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Post by Dr Shoe on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:03 pm

I had a spamming email last week so I thought I would respond. Enjoy!

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My Dear in Christ

I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I Believe Everyone will die someday. My name is Mrs. Olivia Abel I have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the Oman, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves.Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of united state dollars $72,000,000 that I have with a finance/Security Company. I will want you to dispatch it to charity organizations if only you will be sincere.

God be with you.


Mrs. Olivia Abel

NB Please do not share my email address with anyone as I have received some emails from some unscrupulous people claiming to be charity organizations and other weird stories.

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My Dear Olivia in Christ,

Thank you so much for your kind words and greatness.

I understand the burden of of your task and disease. I too was once very wealthy (I had made my millions through the creation of a biscuit empire) and have over the years donated many, many monies to charities.

Although the biscuit empire has since crumbled, I have digestive the information sent and would raise my glass of Bourbon to your efforts and would like to know how to help. Not since the great Garibaldi Hob-Nobbed with the rich of society have I found someone with your spirit. Some would call me lucky/ a Jammy Dodger to have received such a glorious email. I hope that you write back soon with details, as I will soon be having a rich tea of scones and cream (custard).

You are right to not trust your family - mine are littered with thieves and people who wish harm on animals. Very cruel are they. And thank you for the warning of unscrupulous people. Being elderly myself, I hope that you do not pass on my details to these vagabonds.

With Gods speed I look forward to your reply.

Yours in heaven,

Kurt Hains

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My Dear Kurt Hains

Peace be unto us,

I am so happy to know that you have a good heart and most of all, you are God fearing. I would not have sent you a mail on this but my family has failed me and I would not want them to know that I am in contact with you because if they do, they will wish that I die as soon as possible so that they will have the funds to them safes. But God almighty knows that I need the funds to be used for the poor and the less privileged so that they will have me remembered when I die, God bless you for your good heart. Please note that all I need from you is total commitment to the poor and the less privileged.

Please tell me about your self and more of God. I need to know you more. Please all I need from you is total honesty and dedication to the poor and the less privileged for your name will be immortalized if you can do this for the less privileged.

Please one very important thing I will want from you is prayers for me. Always pray for me please.

Please I will want you to send me email only from this box because I will not want any member of my family to know that we are talking via this means. Please in your next email I need to know you more please.

Please be my friend. God bless you and your family. I wait to get an email from you.

God bless you and your family.


Mrs. Olivia Abe

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My Dear Oliver Abel,

Thank you for your glorious response.

The stories of your family wishing you ill are terrible and surely not true. I am sure they love you and you are wanted, dead or alive just look out for bad medicine that they may try and give you. My family tried that with me but I saw through it. I told them that they give love a bad name. They dont love me but I dont care as I will sleep when I am dead, most probably in a bed of roses.. Just Keep the faith and I am sure you will stay with us longer in these arms. My prayers are with you and I would like to think that you are living on a prayer, so to speak. Always stay strong as I'll be there for you. It's my life after all. Sometimes these thoughts make me want to runaway.

I will pray for you as requested but I feel that these words by favourite poet (Mitchell Cassidy Hammer) will give you inspiration to keep going:

That's word, we pray, pray, pray
We got to pray just to make it today
I said, "We pray", pray, ah yeah, we pray, pray
We got to pray just to make it today, that's word, we pray

All my life I wanted to make it to the top
Some said I wouldn't, they told me no but I didn't stop
Working hard, making those movies everyday
And on my knees, every night, you know I pray

I said, "We pray", pray, ah yeah, we pray, pray
We got to pray just to make it today
I said, "We pray", pray, ah yeah, we pray, pray
We got to pray just to make it today, that's word, we pray

Now I just think that you can do whatever you want
I'm bustin' these rhymes, making this money and I won't
Forget my people or my town or my ways
And on my knees, every night, I'm still gonna pray
Beautiful, deep words I think that we can all agree on.

I must go now as my neighbours are at the door. They are no better than my family - I think they distract me at the door and then steal the vegetables from my bountiful lady garden at the back of my house. I have had several marrows and cucumbers disappear up the rear passage.

Praise be with you.

In gods light we basque.

Kurt Hains
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Post by Dr Shoe on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:03 pm

My Dear Kurt Hains

Please i beg for your prayers at this time, please pray that God forgive me all my sins and help me over this illness. My last operation will come up anytime. Please i will want this issues to be within me and you, though i have informed my attorney and my bank about you and i have also sent them your information so that you will be contacted, please let me know once you are contacted by either of them. My brothers are praying that i die so that this funds will be used for there evil purpose but i pray that God will not give them any opportunity to have any access to this funds, this is why i have sent your information to my bank so that the funds will be transferred to you. Please tell me about your self and more of God.

Please pray for me.

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Dear Olive,

I too have an operation coming up. My doctor is trying to remove a bone from body. The last time they attempted this I had a peculiar side effect which caused my nose to go red. Hopefully this time they will be able to extract the bone without touching the sides. I do not trust these doctors as they do not do the work of God. My Current physician is of Romanian decent. I believe his name to be Dr Acular. He is responsible for my blood transfusion but I can only see him at night time. I once offered to reward him with a luncheon date but he refused and told me that he doesnt like any garlic heavy meals, especially steaks.

