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Stupid screenwriters

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 12:53 pm

In honour of Galted and his slightly deranged alternative film universe, what would happen if you got two incredibly stupid screenwriters and an even more stupid studio that managed to splice two remakes together and come up with a very different film? The premise being that both screenwriters send in their efforts at the same time before the hopeless producers mix them up and send them to a rather dim director. I'll start.

A Fistful of Willy: An attempted remake of the classic Eastwood western and the family friendly Orca film get mixed up to produce something entirely different.

One flew over the River Kwai: What could have been interesting re-workings of the Nicholson classic and the WWII drama is turned into a rather dull short film of a man, almost certainly played by Tom Hanks, flying a glider over a body of water in Southern Asia.

The Silence of the Taxi Driver: The expected re-writes of the Hannibal Lector and Travis Bickle stories are actually spliced into a slightly boring silent movie in which a man gets picked up by a cab driver at Kings X who doesn't utter a single word all the way to Canary Wharf.

Over to you.


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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:12 pm

Laugh

I wish I was more mature but A Fistful Of Willy caused me to choke some green tea down my shirt and gives the potential for a whole new thread, How To Train Your Willy, To Kill A Willy, Thin Red Willy, The Usual Willy, Rear Willy, It's A Wonderful Willy...

Using one of yours, The Silence Of Erin Brokovich – unemployed single mother thinks "what's the point" & does nothing

No Country For Basterds – the Daily Mail's wishes come true in film form
Full Metal Seal – the seal who doesn't give a sh1t about being clubbed
Harry Potter And The Disappearance Of Alice Creed – Harry goes too far in his final wizardry exam
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:18 pm

Galted wrote:

No Country For Basterds – the Daily Mail's wishes come true in film form


Genius!

American Willy? Toy Willy? Untouchable Willy? Endless possibilities.....

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Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:22 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

No Country For Basterds – the Daily Mail's wishes come true in film form


Genius!

American Willy? Toy Willy? Untouchable Willy? Endless possibilities.....

I know, I can't stop, How Green Was My Willy, Raising Willy, A Very Long Willy...

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:27 pm

Galted wrote:

I know, I can't stop


Yep.

A Clockwork Willy, Some Like Willy, Raging Willy, The Elephant Willy.

Mind the windows Tino.
Beano
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Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:32 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I know, I can't stop


Yep.

A Clockwork Willy, Some Like Willy, Raging Willy, The Elephant Willy.

laughing

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:32 pm

Laugh

Trying really hard to stop but it's just not happening.

Fried Green Willy, Bram Stoker's Willy
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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:34 pm

What's Eating Gilbert's Willy, The Willy Reloaded, The Pefect Willy, The Curious Case of Benjamin Willy.....

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:36 pm

Good Will Willy.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:37 pm

The Pursuit of Willy

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:37 pm

How to train your Willy, Dog Willy, A Beautiful Willy.

Please make me stop.

Mind the windows Tino.
Beano
Beano

Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:39 pm

The Man With The Golden Willy
The Spy Who Loved Willy


Last edited by Galted on Thu 06 Jun 2013, 5:38 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:40 pm

Jurassic Willy. There will be Willy. Night of the Willy.

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Beano
Beano

Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:41 pm

Stand by Willy
Snatch Willy

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Beano
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Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:42 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:How to train your Willy, Dog Willy, A Beautiful Willy.

Please make me stop.

Impossible to stop!

This is the most productivre i've been in months.

Jurassic Willy.
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Willy

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:42 pm

The Willies of Others

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:43 pm

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Willy

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:45 pm

bluestonevedder wrote:
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Willy

You've put a worrying amount of thought into that Laugh

Rebel without a Willy
The Wicker Willy

Mind the windows Tino.
Beano
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Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:46 pm

Please stop it, I'm going to be laughing like an idiot on the train home with people staring at me.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:48 pm

Galted wrote:Please stop it, I'm going to be laughing like an idiot on the train home with people staring at me.

The worst thing is, I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about the OP and it's been reduced to Willies.

A History of Willy
Finding Willy

Mind the windows Tino.
Beano
Beano

Posts : 19509
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:48 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
bluestonevedder wrote:
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Willy

You've put a worrying amount of thought into that Laugh

Rebel without a Willy
The Wicker Willy

Ha, I did think that! Almost sounds more like a confession Erm

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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:51 pm

The Usual Willy

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Willy (Alternative title: When My STI Was Finally Cured)

The King's Willy

Lord of the Rings: The Two Willies

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:53 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:Please stop it, I'm going to be laughing like an idiot on the train home with people staring at me.

The worst thing is, I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about the OP and it's been reduced to Willies.

A History of Willy
Finding Willy

The original post is too good to (The Perks Of Being A Willy) go to waste so once we (Willy With A Shotgun) get over the willy fixation we can return to it.
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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 2:54 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:Please stop it, I'm going to be laughing like an idiot on the train home with people staring at me.

The worst thing is, I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about the OP and it's been reduced to Willies.

A History of Willy
Finding Willy

The original post is too good to (The Perks Of Being A Willy) go to waste so once we (Willy With A Shotgun) get over the willy fixation we can return to it.

HA! Just imagine the movie poster!!

This is killing me.

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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 3:00 pm

Desperately Seeking Willy
One-Eyed Willy
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Post by The Womble Tue 04 Jun 2013, 3:13 pm

Why did I have to open this thread?? Why!!

