How would you make the shops a better experience?
+6
Mind the windows Tino.
Galted
Breadvan
Lumbering_Jack
Champagne_Socialist
sikhlion
10 posters
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How would you make the shops a better experience?
For me shops especially at Christhmas are a nightmare. No parking, too many crowds, too many screaming kids. If it was up to me I'd ban all pensioners from shopping after 5pm and on weekends, so that those of us who can't shop during working hours have more space, anyone who has no job could only shop 9 till 5 on weekdays too and children under the age if ten would have to be left at home on weekends too!
sikhlion- Posts : 81
Join date : 2013-07-05
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Just use amazon or online shopping if you hate the experience that much
Champagne_Socialist- Posts : 4961
Join date : 2012-10-20
Age : 36
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
haha pure comical stuff with all these allotted times & banning orders for types of people......just for shopping. You must be bored too of come up with this.
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
What about 17 year old mothers with 3 kids in tow hogging up valuable aisle space? And ridiculously overweight fatties in mobility scooters? I find these to be a serious nuisance.
I'm in the CS camp in that I buy online. Haven't been in my town centre in about 5 years.
I hate Christmas anyway
I'm in the CS camp in that I buy online. Haven't been in my town centre in about 5 years.
I hate Christmas anyway
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
People who randomly stop in the middle of a crowd should be executed on the spot.
Lumbering_Jack- Posts : 4341
Join date : 2011-03-07
Location : Newcastle
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
1/ Women's clothes shops to have a "man creche" installed. Instead of standing around holding her shopping bags and getting in the way of other women who want to look at underwear (who invariably stare at you with a look that says "Why are you undressing me with your eyes you disgusting piece of filth" when you're actually thinking "Jeez, I pity your fella if he's gonna be confronted by your blubbery carcass lurching out of the darkness wearing that...ya fat cow!" but I digress...) the Man Creche is a large room with SKY SPORTS, a pool table, kebab shop and oh sod it...a ball pool. Your other half puts you in there and takes a ticket so she can collect you later a bit like a cloakroom and, a bit like a cloakroom, if you lose your ticket she has to wait until the end instead of pointing and saying "It's that one, that's mine, I can see it there"
2/ Those European style markets to be banned unless they do something radical like not charging a f*****g fiver for a piece of cake or £3 for a slice of mango and buffalo scented soap (not even wrapped, just sliced like frickin' cheese and not even symetrically!!)
3/ Any kid shouting things like "but it's only £99.99" as if they're not being a greedy little **** for saying £100 to be automatically punched in the head/stomach by the three people closest to them.
2/ Those European style markets to be banned unless they do something radical like not charging a f*****g fiver for a piece of cake or £3 for a slice of mango and buffalo scented soap (not even wrapped, just sliced like frickin' cheese and not even symetrically!!)
3/ Any kid shouting things like "but it's only £99.99" as if they're not being a greedy little **** for saying £100 to be automatically punched in the head/stomach by the three people closest to them.
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
A new yrs virtual for DAVE. Great stuff!
Breadvan- Posts : 2798
Join date : 2011-05-23
Location : Swansea & Cardiff
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Dave667's comedic ranting style makes me suspect he's really David Mitchell, my second celeb-uncovering of the day.
Galted- Galted
- Posts : 15734
Join date : 2011-10-31
Location : not the wi-fi password
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Galted wrote:Dave667's comedic ranting style makes me suspect he's really David Mitchell, my second celeb-uncovering of the day.
Third in total though.
After you exposed yourself as being Ray Mears.
Mind the windows Tino.- Beano
- Posts : 20934
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Your knuckles whiten on the wheel. The last thing that Julius will feel, your final flight can't be delayed. No earth just sky it's so serene, your pink fat lips let go a scream. You fry and melt, I love the scene.
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Can't deny I'm a big fan of Dave's work. I think he should write an e-book so I can stick it on the kindle my mother queued hours to buy me in rush hour christmas shopping traffic.
Just a thought Dave...
Just a thought Dave...
