The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

And I am beating Galted.

Life is good.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Pigeons are the only bird in the world to have been observed having homosexual relationships.

You've not got around to perving on other members of the species then?

Not yet, Shah. Not yet.

Dancers are often described as being 'pigeon toed' but there has not yet been a recorded instance of a pigeon being described as 'human toed'.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Not yet, Shah.  Not yet.

Dancers are often described as being 'pigeon toed' but there has not yet been a recorded instance of a pigeon being described as 'human toed'.

That's because they are always pecking at camel toes. Its sexist to point it out.

Ever been micro-pecked by one, rick?

I was eating fish and chips in a small park near work years ago when this one fixated on my finger; strutted up to me and gave me a micro-peck right in the centre of one of my fingernails.

I realised the oil from the fish must have glinted in the light the right way to attract it's attention. Maybe there was some colour spectrum thing happening?

I was a bizarre feeling... so precise and quite powerful. Like a mini bullet hitting it without the piercing bit. It's the same with feeding kookaburras. It's like getting an electric shock... power, precision and nerves all in one go. They never miss their target and are also quite careful not to take a chunk out of you by mistake.

Wingrove killed a pigeon once using only his hands and teeth.

LB wrote:It's the same with feeding kookaburras.

I guess that on the plus side, Pigeons dont't laugh at you after doing it LB.

Angry Kiwi Watch

Rant began at 23/4/14 10.44

Ferocity of rant: 2/5
Description of rant: frowning and scowling, muttering "w*nkers" and "complete and utter waste of time" at his screen, one instance of "we're not all geeks"
Head colour: pink (normal shade)
Reason for rant: he's been reading up on the net about Windows 8 as his Mum thinks that his Dad may need a new laptop
Attire: white shirt, black trousers

They laugh before during and after...  and also at around 03:42 on some spring mornings.   

It's like listening to an old engine warming up. They start kind of unsure of themselves but soon get on a roll as others start laughing back. Then it sort of peters out and they all seem to lose stream at the same time. It's quite a spooky cacophony of sound but I'm very used to it.

Didn't realise you worked for the Mormons, Galted.

Galted wrote:Angry Kiwi Watch

Rant began at 23/4/14 10.44

Ferocity of rant: 2/5
Description of rant: frowning and scowling, muttering "w*nkers" and "complete and utter waste of time" at his screen, one instance of  "we're not all geeks"
Head colour: pink (normal shade)
Reason for rant: he's been reading up on the net about Windows 8 as his Mum thinks that his Dad may need a new laptop
Attire: white shirt, black trousers

A kiwi.  Bowl underarm at him and watch him go on a sex rampage, you might lose your virginity in the process

He's still bitter about the underarm thing. The IPL and David Warner also irritate him to the point where he can barely speak.

Getting close.

Pubic triangle.

Just had some quiche, canteen has been real fancy lately... A buyout must be looming.

Been and gone Galted, it will be one of the random posts between you and Tino i suspect.

Not a pube in sight

kingraf wrote:Just had some quiche, canteen has been real fancy lately... A buyout must be looming.

Is that what your avatar is about then? A slice of quiche?

Yes, Shah. My avatar is a representation of the personification of quiche. Some thought it was ahead of its time, but the rich, multi-layered texture of quiche could really only be properly, and adequately captured by the greatest human being of all time.

rick_dagless wrote:

Not a pube in sight

Good.

I am going on record as saying the whole 'pube' thing is silly and immature.

kingraf wrote:Yes, Shah. My avatar is a representation of the personification of quiche. Some thought it was ahead of its time, but the rich, multi-layered texture of quiche could really only be properly, and adequately captured by the greatest human being of all time.

What does Jade Goody have to do with this?

Tino wrote:I am going on record as saying the whole 'pube' thing is silly and immature.

Hampton


Pube

Had a mini sushi, prawn pasta salad and a bag of cheese tasters from M&S.  F*cking rubbish for £6.42.  Sushi was disgusting, salad was too cold and full of sh1tty little tomatoey bits and the cheese tasters smelled like stale puke.  On top of that I spilled soy sauce in my face when I was holding the sushi container up to see how many calories it contained.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:

Not a pube in sight

Good.

I am going on record as saying the whole 'pube' thing is silly and immature.

Junior still not allowing you to reach puberty?

ShahenshahG wrote:

Galted wrote:Angry Kiwi Watch

Rant began at 23/4/14 10.44

Ferocity of rant: 2/5
Description of rant: frowning and scowling, muttering "w*nkers" and "complete and utter waste of time" at his screen, one instance of  "we're not all geeks"
Head colour: pink (normal shade)
Reason for rant: he's been reading up on the net about Windows 8 as his Mum thinks that his Dad may need a new laptop
Attire: white shirt, black trousers

A kiwi.  Bowl underarm at him and watch him go on a sex rampage, you might lose your virginity in the process

Yeah, wear your retro Aussie cricket gear to the office one day.

