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Stupid screenwriters

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 04 Jun 2013, 12:53 pm

First topic message reminder :

In honour of Galted and his slightly deranged alternative film universe, what would happen if you got two incredibly stupid screenwriters and an even more stupid studio that managed to splice two remakes together and come up with a very different film? The premise being that both screenwriters send in their efforts at the same time before the hopeless producers mix them up and send them to a rather dim director. I'll start.

A Fistful of Willy: An attempted remake of the classic Eastwood western and the family friendly Orca film get mixed up to produce something entirely different.

One flew over the River Kwai: What could have been interesting re-workings of the Nicholson classic and the WWII drama is turned into a rather dull short film of a man, almost certainly played by Tom Hanks, flying a glider over a body of water in Southern Asia.

The Silence of the Taxi Driver: The expected re-writes of the Hannibal Lector and Travis Bickle stories are actually spliced into a slightly boring silent movie in which a man gets picked up by a cab driver at Kings X who doesn't utter a single word all the way to Canary Wharf.

Over to you.


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Post by Adam D Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:02 am

the spaghetti western classics:

The Good, the Bad and the Willy
A fistful of Willies
The Willy Josey Whales
For a few willies more
Willy Rider
Willygiven

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:04 am

Adam D wrote:


A fistful of Willies


Brilliant.... Laugh

I wish I had thought of that one....

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:13 am

A Willy Odyssey.
The day the Willy stood still.
Close encounters of the Willy

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by TRUSSMAN66 Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:18 am

The Willy Deer Hunter raspberry

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Post by Galted Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:20 am

What Becomes of the Broken Willy
Million Dollar Willy
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Post by TRUSSMAN66 Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:24 am

What's eating Gilbert Grape's willy ??

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:26 am

Paranormal Willy
A Willy on Elm Street
The Willy Massacre
The Willy project
The Willy in the woods
28 Willies later

This thread made me think about willies all evening. Most unusual.

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Post by TRUSSMAN66 Wed 05 Jun 2013, 10:31 am

Saw willy

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Post by bluestonevedder Wed 05 Jun 2013, 11:35 am

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:What's eating Gilbert Grape's willy ??

Had that higher up Trussman, though to be fair, this threads been going on for so long it was bound to happen!


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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 11:37 am

bluestonevedder wrote:
TRUSSMAN66 wrote:What's eating Gilbert Grape's willy ??

Had that higher up Trussman, though to be fair, this threads been going on for so long it was bound to happen!


Truss is from the good ole USofA, bluestone. Give the guy a break, he is probably immensely proud that he thought of something witty. Let him have it pal, you will be doing him a favour.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by TRUSSMAN66 Wed 05 Jun 2013, 11:40 am

I'm not going to get into a verbal joust with someone who brags about slapping their kids about... Cool

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 11:43 am

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:I'm not going to get into a verbal joust with someone who brags about slapping their kids about... Cool

Which I don't, or haven't. But then again you know that and are deliberately trying to goad me. I have been posted with you for too long Beefcake, you won't get me that easily.

300 Willies (a slow month for Trussman)


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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by ShahenshahG Wed 05 Jun 2013, 11:50 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
TRUSSMAN66 wrote:I'm not going to get into a verbal joust with someone who brags about slapping their kids about... Cool

Which I don't, or haven't. But then again you know that and are deliberately trying to goad me. I have been posted with you for too long Beefcake, you won't get me that easily.

300 Willies (a slow month for Trussman)


He could probably accomodate all those at a single sitting, although if it was a sitting then he'd be a serial killer. How does the Moniker Harold Poopie take your fancy trussy?

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Post by Adam D Wed 05 Jun 2013, 11:56 am

Lock Stock and two smoking willies

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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:01 pm

Four Willies and a funeral
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Post by ShahenshahG Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:04 pm

Willyzilla

The good willy, the bad willy and the ugly willy (an essex girls monologue on the perils of being indiscriminate)

For a few willies more


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Post by Guest Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:06 pm

2001 Dalmatians - A Space Doggity: An animated adventure about a lot of Dalmatians in space.

Sleepless in Chicago: Tom Hanks tries hard to get some shut-eye in Chicago after his recent glider trip in Southern Asia.




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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:07 pm

Dead Men Don't Wear Willies
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:29 pm

MediaCat wrote:2001 Dalmatians - A Space Doggity: An animated adventure about a lot of Dalmatians in space.

Sleepless in Chicago: Tom Hanks tries hard to get some shut-eye in Chicago after his recent glider trip in Southern Asia.


Laugh

I had forgotten what this thread was actually about in the first place!

Good work.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:39 pm

St Elmo's Firefox. Clint Eastwood steals a plane and launches a rocket attack on the Brat Pack

A Few Good Men in Black. Tommy Lee Jones orders a Code Red on an annoying alien. Tom Cruise clashes with Will Smith in the ensuing cover-up.

Full Metal Willy
And let's not forget the Christian Slater/Morgan Freeman film - Hard Willy

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:50 pm

Philadelphia Day - Both Tom Hanks and Will Smith are slightly surprised, when asked to reprise a couple of their famous roles, that the script revolves around cream cheese. No aliens or HIV to be found anywhere.

