

Camacho Man gets into the ring which is decorated with balloons and a table with food and drinks on it. He tells the fans how winning the World Title was the highlight of his life, and he is fully aware Christian doesn't want to let it go so he expects a challenge anytime soon.

Christian does walk out, he says Camacho is a freak of nature, but not in a good way. Christian says he will have a rematch at the PPV. Christian says he is a warrior, and if Camacho wants to be Randy Savage, he can be the Ultimate Warrior. Christian laughs as he says this, but the crowd erupts as The Ultimate Warrior's music hits and the man himself runs down to the ring! Christian is in shock as he bails from the ring, Warrior stares at Christian but then turns his attentions to the Champion.

Coach and Tenay are going crazy at ringside, The Ultimate Warrior is Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful!

The Warrior says he wants to become Champion, but before he can continue, the lights go red like last week and the song plays;

music The lady in red is dancing with me, cheek to cheek,
There's nobody here, it's just you and me,
It's where I want to be,
But I hardly know this beauty by my side,
I'll never forget the way you look tonight;

I never will forget the way you look tonight.
The lady in red, the lady in red,
The lady in red, my lady in red music

The music ends but the lights stay red, then smoke bellows from the stage and from under the ring...

music I'm the Boogeyman, and i'm coming to get you... music

The lights go off completely, and when they come back on, The Boogeyman has appeared in the ring! Warrior and Boogeyman stare face to face, with Camacho Man and Christian on the outside looking in! GM Vickie Guerrero walks out next and says Christian had his chance, but while he is allowed another shot, so do two other people. At the Pay Per View, it will be Camacho Man v Christian v Ultimate Warrior v The Boogeyman for the CSWDW World Championship!

The show goes off the air with all four men staring at each other, Boogeyman puts his worms on the table with the food on it, Camacho looks uneasy as he adjusts the Championship on his shoulder, Christian looks very annoyed and Warrior looks like the Warrior does, never taking his eyes off of his opponents.

Catchy Sexy Witty and Delightful "Pay Per View"
Flo Rida v Heath Slater - Miami Street Fight
Kofi Kingston v Damien Sandow
Great Khali v Great Muta - Ladder match
Camacho Man (c) v Christian v The Boogeyman v The Ultimate Warrior - CSWDW World Championship
David Hasselhoff v William Shatner - Entertainers Championship
Cody Rhodes v Mankind - Phantom's Ball
Terry Funk v Kevin Nash - Extreme Rules


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:13 am

Week 5: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting

Mike Tenay and Jonathan Coachman welcome us to Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling, and tells us about the show in store just one week away from PPV! And we’re straight into action with a match that throws together the feuds between Mankind and Cody Rhodes, and the one that will culminate in the crowning of the CSWD Entertainer’s Champion at PPV – William Shatner and David Hasselhoff.

Match 1 : Mankind & William Shatner vs Cody Rhodes & The Hoff

Mankind and Shatner make their way to the ring, Mankind covering his maskless face with his hand after Rhodes stole it last week. Rhodes and Hoff follow, Rhodes proudly holding the mask aloft. Mankind and The Hoff start the match, with William Shatner reluctant to get involved with Hoff, and Rhodes similarly wary of Mankind. Mankind is quick to dominate the match with his unorthodox offence, heightened by the fury of losing his mask. It’s not until he plants The Hoff with a Double Arm DDT that Shatner offers the tag. Shatner puts Hoff in a Figure Four Leg Lock and Hoff struggles to reach the rope. Cody Rhodes grabs Hoff’s Baywatch red buoy and holds it out into the ring. Hoff grabs it and Rhodes pulls Hoff closer for the tag. Rhodes makes the tag then gets into the ring, stomping an unaware Shatner then hitting Mankind with a Disaster Kick off the apron, to the outside. Rhodes takes the opportunity to hit Shatner with the Cross Rhodes then tags Hoff to make the pin 1….2…..3.

Winners : Cody Rhodes and The Hoff

Rhodes grabs Mankind’s mask from ringside and runs off into the crowd, with Mankind giving chase, whilst The Hoff celebrates in the ring.

Terry Funk is backstage chatting to Serena Deeb about her wrestling, giving her advice. She smiles and nods along as Funk shows her a couple of holds. Suddenly, Kevin Nash attacks Funk from behind! Serena shrieks as Nash stares her away, Nash hits Funk with a lot of punches and kicks, he throws Funk into a steel shutter in the backstage area, and he chokes Funk with his boot.

Nash: music Kevin Nash is in the house tonight
I'm just trying to have a good time
I think you've gone and lost your mind
I'm just trying to have a good time
Kevin Nash is in the house tonight
I'm just trying to have a good time
I think you've gone and lost your mind

I just wanna see ya!


Everyday you're hobbling... music


Match 2 : Kofi Kingston & Flo Rida vs Damien Sandow & Heath Slater

Kofi : We gonna stir things up for you right now. We gonna music Stir it up. Little darling. Stir it up music MASH-UP SELECTA!

Flo Rida jumps out onto the stage music Woah-oh-oh, I get a Good Feeling. Yeah! Kinda feeling I never, never, never get before. Woah-oh-oh, I get a Good Feeling… music
Kofi : music‘Cos the sun is shining. The weather is sweet.
Make you wanna move. Your dancing feet music

Kofi & Flo : music TO THE RESCUE…. HERE I AM! music

SOS plays, and they both make their way to the ring.

Slater and Sandow are out next and Slater sarcastically applauds, shouting “Nice one Florida”. Sandow has a mic and says that on the contrary, he and his acquaintance Heath Slater are the ones who will be on the rescue tonight, rescuing the unwashed masses from slipping further into their comatose existence, by bringing to an end all this symphonic abuse that they have been subjected to. You’re Welcome.

Sandow and Flo Rida start the match with Sandow having the upper hand.
Sandow attempts his neckbreaker, but Flo struggles free and tags Kofi.
Kofi leaps to the top rope and flying clotheslines Sandow, following up with a Boom Drop.
Kofi gets ready to hit a Trouble In Paradise but Slater runs in and hits Kofi with his running neckdrop.
Flo Rida is in and attacks Slater, dumping him over the top rope to the outside of the ring.
Sandow lifts up Kofi, goes for the neckbreaker, but Kofi ducks out and lands a Trouble in Paradise kick, knocking Sandow back into the referee.
Outside Slater throws Flo Rida into the ring post then grabs a chair, running into the ring and knocking out Kofi.
Sandow makes the pin just as the ref recovers. 1….2……..3!


Sandow and Slater make their exit, Sandow dusting his hands clean and Slater excitedly playing his air guitar, to the disgust of Sandow. Flo Rida check on Kofi.


Mike Tenay says we can now have a fly on the wall experience of a wrestler’s everyday life, because we’ve sent a camera to follow Jimmy Uso to Tesco, as it’s his turn to buy the milk. The camera cuts to see Jimmy Uso walking around a Tesco Metro. He picks up two bottles of milk, and does a few bicep reps with them before making his way to the checkout. Jimmy’s eyes light up as he sees the rows of chocolate bars on offer at the checkout, and after much deliberation he picks up a Wispa Gold.

Jimmy puts the two cartons of milk and the Wispa Gold down on the checkout and the woman scans them through. She asks Jimmy if he knows that Wispa Golds are buy one get one free this week. Jimmy says he didn’t know this, but he’ll leave it now, he couldn’t manage two anyway. The checkout lady looks at him confused and tells him again that they are buy one get one free, you might as well pick up the free one. Jimmy says he’s a professional wrestler, and has to watch his weight if he wants to stay on top of his game. The checkout lady gets annoyed and tells him to save one for tomorrow then, or give one to a friend.

This hits Jimmy hard, his lip starts to quiver, and he reaches into his pocket, not for his wallet, but for his folded up photograph of his brother Jey Uso.

music And I miss you. Like the deserts miss the rain.
And I miss you, Yeah. Like the deserts miss the rain music

Jimmy wipes away a tear and pokes his tongue out Maori style at the photograph.

Jimmy : BLAH!

The checkout lady asks if he’s going to but the Wispa Gold, and Jimmy says he doesn’t want either anymore, just the milk.


Match 3 : Spud, Audrey Marie & Rosita v Eric Young, Kelly Kelly & Serena Deeb

All six competitors are in the ring, and it looks like we’re going to start with Eric Young and Spud, when Eric Young, in leather jacket and slicked back, jet black hair turns to face Kelly Kelly.

music Kelly : Summer Lovin’ happened so fast
Eric : Summer Lovin’ had me a blast
Kelly : Met a guy crazy for me
Eric : And I’m even a wrestler from TV
Serena : That’s so cool is he WWE?
Kelly : No he’s not but he’s TNA

All : Uh Well Uh Well Uh Well Uh Uh

Serena : Tell me more, tell me more
Audrey Marie : I bet he hardly gets paid?
Serena : Tell me more, tell me more
Rosita : I bet he’s never got laid music

Eric Young turns around to remonstrate with Audrey Marie and Rosita, but Spud lays him out and pins him 1…..2……3.

Winners : Spud, Audrey Marie & Rosita


Kermit bounds up to Gonzo excitedly backstage and asks has Gonzo heard the news? The GM of CSWD has had a baby! Gonzo looks confused and says “Vickie Guerrero had a baby, I only saw her 5 minutes ago?”. Kermit says no stupid, the real GM of CSWD… the one who writes these scripts we’re reading off. Kermit and Gonzo look down at their feet to see scripts in a large font. Gonzo kicks his away to try and cover it. Gonzo says he has no idea what Kermit is talking about, but says they should sing a song in honour of the occasion anyway. Gonzo clears his throat then starts to sing;

music Long time ago, in Crawley Town, so the Holy Bible says music
Kermit : Erm… it wasn’t a long time ago, it was just yesterday
music Marky’s boy child, Brodie, was born on Christmas Day music
Kermit : Um, Gonzo, It wasn’t Christmas Day… I just said it was yesterday!
music Hark, now hear the angels sing, a king was born today music
Kermit : Closer Gonzo… it was yesterday
music And man will live for evermore, because of Christmas Dayyyyyyyyyyyy music

Kermit just stares at Gonzo

Kermit : Well… errrrm… that was nice Gonzo. Really nice of you.

Ron Simmonds appears from behind them.



Match 4 : The Great Khali vs The Great Muta – Sing-Off

Mike Tenay announces that Khali and Muta will face-off in one final showdown before their epic ladder match at CSWDW PPV, and it will be a sing-off, where the winner will be able to elect one more item to put into the briefcase hanging above the ring, to join the rights to the word “GREAT”, and a bakers dozen of Onion Bhajis. Without further ado, Lillian Garcia announces the contestants, introducing first……. The Great Khali Minogue!

Khali makes his way to the ring wearing gold hotpants and a flimsy white shaul, then dances to his music in the ring. Lillian Garcia introduces his opponent… The Great Mutya Buena! Muta makes his way to the ring, with his hair pulled back tight, and wearing a stud on the lip of his mask.

