The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:26 am

May be an age thing, but is Sean seriously saying he talks to people with his testicles out to see how long they take to notice? And that doing so is a laugh?

Never thought I would say this, but bring back National Service if so.

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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:30 am

^ That's the new OP following the thread split.
Sean and his testicles preserved for posterity. Nice one Jeff!

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Post by kingraf on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:31 am

I expect this "Michaels" phenomena is never attempted around beautiful women? I imagine there is a design flaw in doing so.
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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:32 am

seanmichaels wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Does "michaeled" mean walking around with my fly open?  If so, yes.  

It surely would. I was doing the fly on saturday (balls only slipped through). Great fun chatting to people and waiting for them to realise. Missus hates it.  

Yeah, the joke's on them!

It is! Try it tonight.

It's likely that the only people that I will be talking to tonight are my wife, daughter and father-in-law.

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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:34 am

kingraf wrote:I expect this "Michaels" phenomena is never attempted around beautiful women? I imagine there is a design flaw in doing so.

I did the elephant in front of a reasonably fit bird and the landlord at a pub once (inverted pockets are the ears.....).

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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:36 am

Eating Sea Salt and Chardonnay Wine Vinegar Flavour Crisps.

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Post by rick_dagless on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:38 am

We are really taking the eye off the ball for the OP refresh, I remember when it used to be a big deal...

Now it is literally bo11ox...

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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:42 am

rick, you can type bollox, but not Love sacks


Last edited by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:42 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Obviously 'Love sacks' should say 'bollocks')

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:45 am

Suck on my love sacks.

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:45 am

Did I miss the OP?

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Post by rick_dagless on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:47 am

Right you are Jullius, I shall bear it in mind if I get another OP.

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:48 am

Safest thing to do, Rick is to write each post as if it is an OP.

Somebody please spank my monkey.

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Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:53 am

Not sure I have ever had the thread split. Today is going well, Shah was nice to me and now this, whatever could be next.

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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 10:54 am

Rowley wrote:Not sure I have ever had the thread split. Today is going well, Shah was nice to me and now this, whatever could be next.

You might lose your Yorkshire accent.

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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:09 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Rowley wrote:Not sure I have ever had the thread split. Today is going well, Shah was nice to me and now this, whatever could be next.

You might lose your Yorkshire accent.

Impossible. My old man spent years trying to sound posh working at a top catholic private school in Hampshire and shacking up with a posh bird. He then he had a mandibular ressection and now makes Geoff Boycott sound like Hugh Grant.

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Post by kingraf on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:11 am

No point in ruminating the future Geoff. Surely you've heard the phrase "Case of rum, case of rum, whatever will be will be"?
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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:16 am

Tino, I had aparagus last Friday. You should have smelt my p155 the next day. What is it with that stuff?

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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:17 am

Asparagus contains a sulphurous compound called mercaptan (which is also found in rotten eggs, onions and garlic). When your digestive system breaks down mercaptan, by-products are released that cause the strange smell. The process is so quick that your urine can develop the distinctive smell within 15 to 30 minutes of eating asparagus. Not everyone suffers this effect; your genetic makeup may determine whether your urine has the odour -- or whether you can actually smell it. Only some people appear to have the gene for the enzyme that breaks down mercaptan into its more pungent parts.

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:35 am

The world can be divided into 3 types of people:

(1) Those whose pee smells after eating asparagus;
(2) Those whose pee doesn't smell after eating asparagus;
(3) Those whose pee smells after eating asparagus but they can't smell it.  

I'm (1).


Last edited by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:37 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Slightly retarded piece of posting!)

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Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:38 am

I am almost certainly the third superfly. I have virtually no sense of smell. Given this my pee may not smell of asparagus after eating it. I have no way of knowing.


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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:44 am

This is culture in action. Terrific stuff.

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:45 am

Rowley wrote:I am almost certainly the third superfly. I have virtually no sense of smell. Given this though my pee may not smell of asparagus after eating it. I have no way of knowing.

