The Culture Cup round 6

First topic message reminder :

It's just as funny on the second read.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Does anybody know of a perfume (for birds) in a pink bottle? I saw it in one of the missus's  magazines and she said she liked the smell but I haven't got a clue what it was.

I bought See by Chloe for my cousin a few months back and she raved about it, I don't think she was being patronising.  Not sure if the bottle was pink but the packaging was.

A nice romantic gift for your cousin. I'm sure Dr Shoe will be interested in the 6 toes on each foot that your children will have.

The saddest part about an extra toe is that the little piggy story is a busted flush.

After the little one runs all the way home, what happens?

Does no one consider the people of Norfolk when coming up with these "cute" rhymes?

Galted wrote:Thanks for your response michaels, has ended the awkwardness left by my previous post.

It isn't even illegal, is it?

I don't think you can marry your cousin, but not sure about sh@gging them. I would google it, but I'm sure Galted has already done so and will provide the answer.

JuliusHMarx wrote:I don't think you can marry your cousin, but not sure about sh@gging them. I would google it, but I'm sure Galted has already done so and will provide the answer.

It's not illegal if I sh*g Galted's cousin though. Unless she is also my cousin would could be a remote possibility.

I'm pretty sure you can marry your cousin. It's siblings, parents, grandparents etc and aunts and uncles that are a bit of a no-no. She'd tell me to f**k off anyway as she's married.

Galted wrote:She'd tell me to f**k off anyway as she's married.

Fairly sure the "as she's married" part is irrelevant.

Wind is picking up here and my trousers are damp (rain not pi55). I am truly envious of the suitably attired Galted at this moment.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:She'd tell me to f**k off anyway as she's married.

Fairly sure the "as she's married" part is irrelevant.

True, but she would give the reason mentioned so as not to hurt my feelings.

seanmichaels wrote:Wind is picking up here and my trousers are damp (rain not pi55). I am truly envious of the suitably attired Galted at this moment.

I blushed with pleasure when I read your post. Though my trousers are also prone to dampness (rain, not pi55).

FFS, 7000 homes without power and our sh1tty office is fine:

1301: Nearly 9,000 people have been without power in Berkshire today.

7,000 homes are still without power in the Bracknell area.

I work in the future where we have no need for power or offices.

I am going soon and working from home tomorrow now. I am going to survive this apocalypse if it kills me.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and prosperous new year.

I was to buy you a present, it would be thus;

Galted: The Mirco Monsters DVD and one of those maps that are covered in a clear plastic wallet which people wear like a lanyard.
Sean: A four pack of Strongbow and some teeth whitening toothpaste.
Julius: The Sound of Music on cassette.
Superfly: An Edward I t-shirt
Jeff: Some lard.

Be careful, Tino.

P.S. If you do decide to get me Micro Monsters you can get it on Blu-Ray, would be better in HD.

Galted wrote:Be careful, Tino.

P.S. If you do decide to get me Micro Monsters you can get it on Blu-Ray, would be better in HD.

Same to you, pal. Safe journey home to you all.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I am going soon and working from home tomorrow now.  I am going to survive this apocalypse if it kills me.

Soft pansy.

Merry Christmas you and the family. Enjoy.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I am going soon and working from home tomorrow now.  I am going to survive this apocalypse if it kills me.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and prosperous new year.

I was to buy you a present, it would be thus;

Galted: The Mirco Monsters DVD and one of those maps that are covered in a clear plastic wallet which people wear like a lanyard.
Sean: A four pack of Strongbow and some teeth whitening toothpaste.
Julius: The Sound of Music on cassette.
Superfly: An Edward I t-shirt
Jeff: Some lard.

Excellent - my Sound of Music cassette is almost worn out and I'm making due with having the film playing in the background on my Beta-Max.

I'd get you something Tino, but what do you buy the man who has everything?

Merry Christmas!

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I am going soon and working from home tomorrow now.  I am going to survive this apocalypse if it kills me.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and prosperous new year.

I was to buy you a present, it would be thus;

Galted: The Mirco Monsters DVD and one of those maps that are covered in a clear plastic wallet which people wear like a lanyard.
Sean: A four pack of Strongbow and some teeth whitening toothpaste.
Julius: The Sound of Music on cassette.
Superfly: An Edward I t-shirt
Jeff: Some lard.

Excellent - my Sound of Music cassette is almost worn out and I'm making due with having the film playing in the background on my Beta-Max.

I'd get you something Tino, but what do you buy the man who has everything?

Merry Christmas!

A gumshield?

A download? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6fQnTyEniM

Shoes?

Bunion pads?

Onion pads?