The Great Mutya faces the big karaoke screen straight away and begins a Sugababes medley.

music Round Round Khali Round Round
Spinning out on me
I don’t need no man
Get my kicks for free…. ….

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
To catch this bhaji briefcase so you and me could feel it 'cos
If you're ready for me Khali
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the word “great” that I control…. ….

Cos I will be a freak until the day
Until the dawn
And we can all through the night
To the early morn
Come on and we'll take you around the hood
On a gangster lift
'Cos we can any time of day
It's all good for me … …

Round Round Khali when I go…
When I go…
WHEN I GO! music

The Great Mutya ends with a euphoric spray of green mist into the air, and polite applause.

The Great Khali Minogue snatches the mic and looks up at the big karaoke screen.

music La La La. La La La La La
La La La. La La La La La.
La La La. La La La La La.
La La La. La La La La La.
I just ca… … … … … head,
Boy…. …. …. …. think about,
I … can’t ……….my head.
……can’t………… out of my head.
La La La. La La La La La
La La La. La La La La La.
La La La. La La La La La.
La La La. La La La La La.
I am……….. lucky.
Lucky lucky lucky.
Luck lucky lucky.
Luc… La La La. La La La La La
La La La. La La La La La
La… Luck… Locomotion music

Lillian Garcia says that the winner is The Great Mutya, because he got all the words right. Khali looks furious then Lillian asks Mutya what he wants to put into the briefcase. Mutya reaches into his pocket and takes out his Tamagotchi and passes it to Lillian.

Tenay : Oh my god. I don’t believe it! When I last spoke to Muta yesterday, his Tamagotchi was 82 days old. I’ve never got mine to that sort of age. How is it going to survive a whole week locked up in that box?

Coach : This shows how serious Muta is taking this match, Mike. Let me tell you what happens when a Tamagotchi is left alone; it poops, and has nothing to eat, and if that poop’s not cleaned up, it starts eating its poop and it could become poisoned – particularly over a full week of neglect. This is huge! Muta’s gonna be so pumped to want to grab that briefcase straight away, and get cleaning the poop and putting food down for that Tamagotchi ASAP.

Tenay : Wow! The stakes… or should that be the Bhajis…. Could not be any higher now!


Main Event : Camacho Man v Boogeyman v Christian v Ultimate Warrior

Mike Tenay explains that the winner of this match will be able to select the stipulation for the CSWD World Title match at PPV. The match begins with Boogeyman eating worms in the corner, and the Ultimate Warrior hyping the crowd by running around the ring, and shaking the ropes, allowing Camacho Man and Christian to battle it out in the early stages. After an even exchange, Christian knocks Camacho Man to the outside with a dropkick and Camacho Man falls into the Ultimate Warrior, enraging him. Warrior body press slams Camacho Man over the barrier and into the crowd then slides into the ring. Christian attempts some offence, but Warrior no sells then flattens Christian with a clothesline. Warrior picks Christian up and running powerslams him. Warrior looks to Boogeyman who doesn’t move from his corner, and Warrior pins Christian for the three count.

Winner : The Ultimate Warrior

Mike Tenay says that that was strange behaviour from The Boogeyman, not getting involved in the match once, not even to prevent the Warrior’s victory. Coach says he can’t wait to hear The Ultimate Warrior’s stipulation choice, which will be announced at the PPV. As he says that, Boogeyman smashes his alarm clock over Warrior’s head when his back is turned. Boogeyman stands over Christian and Warrior, as Camacho Man recovers in the crowd, staring into the ring as he is handed his World Title by the referee.

The lights go out and a voice starts to sing;

music Lady in Red
Is dancing with me… cheek to cheek
There’s nobody here
It’s just… … … you and me! music

The lights come back on and Boogeyman has disappeared. Mike Tenay says that’s all we’ve got time for – CSWD will see you at the PPV on Sunday. Will Boogeyman be disappearing with the World Title?


Posts : 28481
Join date : 2011-01-26
Age : 33
Location : Crawley, West Sussex

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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:14 am

Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting - Pay Free per View

The camera pans the arena, and the customary fireworks go off into the air. The stage is surrounded by a heavy red stage curtain and it slowly draws back, as the lights lower.

Jonathan Coachman : It’s Showtime!

Mike Tenay : Welcome ladies and Gentlemen to Catch, Sexy, Witty and Delightful’s Pay-Per-View, which the kind Vickie Guerrero has actually made free to view, in the hope of securing some good ratings. What a sweetener! And what a card we’ve got for you – starting with this battle of ideologies between the musical soul of Kofi Kingston, and the ever so serious intellectual, Damien Sandow.

Match 1 : Kofi Kingston vs Damien Sandow

Damien Sandow’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring with a microphone. Sandow says that tonight he will be the Saviour of the Unwashed Masses, by removing Kofi Kingston from CSWD and restoring some semblance of order to proceedings. Sandow says that the likes of Kofi Kingston are responsible for the systematic destruction of the art of wrestling, and replacing it with nothing more than a culturally devoid musical. Sandow says that just like the stars on Broadway, Kofi will be on his back, looking up at the constellations tonight. You’re Welcome!

The Green and Yellow fireworks go off, and Kofi Kingston jumps onto the ramp. He has a mic and he tells Sandow that if he thinks a little sing song is killing wrestling, then he is wrong. Because…

music I Shot the Sheriff.
But I did not kill CSWD.
I’ll destroy Sandow.
But I won’t destroy CSWD!
Yeah all around down in the ring now
Sandow’s trying to bring me down
He say he want to bring me in guilty
For the killing of CSWD.
For the life of CSWD.
But I say…
I Shot the Sheriff
But I did not kill CSWD.
I’ll destroy Sandow
But I won’t destroy CSWD! music

Kingston drops his mic and charges down the ramp, sliding into the ring. Sandow jumps Kofi and starts beating him down with heavy forearms. Sandow pulls Kofi up to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Sandow attempts a back body drop but Kofi leapfrogs, then hits a spinning heel kick. Kofi wastes no time climbing to the top turnbuckle, and as Sandow gets to his feet Kofi hits a flying crossbody. Kofi gets a two count before Sandow kicks out. Kofi lifts Sandow and hits a few chops across his chest, then pushes Sandow back into the ropes. Kofi attempts a clothesline, but Sandow back body drops Kofi over the top rope. Kofi lands on the apron and as Sandow turns to face him, Kofi has already leapt to the top rope and lands a flying clothesline with massive airtime. Kofi sets Sandow up for the Boom Drop, and lands the double leg-drop. Kofi retreats to the corner and starts calling for Trouble in Paradise. As Sandow rises, Kofi goes for his finisher, but Sandow ducks and Kofi rolls over the back of him. Sandow quickly trips Kofi with a Russian Legsweep then begins stomping down on him. Sandow hits Kofi with a Curb Stomp and covers for a close two count. Sandow lifts Kofi into a Full Nelson and charges at the turnbuckle, looking to ram Kofi’s head into the corner, but Kofi runs up the ringpost and flips behinds Sandow, dropkicking him into the corner. Kofi retreats to the opposite corner again and starts singing….

music Trouble in Para… Para…. Paradise
Para… Para….. Paradise
Para… Para….. Paradise
Woah Oh Oh, Woah Oh Oh Oh Oh music

As Kofi sings the final line to the crowd, Sandow has charged out of his corner and hits Kofi with The Illumination Neckbreaker. Sandow pins Kofi…. 1……2……..3!

Winner : Damien Sandow

Mike Tenay says that Kofi Kingston paid the price for choosing to sing a tune rather than finish the match. The Coach says that that is what makes Damien Sandow so impressive – that he doesn’t succumb to those ridiculous distractions here in CSWD.


We cut to a VT of highlights of the CSWD Pre-Show which featured Eric Young and Kelly Kelly vs Spud and Rosita in a car race. They all seemed to enjoy it – and Eric Young and Kelly Kelly were victorious.


Match 2 : Miami Street Fight – Flo Rida vs Heath Slater

Back in the ring and Flo Rida is waiting for Heath Slater. Slater’s music hits and he appears on the stage with a microphone. Slater tells Flo that he’s glad this is a Miami Street Fight. He says it reminds him of that Will Smith song

music Party in the City where the heat is on.
All night on the beach, till the break of dawn
Welcome to Miami- bienvenido a Miami music
YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT! Heath Slater baby!
music Getting Jiggy with it.
Na Na Na One Man Rockband
Na Na Na Na Na Na
Getting Jiggy with it
Na Na Na One Man Rockband
Na Na Na Na Na Na music

Slater tells Flo Rida that Will Smith was a proper rapper… much better than Florida. Maybe Florida should learn to be a bit more like Will Smith. But then, Will Smith had big ears, and Florida has only got a big MOUTH!

Slater makes his way to the ring but Flo Rida slide out and meets him halfway down the ramp. Flo Rida unleashes a barrage of punches, forcing Slater back where he came from, until they are as far as the curtain. Flo Rida whips Heath through the curtain into the backstage area and slams his head into a wall then into an equipment crate. Slater fights back with a knee to Flo Rida’s stomach, then throws him over the crate, laying into him with aggressive punches as the rapper lies on top of the crate. Slater leaves Flo Rida there and grabs himself a steel pole, laying into Flo Rida’s ribs with it. Slater sledges Flo as he hits him, but Flo manages to hit Slater with a knee to the face.

Flo Rida drags Slater over to a vending machine and whips him into it, Slater slumps to the floor. Flo Rida asks Slater what he wants to drink then says he’ll get him a Ginger Beer. Flo presses the button and out pops a can of Ginger Beer which Flo Rida pours all over Slater, then throws the can at him. Flo goes back to the vending machine for another can, but Slater is up and slams Flo Rida into the machine. Slater picks up Flo and whips him into the nearest locker room, which belongs to the Muppets. Slater hits Flo with a Neckbreaker then sits Flo down on a sofa. Slater laughs as in the corner of the room is a guitar. Slater grabs the guitar and tells Florida to hear some proper music.

music I’m just one ma..a-a-aaaaa….ma..a-a-n.
I’m a one man ba..a-a-aaaa… ba..a-and music

Kermit the Frog appears from the toilet and asks what the racket is, but Slater is lost in his song and doesn’t notice. From behind Kermit the Frog low blows Slater and tells him that that was for kicking him across the room two weeks ago. Flo Rida stands up and takes the guitar out of Slater’s hands and slams it over the One Man Rockband’s head. Slater collapses to the floor and Flo Rida pins him 1…..2……..3!

Winner : Flo Rida

Mike Tenay says that Kermit the Frog gained some measure of revenge for Heath Slater’s attack a couple of weeks back. Coach says there is no way Heath Slater is going to let this one lie.


