Celebrities with an Extra Gimmick

In our unending series of topics to waste your time:

If you could give a celebrity (past or present) one gimmick, talent, power or somesuch for which they aren't (or weren't) ordinarily known, whom would you endow with what, and why?

I'd give Stevie Wonder the power of sight so that he could see what a cu^t Paul McCartney really is.

I'd give Spencer Matthews bird flu

TALKING TO HIM SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM ENOUGH CLUES

PS Not sure sight should be classed as a gimmick

David Cameron should attend Prime Minister's Questions wearing a pink frizzy wig, a red nose and facial make up so he can look like a clown as well as sounding like one.

England cricketers should be given bats with the words "hold this end" printed on the handle.  It may help them to look as if they know what they're doing.

And finally, as an addition to Ray Winstone's catch phrase in the Bet 365 ad where his holographic head says "Now that's a proper tool", I suggest that the holographic head of a punter should appear out of thin air and reply  "It takes one to know one, Ray."

A singing voice for Audrey Hepburn (she could voice-dub for Julie Andrews.)

KATIE PRICE TO HAVE TALKING T*TS...OH WAIT, SHE ALREADY MARRIED TWO!
 
Bruce Forsythe's chin to sprout it's own mouth and say "Right enough's enough" and lead the doddery old f*ckstick off the stage and for one of his flailing arms to catch Tess Daly in the face knocking her backwards so she hits her head and suffers a brain injury something along the lines of her not wanting to be on tv anymore and taking up marine biology instead (in case you haven't guessed I think she's sh!t as well)
 
Louis Walsh to burst into flames and suffer a hideous, agonising death leaving nothing but a screaming skull but here's the gimmick...he comes back to life only to burst into flames and suffer a hideous, agonising death leaving nothing but a screaming skull but here's the gimmick....
 
Kelly Brook to be something ANYTHING other than white teeth and massive t!ts. A personality of any description would be welcome. She makes Joey Essex look like Iggy Pop.
 
80's comic and mimic Phil Cool to be revealed as the one impersonating all the Operation Yewtree suspects during the times they were alleged to have assaulted their victims (I haven't quite worked out the details yet as Cool would have been about 8 years old when some of these offences took place...but that's for another day)
 
Speaking of impressionists, Alistair McGowan to be able to do an impression without first going through his painful comedy routine that generally makes no sense and is utterly implausible at best ("You know when you spreading jam on a piece of bread and you suddenly turn into Alan Carr?" No, I f*****g don't actually. At no point in my life have I ever felt the urge to impersonate anyone whilst putting jam on bread and if I did it wouldn't be Alan Carr.......it would be the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show!")
 
Holly Willoughby to stop being so f*****g nice all the time and one day turn to the camera and say "OK instead of goggling poor quality mock-ups on the 'net, here are my real t*ts!"

Hibbz wrote:I'd give Stevie Wonder the power of sight so that he could see what a cu^t Paul McCartney really is.

And I'd give Cliff Richard the ability to see himself, so that he could see what a cu^t he really is.

  

I'd give Orvil a fully functional and living bum. See how bloody happy and smiley he'd be then.

seanmichaels wrote:I'd give Orvil a fully functional and living bum. See how bloody happy and smiley he'd be then.

Did you really need to add the word "living" there, Sean?

DAVE667 wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I'd give Orvil a fully functional and living bum. See how bloody happy and smiley he'd be then.

Did you really need to add the word "living" there, Sean?

He wants to apply for the role.

I'd give Rod Hull digital TV.

Hibbz wrote:I'd give Rod Hull digital TV.

You make that sound like a sexually transmitted disease of the finger.

I'd give Simon Cowell multiple schizophrenia, whereby he alternately thinks he's one of the Teletubbies, Marilyn Manson, Johnny English and Lord Flashheart.

I would DEFINITELY watch X Factor if this happened.

Whereas I'd have him thinking he was Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh and Peter Sutcliffe so he'd beat himself to death with a ballpein hammer