And to keep with the theme, The Perks of being a Willy.


Last edited by Mind the windows Tino. on Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:55 pm

That's a good one Tino thumbsup
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Post by The Womble Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:56 pm

Dude, Where's My Willy?
Wag The Willy
Willy's Like It Hot
Iron Willy
Captain Willy: The First Willy
Scary Willy

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:58 pm

Stella wrote:That's a good one Tino thumbsup

Thanks Stella.

I would like to think you were talking about my movie splice, but I have a feeling you meant the Willy film.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:58 pm

Forrest To Victory

A mythical story about Nottingham Forest returning to the EPL and winning it.
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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 12:59 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Stella wrote:That's a good one Tino thumbsup

Thanks Stella.

I would like to think you were talking about my movie splice, but I have a feeling you meant the Willy film.

yep, the movie.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:02 pm

Stella wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Stella wrote:That's a good one Tino thumbsup

Thanks Stella.

I would like to think you were talking about my movie splice, but I have a feeling you meant the Willy film.

yep, the movie.

You're too kind.

Nice effort on the Notts Forest winning the Premier League. File that one under the fantasy genre!

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Stella Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:05 pm

The Fast And The Furious Miss Daisy

Jessica Tandy has had enough of Morgan Freeman driving her around at 10mph, so decides to give Van Diesel the job.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:05 pm

Dumbo and Dumber. Heart-warming tale of two thick elephants with big ears.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:07 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Dumbo and Dumber. Heart-warming tale of two thick elephants with big ears.

Laugh

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:16 pm

The Elephant Snatch - London Zoo had never seen anything like it before.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by The Womble Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:17 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:The Elephant Snatch - London Zoo had never seen anything like it before.

Laugh

Proper made me laugh out loud that one did!
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:20 pm

crazygangwomble wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:The Elephant Snatch - London Zoo had never seen anything like it before.

Laugh

Proper made me laugh out loud that one did!

I'm particularly proud of that actually. thumbsup

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:20 pm

Brokeback Mountain: The Fellowship Of The Ring - the lovestruck cowboys join a parade
Strangers on a Train: An Unexpected Journey - train in the southeast leaves on time despite there being several leaves on the track, passengers too busy playing Angry Birds & ignoring each other to notice
Blair Witch Of Arabia - hopefully they execute him
Snatch For A Few Dollars More - prozzies in Amsterdam start charging Euros instead of Guilders but don't bother converting
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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:21 pm

Singin' in the Rain Man - Gene Kelly stars as an idiot savante in this musical for all the family

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Post by The Womble Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:26 pm

Bill & Ted's Excellent Toy Story - 2 high school losers tell amusing anecdotes about Barbie, Action Man and other childhood play things.
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Post by The Womble Wed 05 Jun 2013, 1:31 pm

Teenage Mutant Ninja Snakes On A Plane - 4 slippery reptiles try desperately to do ninja moves upon a 747 but can't as they realise they don't have any limbs so they have to sit there and watch repeats of poor 90's American sitcoms whilst being offered over-priced refreshments by bored air hostess's. Samuel L Jackson wears a hat and says F*** a lot.
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Post by Guest Wed 05 Jun 2013, 2:03 pm

A Nightmare on St Elmo's Streetcar - Sesame Street's newest Pope is horrified to see exactly how SNUFFaluffagus got his name.

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Post by TRUSSMAN66 Wed 05 Jun 2013, 3:08 pm

WvP
Willy Shaft

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Post by superflyweight Thu 06 Jun 2013, 10:49 am

The Last Willy on the Left
To Kill a Mocking Willy
The Willy who shot Liberty Valance
Big Willy in Little China

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 10:53 am

A late but welcome addition, super.

Willyspotting.

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Post by Stella Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:00 am

Love Willy

The French Willy

The Naked Willy
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Post by Guest Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:02 am

Stallone in Willyhanger

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Post by Galted Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:03 am

superflyweight wrote:The Last Willy on the Left
To Kill a Mocking Willy
The Willy who shot Liberty Valance
Big Willy in Little China

or Big Trouble in Little Willy


The French Lieutenant's Willy
What Willies Want
Little Willies
Scent of a Willy
apologies if any have been done before but whenever I try to read back through the thread I just see a multitude of cartoon willies dancing and singing
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Post by Stella Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:06 am

Black Willy
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Post by bluestonevedder Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:08 am

The Willy of the Mohicans

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:08 am

Galted wrote:
Scent of a Willy

Laugh

I shouldn't, but that is brilliant.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Guest Thu 06 Jun 2013, 11:32 am

Stop or my Willy will shoot!

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Post by Guest Thu 06 Jun 2013, 12:02 pm

Butch Cassidy and the Karate Kid.

Think David Carradine’s "Kung Fu". Well, Butch Cassidy and the Karate Kid is nothing like that. East meets west in a film that works on no levels whatsoever.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 06 Jun 2013, 1:44 pm

Good one Media Cat!

Malcolm X-Men.
Militant mutants fight for their civil rights. (Hang on, wasn't that X-Men anyway?)

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