Backstage, Cody Rhodes is seen viciously attacking Mankind. He opens a door to the boiler room and throws Mankind inside, saying that if Mankind wants to be the Phantom of this Opera, then he can live under the stage like the Phantom. Rhodes slams the door shut and puts a pipe through the handle to lock it shut. The door shakes violently as Mankind tries to get out


Match 3 : Hardcore Match - Terry Funk vs Kevin Nash

Terry Funk makes his way to the ring with a trash can full of weapons and awaits Kevin Nash.

Nash: music Kevin Nash is in the house tonight
I'm just trying to have a good time
I think you've gone and lost your mind
I'm just trying to have a good time
Kevin Nash is in the house tonight
I'm just trying to have a good time
I think you've gone and lost your mind

I just wanna see ya!


Everyday you're hobbling... music

Kevin Nash climbs into the ring and Terry Funk immediately picks up a steel chair, looking to hit Nash. Nash Big Boots the chair into Funk’s face and immediately covers. 1…..2…….

Funk just kicks out before 3. Nash takes the chair and starts slamming it across Funk’s back repeatedly. Nash rains down about 10 chair shots on Funk’s back before kicking him over onto his back and covering again. 1…..2…….. Funk kicks out again. Nash angrily grabs the chair and sets it up in the corner of the ring, in between the top and second ropes. Nash picks up Funk and whips him headfirst into the chair. Nash covers again 1……2……………… Funk kicks out on 2 and ¾’s. Nash punches the mat in frustration and climbs to the outside to get a table from under the ring. Nash slides the table into the ring and sets it up as Funk is stirring. Tenay says that Nash has been relentless in this beatdown, how the hell is Funk still fighting on? Nash has the table set up and calls for a Jackknife Powerbomb, setting Funk up between his legs for it. Nash tries to lift him once, but Funk resists. He tries a second time but Funk resists again. Nash beats the hell out of Funks’ lower back then tries a third time, this time lifting Funk up, but then stumbles backwards in agony.
The Coach shouts that Kevin Nash has just blown his quads! Can you believe it? Tenay says he’s never seen anything like it just as Funk, still between Nash’s legs, back body drops him over his head and through the table. Funk falls back in exhaustion and covers Nash 1…….2………3!

Winner : Terry Funk

Funk grabs the mic

music Get up
Get on up
Get up
Get on up
Stay on the scene
Get on up
Like a Funk machine
Get on up
Like a hardcore machine
Get on up
Get on the scene
Get on up
I’m F’N extreme
Get on up
Don’t want to cause a scene
Get on up
Like a Funk Machine
Get on up
I like my coffee with cream
Get on up
This feels like a dream
Get on up
I’m F’N extreme
Get on up
Like a Hardcore machine
Get on up


Lillian Garcia interviews the CSWD World Heavyweight Champion, Camacho Man backstage. She asks him if he feels the odds are stacked against him with having to defend against Christian, Boogeyman AND The Ultimate Warrior, who also gets to choose the stipulation! Camacho man says he does feel handicapped… but that doesn’t matter, because he’s…

music Ca-Macho
I’ve got to be Ca-Macho
I’ve got to be big and strong
Enough to turn you on
I’ve got to have – Big Blue Eyes
Be able to sat-is-fy
I’ve got to be big and strong
Enough to turn you on……


The Ultimate Warrior interrupts and tells Camacho Man that he’s going to have to be Camacho Man and a whole lot more tonight. Because he’s decided on the stipulation. AND IT’S A NO DISQUALIFICATION 28 MINUTE IRONMAN MATCH WARRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIAHHHHHHHHHHHHH STYLE!


Tenay : No disqualification…. 28 minute Ironman match! Wow!


Match 4 : Mankind vs Cody Rhodes

Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring and waits for Mankind’s entrance. Tenay reminds us that we saw Rhodes attack Mankind earlier tonight and lock him in the Boiler Room. Rhodes cockily spins Mankind’s mask around his finger. After two cycles of Mankind’s music Rhodes tells the referee to start counting Mankind out, and the referee reluctantly begins. Rhodes sits down in the middle of the ring as he waits for the 10 count but is disturbed when the referee gets to 8 by the mat being cut open. Mankind climbs up through the mat, and before Cody can respond he puts him in the Mandible Claw and drags Cody under the ring with him.

Tenay asks how Mankind got out of the boiler room. Mankind crawls back out of the hole alone and Cody has disappeared. Mankind has his mask back on, and this time has Cody’s in his possession too. Mankind tells the referee to start the count-out again, and the referee does so. He gets to 10 and declares Mankind the winner.

Winner : Mankind

The Coach keeps asking where Cody Rhodes has gone. The referee looks into the hole in the mat and says he’s disappeared. Mankind just rocks in the corner, nursing Cody’s mask like a baby.


Backstage in the locker room, David Otunga addresses the talent. He tells them that CSWD has had a terrific first few weeks, and now they need to put their hands together for the woman who made it all possible….

music I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Singing Ay-Oh…. Vickie Guerrero
I wanna celebrate and live my life
With Ay-Oh…. Vickie Guerrero
Cause we gon’ rock this club
We gon’ go all night
We gon’ light it up
Like it’s dynamite
Thanks to Ay-Oh…. Vickie Guerrero music

The locker room applaud as Vickie Guerrero appears and thanks them all for their efforts. She tells David Otunga that she has some urgent business to attend to, and goes back into her office. Otunga sighs and touches the door

music Because you’re once.
Three times a lady.
And I love you.
Said your once.
Three times a lady.
And I looooooooooooooooove yoooooooooooooooou…..ooooooooooooh! music

Kofi Kingston pats Otunga on the shoulder to comfort him, and Otunga says thanks.

Match 5 : Ladder Match : The Great Khali vs The Great Muta

Lillian Garcia prepares the briefcase with the word “Great” in colourful fridge magnet letters, a baker’s dozen of Onion Bhajis, and The Great Muta’s Tamagotchi. Lillian explains that the winner of this match gets the Bhajis, the Tamagotchi, and has to drop the prefix “Great” from their name for good. Literally…. The winner takes it all. Lillian takes a deep breath, then leaves the ring.

Coachman : Were you expecting Lillian to break into “The Winner Takes it All” there?

Tenay : I was.

The Great Muta makes his way to the ring and looks up at the briefcase. Khali is second to the ring, and when he climbs in it is evident that the briefcase in in easy reach of him even without a ladder. Khali does not notice this.

The match begins and Khali aims a big chop at the head of Muta, catching the briefcase with his hand as he swings. Tenay says that Khali could just grab the briefcase and run. Muta catches the chop and puts Khali in a rear wristlock. Khali is too powerful to be kept there, so Muta forces Khali to one knee by putting his foot into the back of the other. Then Muta starts clubbing Khali’s head with his elbow. Once Khali is on both knees, Muta runs the ropes then flying clotheslines Khali. Muta goes to the outside and grabs a ladder. Muta sets it up over Khali’s body, trying to pin him down and starts climbing. Muta quickly gets to the top but Khali is able to topple the ladder, sending Muta crashing to the outside. Khali sets up the ladder himself and slowly starts to climb. After one rung he is hitting his head on the case, but he still climbs. Tenay asks why Khali doesn’t just grab it and Coach says he doesn’t know. Khali climbs another rung but Muta is up and dropkicks Khali in the back, stopping his ascent. Muta grabs Khali by the hair and pulls him down to the mat with a thud, then lands a leg drop. Muta starts to climb again, but Khali is quickly up. He rolls to the outside and picks up a second ladder, then throws it from the outside of the ring, all the way at Muta on the inside, knocking him from his ladder. Muta rolls from the ring and Khali gets back in and starts climbing again, making slow progress. Muta slowly recovers and rolls back into the ring and starts climbing the otherside. They both reach the top and attempt to grab the briefcase, then Khali grabs Muta by the throat. Tenay says it’s game over for Muta if he gets chokeslammed from here. Muta elbows himself free then gets Khali in a DDT position, trying to pull the 7ft giant over the top of the ladder. Coach screams with excitement, but Khali fights free then headbutts Muta. Muta wobbles at the top and almost loses his balance, and Khali readies a big Chop. Just as he raises his hand, Muta spits Green Mist into Khali’s eyes, and Khali misses the chop, instead hitting the briefcase, and breaking it. The contents spill all over the mat below – except the fridge magnets which stay in place. Muta grabs the briefcase and jumps to the mat.

Winner : The GREAT Muta.

Muta starts to pick up all the Bhajis on the mat, putting one in his mouth straight away, when Jimmy Uso storms the ring. Jimmy Uso looks around and sees the Tamagotchi and dives for it. Muta notices but it’s too late. Jimmy Uso runs back up the ramp with the Tamagotchi. Tenay shouts “What the Hell… What the Hell” as Muta starts to give chase. Khali is back on the mat, wiping his face clean of the green mist, and starts picking up the other Bhajis.

Tenay : Who’s the real winner here tonight? It looks as though Khali’s actually got the lion’s share of those Bhajis… he’s got 7 or 8 of them there. Muta’s got the rest, and the word “Great”. But Jimmy Uso has just kidnapped the Tamagotchi! Muta’s not going to feel much like a winner right now. Why Jimmy Uso. Why?


Statler : What’s this show called again?

Waldorf : It says on the programme that it’s Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling.

Statler : Oh yeah… well it’s more like Crazy, Stupid, Waste of Time and Dreadful Wrestling.

They both laugh


Match 6 : CSWD Entertainers Title Match – William Shatner vs David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff

Lillian Garcia tells the crowd that the next match will crown the first ever CSWD Entertainers Champion. Lillian says that CSWD is all about the entertainment, and now two of the finest entertainers around will compete for the honour. So let Us Entertain You!

Lillian takes a deep breath, then announces William Shatner.

Mike Tenay : Were you expecting her to sing Let me Entertain You for a moment there?

Coach : Yes. I was.

William Shatner makes his way to the ring in his Star Trek outfit and awaits the entrance of David Hasselhoff. The iconic drumming of the beginning of the Baywatch theme begins, accompanied by Kane style fireworks, making Shatner jump. Then the ramp turns into a water feature, with water running from the stage down to the ring. Hasselhoff appears at the top in his red trunks and starts to sing.

music Some people stand in the darkness
Afraid to step into the light
Some people need to have somebody
With the edge of surrender in sight
Don’t you worry
It’s going to be alright
Because I’m always ready
And I will be Champion Tonight!

Because I’m already
And I will be Champion Tonight! music

The music continues as Hasselhoff rides a surfboard down the river-like ramp.

Coach : We spent a lot of the budget on David Hasselhoff didn’t we?

Tenay : He’s big in Germany, Coach. And that’s where the big money is.

