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Stupid screenwriters

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 12:53 pm

First topic message reminder :

In honour of Galted and his slightly deranged alternative film universe, what would happen if you got two incredibly stupid screenwriters and an even more stupid studio that managed to splice two remakes together and come up with a very different film? The premise being that both screenwriters send in their efforts at the same time before the hopeless producers mix them up and send them to a rather dim director. I'll start.

A Fistful of Willy: An attempted remake of the classic Eastwood western and the family friendly Orca film get mixed up to produce something entirely different.

One flew over the River Kwai: What could have been interesting re-workings of the Nicholson classic and the WWII drama is turned into a rather dull short film of a man, almost certainly played by Tom Hanks, flying a glider over a body of water in Southern Asia.

The Silence of the Taxi Driver: The expected re-writes of the Hannibal Lector and Travis Bickle stories are actually spliced into a slightly boring silent movie in which a man gets picked up by a cab driver at Kings X who doesn't utter a single word all the way to Canary Wharf.

Over to you.


Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:09 pm

DAVE667 wrote:Stop or my Willy will shoot!

Laugh That is one of my favourites so far!
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:11 pm

100 replies. 3 pages. All about willies.

You lot really need to grow up.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:13 pm

The Milagro Willy War
A Willy Runs Through It
Bring Me The Willy Of Alfredo Garcia
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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:18 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:100 replies. 3 pages. All about willies.

You lot really need to grow up.

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:28 pm

crazygangwomble wrote:

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

It was Galted's fault. He picked up on the Fistful of Willy film and that was it from there.

You've been a repeat offender as well.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:32 pm

It was like a tube of Pringles. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Plus it was really really funny Yahoo
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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:35 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
crazygangwomble wrote:

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

It was Galted's fault. He picked up on the Fistful of Willy film and that was it from there.

You've been a repeat offender as well.

I'm inclined to blame you Tino, as funny as they've been nothing quite lives up to Fistul of Willy.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:39 pm

Groundhog Hunting - Bill Murray and Matt Damon go into a forest shooting woodchucks. Over and over and over and over and over again.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:43 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
crazygangwomble wrote:

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

It was Galted's fault. He picked up on the Fistful of Willy film and that was it from there.

You've been a repeat offender as well.

I'm inclined to blame you Tino, as funny as they've been nothing quite lives up to Fistul of Willy.

I am not sure about that, but thanks.

There have been some beauties.


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Post by bluestonevedder Thu 06 Jun 2013, 2:56 pm

Willies in Black.....

Erm

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:01 pm

Willy at the Gates

Willy Dancing

Rosemary's Willy

Vanilla Willy

Willy Blood (sorry)

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Post by Adam D Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:07 pm

Man Bites Willy
Dirty Willy
Magnum Willy
The Willy Pool
Sudden Willy

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:08 pm

Adam D wrote:Man Bites Willy

Laugh

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Adam D Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:10 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Adam D wrote:Man Bites Willy

Laugh

Could have gone the other way too - Willy bites Dog!

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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:17 pm

I'm getting to the stage where my fixation with willies requires professional help, once again apologies if any are repeats:
a guide to recognising your willies
my willy the hero
a willy at my table
bend it like willy
willies don't cry
city of lost willies
even willies started small
the willies must be crazy
last willy of christ
the willy who wasn't there
willy on the moon
willy's ball
my darling willy
willy by mouth
ride the high willy
she wore a yellow willy
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:19 pm

Galted wrote:
willy by mouth

Coffee. Spat. Keyboard ruined.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:20 pm

Galted wrote:I'm getting to the stage where my fixation with willies requires professional help, once again apologies if any are repeats:
a guide to recognising your willies
my willy the hero
a willy at my table
bend it like willy
willies don't cry
city of lost willies
even willies started small
the willies must be crazy
last willy of christ
the willy who wasn't there
willy on the moon
willy's ball
my darling willy
willy by mouth
ride the high willy
she wore a yellow willy

Laugh Love that one
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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:21 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
willy by mouth

Coffee. Spat. Keyboard ruined.