If you don't have the authentic underarm-era kit... then a Norwich City shirt will do instead. The canary emblem will get him all fired up for sure!
Then ask him about Piggy Muldoon's view* on Australian cricketers as you suck on a fresh peach... whilst making that slurping sound.

*"... I thought canary yellow was an appropriate colour for that team of cheats!.... and no, I didn't see the barbed-wire fence! (growling) Hence the large ugly looking scar across my face!"

Have a vegetable puff with Prawn sauce. Was absolutely gorgeous.

Galted wrote:David Warner

He irritates me as well. I don't often waste energy hating people I am never going to meet, but I make an exception for him for two reasons.

1) the way he goads the opposition and then hides behind someone bigger like Ryan Harris whilst waving the opposition batsman off. I wish someone big and hard like Tim Bresnan would have walked back to him and smashed the c*nts teeth in with the handle of his bat before unloading a huge Yorkshire brewed turd in Warner's cricket bag.

2) the way he chews his gum with his mouth wide open. Why do people do that? You wouldn't eat a sausage roll with your mouth gaping open. Silly little tw*t. He wouldn't be so quick to do that if Bresnan had carved him a new cake hole for waving him off.

Small little man with a small pea sized brain.

Quite good player though.

On a completely separate note, I've decided to court my Kurd neighbour. I'm not even sure what Kurdish people believe in, and whether it's allowed, but rest assured, you'll receive a blow by blow account of the process

On a completely separate note, I've decided to court my Kurd neighbour. I'm not even sure what Kurdish people believe in, and whether it's allowed, but rest assured, you'll receive a blow by blow account of the process

You can say that again.

Linebreaker wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

Galted wrote:Angry Kiwi Watch

Rant began at 23/4/14 10.44

Ferocity of rant: 2/5
Description of rant: frowning and scowling, muttering "w*nkers" and "complete and utter waste of time" at his screen, one instance of  "we're not all geeks"
Head colour: pink (normal shade)
Reason for rant: he's been reading up on the net about Windows 8 as his Mum thinks that his Dad may need a new laptop
Attire: white shirt, black trousers

A kiwi.  Bowl underarm at him and watch him go on a sex rampage, you might lose your virginity in the process

Yeah, wear your retro Aussie cricket gear to the office one day.

If you don't have the authentic underarm-era kit... then a Norwich City shirt will do instead. The canary emblem will get him all fired up for sure!
Then ask him about Piggy Muldoon's view* on Australian cricketers as you suck on a fresh peach... whilst making that slurping sound.

*"... I thought canary yellow was an appropriate colour for that team of cheats!.... and no, I didn't see the barbed-wire fence! (growling) Hence the large ugly looking scar across my face!"

Too scared to do that, might just push him over the edge.

He hates all things UK nearly as much as he hates Aussies (especially Andy Murray and Team GB) - during the Olympics I put a photo of Andy Murray with his gold medal on his screen which nearly caused him to have an aneurysm.

Warner

Kingraf, be careful mate. Absolute Psychos

Linebreaker wrote:Warner

I'm really quite fond of you, LB, but you push me too far and I will hurt you.

kingraf wrote:On a completely separate note, I've decided to court my Kurd neighbour. I'm not even sure what Kurdish people believe in, and whether it's allowed, but rest assured, you'll receive a blow by blow account of the process

Here are some Kurdish sayings:

A cup of coffee commits one to forty years of friendship.
A fool dreams of wealth, a wise man, of happiness.
A good companion shortens the longest road.
A heart in love with beauty never grows old.
A hungry stomach has no ears.
A kind word warms a man through three winters.
A knife-wound heals, but a tongue-wound festers.
A man is as wise as his head, not his years.
A man is judged by his work.
A neighbor's hen looks as big as a goose, and his wife as young as a girl.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You can say that again.

I thought long and hard about deleting one of them, but that would be bad for my aim of becoming today's top poster.

Here are some Aussie sayings:

"I hope your ears turn into ar$eholes and sh1t on your shoulders."
"Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!"
"About as useful as t1ts on a bull."
"He's a few w@nks short of an orgasm."
"She’s had more pricks than a second hand dartboard."
"He had a head on him like a sucked mango."
"He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock."
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!"
"As ugly as a bucket full of ar$eholes."
"Got a face like a bashed in sh1t can."
"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."
"About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition."
"Seen better heads in a p1ss trough."

ShahenshahG wrote:Kingraf, be careful mate. Absolute Psychos

To be honest, I don't even know her name. Only reason I know she's Kurdish is because the previous tenants (a lovely, mildly racist elderly couple) kept on moaning that they've been evicted for a Kurd.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:David Warner

He irritates me as well.  I don't often waste energy hating people I am never going to meet, but I make an exception for him for two reasons.