Dante's Willy
Superman 4: The Quest For Willy
Deep Blue Willy
Willy Wars: Return Of The Willy
Willy Wars: The Willy Strikes Back
Willy Wars: A New Willy
It's A Wonderful Willy
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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 3:16 pm

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Willy
Harry Potter and the Willy of Fire
Harry Potter and the Willy of the Phoenix
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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 3:17 pm

Laugh

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Post by The Womble Tue 04 Jun 2013, 3:19 pm

Lord Of The Willy: The Two Willy's
Lord Of The Willy: The Willy Of The King
Wayne's Willy
Bill & Ted's Excellent Willy
The Willy Club
Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Willy's
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Post by bluestonevedder Tue 04 Jun 2013, 3:28 pm

Willy Dynamite
Willy Royale
Saving Private Willy
7 Years in Willy
Toy Willy 2
Finding Willy
Into the Willy

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Post by dummy_half Tue 04 Jun 2013, 4:22 pm

Found the level. As Ben Elton used to say, if nothing else is working you can always go for the knob gag...

12 Angry Willies
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Willy
Dirty Willy
The Longest Willy

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Post by Stella Tue 04 Jun 2013, 4:44 pm

Good Willy Hunting
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Post by Pete C (Kiwireddevil) Tue 04 Jun 2013, 5:52 pm

Great thread.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Willy
Star Trek III: The Search for Willy
Willy Squadron
The Willybusters
The Willies of Navarone
Where Willies Dare
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Post by JuliusHMarx Tue 04 Jun 2013, 6:30 pm

Willy in Pink
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Willy
The Dark Willy Rises

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Post by Guest Tue 04 Jun 2013, 6:43 pm

King Willy/ Willy Kong
Someone up there likes Willy
Charlie and the Choclate Willy
Alice in Willyland

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Post by TinRibs Tue 04 Jun 2013, 7:01 pm

Dead Man's Willy
A Willy for Romeo Brass
The Willy
Willy Club
Apocalypse Willy (alternatively, Willy Now!)
The Day The Willy Stood Still
Dog Willies
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Post by JuliusHMarx Tue 04 Jun 2013, 7:07 pm

The Long Hot Willy
Monty Python and the Holy Willy

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Post by Guest Tue 04 Jun 2013, 7:52 pm

Crimson Willy
Willy Down Below
I, Willy
Me, Myself and Willy
Pale Willy
Two Willies for Sister Sarah
The Willies of Madison County
Any which willy but loose
Any which willy you can
Smokey and the Willy/Willy and the Bandit
Evil Willy
Evil Willy II
Evil Willy III - Willy of Darkness
Night of the Willy
Dawn of the Willy
Day of the Willy
Dude, where's my willy?
Pumping Willy
Basic Willy

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Post by Guest Tue 04 Jun 2013, 8:07 pm

James and the Giant Willy.


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Post by Galted Tue 04 Jun 2013, 8:08 pm

Willy Soup
Willy Interrupted
Pump Up the Willy
My Beautiful Willy
Willies of the Southern Wild
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Post by TinRibs Tue 04 Jun 2013, 8:09 pm

Dirty Willy
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Post by Guest Tue 04 Jun 2013, 8:26 pm

Willy Cake
Dirty Rotten Willy
The Filth and the Willy
Cat on a Hot Tin Willy
Fried Green Willy at the Whistle stop cafe
Inn of the seventh willy
The Long Good willy
Who framed Roger Willy
As Good as Willy Gets

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Post by ShahenshahG Tue 04 Jun 2013, 9:05 pm

Willies on a plane
The forty year old Willy.
Carrie...Willy
Ali Barber and the Forty Willies
Wil-lies, Wil-lies, Wil-lies ...Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawhide

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Post by JuliusHMarx Tue 04 Jun 2013, 9:31 pm

Angels With Dirty Willies
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Willy
Raging Willy
E.W - The Extra-Willy
Children of a Lesser Willy
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Willy
It's a Wonderful Willy

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Post by Crimey Tue 04 Jun 2013, 11:32 pm

Willy

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Post by Galted Wed 05 Jun 2013, 7:17 am

Getting back to the original topic:

My Left Foot Locker – pvt Brown was envied by the rest of the platoon for his two foot lockers, he kept the Doritos in the left one
The Madness Of King Kong – captivity gets the better of Kong in his later years
The Best Little Whorehouse In Narnia – sh1te whorehouse unless you're into hooves
Rabbit-Proof Hutch – the gift for kids who need to get used to disappointment
A Streetcar Named Crash – most people preferred to use one of the other streetcars

The willy-themed versions are:
My Left Willy
The Willy Of King George
The Best Little Willy In Texas
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion The Witch And The Willy
A Willy Named Desire
Willy-Proof Fence
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Post by The Womble Wed 05 Jun 2013, 9:22 am

This is one of the greatest threads ever!
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Post by bluestonevedder Wed 05 Jun 2013, 9:28 am

Put a few of these passed my brother this morning, and he's gone off to work now thinking about 'Willy' alternative film titles.

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Post by Adam D Wed 05 Jun 2013, 9:46 am

Willy Willy and the Chocolate Factory

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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 9:51 am

Sleepy Willy
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