I have already told you of my biscuit empire but should you wish to know more I can tell you the following. The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. Fairly standard.

My God is a different matter however. He has a great white beard and appears to me in my dreams. He often is dressed in red and showers me with gifts. He likes to be called Gerald in my dreams. The same as my late brother. My deceased wife told me that I should receive counseling for these visions but I have told it is Geralds way and he moves in mysterious ways. Much like the song by U2.

My neighbours came around earlier. What nice people they are. The eldest son of them offered to tidy up my lady garden at the back. They are such kind souls.

I look forward to hearing from your representatives. Do you like canasta?


Kurt

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Post by Dr Shoe on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:04 pm

My Dear Kurt Hains

I have told my bank about you and I have also told my attorney in case any thing happen to me. My bank will not communicate with you because they do not have your residential address and your telephone number. Please always have me in your prayers because I believed so much in prayers. In your next email to me, kindly send to me your contact address and telephone number so that I can send to my bank and to my attorney.

My dear, I would have given my brothers this money but they are very devilish. Do you know that they are praying that I die so that they will have my funds? I have told my bank that you are the only person that they will contact. I have sent them your name and email address but they insist that I send them your full contact address and telephone number before you will be contacted. I want you to use my money to help those in need and the poor and the less privileged.

I am very weak and my last operation will come up any time from now. Please have me in your prayers that all will go well for me. Please always pray for me. I can meet you any where once my operation is successful. Please do not discuss this with any body apart from my attorney, because of my brothers. Please let me know once you are reached by my bank.

God bless you.

++++++++++++++++++++


TO: Kurt Hains

THIS IS IN ACCORDANCE TO MRS. OLIVIA ABEL LAST TESTIMONY TO CONTACT YOU INCASE ANY THING HAPPEN TO HER. WE ARE SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT MRS. OLIVIA ABEL DIED EARLY HOURS OF TODAY THE 23/07/2015. BEFORE HER DEATH, SHE INSTRUCTED US {THE CROMWELL HOSPITAL} TO NOTIFY YOU THAT IF ANY THING HAPPENS TO HER YOU SHOULD CONTACT HIS ATTORNEY.

AND YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE THAT THE DOCUMENTS WITH THE ATTORNEY ARE CHANGED TO YOUR NAME FOR WHAT BOTH OF YOU DISCUSSED ABOUT. IN HER TESTAMENT, SHE SAID YOU SHOULD NOT FORGET TO PRAY FOR HER AND ALSO SHOULD NOT FORGET TO HELP ALL THE PEOPLE SHE INFORMED YOU ABOUT.

WE WILL ADVISE YOU CONTACT HER ATTORNEY.
THANK YOU,
MANAGEMENT
THE CROMWELL HOSPITAL


CC: BARRISTER JERAD GARZA.
HIGH COURT.
CAPITAL CITY BANK PLC.

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Oh my.

What terrible, terribly sad news. Olivia, I do hope that you can hear me from beyond. You were truly an angel sent from your mothers womb to bless this world. Your light will shine brightly in my heart. As brightly as a 400W bulb shines in my neighbours security light in his garden. It is very bright and I have asked the council to do something about it but they dont listen to an old man like myself.

Thank you to the hospital staff for caring for you so well although I am slightly concerned that they have killed you doing the operation. I have my suspicions that your children are involved but what can I prove - I am nothing but a lonely man who has terrible wicked children myself. If you did kill her on instructions, then I am sure that Olivia will haunt you from the afterlife. If you werent involved, then I thank you for caring for such a caring soul. God be with you. Unless you killed her, in which case, may the devil chase you into hell. Praise be/ damn you (please delete the appropriate one).

With regards to the monies from your will, I am in a quandry. I can only help one person at one time and I recently received the following email from Eric Lim who I have copied in to this email:

Dear Sir,

With due respect, pleasure and almost sincerity I introduce myself as Mr. Eric Lim, a partner with Ludwig, Thomasson & Associate. We work as financial Advisors & consultancy firm in the United Kingdom. In the past two years I have being working closely with clients from the Gulf region for development Iraq foreign financial securities. In the line of duty I had contacts with several leaders and politicians from the Middle East, Asia and beyond.

My present client is by law and political inhibitions not permitted to operate a foreign account talk less of doing business or having any incorporation or him being in the board of any company carrying on business. It was by this law and premise that he contacted me in one of this my official trip to Bahrain to assist him secure a fund.

My client will need your consent to upload such slush funds into your bank. Alternatively, you may wish to receive such funds as Unclaimed Deposit. Conversely, I can assist to upload into any of our offshore correspondent banks in "Your name" immediately to secure the funds first

The principal will be shared on the basis to be agreed by both parties. Please, e-mail me your private phone number or a more confidential email address to discuss further details with you confidently and confidentially.

