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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:50 pm

First topic message reminder :

superflyweight wrote:It's in Edinburgh and it's called the "Pubic Triangle".  Is about 5 minutes from my work and there's always a distressing smell of lube hanging over the area.  

That's the one, thanks super.

Is lube really a distressing smell?

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:19 am

seanmichaels wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Uncouth.

Can someone explain why fat women sneeze so loudly?

They are probably acting as a gaydar to direct their gay friends to your bumhole.

Good one petal.

 kiss mo2 

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:22 am

Galted, have you ever come in the Thames from the south bank (or around the Bankside Pier vicinty) or are the higher pedestrian traffic areas of the Embankment (near the Inner Temple) more satisfying and challenging? Just curious.

I once shot my load in some bushes near Kew Bridge (just behind the Bulls Head)... but it was just after closing time... which was a bit of a let down really.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:24 am

What the F???????????????

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:26 am

She had to catch a train. From Gunnersbury I think it was. I wasn't interested in the long walk.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:30 am

Linebreaker wrote:Galted, have you ever come in the Thames from the south bank (or around the Bankside Pier vicinty) or are the higher pedestrian traffic areas of the Embankment (near the Inner Temple) more satisfying and challenging? Just curious.

I once shot my load in some bushes near Kew Bridge (just behind the Bulls Head)... but it was just after closing time... which was a bit of a let down really.

The culture cups version of the ashes Laugh

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:38 am

ShahenshahG wrote:
Linebreaker wrote:Galted, have you ever come in the Thames from the south bank (or around the Bankside Pier vicinty) or are the higher pedestrian traffic areas of the Embankment (near the Inner Temple) more satisfying and challenging? Just curious.

I once shot my load in some bushes near Kew Bridge (just behind the Bulls Head)... but it was just after closing time... which was a bit of a let down really.

The culture cups version of the ashes Laugh

I did a couple of bad things there, Shah.  I nearly got transported... but managed to wriggle out of the problem.
The cop told me to "fock off then, mate". It was music to my ears.

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Post by Galted Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:39 am

Linebreaker wrote:Galted, have you ever come in the Thames from the south bank (or around the Bankside Pier vicinty) or are the higher pedestrian traffic areas of the Embankment (near the Inner Temple) more satisfying and challenging? Just curious.

I once shot my load in some bushes near Kew Bridge (just behind the Bulls Head)... but it was just after closing time... which was a bit of a let down really.

 Laugh 

I haven't had the privilege of shooting my load into the Thames before but it is something for me to strive towards.

I once had a stoned w*nk walking across Neasden Recreation Ground late at night and considered emptying into the Brent Reservoir but a sudden paranoia that I was being filmed stopped me.

Guess you win.

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:46 am

Something for you to aim for then.  Laugh 

Yeah, I was definitely under the influence too. On another occasion I remember blacking out as I was crossing the road to go home. It was only about 50m... but a car came around the corner and the twin beams from the headlights spun/freaked me out.

I remember thinking it was like a scene from a Film Noir movie. Next thing I knew I was kissing the gutter. Landed quite hard... massive scabs formed from the graze. Nose, knuckles and elbows from memory.

To make things worse -  I had also smashed my head on a low beam in the pub earlier on in the evening... despite joking with people about "that Mind Your Head" sign in the pub. I had a great time in London though. Almost got arrested near Ladbroke Grove too... near "de All Saints mun"...
I was a total tool sometimes but I loved the thrill of it all.


Last edited by Linebreaker on Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:51 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Galted Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:51 am

Spent a fair bit of time around Ladbroke Grove. When were you over? There's a chance we've puked on each other's shoes.

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:52 am

October 1989 until about July 1990.

That's right... I did a centrifugal spew from a cab as the driver accelerated around a roundabout in Chelsea.
I can still hear the guy saying " whaaa... oh no... you're not.... oh no... not in my cab!!!!!!!"

I painted a perfect arc.





So what's everyone having for lunch?

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 11:12 am

left over spag bol. will be cold and average as I rushed it thus forgetting the basil and drinking the red.

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 20 Mar 2014, 11:20 am

seanmichaels wrote:left over spag bol. will be cold and average as I rushed it thus forgetting the basil and drinking the red.