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
The fact you find my ranting comedic is very much appreciated but totally incidental. Must admit that, if I could be bothered voting, I'd be voting for GALTED as my favourite/funniest poster (closely followed by John Bloody Wayne). Those two always make me chuckle....but not enough to bother voting for them in a poll where nobody wins anything except fleeting internet kudos...they deserve better...I just don't know what that might be.
Off to town to be annoyed by everyone and everything.
Off to town to be annoyed by everyone and everything.
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Galted wrote:Dave667's comedic ranting style makes me suspect he's really David Mitchell, my second celeb-uncovering of the day.
Third in total though.
After you exposed yourself as being Ray Mears.
Once again, f**k you, Tino.
Galted- Galted
- Posts : 15734
Join date : 2011-10-31
Location : not the wi-fi password
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
DAVE667 wrote:
Off to town to be annoyed by everyone and everything.
I'm sure we'll have saturation coverage when they start unearthing the bodies from the crawl-space below the house in a few years time
Galted- Galted
- Posts : 15734
Join date : 2011-10-31
Location : not the wi-fi password
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Galted wrote:Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Galted wrote:Dave667's comedic ranting style makes me suspect he's really David Mitchell, my second celeb-uncovering of the day.
Third in total though.
After you exposed yourself as being Ray Mears.
Once again, f**k you, Tino.
ahahahah
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
I'll have moved/been moved by the authorities/lynch mob by then...again!Galted wrote:DAVE667 wrote:
Off to town to be annoyed by everyone and everything.
I'm sure we'll have saturation coverage when they start unearthing the bodies from the crawl-space below the house in a few years time
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
DAVE667 wrote:I'll have moved/been moved by the authorities/lynch mob by then...again!Galted wrote:DAVE667 wrote:
Off to town to be annoyed by everyone and everything.
I'm sure we'll have saturation coverage when they start unearthing the bodies from the crawl-space below the house in a few years time
It'll probably be some poor b'stard like Fred West or Peter Sutcliffe who gets it in the neck again while the 667 killer goes free.
Galted- Galted
- Posts : 15734
Join date : 2011-10-31
Location : not the wi-fi password
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Always amazes me when people say things like "Ooh he seemed such a nice bloke" Just for once I'd like to see some fella on tv in his tatty vest saying stuff like "What? Old 'Stabber' Evans? Mad as a box of boiled badgers that one. F**k knows how he's never been locked up before now. I've lived next door to him for twenty years now and he's killed at least three of my wives!"
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
"He was quiet, you know, kept to himself, never had a bad word to say about anyone."
No sh1t you old bat, probably because he spent most of the time in the basement skinning corpses.
No sh1t you old bat, probably because he spent most of the time in the basement skinning corpses.
Galted- Galted
- Posts : 15734
Join date : 2011-10-31
Location : not the wi-fi password
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Yes neighbour watch really is overrated.
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
That "Old stabber Evans" quote is still killing me! I can feel a warm leg coming on.
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
That set me up for the "box of boiled badgers" to push me over the edge.
Galted- Galted
- Posts : 15734
Join date : 2011-10-31
Location : not the wi-fi password
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Glad I can send you off with a smile before the end...er, of the year!
Sounds a bit Harold Shipman without that last bit
Sounds a bit Harold Shipman without that last bit
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
DAVE667 wrote:Glad I can send you off with a smile before the end...er, of the year!
Sounds a bit Harold Shipman without that last bit
Its not funny anymore Dave, I think we are tired of jokes about Tino's son.
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Speak for yourself, it's like YouTube videos of kids falling over or fat people falling into/onto/off stuffShahenshahG wrote:DAVE667 wrote:Glad I can send you off with a smile before the end...er, of the year!
Sounds a bit Harold Shipman without that last bit
Its not funny anymore Dave, I think we are tired of jokes about Tino's son.
IT NEVER GETS BORING
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
DAVE667 wrote:Speak for yourself, it's like YouTube videos of kids falling over or fat people falling into/onto/off stuffShahenshahG wrote:DAVE667 wrote:Glad I can send you off with a smile before the end...er, of the year!
