Top Quotes

You've just got one problem. you stand too close to the ball after you've hit it - Sam Snead

If some players put a fork to their mouths the same way they take the club back, they'd starve - Sam Snead

I'm gambling that when we get into the next life, St Peter will look at us and ask ''golfer'' and when we nod he will step aside and let us in because we suffered enough. One warning, if the first thing you see is a par 3 surrounded by water, it aint heaven - Jim Murray

To play golf you need goofy pants and a fat ass - Happy Gilmour

There are no short hitters on tour any more, just long and unvelievably long - Sam Snead

How about this from Peter Alliss:

"They say I've reached the time of life,
That's slightly past the prime of life,
And yet and yet, towards the sun I'm turning.

They tell me I should save myself,
And yet and yet there's bridges still for burning.

Let the young and foolish pick the blossom on the vine,
There's years to waste before they'll taste
The flavour of the vine.

The rosebuds I've been gathering, the children
I've been fathering,
May fade and die, take wings and fly and leave to my regret
And yet and yet it seems to be the best is yet to be."

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Tiger Woods

Sway wrote:Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Tiger Woods

I wonder what the reaction would have been if a white man had said that...

Never knew TW said that very controversial!

" Great champions learn from past experiences. A lot of times a guy needs to be knocked down before he gets up and fights"
Paul Azinger

"Theres agolakeeper in the holes and he's playing great" Paul McGinley

"I've never had a coach in my life. When I can find one that can beat me then i'll start listening" Lee Trevino

I wondered about that myself Davie, I was, however,far more shocked that he had ever uttered anything more quotable than "it is what it is"

Mav - That is a fantastic quote by Paul McGinley

I heard that Bing Crosby had just finshed 18 holes with his best mates, said 'Thanks lads I really enjoyed that', then sunk to the floor and died.

"Give me my golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air." Jack Benny

"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." Phyllis Diller

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators." Gerald Ford

"The hardest shot is a mashie at 90 yards from the green, where the ball has to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandtrap, hits a stone, bounces on the green and then rolls into the cup. That shot is so difficult I have only made it once." Zeppo Marx

"He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes at its maximum only to the man who has given up golf." P.G. Wodehouse

PG Wodehouse takes some beating for funny golf quotes.

He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

He couldn't putt it into a coal-hole with 'Welcome!' written over it.

Her demeanour was now rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back.

She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season.

:606laugh: :606laugh: :606laugh:
Nice ones George and of course there's:

"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being any good at." Jimmy Demaret

"If you are ever caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." Lee Trevino

"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law." H G Wells

"For most players, golf is about as serene as a night in Dracula's castle." Jim Murray

"I'm playing golf like Tarzan and scoring like Jane." Chi Chi Rodriguez

My favourite has always been Dean Martin's -

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt"

Brilliant!

Gary Player
"The harder I practice the luckier I get"

"I can be the no.1 player in the world." - Ian Poulter

Poulter is currently 12th and has been as high as 5th i believe. Not a bad effort huh??