Why don't you pop down to the local supermarket and grab a pinch of basil and mixed Italian herbs in each hand?
They don't put bar codes on the individual leaves do they? Left overs always taste pretty good anyway.

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Post by Galted Thu 20 Mar 2014, 11:54 am

Cous cous, humus, halloumi, spinach, jalapenos, sundried tomatoes and olives.

I've taken to making my own since michaels and his missus saw fit to ridicule Wrap-It-Up. I just can't look the little Italian bird with the remnants of a spot on her nose in the face anymore.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 20 Mar 2014, 12:22 pm

Fish Finger butty, with chips and beans...

Nice...

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 12:35 pm

Galted wrote:Cous cous, humus, halloumi, spinach, jalapenos, sundried tomatoes and olives.

I've taken to making my own since michaels and his missus saw fit to ridicule Wrap-It-Up.  I just can't look the little Italian bird with the remnants of a spot on her nose in the face anymore.

Don't be so bloody melodramatic.

Are you opn Facebook. I had a look today for the first time and was greeted by the horrific sight of loads of women posting selfies without make up. Not a massive fan of layers of make up but some of these birds have dropped from solid 6+'s to <4 in one shot.

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Post by Galted Thu 20 Mar 2014, 12:42 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:Cous cous, humus, halloumi, spinach, jalapenos, sundried tomatoes and olives.

I've taken to making my own since michaels and his missus saw fit to ridicule Wrap-It-Up.  I just can't look the little Italian bird with the remnants of a spot on her nose in the face anymore.

Don't be so bloody melodramatic.

Are you opn Facebook. I had a look today for the first time and was greeted by the horrific sight of loads of women posting selfies without make up. Not a massive fan of layers of make up but some of these birds have dropped from solid 6+'s to <4 in one shot.

Used to go on it until everyone started posting that "movie of your life b0llocks".  No-one I know makes any interesting comments either, it's alway some stupid cow taking a photo of a cake that she's made and all her retarded friends giving it the "like" treatment.  I'd be on it more often if they let you invent your own buttons instead of "like", such as "f*ck you, your cake is sh1t and your kids are about as cute as a bull terrier's bum".

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 1:02 pm

Laugh 


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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 20 Mar 2014, 1:24 pm

Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:Cous cous, humus, halloumi, spinach, jalapenos, sundried tomatoes and olives.

I've taken to making my own since michaels and his missus saw fit to ridicule Wrap-It-Up.  I just can't look the little Italian bird with the remnants of a spot on her nose in the face anymore.

Don't be so bloody melodramatic.

Are you opn Facebook. I had a look today for the first time and was greeted by the horrific sight of loads of women posting selfies without make up. Not a massive fan of layers of make up but some of these birds have dropped from solid 6+'s to <4 in one shot.

Used to go on it until everyone started posting that "movie of your life b0llocks".  No-one I know makes any interesting comments either, it's alway some stupid cow taking a photo of a cake that she's made and all her retarded friends giving it the "like" treatment.  I'd be on it more often if they let you invent your own buttons instead of "like", such as "f*ck you, your cake is sh1t and your kids are about as cute as a bull terrier's bum".

 laughing In other words, not enough five knuckle shuffle material

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Post by Guest Thu 20 Mar 2014, 1:45 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:
Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:Cous cous, humus, halloumi, spinach, jalapenos, sundried tomatoes and olives.

I've taken to making my own since michaels and his missus saw fit to ridicule Wrap-It-Up.  I just can't look the little Italian bird with the remnants of a spot on her nose in the face anymore.

Don't be so bloody melodramatic.

Are you opn Facebook. I had a look today for the first time and was greeted by the horrific sight of loads of women posting selfies without make up. Not a massive fan of layers of make up but some of these birds have dropped from solid 6+'s to <4 in one shot.