Hasselhoff and Shatner square off and Shatner looks worried about the match. They lock up and Hasselhoff wins the power battle easily. He suplexes Shatner then hits an elbow drop. Hasselhoff picks Shatner up and whip him into the ropes, then takes him down with a Lou Thesz press. Tenay says that it’s impressive work from The Hoff. Hoff backs off after a ten count of punches, and waits for Shatner to stumble to his feet, already looking worn out. Hoff goes for a Scoop Slam but Shatner turns it into a roll up pin counter 1…..2…….. Ooooh, Shatner almost stole one there. They both get back to their feet and Shatner starts chopping Hoff’s chest. Hoff manages to block one then hits Shatner with some chops of his own, forcing him back towards the ropes. Shatner leans up against the ropes and Hoff rips his top and starts chopping Shatner’s bared chest until it is red raw. Hoff whips Shatner to the other side of the ring, and Shatner stops himself from rebounding and instead drops to the mat and crawls out of the ring. Shatner holds his hands up and said he’s had enough. He says Beam Me Up Scotty then crawls under the ring. Hoff leans through the ropes to see where Shatner has gone, and almost simultaneously Cody Rhodes appears on the other side of the ring. Cody Rhodes slides in behind Hoff then as Hoff turns, hits him with a Disaster Kick. Rhodes slides back out of the ring and says it’s bad enough that he was under the ring for so long tonight, but then to get flooded by Hasselhoff’s water display was a step too far. Rhodes shakes himself dry then leaves the ringside area. Shatner tentatively creeps back out of the ring, looking around for Hoff, then notices that he’s laid out in the ring. Shatner quickly scrambles in and covers Hoff. 1……2……….3!


Tenay says Hoff had that won from the off, and it’s only down to Cody Rhodes that he lost.


An advert for CSWD’s Greatest Hits Volume 1 is shown, featuring all your favourite hits, such as “Camacho Man”, “The Great Khali Minogue Megamix” and “Kevin Nash Anthem”. Available from Monday on EyeChoons


Main Event : CSWD World Heavyweight Championship Match
No Disqualification 28 minute Iron Man Match
Camacho Man vs Christian vs Boogeyman vs The Ultimate Warrior

Lillian Garcia announces the rules of the match, then says that due to the nature of the match, we need a special guest timekeeper, and The Ultimate Warrior has also chosen this peron.


Flavor Flav makes his way to the ring to “Fight the Power” with his trademark big clock hanging around his neck, and he’s carrying a steel pipe. He tags hands with the fans then takes his seat. Mike Tenay asks Flavor Flav where he got the pipe and Flav tells him that he found it jimmied in the boiler room door earlier. Coach asks Flav to guarantee that he’s not going to use that pipe to screw someone out of this match, as it seems an odd prop to bring to the ring otherwise. Flav says no way. It’s a good looking pipe. He’s either going to keep it, or sell it to a rag and bone man to raise cash to replace his clock, which probably WILL be used to cost someone the match. “I won’t get a good deal, but I’ll get rid of the steel” .Tenay asks how can he be so sure that his clock will be decisive… and Flav answers that Flavor Flav can only have been hired for clock based japes. FLAVOR FLAV!

Lillian introduces the competitors one at a time, with the champion Camacho Man entering the ring last, and the match begins. Flavor winds his clock to 28 minutes and excitedly taps the face to signal time has started. Warrior immediately seizes upon Boogeyman and Christian takes on Camacho Man.

Warrior gets the upper hand on Boogeyman with his smashmouth offence, repeatedly clotheslining Boogeyman to the mat everytime he gets up. After about 6 clotheslines, Warrior shakes the ropes. Christian takes Camacho Man down with a Spear into the turnbuckle. Christian climbs the top rope and goes for a Frogsplash, but Camacho Man gets his knees up. Warrior turns from shaking the ropes and Boogeyman knocks him down with an elbow. Boogeyman keeps Warrior down with a foot across his throat. Meanwhile Camacho Man has gone to the top rope and hits Christian with a Flying Crossbody. Camacho covers for a 2 count. Camacho picks Christian up and whips him across the ring, just as Boogeyman does the same to Warrior, and Christian and Warrior collide. Christian falls to the mat, but Warrior no sells, instead lifting Christian and Gorrilla Press Slamming him. Warrior makes the cover but Boogeyman breaks it up. Camacho Man takes the fight to Boogeyman. Warrior throws Christian out of the ring then helps Camacho take out Boogeyman, launching him out of the ring.

Camacho Man and Warrior have a good battle with some close pinfalls. Boogeyman is looking under the ring. He takes out two alarm clocks. Warrior launches Camacho over the top rope then starts geeing up the crowd, shaking the ropes. As soon as Camacho Man has landed Boogeyman smashes an alarm clock over his head, knocking him out. Boogeyman stalks Christian on the outside and smashes the second alarm clock over his head. Boogeyman looks under the ring, but can’t find anything. Warrior is still distracted in the ring, shaking the ropes. Boogeyman walks over to Flavor Flav who stands up to face him.

Flavor Flav : Don’t you do that to me Boogeyman.
Don’t you do that
Don’t you do that to me Boogeyman
Don’t you do that to me Boogeyman

Boogeyman grabs the clock from around Flav’s neck and tries to take it.

Flavor Flav : Don’t you do that to me Boogeyman
Don’t you do that now.
Don’t you do that to me Boogeyman.

Boogeyman rips the clock away from Flav’s neck and gets in the ring, standing behind Warrior, poised to hit him. Flav follows Boogeyman in and snatches the clock back, then smashes it over Boogeyman’s head. Warrior turns around and hits the Warrior Splash 1……2……..3!

(Match Time : 32m 08secs. Flavor Flav wasn’t concentrating)

Warrior celebrates with the belt as Flavor Flav gurns at the camera, saying he told you the clock wouldn’t last the night. FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAAAV!

Mike Tenay : That’s all we’ve got time for. I hope you enjoyed this PPV.

Coach : There were a lot of screwy finishes Mike

Tenay : A lot of screwy finishes!


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:15 am

Week 6: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting

Vickie Guerrero and David Otunga are stood backstage;

Otunga: music All babies together, everyone a seed
Half of us are satisfied, half of us in need
Love's bountiful in us, tarnished by our greed
Oh, when will there be a harvest for the world, yeah
Harvest for the world
A nation planted, so concerned with gain
As the seasons come and go, greater grows the pain
And far too many, feelin' the strain
Oh, when will there be a harvest for the world, yeah music

(Vickie squeals in delight!)

Vickie: Come here you!

(Otunga grins but is ashen as Vickie runs past Otunga and into the arms of the Big Show!)

Vickie: David, this is my ex boyfriend Paul, Paul, this is David Otunga!

Big Show: Hey Dave.

Otunga: It's David...

(Otunga turns away as Vickie and Big Show hug, looking sad)


Camacho Man: music Every man wants to be Camacho Camacho man
to have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging in the mornings, go man go
works out in the health spa, muscles glow
You can best believe that, he's Camacho man
ready to get down with, anyone he can
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Camacho, Camacho man
I've got to be, Camacho man
Camacho, Camacho man
I've got to be Camacho! music

Eric Young: music Go grease lightning, you're burning up the quarter mile
Grease lightning, go grease lightning
Go grease lightning, you're coasting through the heat lap trial
Grease lightning, go grease lightning
You are supreme, the chicks'll cream for grease lightning
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go music

Eric Young and Camacho Man high five and await their opponents.

The Uso's music hits, Jimmy Uso has a microphone and he tells the crowd to give a warm welcome to his brother from another mother, Khali Uso! Jimmy Uso stands there in his Haka pose, as Khali lumbers out in his usual attire. Jimmy beckons Khali to adopt the Haka pose, Runjin Singh is alongside Khali.

Khali: Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!
Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!
Tenei te tangata puhuru huru
Nana nei i tiki mai
Whakawhiti te ra
A upa ... ne! ka upa ... ne!
A upane kaupane whiti te ra!

Jimmy: Wow man, I didn't know you spoke Maori!

(Khali whispers to Runjin)

Runjin: Khali says he doesn't speak any Maori and not to mock his Indian accent...

***Khali and Jimmy Uso v Camacho Man and Eric Young***

The match starts off with Jimmy Uso attacking Camacho Man, Jimmy shouts Uso and tags in Khali who doesn't look impressed. Khali chops Jimmy in the head and leaves the ring! Runjin Singh has a microphone;

Runjin: Khali says, he may not be Great anymore, but he isn't an Uso.

Jimmy Uso is flat on his back as Eric Young excitedly tags himself in, EY hooks the leg of Uso, one, two, three!

***Winners by pinfall, Camacho Man and Eric Young***


Camacho Man and Eric Young are celebrating their victory backstage to the strains of the Village People. They link arms and do a country style barn dance as they sing.

music Together! We will go our way.
Together! We will leave some day.
Together! Your hand in my hand.
Together! We will make the plans! music

Camacho Man stops dancing and pats Eric Young on the chest. Camacho Man says that he has already made a plan, that he thinks Eric is going to love.

Eric Young : music Tell me more, Tell me more.
Tell me what is your plan?
Tell me more, Tell me more
Tell me Camacho Man music

Camacho Man says that now he and Eric Young have proved they are the greatest wrestlers in the world by defeating Khali and Jimmy Uso tonight, he thinks that they should go one on one and put on the greatest match of all time… to see who is the undisputed BEST wrestler in CSWDW! Young nods excitedly and they link arms.

music Together! We will fly so high.
Together! Tell our peers goodbye.
Together! We will start life new.
Together… this is what we’ll do! music

Eric Young stops dancing this time, and pokes Camacho Man. He says THIS is what we’ll do! Because he has an even better idea.

Camacho Man : music Tell me more, tell me more.
What’s your better idea?
Tell me more, tell me more.
Shall we fight in Ikea? music

Eric Young says they shouldn’t fight in Ikea, that’s ridiculous. But like Ikea, they should give the customers superb value for money… BY FIGHTING IN A BEST OF 5 SERIES MATCH TO DETERMINE THE BEST WRESTLER IN CSWDW!

Camacho Man and Eric Young jump up and down excitedly on the spot, then start to sing together to the tune of “Go West” again!

music THE BEST! That is what we are!
THE BEST! We’re the best by far!
THE BEST! That’s what we’ll decide!
THE BEST! When we go best of 5! music

They continue to sing and dance as Kelly Kelly watches them nervously from a distance


***Pee Wee Herman vs The Hoff vs Flo Rida – To determine the Number One Contender to the Entertainer’s Championship***

Hasselhoff is first to come to the ring, and he drives Kit from Knight Rider into the arena, parking up beside the stage like Alberto Del Rio. He makes his way to the ring, tagging hands with the fans. Next up is Flo Rida who runs down the ramp and slides into the ring, going face to face with The Hoff. A whizz bang goes off, and Pee Wee Herman is next. He cycles out onto the ramp on his chopper (bike) but his face lights up as he sees Kit. Pee Wee jumps off his chopper (bike) and goes to look at Kit, saying “Wow. Cooooooool.” Kit says “Hello Pee Wee” which makes Pee Wee excited. “Wow a Talking Car”? To which Kit replies “I know you are, but what am I?”.