Depends which TSMR is, jeff.  If she's not also (3) then perhaps she can smell your pee to confirm one way or another?

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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:50 am

superflyweight wrote:The world can be divided into 3 types of people:

(1) Those whose pee smells after eating asparagus;
(2) Those whose pee doesn't smell after eating asparagus;
(3) Those whose pee smells after eating asparagus but they can't smell it.  

I'm (1).

I'm in 4) People who don't eat asparagus.

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Post by kingraf on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:54 am

I'm 5) People who struggle to differentiate between aspergers, and asparagus when reading.
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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:56 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:The world can be divided into 3 types of people:

(1) Those whose pee smells after eating asparagus;
(2) Those whose pee doesn't smell after eating asparagus;
(3) Those whose pee smells after eating asparagus but they can't smell it.  

I'm (1).

I'm in 4) People who don't eat asparagus.

Old people like you should be eating your veg. Griddle some lightly in oil and use them as soldiers for your boiled eggs. That's what I'd do if I liked boiled eggs.

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Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 11:57 am

superflyweight wrote:
Rowley wrote:I am almost certainly the third superfly. I have virtually no sense of smell. Given this though my pee may not smell of asparagus after eating it. I have no way of knowing.

Depends which TSMR is, jeff.  If she's not also (3) then perhaps she can smell your pee to confirm one way or another?

Good idea Super, she has a terrific sense of smell. Next time I eat asparagus I will try and get things cleared up.

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Post by Guest on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:05 pm

Rowley wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
Rowley wrote:I am almost certainly the third superfly. I have virtually no sense of smell. Given this though my pee may not smell of asparagus after eating it. I have no way of knowing.

Depends which TSMR is, jeff.  If she's not also (3) then perhaps she can smell your pee to confirm one way or another?

Good idea Super, she has a terrific sense of smell. Next time I eat asparagus I will try and get things cleared up.
Surely this just leads to confusion as if she smells Asparagus, she either thinks dinner's ready or you've pi$$ed yourself.

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Post by Union Cane on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:07 pm

I've recently returned from a week in the Lakes with TIMC.

On my travels I managed to find a Jack Wolfskin shop, and popped in to have a look at what all the fuss is about.

£400 for a coat?

F*ck off.
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Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:09 pm

Surely trying Sean's balls out method is a cheaper way to look like a bell end?

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Post by Union Cane on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:11 pm

I have quite a sensitive and fragile underbag area, I wouldn't want to risk catching it on the zip.
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Post by Union Cane on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:18 pm

There is also the danger of getting one's Hampton Court.
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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:19 pm

Union Cane wrote:There is also the danger of getting one's Hampton Court.

Excellent!

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:22 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Union Cane wrote:There is also the danger of getting one's Hampton Court.

Excellent!

It was even more excellent when Tim from The Office used that line.

But it's still a decent enough effort, Union.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:26 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Union Cane wrote:There is also the danger of getting one's Hampton Court.

Excellent!

It was even more excellent when Tim from The Office used that line.

But it's still a decent enough effort, Union.

You mean it was stolen but not credited? Life is just one long chain of disillusionment.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:32 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Life is just one long chain of disillusionment.

I'm really worried about you, Julius. You seen very down in the dumps these days.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:34 pm

Union Cane wrote:I have quite a sensitive and fragile underbag area, I wouldn't want to risk catching it on the zip.

I think that goes without saying, Union.


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Post by JuliusHMarx on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:37 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Life is just one long chain of disillusionment.

I'm really worried about you, Julius.  You seen very down in the dumps these days.

Yes, when thread split day is the highlight of my fortnight, things don't look great, do they?

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:44 pm

Think you need a Galted lunch review to cheer you up, Jules.

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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:47 pm

Rowley wrote:Surely trying Sean's balls out method is a cheaper way to look like a bell end?

I don't go round with my balls out all the time. Occasionally in the changing room amongst teammates and occasionally when i'm doing something random in the privacy of my own home. At least start with my mate. He works blood in to his sock covered hampton and then moves it from side to side with no hands.

