Dementia

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Post by spencerclarke on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 7:13 pm

Evening all,

I'll probably have to do this in a few parts as it's a rather upsetting subject for me but feel I need to put down some words somewhere to hell.

About 5 years ago my mother needed a pacemaker fitting after the beta blockers she was on damaged her natural one and she needed resuscitating 5 times. As a result over the years she has slowly starter with memory loss which we now realise was the start of dementia.

Over the last couple of years things have got increasingly difficult as a family. My dad retired and though he means well and thinks he is helping he has taking some independence from my mother. Before her memory loss became bad he started driving everywhere and doing jobs she previously did.

As a result now when the dementia is bad she says some horrible things to him and about him. She's always been the loveliest women so it's obviously the disease. She recently went to the memory clinic to be official diagnosed but now refuses to go back for results and says my dad made her go. It's so traumatising seeing bothy parents suffering from this horrible disease and I feel so useless.

Having suffered from depression in the past and being on tablets previously I'm worried my health will deteriorate too as I've had some stress related issues recently too.

Anyways I'm going to stop for now.

Thanks for any advice anyone can give and apologies if it sounds attention seeking.

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Post by PaulHv2 on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 7:25 pm

You have my sympathies mate, my gran had a TIA in February, and while in hospital was diagnosed with the early states. She's still in hospital now after losing the feeling in her right leg.

While I can't offer much advice, you do have my sympathies.
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Post by spencerclarke on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 7:29 pm

Cheers mate and you have mine.

Things just get a bit rough at times and I know when I posted something on depression when I was at a low point people on the board helped a lot. I'll always remember that. It's sometimes easier to talk to a bunch of strangers too.

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Post by PaulHv2 on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 7:33 pm

Yeah I remember the thread mate, was/still am going through that crap now. But I know what you mean about how hard it is when they start coming out with strange comments, for example my grandmother asked my dad if he enjoyed the wedding on Saturday. My dad never went to a wedding on Saturday, and the one she was referring to happened 30 years ago.

Will never forget the look on my dads face when she said that.
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Post by spencerclarke on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 10:59 pm

You have my sympathy mate. It's ever easy. Just take one day at a time. It's always worse if you look at a longer time period. Everything gets too much that way. For me it's been about developing the skills to deal with depression. It's not something I'll ever get rid of so its being able to deal with it the best way I can. My mams dementia though is proving so heart breaking. She said today that my dad is a horrible man. It's soul destroying.

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Post by Hero on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 11:13 pm

Hi Spencer, sorry to hear what you're going through, when both my mum and gran died they both whilst not suffering from Dementia went into a high fever in their last few hours before they died and as a result didnt know me, that really broke my heart at the time seeing their last moments and they weren't aware of who I was. My dad also passed on a few months ago, this time from cancer which we'd been aware of for some time, never easy whenever it happens but we were able to chat and reminisce before it happened.
My wife's dad has dementia currently as well as haemochromotosis, he's bedridden now and when he is with it just wants to die as his wife left him a couple of years ago just a few months to his illnesses kicking in. My wife has to go along everyday to see him, often having to change him as he's soiled himself and that's pretty heart wrenching seeing a man's pride totally ripped away.
Not quite sure how my little chapter is helping you but wanted to just offload that too, think we often put up these fronts on the Internet when sometimes we just need someone out there to chat with. Hope you're all okay fella.

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Post by spencerclarke on Wed 03 Jun 2015, 11:27 pm

Thanks hero. I appreciate you words. Really sorry to hear what you have/are going through. The world can be really brutal at times. It really makes you appreciate the good times a lot more. My concern at the moment is im struggling to hold on to all the good memories I have of my mother. I'm sure I'll find a way to pull through. I have to. But it's helps me to vent my worries from time to time.

Really touching words guys. Thanks again.

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Post by spencerclarke on Thu 04 Jun 2015, 11:36 pm

I've booked an appointment with a doctor for some help and advice for dealing with things.

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Post by Hero on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 12:42 am

Good to hear Spencer, hope it helps you and let us know how you get on OK

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 1:09 am

I echo those sentiments. My grandma had dementia and my mother cared for her, and I stayed home for 3 months to help too. Harrowing, painful, confusing. Now my aunt has it too. Real I am a twonk of the highest order of a condition. There are many ways to get help that isn't medical, from carers and nurses to groups for day trips and funds to have a short break too.

If you need anything you can always ask OK

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Post by Guest on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 9:15 am

Chin up Spencer, my old man's been ill over half my life (multiple strokes, needs full time nursing care, can't speak, fed through a peg) My mum's just gone 80 and whilst she's still got all her marbles, some of them keep "escaping from the bag" so to speak. All things considered I consider myself lucky compared to many. You have my sympathies mate...

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Post by seanmichaels on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 9:32 am

I think you get to an age (personally mid 30's) where the realities of life become apparent. Been very lucky not to have had to experience deaths or illness growing up. Now however it seems it is all consuming. Old man running out of time now after being dropped from another trial on Wednesday. Just need to get on with it and be grateful for the times you've had and still have. Can feel very unfair though. Hardest thing to come to terms with for me personally.

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Post by Guest on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 11:33 am

Thought sean was going to tell us a tale about sleeping with a woman with dementia

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Post by seanmichaels on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 11:47 am

DAVE667 wrote:Thought sean was going to tell us a tale about sleeping with a woman with dementia

our club president's wife has dementia. I have done a lot for them over the years and did his lawn this year as he has been having radiotherapy and she has got a lot worse. Funnily enough though, she always remembers and still flirts with me. She's in decent nick for an 80 year old....

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Post by Guest on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 12:30 pm

I feel sick

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Post by Hero on Fri 05 Jun 2015, 1:07 pm

The Inbetweeners scene of Jay at the old folks home springs to mind.

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