Direct your correspondence to the email stated herein:- eric.lim1@outlook dot com

I await your immediate reply. Direct your reply to:- eric.lim1@outlook dot com

Yours faithfully,

Mr. Eric Lim

I really dont know what to do and I am in a tizzy as I want to help you both but feel that it is only right that I put all of my efforts into one of your great causes. If either the spirit/ solicitors/ hospital staff or Mr Eric Lim can advise me which person to deal with, it would help this old man dreadfully. I have been worrying about all of this for days. In times like this, I always turn to the good book for guidance.

Psalms 33 v 65 - Some days it don't come easy, Some days it don't come hard, Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end, Some nights you're breathing fire, Some nights you're carved in ice, Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

In this instance it is of no help.

Please help me decide Eric Lim/ Olivia/ Soliciotrs of Olivia/ Hospital staff.

I await your response. And please let me know if you do like canasta as you did not reply before.

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Post by Dr Shoe on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:04 pm

KURT HAINS

Till this moment that i am sending you this email, i am still very surprise about MRS. OLIVIA ABEL death because she looked good the last time i saw her before my trip. I know that with her kind of reasons towards God and the less privileged, God will not keep her where he does not want her to be. she is surely staying at his right hand because she is too good to die at this time of her life.

Please i will want to be informed if you have been contacted by the bank. I will want to have a copy of what was sent to you because it is urgent that i advise you on how to proceed urgently. Her doctor told me that she told him in confidence that she will not want her family to know that she was in contact with you.

I am her attorney and know where her funds are deposited and she has told me that both of you where in contact and your name and email has been sent to the bank, this was why i asked if you have been contacted by the bank. I will want you to get back to me urgently.

I wait to hear from you as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,
Barrister Jerad Garza


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Hello Barrister Jerad Garza (I am guessing that people call you Barry for short?),

Are you connected with Mr Eric Lim? He also sent me an email following on from my response yesterday. He would like to deposit $72m US into my bank account. Maybe I can use that money to build a glorious erection to Olivia Abel in her local community. Mr Eric told me that I might be approached by unscrupolous people trying to steal my newly acquired fortunes ($72m US) and that I should stop talking to those evil doctors and nurses at the Cromwell Hospital. He tells me that he thinks that your emails are a hoax and that when I have sent him my bank details, I will be able to use the funds ($72m US) to prove that you are trying to fool this old, lonely, canasta playing man. It is not true is it?

Why would the kind hearted Olivia work with people like the ones that Mr Eric Lim suggests that you are? I know OIivia would do no such thing as she was an angel of harlem. If she could only tell me what to do from beyond. I was once contacted by my dead wife through a fortune teller who passed on several messages to me, years after her passing. The messages were to give monies ($1000 US) to a man she once knew from Kenya, who was called Kenny. Kenian Kenny she called him. Once I did give him the money, he kept writing to me for years telling me that my dead wife was inside him always and that she still needed more money. I would like to think that there was a little bit of Kenny in her at times too.

Olivia. OLIVIA! If you are there, please tell whether I should send my details to Barry or Eric Lim. I cannot decide but I know that God and possibly Kenny is inside you. TALK TO ME! And please tell Barry whether you like canasta. It is very important to me.

I pray for the miracle that you can send me a message. If I do not hear back, I will take it as a sign that Eric Lim was telling me the truth.

The power of love is a curious thing, make a one man weep, make another man sing, Change a hawk to a little white dove, more than a feeling that's the power of love.

Do you feel my love for Olivia? Talk to me Olivia. Show me the way.

Kurt

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Post by Dr Shoe on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:05 pm

Kurt

I don't think you know what you are saying and i also do not think you will be able to do this for her. I think i should get her family involved with the bank. Thanks.

Barr. Jerad

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Hi Barry,

That is of great relief that you have put my mind at rest. I shall contact Mr Eric Lim immediately with my bank details so that I may enjoy the proceeds of the $72m US. I am sure that her family are good god fearing people who will do good with the money that she left them. Once I have secured the funds ($72m US) I will send a gift basket of fruit and biscuits to the hospital staff that killed her, you her attorney and also her children. Would it be possible to send me your address so that I can send the items once Mr Lim has transfered the monies ($72m US).

I also plan to hold a canasta tournament dedicated to Olivias memory. Do you like canasta?

Do not forget to pass on this email to the family and I will await for them to contact me. So that my family do not intercept this email, could you send it via my solicitor at allymcbeal@cageandfish dot com as they will be handling my affairs when I go into hospital shortly for my operation to have a blood transfusion. Dr Aculars assistant Renfield assures me that it is a minor operation and that I should be back on my feet very soon.

God be with you and Eric Lim.

Kurt

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Post by Dr Shoe on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:05 pm

From Barristerjeradgarza@jeradgarzachambers dot org

please dont contact me any more.

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Dear Barry,

May I ask why? Its the canasta playing isnt it?

I am glad that Eric Lim is more polite. Once I have my $72m US, I no longer intend to send you that yummy gift basket. I would do anything for love but I wont do that.

Kurt

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Post by ShahenshahG on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 5:30 pm

l*l*l

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http://www.wwwdotcom.com

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Post by Derbymanc on Fri 24 Jul 2015, 6:56 pm

http://www.419eater.com/ Some hilarious ones on there

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