Pee Wee is infuriated that Kit stole his line and gets a pot of paint from his bicycle basket. Hoff is shouting up the ramp for Pee Wee to get away from his car. Pee Wee’s tongue waggles all over his lips as he jimmies the lid of the paint off then pours white gloss all over the shiny black car. Hoff puts his hands on his head in disbelief, then turns around to face Flo Rida who nails him with a big Spinebuster. Flo goes up top and lands a flying leg drop, then covers Hasselhoff. 1…..2…….3!

***Winner by pinfall, Flo Rida***


Tenay: Jeez, there's no need to shout...

Tenay says that Flo Rida scored a big victory thanks to that distraction from Pee Wee Herman, who never even entered the match. Coach says that Hoff is going to be peeved with Pee Wee. Matter of fact, Kit is going to be peeved with Pee Wee Herman.

The camera cuts to Kit who is cursing in it’s robotic voice as Pee Wee laughs hysterically.


David Otunga is sat backstage, he is singing to himself and is pretty upset;

Otunga: music You were my sun, you were my earth
But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no
So you took a chance and made other plans
But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no
All of these things people told me
Keep messin' with my head
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it, yeah
You don't have to say what you did
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance
For you and me, there'll never be
Don't it make you sad about it?
You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me all alone?
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me on the phone
But girl I refuse you must have me confused
With some other guy, the bridges were burned
And now it's your turn to cry
Cry me a river music

The crowd erupt as Ron Simmons walks into the room to see Otunga singing, with full hand movements, fists clenched and eyes shut. Ron stares at Otunga in disgust.


Otunga jumps then looks sheepish as Ron stares at him.


The live footage returns to two lecterns set up in the middle of the ring. Flavor Flav is stood behind one, and Boogeyman behind the other. Opposite them is a desk with Kermit the Frog sat behind.

Mike Tenay explains that we are having a debate next, between Flav and Boogeyman - and Kermit is the chair. Flav has his big clock hung around his neck, and Boogeyman has three alarm clocks in front of him.

Kermit welcomes us to the debate and explains the rules. Each man has 30 seconds on each topic then it passes for reply. Both men look pumped. Kermit asks the first question. "Why did Flava Flav attack Boogeyman at CSWDW Free Per View, costing him the World Title"

Boogeyman grabs an alarm clock and frantically winds it up to 30 seconds. Flava says he did it because Boogeyman tried to take his clock, and there aint nobody who takes Flav's clock. Flav stands down from his lectern and Boogeyman goes to speak. Flav cuts him off and says he's got 30 seconds. Boogeyman says Flav had finished but Flav shouts that he had 30 seconds, so they stand in silence for the remaining 15.

Boogeyman's clock rings and he responds. Flav winds his clock to 30 and enthusiatically raps the face with his knuckles. Boogeyman says that Flavor shouldn't have been there, then stands down from his lectern.

Kermit : Erm... You have 25 seconds left Boogeyman.

Flav : Is that all you've got Boog?

Boogeyman tells Flav to shut up, he's got 30 seconds. Flav gurns at his clock until it runs out.

Kermit : OK. Then I guess Boogeyman, why did you try to take his clock?

Flav theatrically winds his clock again, and raps the face of it with his knuckles even harder. FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAV!

Boogeyman says that he ran out of clocks to hit his opponents with, and he looked over and saw Flav's. So he thought he'd help himself to it. Flav should have been a gentlemen-like fellow timekeep enthusiast, but he was a selfish....

Flav : TIME!

Boogeyman : Let me finish...

Flav : TIME!

Boogeyman picks up one of his alarm clocks in frustration and throws it at Flav.

Kermit : Oh dear.

Flav : Don't you do that to me Boogeyman!
Don't you do that to me Boogeyman!
Don't you do that now!
Don't you do that to me Boogeyman!
Don't you do that!
Don't you do that Boogeyman!
Don't you do that now

Boogeyman : TIME!
Flav : Don't you do that Boogeyman!
Boogeyman : TIME!
Flav : Don't you do that to me now.
Boogeyman : TIME!
Flav : Don't you do that Boogeyman.
Boogeyman : TIME!

Kermit : Erm... Were going to need a real timekeeper out here please?

With that, as Boogeyman and Flav argue, the blind Muppet walks out with a humongous clock.

Coach : What a massive Clock!
Tenay : Wow! A truly massive Clock!
Coach : That's turned heads!

As the Muppet struggles down the ramp with the clock, Flav and Boogeyman break free of their lecterns and both run to try and get the clock.

Coach : They've got clock envy!
Tenay : Can you blame them? His clock is bigger than Flav's and Boog's clocks put together.

Flav and Boogeyman tussle up the ramp, fighting over the clock. We go to an advert break as Flav shouts FLAVA FLAAAAAAAAAAV whilst they roll around on the floor exchanging punches.


***The Ultimate Warrior, Kofi Kingston and Christian v Heath Slater, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow***

The match is mainly dominated by the team of Slater, Rhodes and Sandow as they isolate and beat down Kofi Kingston. They get a few near falls, but eventually Kofi is able to fight back. The turning point is when Kofi tags in Warrior, and all hell breaks loose! Warrior shakes the ropes, he goes berzerk! Warrior clotheslines Sandow, then Slater, then Rhodes, Warrior hits a press slam to Slater and another press slam to Rhodes! Warrior goes to hit Rhodes with the Warrior Splash, but as he runs to the ropes, he accidently knocks Christian off the apron! Warrior stops to check on Christian, who seems to be ok.

Coach: Sandow!

Damien Sandow sneaks up on Warrior as he checks on Christian, Sandow takes the arms of Warrior behind him and hits the Iron Lotus! Sandow pins Warrior, one, two, three!

***Winners by pinfall, Damien Sandow, Heath Slater and Cody Rhodes***

Sandow has a microphone, he says this week, CSWD wont be ending on a singalong, it will be ending with the sweet song that is Damien Sandow sending a message to The Ultimate Warrior. Sandow then thuds the microphone into the head of Warrior, knocking him out cold. Sandow holds up Warrior's CSWDW World Championship to a chorus of boos as the show goes off the air.


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:16 am

Week 7: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wrestling

Vickie Guerrero and Big Show are opening the show from the ramp singing together;

music Don't go breaking my heart
I couldn't if I tried
Honey if I get restless
Baby you're not that kind

Don't go breaking my heart
You take the weight off me
Honey when you knock on my door
I gave you my key

Nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Nobody knows it
Right from the start
I gave you my heart
I gave you my heart

So don't go breaking my heart
I won't go breaking your heart
Don't go breaking my heart music

Tenay: Oh my God!

David Otunga attacks Big Show from behind with a steel chair, Big Show drops to his knees as Otunga slams the chair into Show's back and then back of the head. Show is face down on the ramp as Vickie shreiks at Otunga, Otunga scares Vickie off with the chair and he has a mic;

Otunga: When I first joined CSWDW, I enjoyed it. But now the novelty has worn off. David Otunga is going to become the sole GM of this place, and it will become a lot better as a result. Scum like the Big Show need to be terminated...

Otunga slams the chair into the back of Big Show's head once again as the crowd boo.


***Flavor Flav & Jimmy Uso vs Boogeyman & The Great Muta***

Tenay introduces the next match and its the team of Flavor Flav and Jimmy Uso up against Boogeyman and The Great Muta. Muta and Boogeyman are first to the ring, Boogeyman takes to sitting in the corner eating some worms in preparation, whilst Muta paces the ring. FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAAAAAAV! is out next, with his huge clock on display. He rubs his clock on the ramp whilst gurning at Boogeyman. The antics are cut off by...
music You've got a friend in me.
You got a friend in me.
You got troubles, I got em too.
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
We stick together and we see it through.
Cos you got a friend in me.
Yeah you've got a friend in me! music
Jimmy Uso is walking to the ring singing to the Tamagotchi he stole from Muta at CSWDW Free Per View which is in his hand. Muta is enraged as Coach tells us that Uso has been a lot happier since stealing that Tamagotchi, now he has a companion.

Uso puts the Tamagotchi on the steel steps next to Flav's clock and the match begins with Flav vs Muta. Muta uses his superior wrestling experience to dominate the Public Enemy rapper. Muta keeps throwing Flav to the corner, asking for him to tag Uso. Every time, Flav grabs his clock and looks at it, then tells Muta he promised he'd take the first Five minutes, and Flav don't break promises. One time Uso goes to make the tag himself, but Flav says "DON'T YOU DO THAT TO ME, JIM. DON'T YOU DO THAT NOW. DON'T YOU DO THAT JIM. DON'T YOU GO DO THAT NOW". When Flav's alarm goes off he tags in Uso. Muta takes him down and unleashes a barrage of angry punches. The ref pulls him off then as Muta remonstrates with the official, Uso hits him with a flying lariat. Uso lifts Muta up for a Samoan Drop but as he does, a bleeping noise breaks his concentration. Flav picks up the Tamagotchi and takes hold of his clock and frantically looks from one to the other before shouting "IT'S FEEDING TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!". Uso drops Muta and rushes to his Tamagotchi. Muta's had enough and chases Uso away up the ramp, trying to take his Tamagotchi back. The ref shouts for them to get back, and as he has his back turned Boogeyman nails Flavor Flav with an alarm clock to the head. The ref turns around just in time to count 1...2....3.

***Winner : The Boogeyman & The Great Muta.***

The camera cuts to backstage where Muta is still chasing Uso, who is trying to feed the Tamagotchi.

Muta - music Come back. Baby come back.
Come back. Baby come back.
Buda-bye bye-bye-bye, Buda-bye-bye-bye-bye music


The theme from Rocky is playing, and we see a video montage of Camacho Man and Eric Young in gruelling preperations for their best of 5 series. Eric Young is doing several sit-ups from an upside down position in a gym, Camacho Man is running up a steep hill and celebrating when he gets to the top with some shadow boxing, Eric Young is lifting dumbells, Camacho Man is doing press-ups, Eric Young is using a Shake Weight, Camacho Man is smiling as he puts a DVD on titled "7 minute Abs", Eric Young is cutting the grass at his house, Camacho Man is retiling his bathroom. The montage ends with both men flexing their muscles and looking ready to go.

We then see a split screen of both men making their way to the ring.


***Eric Young vs Camacho Man - Match 1 of 5 : The Hot Dog Eating Contest***

Kermit and Miss Piggy are in the ring to announce the next match, which is Eric Young vs Camacho Man in a Hot Dog Eating Match. Kermit puts on a John Virgo voice and says the rules are to eat as many hot dogs as you can. Eric Young approaches the buffet table of Hot Dogs first and peruses them. His eyes light up as he sees one.

music You're the one that I want. You are the one I want. Ooh Ooh Ooh! Honey. music

Miss Piggy says they don't have honey, but they have ketchup. Young takes a squirt of ketchup on the hot dog then devours it with ease to a standing ovation. They all sing.

music Hot Dog.
Jumping Frog (Kermit Jumps)
Alberquerque music

Camacho Man is next. He picks any hotdog and wolfs it down to another standing ovation.

music Hot Dog.
Jumping Frog (Kermit jumps)
Alberquerque music

Young slicks back his greased hair nervously and approaches the table, picking up a hot dog.

music You're the one that I want. You are the one I want. Ooh Ooh Ooh. Ketchup. music

Young eats the hot-dog triumphantly as they all sing.

music Hot Dog
Jumping Frog (Kermit Jumps)
Alberquerque music

Coach says we could be here a while so we're going for an advert break.