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Excellent - my Sound of Music cassette is almost worn out and I'm making due with having the film playing in the background on my Beta-Max.

I'd get you something Tino, but what do you buy the man who has everything?

The Time I Was Walking From London Bridge To The BFI Along The South Bank And The Lace Of My Right Hi-Tec Came Undone Because I Hadn't Tied It In A Double-Knot But My Back Was Sore So I Couldn't Bend Down To Do It Up And Had To Get My Mate's Mum To Do It And He Said "While You're Down There, Mum" and 1416 Other Fairly Lengthy Stories by Galted.

I think that it'd make a really splendid Xmas gift for someone who likes to read.

I was going to buy a pairs of Hi-Tec's in the January sales, but now that I know that their laces are of such poor quality that they require a double knot simply in order to stay tied, I don't think I'll bother.

I do like to read Galted, but at the risk of being overly harsh suspect that could put me off books forever, to be even more frank suspect it could put me off seeing things generally.

Rowley wrote:I do like to read Galted, but at the risk of being overly harsh suspect that could put me off books forever, to be even more frank suspect it could put me off seeing things generally.

What if I told you that it contains a four-part analysis of the time I thought I'd left my reserve USB stick at home but, in fact, had put it in my right pocket and not my left pocket where I normally keep it?

JuliusHMarx wrote:I was going to buy a pairs of Hi-Tec's in the January sales, but now that I know that their laces are of such poor quality that they require a double knot simply in order to stay tied, I don't think I'll bother.

I'm shocked, Julius.  Was there any need for an apostrophe?

Now that I might be interested in. I have lost one of my USB pens currently so more efficient storage and protection methods are pretty high on my list of priorities, as I am sure you can imagine.

I can certainly imagine that, don't they say that a proud Yorkshireman is never far from at least one of his USB pens?

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:I was going to buy a pairs of Hi-Tec's in the January sales, but now that I know that their laces are of such poor quality that they require a double knot simply in order to stay tied, I don't think I'll bother.

I'm shocked, Julius.  Was there any need for an apostrophe?

No there wasn't. Hopefully I can get over my shame in time for Christmas morning.

What is a USB pen?

Galted wrote:I can certainly imagine that, don't they say that a proud Yorkshireman is never far from at least one of his USB pens?

I am in something of a USB crisis at the minute, TSMR is currently using two of mine for some nonsense I have limited interest in, I have lost one of my others as previously noted. This would be troubling at the best of times, but I believe the amp I am getting for christmas has a USB port so I am really not in a position to be so bereft of USB's. Like Julius with his grammar related worries, this may ruin my Christmas.

Can you plug a USB pen with music on it directly into the amp?

I am hoping so Julius, have not really looked into it, if you can't I am really struggling to see what purpose the USB port could serve.

I would have thought you'd plug a device into it that has the software on it to actually play the music, which then goes through the amp.
If you just plug a USB stick into it, you'll effectively have no 'play' button.

That's my guess anyway.

Sh1t on here today.

Even worse today.

Not too bad today but not great either.

Would my appearance make it great?

Possibly.

You're such a tease.

Just disguising my elation with a pretense of apathy.

How is the kitten?

Was alive when I left it this morning but I'm sh1tting it as it's the first time I've left it alone.

Did your lip survive Xmas?

Well done.

Lip is fine although I have been left with a lump under the skin that is a permanent reminder of my pain. I think it must be scar tissue.

I wasn't going to come in today but my dad is driving me mental.

Not really sure why I came in, no-one else seems to have bothered.

Were the kids satisfied with their gifts or do you have to bankrupt yourself in the sales buying back their love?

I think they were satisfied. They are not getting anything else, so they better be.

Did you have a nice time or were you lonely?

 

I had a nice time, thanks.  Had 2 bottles of Crabbies and 8 cans of Bud, must've been a bit like breakfast in the michaels household.  On top of that I was too busy checking where the kitten was hiding to bother with loneliness.

How was your Xmas meal?  Have a mental image of a top-hatted character carving a turkey at the head of a long table while all 40 kids look on and the wife fart-arses about in the kitchen.

Meal was good. Slightly embarrassing that my mum cooked it even though it was at my house but she is a brilliant cook so I let her do her thing. I tried to stay out of the way though as I didn't want any awkward moments when we are both at the sink. She still remembers p*ssgate.

I did make the gravy though.

Was it Bisto or does the North regard instant gravy with the same contempt it regards humus and travel?

Galted wrote:Was it Bisto

Don't f*cking start, Galted. We are having a perfectly friendly discussion here, don't spoil it.

I regard instant gravy on roughly the same level as I regard pederasts and the French.

I don't mind humus. I like dipping cheese into it.