Good, did similar yesterday with green tea.
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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:24 pm

Invasion Of The Willy Snatchers
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:27 pm

Priscilla Queen of the Willy

Willy of Arabia

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:31 pm

Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by bluestonevedder Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:36 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:38 pm

Back To The Willy
Sixteen Willies
Willy In Pink
Raiders Of The Lost Willy
One Flew Over The Willies Nest
The French Willy
Saturday Night Willy
Willy Fiction
Jurassic Willy
The Willy Kink
The Big Willy
Schindler's Willy
10 Things I Hate About Willy
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Post by littleswannygirl Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:39 pm

Laugh Laugh Laugh

Great thread, funniest thing I've read in ages, thank you all for cheering up my boring Thursday afternoon Very Happy
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:39 pm

bluestonevedder wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:39 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Damn, beat me to it
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:47 pm

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Willy
The Breakfast Willy

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Post by Adam D Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:52 pm

Willies of Thunder
Black Willy Moan
The Man with the Golden Willy
Willies are Forever
The Willy who loved me
On Her Majesties Willy Service
Willy Royale
Dr Willy
License to Willy
The Willy is not Enough
Willy never dies

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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:55 pm

The Dark Willy
The Dark Willy Rises
Willy Begins
The Fantastic Willy
Fantastic Mr Willy
James and The Giant Willy
Willy Returns
Star Willy: The Wrath of Willy
Star Willy: The Search for Willy
Deep Willy
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Post by The Womble Thu 06 Jun 2013, 3:56 pm

The Fantastic Willy 2: The Rise of The Silver Willy
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Post by bluestonevedder Thu 06 Jun 2013, 4:47 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
bluestonevedder wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Terrible choice of words Tino!

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 4:55 pm

bluestonevedder wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
bluestonevedder wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Terrible choice of words Tino!

Yep. Doesn't look great on reflection.

The wedding Willy
Pretty Willy
Crazy, Stupid, Willy
When Willy met Sally
500 Willies of summer
My best friend's Willy
The Willy wears Prada

Thank God I am on holiday tomorrow. I am all willied out.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 06 Jun 2013, 5:03 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
bluestonevedder wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
bluestonevedder wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Terrible choice of words Tino!

Yep. Doesn't look great on reflection.

The wedding Willy
Pretty Willy
Crazy, Stupid, Willy
When Willy met Sally
500 Willies of summer
My best friend's Willy
The Willy wears Prada

Thank God I am on holiday tomorrow. I am all willied out.

It would be brilliant if youv'e booked with virgin holidays.

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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 5:49 pm

Ffs, could one of the mods please delete this thread before I get beaten up. I was sniggering on the entire walk from Liverpool Street to Cannon Street, am near to hysterics every time I see a bald man and, as I feared, couldn’t get rid of the idiotic sh1t-eating grin stuck to the front of my head on the train home - the person sitting opposite me eventually had to sit in another part of the carriage. Good thing I’m not gay because I’d burst into laughter every time I was called on to give head, it’s hard enough having a slash at work without laughing.


Let The Right Willy In
Abraham Lincoln Willy Hunter
Attack Of The Fifty Foot Willy
Willy Pizza
An American Willy In London
The Curious Willy Of Benjamin Button

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Post by Guest Thu 06 Jun 2013, 5:59 pm

"Everything you need to know about willies but were afraid to ask"

Brad Pitt's new film - World War Willy

THE Summer Blockbuster - Willy of Steel

The Willy who knew too much

The Willy who wasn't there

The Willy in the red Shoes

Oh Willy Where art Thou

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 06 Jun 2013, 8:14 pm

When Dirty Harry Met Sally
Fresh-faced college girl falls for hardline cop. Clint Eastwood gets lucky, punk, with Meg Ryan, but when she fakes an orgasm in public he blows her head clean off.

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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 9:04 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:When Dirty Harry Met Sally
Fresh-faced college girl falls for hardline cop. Clint Eastwood gets lucky, punk, with Meg Ryan, but when she fakes an orgasm in public he blows her head clean off.