After the break, there aren't many hot dogs left on the table, and both men look bloated. With the scores tied, Camacho Man eats two in a row to go one ahead. Tenay shouts that that was a massive play from Camacho Man, whilst everyone else sings

music Hot Dog
Jumping Frog (Kermit's jump is pathetic due to being tired of jumping)
Alberquerque music

Young takes one last hot dog, forcing it towards his mouth, but then drops it in submission. Miss Piggy announces Camacho Man the winner. Young applauds his opponent and asks where did Camacho learn to eat so much sausage?

Camacho begins to march on the spot.

music In the Navy.
Come on protect the motherland.
In the Navy.
Come on and join your fellow man.
In the Navy.
Come on now people take a stand.
In the Navy.
In the Navy music

Young nods and says he never knew Camacho Man was in the Navy, nor how that relates to weiners, but he's impressed nonetheless.

***Camacho Man goes 1-0 up in the series.***


Big Show is sat in the medical room while a nurse applies an ice pack to the back of his head, Vickie Guerrero walks in and checks he's ok. Big Show says he will be once he gets his hands on Otunga tonight! The nurse tries to say Show has a minor concussion and shouldn't compete but he cuts her off. Show wonders what Otunga even wants from him, Vickie announces tonight's main event will be Damien Sandow and David Otunga v Big Show and the CSWDW World Champion The Ultimate Warrior! And the winning team will each get the power to make any match they desire at the CSWDW's second PPV!

Show nods and says after he's knocked out Otunga, he'll knock him out again at the PPV.


***CSWD Entertainers Championship - William Shatner (c) vs Flo Rida***

Flo Rida is already in the ring as William Shatner's music hits. He larks about on the ramp, buffooning around with the fans, as Flo waits patiently. Tenay says that Flo looks focussed.

Shatner gets to the ring and the match starts. Shatner offers the lock up, which Flo accepts and immediately overpowers. Shatner falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring. Flo follows him but Shatner crawls under the ring.

Coach says that this was exactly what Shatner did at CSWD Free Per View, and it won him the title. But Flo was obviously watching because he slides into the ring and out the other side, waiting for Shatner by crouching by the steel stairs. When Shatner does crawl out of the other side as expected, Flo grabs him by the back of the neck and hits a Rock Bottom on the outside.

Flo rolls Shatner into the ring and delivers a People's Elbow then covers for the 1.... 2.... 3!

***Winner and New Entertainers Champion... Flo Rida.***

Flo grabs the mic, standing over Shatner, and says that he came here to be a wrestler from the entertainment world - not just some entertainer trying to wrestle. Flo says he took on and beat Heath Slater because all he ever wanted was to be considered a credible wrestler. Flo says he will now be a credible Entertainers Champion - and offers an open challenge to anyone next week for the title.

Then he sings "Bad Boys" by Alexandra Burke feat. Flo Rida

music I know you want me shawty cos I’m a (bad boy)
Hey s-shawty can’t help it she so so addicted to them rougher fellas
With even the alphabet she only sings the crooked letters
Let mamma take all the risks
For that chemistry she like them tougher than leather
Not even the paws, it´s more like a mama bee,
Out lost that´s on the reg´ler,
By any means necessary, girl
She likes them ruthless, that’s my world
It’s not the news it’s what I heard
To get them more the merrier
It’s not a big surprise
I know them bad boys catch your eyes
Look at her walk when I go in disguise
You’ll have them shawty don’t worry you fly music


Lillian Garcia is stood in the middle of the ring and she's about to sing the British National Anthem in honour of Team GB's Olympic successes. The crowd like this.

Lillian: music God save our gracious Qu-

Damien Sandow's music interrupts Lillian and he comes out with a microphone. The crowd boo as he says this isn't the time to hear the sound of song, it's the time to hear the sounds of Sandow. He says that once he and Otunga win tonight, Sandow will have nothing to hide. He will make the match at the PPV, The Ultimate Warrior defending the CSWDW World Championship against Damien Sandow with Sandow to choose the stipulation.

***Sandow and Otunga v Big Show and Ultimate Warrior***

The match is mainly Otunga avoiding the angry Big Show, with Sandow taking a beating from Big Show and Ultimate Warrior throughout! Sandow is able to tag in Otunga who chop blocks the leg of Warrior and the momentum swings as Otunga and Sandow are able to isolate Warrior.

The end comes as Big Show gets the hot tag from Warrior and cleans house, clotheslining and body checking Sandow and Otunga, Show backs Otunga into the corner and the crowd egg him on, until Warrior gets into the ring and takes out Sandow. The referee tries to get Warrior out of the ring as he's not the legal man, but as Big Show argues with the referee, Otunga punches Big Show in the back of the head! Show flops to the mat on his back, and Warrior and Otunga leave the ring. The camera reveals Otunga wearing brass knuckles on his right hand!

Tenay: That is blatant cheating by Otunga, Big Show is knocked out!
Coach: It's only cheating if you get caught...

Sandow comes around and crawls into the cover on the KO'd Big Show, he hooks the leg, one, two, three!

***Winners, Damien Sandow and David Otunga***

Ultimate Warrior enters the ring and chases Sandow off, Sandow escapes and taunts Warrior by saying they will go one on one for the title at the PPV. Warrior walks off up the ramp with his title.

Tenay: I wonder what match Otunga will make at the PPV
Coach: Probably a grudge match with Big Show or something.

David Otunga gets a microphone and calls out Vickie Guerrero. She obliges, and she nervously helps Big Show as Otunga stands on the ring apron. He says that earlier tonight, he said he would take control of CSWDW. Now he has the power to do so. At the PPV, it will be Team Otunga v Team Vickie, in a 5 on 5 match, and the winner's team will have... Sole ownership of CSWDW! Otunga glares at Vickie who shakes her head, Otunga says he will end the all singing all dancing sideshow and turn it into something spectacular! Vickie screams no as the show goes off the air.


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:17 am

Week 8: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting

The show begins with Vickie Guerrero backstage. She announces that Team Vickie is hiring. She says that while David Otunga is leading Team Otunga into battle, she is a delicate flower, and she will instead have a representative compete on her behalf. The Team Captain of Team Vickie, Big Show! She will be in her office for anyone who wants to join Team Vickie.


The crowd boo as Damien Sandow walks out to the ring, he has a microphone and he says he has got what he wants, a one on one match with The Ultimate Warrior, and Sandow says he will become the CSWDW World Champion. Sandow says he is the anti-hero of CSWD, the one person that the management wouldn't want to win the main title around here, and he will disappoint a lot of people when he wins the gold. But as for tonight, he's got a warm up ahead of facing Warrior, so watch and enjoy.
Rosita walks out nervously, wearing Warrior style tassels with trunks and a vest, Sandow smirks as Rosita gets into the ring and even Coach on commentary is displeased.

Match 1 : Damien Sandow v The Ultimate Rosita

Sandow circles Rosita and grins as he goes for a hammerlock, the crowd boo very loudly and a loud "Warrior" chant echoes around the arena as Sandow nonchalantly shoves Rosita to the mat. The crowd erupt as Ultimate Warrior sprints down to the ring! Sandow quickly bails from the ring as Warrior checks on Rosita.

Warrior opens the ropes for Rosita to leave the ring, which she does, she stands on the apron and slaps Warrior across the face! Warrior turns around into a vicious chair shot to the skull from Sandow!

Tenay: Rosita was in on it all along!
Coach: What a setup Tenay, and you fell for it!
Tenay: Everyone fell for it...

***Result, no contest***

Warrior is flat on his back with blood seeping from his forehead, Sandow digs the chair into the ribs of Warrior a few times as the crowd jeer and boo, Sandow drops the chair and he and Rosita embrace! Rosita and Sandow kiss in the ring and Sandow raises his arms as EMT's come out to check on Warrior.


Footage cuts to a park, where Jimmy Uso is sat on the grass having a picnic. He has two plates laid out, one for him, and another for his Tamagotchi. The Tamagotchi bleeps and Uso laughs.

Uso : You sound like Ryback. “Feed me more”

Tamagotchi : Bleep Bleep Bleep


Tamagotchi : Bleep Bleep Bleep.

Jimmy Uso picks up the Tamagotchi and gives in a loving squeeze, before pressing the necessary buttons to feed it.

Ron Simmonds is jogging around the perimeter of the park and see Uso

Jimmy : Oh… hey Ron! Care to join us for a Tuna Fish Sandwich or two?

Simmonds continues jogging on.

Ron Simmonds : DAMN!


Vickie Guerrero is backstage with Big Show, when Kofi Kingston, Christian and Mick Foley walk in! Foley tells Vickie that he has had a blast in CSWDW and he would be honoured to be a part of Team Vickie. Kofi and Christian both offer their services as well. Kofi, Christian, Foley and Big Show all shake hands as Vickie comments they only need one more member.

There is a knock at the door as Heath Slater walks in. Slater says while he isn't exactly friends with the rest of them, he's not about what Team Otunga wants. Slater says he is the One Man Band, and only in CSWDW can he showcase what he is all about baby! Kofi, Big Show and Christian don't look too convinced but Foley being Foley, suggests Heath has a chance to prove himself, in a match tonight against a mystery opponent from Team Otunga! Vickie agrees and says if Heath beats the Team Otunga representative, he's in!


Match 2 : Camacho Man vs Eric Young – Best of Five Series - Bout II
(Camacho Man leands one to nothing)

We come back from an advert break and the ring has become a sandpit. Lillian Garcia announces that the next contest will be the second fall in the Best of 5 Series to determine the Greatest Wrestler in the World between Eric Young and Camacho Man! And it’s a SANDCASTLE MAKING COMPETITION!

Camacho Man is first out, and Lillian reminds us that he is 1-0 up in the competition after defeating Eric in last week’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Camacho kicks some of the sand, and tests the consistency in his hand. He looks satisfied as Young’s music hits. Young comes to the ring accompanied by Kelly Kelly who is in a robe. Young gets into the ring, then gets down on his hands and knees, closely inspecting the sand, and he’s satisfied.

Lillian Garcia says that the winner is the man who can build 3 fully formed sandcastles the quickest, starting…. NOW!

It’s obvious from the off that Camacho Man possesses the greater Sandcastle making skill, and he erects his first with ease as Eric struggles. Camacho Man builds his second by time Young has his first up. As Camacho begins to build his third castle, Kelly Kelly whistles and drops her robe, revealing a bikini and thong combination. Camacho Man’s jaw drops as Kelly Kelly leans over the apron, shouting encouragement to Eric Young.

music Sitting on the beaches,
Looking at the peaches music

Camacho Man is transfixed on Kelly as the organ part of the song plays

music Sitting on the beaches
Looking at the peaches music

Camacho snaps out of it as Lillian Garcia announces "HERE IS YOUR WINNER….. ERIC YOUNG!"