Sounds a bit Harold Shipman without that last bit
Its not funny anymore Dave, I think we are tired of jokes about Tino's son.
IT NEVER GETS BORING
Damn - wanted to beat a trend for once
shopping
online shopping for convenience
mujisafto- Posts : 3
Join date : 2014-01-20
Age : 49
Location : california city, ca, usa
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Always loved trying on shoes online...oh wait...YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!!!mujisafto wrote:online shopping for convenience
Idiots say, "oh just buy a couple of pairs online and send back the ones that don't fit". Durrr, I can do that in a shop and it doesn't cost a fortune or become a Royal pain in the bumhole to do so.
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
DAVE667 wrote:Always loved trying on shoes online...oh wait...YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!!!
Idiots say, "oh just buy a couple of pairs online and send back the ones that don't fit". Durrr, I can do that in a shop and it doesn't cost a fortune or become a Royal pain in the bumhole to do so.
It would however remove some of the lazy fat chavs pushing their unholy brood around in ill fitting onesies, buying furry slippers so they can spend even more of their time rotting in their cake infested holes, whilst them staying at home and purchasing their special berw online would greatly enhance my shopping experience...
rIck_dAgless- rik
- Posts : 13095
Join date : 2013-04-29
Location : Chamber of the unmichaelsing fist
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Oh Rick Rick Rick, don't you see them in their Sports Direct tracksuits and top of the line (or they were a few years before) trainers when the last thing they want to so is anything remotely approaching exercise. Remember that advert with Amir Khan wearing those ridiculous Reebok zigzag trainers? Saw a hippo of a bloke the other day smoking and eating a pasty looking ike he get more benefit out of those trainers if he ate them with a slice of bread as there was no way on God's green earth that he'd bought them to improve his all round performance at the gym.rick_dagless wrote:DAVE667 wrote:Always loved trying on shoes online...oh wait...YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!!!
Idiots say, "oh just buy a couple of pairs online and send back the ones that don't fit". Durrr, I can do that in a shop and it doesn't cost a fortune or become a Royal pain in the bumhole to do so.
It would however remove some of the lazy fat chavs pushing their unholy brood around in ill fitting onesies, buying furry slippers so they can spend even more of their time rotting in their cake infested holes, whilst them staying at home and purchasing their special berw online would greatly enhance my shopping experience...
It really annoys me when I'm looking for a decent pair of running shoes (simply can't afford £70+ a pair) but have to get what I can afford as opposed to what I'd like and these scumsuckers are buying three and four pairs a time
Guest- Guest
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
DAVE667 wrote:It really annoys me when I'm looking for a decent pair of running shoes (simply can't afford £70+ a pair) but have to get what I can afford as opposed to what I'd like and these scumsuckers are buying three and four pairs a time
What else are they goint to be spending the vast amounts of childcare/disability allowance on (barring their children/ disability rehabilitation) though maybe if they cut back on the twelfth steak bake of the morn, and splashed out on some shampoo then probably all for the best...
rIck_dAgless- rik
- Posts : 13095
Join date : 2013-04-29
Location : Chamber of the unmichaelsing fist
Re: How would you make the shops a better experience?
Councils need to get off their high (green) horse over parking.
People go out of town (sucking the life out of town centres) because of the convenience. Because they've got 2-3 kids to ferry/look after therefore parking is important to them.
Stop putting silly planning restrictions on car parking provision in town centres and stop the ridiculous over-provision of disabled car parking spaces (lost count of the thousands of empty ones I've driven past to find a solitary normal space).
Make town centre shopping easier and people will begin to favour it again.
People go out of town (sucking the life out of town centres) because of the convenience. Because they've got 2-3 kids to ferry/look after therefore parking is important to them.
Stop putting silly planning restrictions on car parking provision in town centres and stop the ridiculous over-provision of disabled car parking spaces (lost count of the thousands of empty ones I've driven past to find a solitary normal space).
Make town centre shopping easier and people will begin to favour it again.
TopHat24/7- Posts : 17008
Join date : 2011-07-01
Age : 40
Location : London
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