Used to go on it until everyone started posting that "movie of your life b0llocks".  No-one I know makes any interesting comments either, it's alway some stupid cow taking a photo of a cake that she's made and all her retarded friends giving it the "like" treatment.  I'd be on it more often if they let you invent your own buttons instead of "like", such as "f*ck you, your cake is sh1t and your kids are about as cute as a bull terrier's bum".

 laughing In other words, not enough five knuckle shuffle material
Sounds like he just doesn't want to put in the effort of having an angry w@nk

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 20 Mar 2014, 2:23 pm

DAVE wrote:Sounds like he just doesn't want to put in the effort of having an angry w@nk

Sean is a solo oboe virtuoso, he could give energy saving tips I am sure

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 2:32 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
DAVE wrote:Sounds like he just doesn't want to put in the effort of having an angry w@nk

Sean is a solo oboe virtuoso, he could give energy saving tips I am sure

Used to play the trombone actually. Grade 1. Almost nailed jingle bells.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 20 Mar 2014, 2:43 pm

sean wrote:Used to play the trombone actually. Grade 1. Almost nailed jingle bells.

I think that i got to the opening bars of 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore' on recorder before anyone with ears threatened to insert it

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Post by Guest Thu 20 Mar 2014, 2:46 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:
DAVE wrote:Sounds like he just doesn't want to put in the effort of having an angry w@nk

Sean is a solo oboe virtuoso, he could give energy saving tips I am sure

Used to play the trombone actually. Grade 1. Almost nailed jingle bells.
nothing says Christmas more than some c**t stood on your doorstep blowing the trombone whilst a bunch of kids mutter something vaguely reminiscent of a carol expecting you to A/ stand and listen or B/ Pay them for the privilege

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:18 pm

Bit Poopie on here. Haim?

Spoiler:


Last edited by seanmichaels on Fri 21 Mar 2014, 8:02 am; edited 1 time in total

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 20 Mar 2014, 10:35 pm

Just asked her out for a drink. She hasn't said no yet  OK OK OK

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Post by superflyweight Fri 21 Mar 2014, 7:46 am

seanmichaels wrote:Just asked her out for a drink. She hasn't said no yet  OK OK OK

Probably just wondering how a tramp found the means to contact her.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 8:04 am

superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Just asked her out for a drink. She hasn't said no yet  OK OK OK

Probably just wondering how a tramp found the means to contact her.  

No, probably the time difference if she's gone back to LA. Left it pretty open ended so she'll probably be in touch att some point.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 21 Mar 2014, 8:07 am

When you say "a drink" - did you just invite her round to yours for a can of Special Brew?

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 8:14 am

superflyweight wrote:When you say "a drink" - did you just invite her round to yours for a can of Special Brew?  

I'd imagine she'd pop over (would be happy to pick her up from the station), we'd probably have a couple of cans of Oranjeboom as it would be a special occasion. Depending on the weather we'd probably then have a couple of bottles of Rose or red wine.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 21 Mar 2014, 8:23 am

seanmichaels wrote:
superflyweight wrote:When you say "a drink" - did you just invite her round to yours for a can of Special Brew?  

I'd imagine she'd pop over (would be happy to pick her up from the station), we'd probably have a couple of cans of Oranjeboom as it would be a special occasion. Depending on the weather we'd probably then have a couple of bottles of Rose or red wine.

That reminds me of a story about my mate from nearly 20 years ago.

He pulled an Australian girl in a nightclub in Dundee and took her back to his parent's house (where he still lived) in a taxi. On the way to his parent's house way out in one of Dundee's rougher estates (bearing in mind this is the girl's first night in Dundee) he points to a taxi rank about half a mile from his mum and dad's house and says "that's where you'll be able to get a taxi after".

What a romantic!

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 8:57 am

superflyweight wrote:
That reminds me of a story about my mate from nearly 20 years ago.  

He pulled an Australian girl in a nightclub in Dundee and took her back to his parent's house (where he still lived) in a taxi.  On the way to his parent's house way out in one of Dundee's rougher estates (bearing in mind this is the girl's first night in Dundee) he points to a taxi rank about half a mile from his mum and dad's house and says "that's where you'll be able to get a taxi after".  

What a romantic!    

Good work.

My brother once picked up a girl from the station he had just started seeing. Driving around a roundabout on the way home her handbag fell in to the passenger well and out popped a mid to large sized vibrator. The fall had also turned it on. Apparently bold as brass she picked it up, switched it off and popped it back in the handbag without so much as a blush.

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Post by Guest Fri 21 Mar 2014, 9:19 am

Well there's no way of pretending there's not a big old Johnson in the area..good for her for though for not being embarrassed.Imagine if a woman found a "used" jazz magazine,I defy any man to be able to laugh that off.