Laugh
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Post by superflyweight Thu 06 Jun 2013, 10:33 pm

Crouching Tiger Hidden Willie
It's a Wonderful Willie
12 Angry Willies
Teenwillie


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Post by Adam D Fri 07 Jun 2013, 8:22 am

7 Brides for 7 Samurai - a tale of 7 sisters falling for a bunch of Japanese mercenaries. Whilst the women try to woo their men, the Samurai are intent on protecting a town. Hilarity ensues.

Miami Vice Versa - Judge Reinhold tries to take down the drug syndicates in Miami. However, before his first raid, he has swapped bodies with his son Fred Savage. Hilarity ensues.

Mannequin on Fire - Denzel Washington is hired to protect a wealthy mans son in a crime laddened South American City. The only problem is, Denzel is a mannequin that only moves when no one is looking (bar Andrew McCarthy). Hilarity ensues.

Mulan Rouge - Chinese warrior princess has to turn tricks in Baz Luhrmans magnus opus. The stunning visuals and modern songs play out as Mulan tries to take down Genghis Khan with high flying can-can kicks. Hilarity ensues.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 07 Jun 2013, 8:26 am

Three Colours Betty Blue - an erotic, existentialist epic about a woman called Betty who can change colours depending on her mood.  In this part I of the trilogy she feels a bit sad.


Last edited by superflyweight on Tue 26 Jun 2018, 1:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by superflyweight Fri 07 Jun 2013, 8:30 am

Three Colours Betty Blue - an erotic, existentialist epic about a woman called Betty who can change colours depending on her mood. In this part I the trilogy she feels a bit sad.

The Hunt for Red Sonja - CIA agent Jack Ryan tries to find Brigit Nielsen.


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Post by Galted Fri 07 Jun 2013, 8:34 am

Don't Tell Mom We Were Soldiers - a group of American teens sneak off to join the army & embark on a hilarious spree torturing & killing civilians in the middle east
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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 07 Jun 2013, 9:13 am

Cannonball Runner - Harrison Ford chases replicants in a wild and crazy car race across America

Star Wars of The Roses - Han Solo and Princess Leia in a bitter and acrimonious divorce. Danny De Vito co-stars as an Ewok divorce lawyer.

Snow White and the Se7en Dwarfs - The dwarfs (Lusty, Glutton, Avaricious, Slothful, Angry, Envious, and Proud) embark on a vicious killing spree. Can Snow White stop them before she becomes the next victim? Animation.




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Post by Adam D Fri 07 Jun 2013, 9:25 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:Cannonball Runner - Harrison Ford chases replicants in a wild and crazy car race across America

Star Wars of The Roses - Han Solo and Princess Leia in a bitter and acrimonious divorce. Danny De Vito co-stars as an Ewok divorce lawyer.

Snow White and the Se7en Dwarfs - The dwarfs (Lusty, Glutton, Avaricious, Slothful, Angry, Envious, and Proud) embark on a vicious killing spree. Can Snow White stop them before she becomes the next victim? Animation.




Hilarity ensues? Laugh

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Stupid screenwriters - Page 3 Empty Re: Stupid screenwriters

Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 07 Jun 2013, 9:38 am

Last Tango and Cash in Paris. The less said about the scene where Kurt Russell buggers Sylvester Stallone the better.

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Post by Galted Fri 07 Jun 2013, 9:51 am

Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 07 Jun 2013, 9:55 am

Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

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Post by Galted Fri 07 Jun 2013, 10:18 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

Pale Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 07 Jun 2013, 10:22 am

Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

Pale Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale.

The Outlaw Josey Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale

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Post by Galted Fri 07 Jun 2013, 10:28 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

Pale Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale.

The Outlaw Josey Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale

Fast Times At Ridgemont High Plains Drifter - Clint is made hall monitor at high school. Clint finds graffiti. Clint scowls at graffiti. Stoned senior sees Clint scowling and says to Clint "what's up, dude?". Clint shoots stoned senior.
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