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Post by kingraf on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:53 pm

Speaking of highlights - I cut my hair yesterday - it was scary having a barber you weren't sure understood you... but he did a splendid job, which isn't always easy given the rather curly, frazzled nature of my hair... the highlights are now only present up top. I look mighty fresh, just a pity this flu has rendered me bedridden.
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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 12:54 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Rowley wrote:Surely trying Sean's balls out method is a cheaper way to look like a bell end?

I don't go round with my balls out all the time. Occasionally in the changing room amongst teammates and occasionally when i'm doing something random in the privacy of my own home. At least start with my mate. He works blood in to his sock covered hampton and then moves it from side to side with no hands.

Some questions.

(1) What random things?
(2) "Works blood"?

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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:06 pm

superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Rowley wrote:Surely trying Sean's balls out method is a cheaper way to look like a bell end?

I don't go round with my balls out all the time. Occasionally in the changing room amongst teammates and occasionally when i'm doing something random in the privacy of my own home. At least start with my mate. He works blood in to his sock covered hampton and then moves it from side to side with no hands.

Some questions.  

(1) What random things?
(2) "Works blood"?

Painting etc. It is not a comfort thing, just a short quick joke that catches people unaware.

Gives himself a semi.

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Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:08 pm

You're not one of those god awful people whose mates describe as "a bit of a character" are you Sean?

As Sean Lock once said when someone is described as such probably not wise to get your hopes up, tends to only mean half an hour later he will have his c0ck in your pint.

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Post by superflyweight on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:17 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Rowley wrote:Surely trying Sean's balls out method is a cheaper way to look like a bell end?

I don't go round with my balls out all the time. Occasionally in the changing room amongst teammates and occasionally when i'm doing something random in the privacy of my own home. At least start with my mate. He works blood in to his sock covered hampton and then moves it from side to side with no hands.

Some questions.  

(1) What random things?
(2) "Works blood"?

Painting etc. It is not a comfort thing, just a short quick joke that catches people unaware.

Gives himself a semi.

With all of these child abuse cases it's not just the immediate impact on the victim but the fact that it scars their life for the rest of their years.

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Post by Union Cane on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:22 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Union Cane wrote:I have quite a sensitive and fragile underbag area, I wouldn't want to risk catching it on the zip.

I think that goes without saying, Union.  


I guessed as much, but I did not wish to appear as though I have intimate knowledge of other men's scrotal fragility (or otherwise).

That would be odd.
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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:26 pm

Rowley wrote:You're not one of those god awful people whose mates describe as "a bit of a character" are you Sean?

As Sean Lock once said when someone is described as such probably not wise to get your hopes up, tends to only mean half an hour later he will have his c0ck in your pint.

Not at all. I'm generally pretty anti the rugger bugger stuff. It was why I gave up playing. I'm never going to down a pint with someone's log in it.

I have a self deprecating sort of personality, except when I'm being serious which is less than 10% of the time. Hate being the centre of attention. That is the beauty of an anonymous forum!

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Post by kingraf on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:29 pm

Your running (losing) battle with alcohol is the center of the culture cup.
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Post by seanmichaels on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:35 pm

I'd personally like to be think I'd be remembered for my ability to accurately predict a bird's beaver definition.

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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved Empty Re: The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

Post by Union Cane on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:38 pm

Have you suffered any injuries when playfully lobbing out your bollingtons then Sean?
Union Cane
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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved Empty Re: The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

Post by Rowley on Tue 01 Jul 2014, 1:40 pm

seanmichaels wrote:I'd personally like to be think I'd be remembered for my ability to accurately predict a bird's beaver definition.

The issue is Sean, that is just a ridiculous ability you have made up that you almost certainly do not possess. Your ongoing battle with booze is real. Personally I like to remember you for your ongoing inability to master what is a very rudimentary quote function.

Rowley
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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved Empty Re: The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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