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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 21 Mar 2014, 9:24 am

andygf wrote:Well there's no way of pretending there's not a big old Johnson in the area..good for her for though for not being embarrassed.Imagine if a woman found a "used" jazz magazine,I defy any man to be able to laugh that off.


Galted, although for woman, read cardboard cutout

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Post by Galted Fri 21 Mar 2014, 9:43 am

The joke's on you, again, Shah, I have the internet and great-auntie Beryl.

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 21 Mar 2014, 9:49 am

Galted wrote:The joke's on you, again, Shah, I have the internet and great-auntie Beryl.

That's not your aunt Galted- its shirley from pg tips advert

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 9:53 am

Galted wrote:The joke's on you, again, Shah, I have the internet and great-auntie Beryl.

Glad to see you on here today Galted. I'd feared you were the Ulkrainian soldier shot yesterday.

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Post by Galted Fri 21 Mar 2014, 9:59 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:The joke's on you, again, Shah, I have the internet and great-auntie Beryl.

Glad to see you on here today Galted. I'd feared you were the Ulkrainian soldier shot yesterday.

Thanks, michaels.  Something far worse than being shot I'm afraid, I have work to do which doesn't seem fair as I don't really like working.  Perhaps mclaren will start a thread about me being exploited worse than porn stars.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 10:31 am

Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:The joke's on you, again, Shah, I have the internet and great-auntie Beryl.

Glad to see you on here today Galted. I'd feared you were the Ulkrainian soldier shot yesterday.

Thanks, michaels.  Something far worse than being shot I'm afraid, I have work to do which doesn't seem fair as I don't really like working.  Perhaps mclaren will start a thread about me being exploited worse than porn stars.

That is a shame, particularly given it is World Poetry Day......

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Post by Galted Fri 21 Mar 2014, 10:37 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:The joke's on you, again, Shah, I have the internet and great-auntie Beryl.

Glad to see you on here today Galted. I'd feared you were the Ulkrainian soldier shot yesterday.

Thanks, michaels.  Something far worse than being shot I'm afraid, I have work to do which doesn't seem fair as I don't really like working.  Perhaps mclaren will start a thread about me being exploited worse than porn stars.

That is a shame, particularly given it is World Poetry Day......

Wasn't aware that it was world poetry day. Thought of feeling sad a bit later and writing about it but I think it's for normal poetry not emo poetry. Just shows the kind of discrimination we emos have to put up with.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 11:56 am

You could write on mourning the loss of Tony Benn, Bob Crow and Rod Hull?

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 21 Mar 2014, 4:48 pm

Away in the manger where Tino's corpse lay
galted masturbated and tophat ate hay
Julius invited three dubious wise men
Bob Crow, Rod Hull and Labour's Tony Benn
Superflyweight followed them in with some rum
Seanmichaels walked in with a man in his bum
Recognizing Rowley, Exclaimed T S M R ?!
But she was shackled in chains - attached to his arm
Then the dagless, our dearest friend Rick
whose dag was eaten by a korean dictator Tinkywinky.

Hmm.. needs a little work






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Post by Galted Fri 21 Mar 2014, 5:51 pm

clap 

It's not very emo but I can appreciate work from another genre and I like it. Was going to complain that I wasn't mentioned until I saw my name, not used to it with a lower case "g" and a lack of italics.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 21 Mar 2014, 10:27 pm

OK. One for World Poetry Day.

I come on this site usually when I'm working.
Why work hard when you can talk Hampton, the day sherking?
What's more interesting, spreadsheets or Twerking?
Or Galted mixing Granola and a salt free Gherkin?

Tino has disappeared, and most think he was Tony Benn.
I am not sure his 5 year old will kick his head in again?
Rowley went to London for a work trip and saw ('te') Big Ben
Now he's is stuck there in a trance most likely the Zen.

Shah's probably working, things need to be OK
He thinks I'm a racist and most probably gay.
If that's what he thinks then I guess i can say
His boxing opinion is Poopie and undoubtedly array.

Do I end this with the wordsmiths Julius or Dagless?
Or That cnut adam, unknowledgeable and feckless? (joke boss)
I must admit to writing most of this with duress,
The Missus is away and i'm loving the meths.

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Post by ShahenshahG Sat 22 Mar 2014, 11:21 am

Bravo clap

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Post by superflyweight Sun 23 Mar 2014, 1:08 pm

seanmichaels wrote:OK. One for World Poetry Day.