Tenay : It’s One All in the series! Eric wins the Sandcastle building.

Coach : Camacho Man had it won, but then Kelly Kelly distracted him with her dis-robing. It didn't affect Eric’s concentration because he's seen it all before!

Tenay : Lucky guy.

Coach : Hey – there’s no luck in sandcastle building Mike!

***Result : Eric Young wins to make it 1-1 in the series***


Flavor Flav is backstage with Lillian Garcia. Lillian asks Flavor if he plans to get his own back on Boogeyman for smashing him over the head with his clock last week. Flav laughs and says he already has got his own back. Because he played the Boogeyman at his own game, breaking into HIS house in the middle of the night when he was sleeping, and had a little rummage in the dark until he found Boogeyman’s clock, and then he messed that clock up real good. Flav says he changed the time on that clock, and now Boogeyman is going to be late for work, he’s not even going to be here tonight, and that means he’s not going to get paid.

Flav says he knows how expensive worms are these days, about £20 a kilo, and Boogeyman isn’t going to be able to afford any worms this week.


Flav says that Boogeyman knows where he’ll be next week, and to try and make it on time!


David Otunga is in the ring, wearing his cloak. He says that he will now introduce the fans of CSWD to his team that will compete against Team Vickie at the PPV.

Cody Rhodes music hits and Cody makes his way to the ring. Otunga introduces Rhodes, and says that Rhodes was unfairly subjected to a ridiculous “Phantom of the Opera” feud with Mick Foley, which had no basis in the “Phantom of the Opera” or any basis in reality whatsoever, and he was supposed to make that crap work? Rhodes gets in the ring and tags Otunga’s hand.

Terry Funk’s music hits and Otunga introduces the hardcore legend. Otunga tells the crowd that Funk has had enough of seeing Kevin Nash shake his booty at him every week, and that’s not what he became a wrestler for. Funk will WRESTLE at the PPV.

Spud is next out. Otunga says that squashing Eric Young dressed as Danny Zukko every week was about as entertaining as Grease 2 – and Spud says enough is enough!

And finally, Khali walks out to the ring. Otunga says that perhaps Khali has suffered the most. Borderline racist feuds over onion bhajis, and the ultimate dishonour of having to dress like Kylie Minogue. Otunga says that Khali is a beast, that Khali should be the most dominant force in the company, not some karaoke singing joke. And he says Khali will prove that next, against any opponent from out back.

Otunga raises the arms of all the men in the line, and introduces Team Otunga – the team who will be having the last laugh, at Vickie Guerrero’s expense for a change!

Otunga, Rhodes, Funk and Spud jump out of the ring and stand either side of it as Khali gets ready for his opponent.

“One Man Band” plays and Heath Slater steps out onto the stage, mic in hand.

Slater : Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllll. Looky what we have here. It’s usually me who’s calling out anyone from backstage, BUT NOOOO, today its Khali stealing MA GIMMICK!. But lemme ask you David. Wha’m I not on your stoopid team anyway? I’m the One Man Band Baby! WOOOOOOOOOOH! And me and you go waaaaaay back, remember Nexus? Remember The Corrrrrrrrre? But ‘salright. Ah’m sposed to be proving that I’m good enough for Team Vickie by beating a mystery opponent. But I’ll prove it by beating this BIG GUY RIGHT HERE! I’ll prove to y’all what y’all missing now, by BEATING UP KHALI! Then Ah’m gonna be signed up to Team Vickie and I’ll beat YOU ALL! There ain’t anything wrong with a bit of singing anyway. ASK YOUR WIFE!

Match 3 : Heath Slater vs Khali

Slater gets in the ring and the bell goes. Slater attempts some quick offence but doesn’t make any impact on Khali. Khali throws Slater to the otherside of the ring. Khali dominates Slater for a large portion of the match. Slater lands a dropkick to Khali’s knee, grounding him then goes up top. Khali bounces into the ropes to straddle Slater on the top rope, then grabs him by the throat.

Tenay : Looks like Slater is going for a Chokeslam from the top here!

Coach : No! What a move!

Slater breaks free and hits his Neckbreaker finisher from the top rope. Slater covers 1…..2……..3!


Coach : Slater wants in on Team Vickie, and he’s just proven his credentials by beating Otunga’s beast!

Slater looks out at Otunga.

Slater : I told y’all I’m good baby. Ah’m the beyst! You got mah digits Vickie. Call me! And David…. I was joking about asking your wife. Whadda she even know about singing anyway? She cayn’t even!

Otunga’s had enough and he, Funk, Rhodes and Spud slide into the ring, but Slater leaps the ropes and scarpers off into the crowd. He sits on top of the fan barrier and plays his air guitar whilst Otunga fumes. Rhodes calls over Otunga and whispers something in his ear, and Otunga smiles and tells the rest. Otunga then leads his men to the back.

Otunga shouts at Slater, and says that he can win tonight, Team Otunga call it a night, but will be back next week!

***Result – Heath Slater wins***


Boogeyman is shown leaving a bait shop in town, empty handed and frustrated


Main Event : William Shatner v Pee Wee Herman v The Hoff

Coach and Tenay mention how all three of these men are after a shot at Flo Rida's Entertainers Championship, and how a win tonight would put them in the frame for a title match.

Hoff and Pee Wee double team Shatner but within seconds of the match starting, all 5 members of Team Otunga have returned to hit the ring, clearly bluffing at the end of Slater vs Khali! Otunga, Cody Rhodes, Terry Funk, Khali and Spud attack the three entertainers with stomps and punches, the crowd are violently booing as blood begins to flow from all three entertainers, David Otunga gets a microphone and begins to speak.

Otunga: Are you not entertained?! The era of entertainment is over in CSWDW, and it begins with the "Entertainers" Division. Flo Rida may be the champion of this joke division but there can't be a division without participants...

Otunga says Team Otunga do not care who is on Team Vickie, because whoever they choose, he guarantees they will not be able to stop the Otunga juggernaut. Otunga ends the show by telling the fans that the days of Kevin Nash dancing to crappy techno music are long gone, the only sweet song anyone will hear in CSWDW is the sound of Vickie Guerrero crying when she is unemployed.


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Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:17 am

Week 9: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting

Camacho Man v Eric Young - Match 3 of 5 - Strip Poker. Eric Young wins an even contest via wearing 6 layers of clothes.

Team Vickie talk about not being sure on Heath Slater, Slater overhears and says he'll prove himself by beating Cody Rhodes next

Heath Slater v Cody Rhodes (Heath wins by walkover as Cody has a doctors note)

Terry Funk finds Mick Foley, Funk calls Foley a Cat, challenges him to a Hardcore Rules match to prove a point.

Warrior, Flav and Muta v Sandow, Boogeyman and Uso w/tamagotchi - Warrior pins Sandow.

Jimmy Uso is running away from Great Muta backstage cradling his tamagotchi, Muta finds him but suggests he look after him until the PPV when Muta will take him back in a Tamagotchi on a Pole match!

Khali v Shatner, Hoff and Pee Wee (Flo Rida looks like he comes out to help the Entertainers, but he shakes hands with Khali to turn heel and joins in)

Mick Foley tells Team Vickie he can't face Terry Funk tonight, but he knows someone who can take his place. Foley takes his flannel shirt off to reveal his Cactus Jack t-shirt! "Bang Bang!"

Cactus Jack v Terry Funk - Hardcore Rules - blood brawl, no contest as both men are unable to continue

PPV card:
CSWDW World Title - Ultimate Warrior (c) v Damien Sandow
Team Vickie (Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Christian, Mick Foley, Heath Slater) v Team Otunga (David Otunga, Khali, Cody Rhodes, Spud, Terry Funk)
Entertainers Title - Flo Rida (c) v Pee Wee v The Hoff v William Shatner
Jimmy Uso v Great Muta - Tamagotchi on a Pole match
Flava Flav v Boogeyman
Camacho Man v Eric Young (if required) Match 5 of 5


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The CSWDW Chronicles Empty Re: The CSWDW Chronicles

Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:17 am

Week 10: Catchy, Sexy, Witty and Delightful Wresting

A joint statement from Vickie Guerrero w/Big Show and David Otunga, separated by security guards, says that due to the injuries suffered in last week's Main Event, both Mick Foley and Terry Funk have been pulled from the Team Vickie v Team Otunga match, making the match 4 on 4 instead of 5 on 5. After some back and forth bickering between Otunga and Vickie about who would win in a rematch between Funk and Foley, they decide Funk and Foley can fight each other in a separate match on the PPV card, a rematch of their Hardcore Rules match!

Camacho Man v Eric Young - Match 4 of 5 - Giant Jenga. Camacho Man wins to tie the series at 2 wins each in an overly long game of Jenga when Eric Young eventually causes the tower to topple. Camacho Man celebrates with a rendition of "So Camacho" by Sinitta. As he sings, Eric Young hits Camacho Man over the head with one of the Giant Jenga blocks! Eric Young tells Camacho Man he'll see him at the PPV as the crowd jeer.

Flo Rida is backstage being interviewed by The Coach, Coach admits to being a big fan of Flo's recent actions, distancing himself from the other Entertainers who are nothing more than a joke. Flo agrees, and says he will take all three of Pee Wee, Hoff and Shatner "down to Chinatown". Flo Rida adjusts the Entertainers Championship on his shoulder and says he doesnt care which one he beats up, they are all jokes and Flo Rida will embarrass them. Flo Rida and Coach walk off laughing and the crowd pops as Pee Wee Herman is shown hiding behind where Flo Rida was. Pee Wee says "Today's secret word is... bumhole."

Heath Slater is telling Kofi Kingston and Christian they can trust him, he has personal beef with Otunga and he wants CSWDW to remain how it is so he can continue being... "music The one mahm bahhhhnnndddddd-ahhhh music"

Jimmy Uso v Great Muta is a no contest as Jimmy Uso never enters the ring, he cries as the referee tries to look after the Tamagotchi from him and leaves the ring. Jimmy refers to his Tamagotchi as "Jey" throughout. Muta gets a microphone and says he will be getting his Tamagotchi back safe and sound.

Flavor Flav is at an expensive watch and clock shop, he seems impressed with the vast selection of clocks on display as he follows the salesman around the shop, he looks at a big Grandfather Clock bemused and he pauses. Flav opens the clock front to find The Boogeyman sat inside eating worms! Boogeyman bursts out and attacks Flavor Flav, with an all out brawl taking place in the watch and clock shop! The back and forth brawl ends with Flav shattering a glass clock over the head of Boogeyman, who drops to the floor. Flav staggers out of the shop as the angry salesman bemoans the state of his shop!