I come on this site usually when I'm working.
Why work hard when you can talk Hampton, the day sherking?
What's more interesting, spreadsheets or Twerking?
Or Galted mixing Granola and a salt free Gherkin?

Tino has disappeared, and most think he was Tony Benn.
I am not sure his 5 year old will kick his head in again?
Rowley went to London for a work trip and saw ('te') Big Ben
Now he's is stuck there in a trance most likely the Zen.

Shah's probably working, things need to be OK
He thinks I'm a racist and most probably gay.
If that's what he thinks then I guess i can say
His boxing opinion is Poopie and undoubtedly array.

Do I end this with the wordsmiths Julius or Dagless?
Or That cnut adam, unknowledgeable and feckless? (joke boss)
I must admit to writing most of this with duress,
The Missus is away and i'm loving the meths.

F*ck you, Sean!

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Post by Galted Mon 24 Mar 2014, 7:14 am

seanmichaels wrote:OK. One for World Poetry Day.

I come on this site usually when I'm working.
Why work hard when you can talk Hampton, the day sherking?
What's more interesting, spreadsheets or Twerking?
Or Galted mixing Granola and a salt free Gherkin?

Tino has disappeared, and most think he was Tony Benn.
I am not sure his 5 year old will kick his head in again?
Rowley went to London for a work trip and saw ('te') Big Ben
Now he's is stuck there in a trance most likely the Zen.

Shah's probably working, things need to be OK
He thinks I'm a racist and most probably gay.
If that's what he thinks then I guess i can say
His boxing opinion is Poopie and undoubtedly array.

Do I end this with the wordsmiths Julius or Dagless?
Or That cnut adam, unknowledgeable and feckless? (joke boss)
I must admit to writing most of this with duress,
The Missus is away and i'm loving the meths.

 clap clap 
You might be Ingerland's answer to Charles Bukowski.

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Post by seanmichaels Mon 24 Mar 2014, 8:13 am

superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:OK. One for World Poetry Day.

I come on this site usually when I'm working.
Why work hard when you can talk Hampton, the day sherking?
What's more interesting, spreadsheets or Twerking?
Or Galted mixing Granola and a salt free Gherkin?

Tino has disappeared, and most think he was Tony Benn.
I am not sure his 5 year old will kick his head in again?
Rowley went to London for a work trip and saw ('te') Big Ben
Now he's is stuck there in a trance most likely the Zen.

Shah's probably working, things need to be OK
He thinks I'm a racist and most probably gay.
If that's what he thinks then I guess i can say
His boxing opinion is Poopie and undoubtedly array.

Do I end this with the wordsmiths Julius or Dagless?
Or That cnut adam, unknowledgeable and feckless? (joke boss)
I must admit to writing most of this with duress,
The Missus is away and i'm loving the meths.

F*ck you, Sean!

I was leathered. I knew I'd forgotten a couple of people. Apologies

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Post by ShahenshahG Mon 24 Mar 2014, 10:49 am

Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:OK. One for World Poetry Day.

I come on this site usually when I'm working.
Why work hard when you can talk Hampton, the day sherking?
What's more interesting, spreadsheets or Twerking?
Or Galted mixing Granola and a salt free Gherkin?

Tino has disappeared, and most think he was Tony Benn.
I am not sure his 5 year old will kick his head in again?
Rowley went to London for a work trip and saw ('te') Big Ben
Now he's is stuck there in a trance most likely the Zen.

Shah's probably working, things need to be OK
He thinks I'm a racist and most probably gay.
If that's what he thinks then I guess i can say
His boxing opinion is Poopie and undoubtedly array.

Do I end this with the wordsmiths Julius or Dagless?
Or That cnut adam, unknowledgeable and feckless? (joke boss)
I must admit to writing most of this with duress,
The Missus is away and i'm loving the meths.

 clap clap 
You might be Ingerland's answer to Charles Bukowski.

Or a prince Charles bukake

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Post by seanmichaels Mon 24 Mar 2014, 10:56 am

This bukakke fella soundss like a legend. I reckon we won't be too disimilar looking in 15-20 years time.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Mon 24 Mar 2014, 11:13 am

It's how I looked 15-20 years ago.

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