Ultimate Warrior v Damien Sandow contract signing, Sandow with Rosita tells Warrior he is focused on taking that Championship away from Warrior as the anti-hero, the bad guy the crowd secretly idolises, Sandow tells Warrior he is tired of the mind games, he will become the new CSWDW World Champion. Warrior tells Sandow how he agrees, Warrior says he will crush Sandow and send him crying to his Rosita. Warrior turns the table upside down and goes after Sandow but Sandow rolls from the ring, leaving Rosita behind! Rosita begs off as Warrior corners her, the crowd are baying for blood as Warrior puts his hands on Rosita's shoulders, he goes for a Gorilla Press Slam, but Sandow slides into the ring behind Warrior and low blows him! Sandow holds up the World Title over Warrior who is laying on the mat cupping himself.

Team Otunga v Team Vickie warm-up - 7 man Battle Royal - Big Show v Kofi Kingston v Christian v Heath Slater v David Otunga v Cody Rhodes v Spud. The Battle Royal has each side teaming up, making it a glorified 4 on 3 match. Heath Slater rolls from the ring to avoid being eliminated. It comes down to Big Show, Spud, David Otunga and Heath Slater (who re-enters the ring). Supd and Otunga attack Big Show and nearly eliminate him, Heath Slater isn't sure whether or not to help Big Show! Heath rolls out of the ring, he grabs a steel chair, and he goes to hit Otunga, Otunga ducks and Slater gets Big Show square in the head! Show is furious and he angrily throws Slater over the top rope! Spud and Otunga capitalise and force Big Show over the top rope to win it for Team Otunga! We go off the air with Otunga and Spud celebrating, Big Show with blood seeping down his head looking angry as Slater apologises from a distance.

PPV card:
CSWDW World Title - Ultimate Warrior (c) v Damien Sandow
Battle for Control - Team Vickie (Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Christian, Heath Slater) v Team Otunga (David Otunga, Khali, Cody Rhodes, Spud)
Hardcore Rules match - Cactus Jack v Terry Funk
Entertainers Title - Flo Rida (c) v Pee Wee v The Hoff v William Shatner
Jimmy Uso v Great Muta - Tamagotchi on a Pole match
Flava Flav v Boogeyman
Camacho Man v Eric Young - Match 5 of 5 (Series tied at 2-2)


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Post by Marky on Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:18 am


Opening: A video montage plays highlighting the feuds between both sides and how tonight will end the CSWDW saga, but questions how the saga will end. "War" by Edwyn Collins plays throughout the video. It shows Damien Sandow stood over Ultimate Warrior, it shows Flavor Flav and Boogeyman staring face to face, it shows Jimmy Uso cradling a Tamagotchi, it shows Flo Rida attacking the rest of the Entertainers, it shows Eric Young and Camacho Man in their earlier Best of 5 Series events, and finally it shows Team Otunga and Team Vickie fighting, with the final shot an image of David Otunga and Vickie Guerrero staring at each other.


Match 1: ***Cactus Jack v Terry Funk - Hardcore Rules***

The match is back and forth, brutal as both men attack each other with numerous weapons, Funk hits Jack with a steel chair, Jack hits Funk with a barbed wire 2x4, Funk hits Jack with a walking stick, Jack throws Funk through the ringside barricade back first! Jack throws Funk face first into the steel ringpost and Funk is bleeding. Jack destroys Funk with a sick piledriver on the floor. Funk fights back and drop toe holds Jack face first into the ringpost, Jack is bleeding from the mouth. Funk grinds a cheese grater down the face of Jack and Jack's face is bleeding. Both men with a crimson mask.

Coach: When they say a Crimson mask, I always think of this.
(Coach puts on a mask of the TNA wrestler Crimson)
Tenay: I think the expression came before the wrestler...

The end comes when Jack sets up a table, he puts petrol over the table and sets it on fire! Funk fights back, he kicks Jack in the nuts! Funk finds a bag, he empties the contents onto the burning table, it's shards of glass! Funk is sadistic as he drags Jack into the ring, he drags Jack to the top turnbuckle, Funk tries to superplex Jack through the burning broken glass table, Jack blocks it and knees Funk in the gut. Jack hooks both arms of Funk...

Tenay: Oh my sweet Jesus!
Coach: These two have to be dead. They gotta be.

Cactus Jack hit the Double Arm DDT from the top turnbuckle, sending both men crashing through the burning broken glass covered table! Safety officers quickly extinguish the fire on both Funk and Jack, and the referee wants to call for the bell when Jack drapes a bleeding arm over Funk, one, two, three.

***Winner by pinfall, Cactus Jack***

Both men are flat on their backs and unable to leave by their own means, the referee calls for EMT's and the medics escort both men from the ringside area on stretchers.


Segment 1: Medics assist Cactus Jack and Terry Funk into two waiting ambulances, they head off to the local hospital.


Match 2: ***Jimmy Uso v Great Muta - Tamagotchi on a Pole match***

After a back and forth match, both men climb up the top turnbuckle and are both balanced, both men are holding the Tamagotchi's chain (that holds it on the pole), both men fall at the same time and the Tamagotchi comes off! The referee checks on both men and sees one man holding the Tamagotchi.

***Winner, Great Muta***

Great Muta wins, he gets his Tamagotchi back! Jimmy Uso is disconsolate until Muta, feeling guilty, hands Jimmy back the Tamagotchi. The two men hug, and they both leave holding the Tamagotchi in the air.

Coach: Well that whole feud a giant waste of time.


Segment 2: Cameras show David Otunga briefing Spud, Cody Rhodes and Khali w/Runjin Singh ahead of their match later tonight.


Match 3: ***Flavor Flav v Boogeyman***

After a short match, Boogeyman wins by hitting Flav in the face with his own clock, then hitting a Chokebomb. Boogeyman pins Flavor Flav for the win.

***Winner by pinfall, The Boogeyman***

Boogeyman goes over to the corner to get his bag, inside are live worms! Boogeyman kneels down over the prone Flavor Flav, and Boogeyman worms Flavor Flav! The crowd cheer as Boogeyman slides out of the ring grinning, and he smashes a clock over his own head for good measure before eating some worms.


Segment 3: Cameras show Vickie Guerrero briefing Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Christian, and a lacking attention Heath Slater who is more worried about avoiding Big Show. The announcers question Slater's committment to the cause.


Match 4: ***Camacho Man v Eric Young - Match 5 of 5***

Camacho Man and Eric Young agree to have the final match be... A wrestling match!

After a decent back and forth match, Eric Young pins the former CSWDW World Champion with an inside cradle!

***Winner by pinfall, and winner of the Best of 5 match series, Eric Young***

Both men shake hands as Eric Young celebrates. Kelly Kelly enters the ring carrying a really small trophy. Kelly Kelly presents the small trophy to Eric Young and he holds it up as if it were the World Cup! Eric Young gets a mic, he thanks everyone who ever believed in him, including Kelly Kelly, and he has something magical to do. Eric Young drops down onto one knee and asks Kelly Kelly to be his wife!

Kelly Kelly looks shocked, she is really happy, she leans forward to the mic and says... "No!" and she leaves with Camacho Man!

Coach: Looks like Camacho Man won the real prize!


Segment 4: Cameras show Damien Sandow preparing for his World Title match, he tells Mike Tenay "no interviews" as he does some squat thrusts.


Match 5: ***Entertainers Championship - Flo Rida (c) v Pee Wee Herman v The Hoff v Shatner***

William Shatner sings "I have got a feeling" on his way to the ring while dressed as

Flo Rida dominates all three as expected, but when he Rock Bottoms the Hoff and rips his shirt off to pose, Pee Wee Herman school boys Flo Rida for the three count!

***Winner and NEW CSWDW Entertainers Champion, Pee Wee Herman!***

Pee Wee can barely believe it as he escapes from an angry Flo Rida! The crowd chant "Pee Wee" over and over as he holds the Entertainers Championship. Tenay comments on a terrific ending to a terrific PPV, before Coach reminds him we still have two more matches to go.


Segment 5: Cameras show The Ultimate Warrior warming up, but out of nowhere a group of four men attack Warrior! The camera doesn't catch who it is as the cameraman is floored in the process, the four men attack Warrior with steel pipes and batter him.


Match 6: ***CSWDW World Championship - Ultimate Warrior (c) v Damien Sandow***

The beaten up Warrior tries to fight through the pain and almost gets the win but Sandow kicks out of a Warrior Splash! Sandow hits the Iron Lotus but Warrior kicks out. Sandow stays calm and hits a second Iron Lotus, he pins Warrior but Warrior kicks out at two again! Sandow is annoyed, he drags Warrior to his feet. And despite a valiant effort, Sandow gets the pinfall after a third Iron Lotus neckbreaker.

***Winner and NEW CSWDW World Champion, Damien Sandow***

Sandow is your new CSWDW World Champion, and he tells the crowd "You're welcome".


Damien Sandow is shown getting into a car with Rosita, when a mystery person stops him, and says "Not so fast Sandow, we did what you asked, now you owe us."

Sandow reluctantly gets back out of the car and tells Rosita to go to the hotel, and he'll meet her later.


***Battle for Control:***
***Team Vickie (Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Christian and Heath Slater) v Team Otunga (David Otunga, Spud, Cody Rhodes and Khali)***

The match is elimination rules. Spud is eliminated by a Christian Killswitch and pinfall, Kofi Kingston is eliminated by a Khali chokebomb after Cody Rhodes rakes the eyes of Kofi from the ring apron.

Khali is eliminated by a Big Show KO punch as the crowd erupts! Big Show pins Khali one, two, three! Next elimination is Christian, as he is eliminated by "The Justice" from David Otunga.

It leaves 2 on 2 as Big Show and Heath Slater v David Otunga and Cody Rhodes. Big Show chokeslams and pins Cody Rhodes to eliminate him, leaving Big Show and Heath Slater v David Otunga! Big Show shoves Otunga over but accidentally knocks Otunga into the referee who falls down! Otunga offers his hand to Heath Slater who accepts it!

Tenay: I knew it!
Coach: Brilliant plan by Otunga!

Heath turns laughing at Big Show, then kicks Otunga in the gut, Slater hits a swinging neckbreaker to David Otunga but Damien Sandow enters the ring out of nowhere and hits Slater in the face with his CSWDW World Title! The crowd boos as Big Show gets rid of Sandow but Otunga crawls over to pin Slater as the referee recovers, one, two, three, and Heath Slater is eliminated.
We are down to David Otunga v Big Show, and Big Show goes for the chokeslam, Sandow gets back into the ring but Heath Slater meets Sandow with a big clothesline and Slater brawls with Sandow outside of the ring! Otunga is panicked, he turns into a goozle from Big Show, Show chokeslams Otunga and pins him, one, two, three!

***Winners, Team Vickie***

Vickie Guerrero, Big Show and Heath Slater celebrate and accept the fans' cheers, Kofi Kingston and Christian come back to the ring and all five and the crowd sing to close the show.

music "I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
I thank you all

But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions - of the world" music


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