1) the way he goads the opposition and then hides behind someone bigger like Ryan Harris whilst waving the opposition batsman off.  I wish someone big and hard like Tim Bresnan would have walked back to him and smashed the c*nts teeth in with the handle of his bat before unloading a huge Yorkshire brewed turd in Warner's cricket bag.

2) the way he chews his gum with his mouth wide open.  Why do people do that?  You wouldn't eat a sausage roll with your mouth gaping open.  Silly little tw*t.  He wouldn't be so quick to do that if Bresnan had carved him a new cake hole for waving him off.

Small little man with a small pea sized brain.

Quite good player though.

He looks like a cartoon willy with chewing gum pieces for teeth.

kingraf wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:Kingraf, be careful mate. Absolute Psychos

To be honest, I don't even know her name.  Only reason I know she's Kurdish is because the previous tenants (a lovely, mildly racist elderly couple) kept on moaning that they've been evicted for a Kurd.

Probably misheard them and they've got fecal incontinence.

kingraf wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You can say that again.

I thought long and hard about deleting one of them, but that would be bad for my aim of becoming today's top poster.

Raf, I like you but you'll never be today's top poster. That belongs to me (although Galted is pushing me close with his "cartoon willy with chewing gum pieces for teeth" post). You may well make it to most frequent poster, but there is a clear distinction between 'top' and 'most frequent'.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Linebreaker wrote:Warner

I'm really quite fond of you, LB, but you push me too far and I will hurt you.

He irritates me too but I love way his neanderthal "mind" works.

Well, maybe not love - let's just say that I'm amused by his stupid antics.

Actually... I cringe whenever I hear him utter any words. Brute of a player. He can crumble pretty quickly too - needs to be asked more questions by someone like Bres as you say. England need a real modern day bully of a bowler to terrorise him - as Mitch does to others.

That should be Priority No. 2 for the ECB - find the man to do that particular job... at all costs.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

kingraf wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You can say that again.

I thought long and hard about deleting one of them, but that would be bad for my aim of becoming today's top poster.

Raf, I like you but you'll never be today's top poster. That belongs to me (although Galted is pushing me close with his "cartoon willy with chewing gum pieces for teeth" post). You may well make it to most frequent poster, but there is a clear distinction between 'top' and 'most frequent'.

I admit it does seem a ways away... but it's not out of reach, yet

Galted wrote:

kingraf wrote:On a completely separate note, I've decided to court my Kurd neighbour. I'm not even sure what Kurdish people believe in, and whether it's allowed, but rest assured, you'll receive a blow by blow account of the process

Here are some Kurdish sayings:

A cup of coffee commits one to forty years of friendship.
A fool dreams of wealth, a wise man, of happiness.
A good companion shortens the longest road.
A heart in love with beauty never grows old.
A hungry stomach has no ears.
A kind word warms a man through three winters.
A knife-wound heals, but a tongue-wound festers.
A man is as wise as his head, not his years.
A man is judged by his work.
A neighbor's hen looks as big as a goose, and his wife as young as a girl.

Thanks for that Galted, I trust you've given me all artillery I need for my assault on her mound.

Once got chatting to an Aussie overseas player with our Aussie after a game. He was Warner-esque.

Asked him if he was looking forward to getting home. He replied ' Aww look mate I'm just looking forward to get back to the country and the quarry. I just like to crush rocks. Big rocks, small rocks, medium size rocks. Aw look.'

Our Aussie from Melbourne was mortified.

I hold the record with Eirebilly (who's no longer on here anymore) - it was something ridiculous like 427 posts in a day.

You all know he nearly got killed in a helicopter crash? Twice!

He works for an oil company based in The Netherlands. First time they had to ditch into the North Sea. He survived that one. Then the second time - the chopper took off... went about 30 feet... then crashed. Poor bugger was knocked around quite a bit - but survived.

He's promised his other half (and me) never to hop into a chopper again. Totally mad bloke!

just had a look at the leaderboard, seems a bit of an hauling you two in. Maybe I'll just take a podium finish

kingraf wrote:just had a look at the leaderboard, seems a bit of an hauling you two in. Maybe I'll just take a podium finish

It won't help your cause much if I keep making pointless posts like this one.

Prawn fajita, nice and just the right amount of spice...

Just munching on some sour opal fruits. Hitting the spot.

rick_dagless wrote:Prawn fajita, nice and just the right amount of spice...

Soup and some bread. Dull, uninspiring and disappointing in equal measures.

Rowley wrote:Soup and some bread. Dull, uninspiring and disappointing in equal measures.

Had that for breakfast Jeff, equally insipid, glad I ramped it up for lunch.

rick_dagless wrote:

Rowley wrote:Soup and some bread. Dull, uninspiring and disappointing in equal measures.

Had that for breakfast Jeff, equally insipid, glad I ramped it up for lunch.

Who the f*ck has soup for breakfast?

Tino wrote:Who the f*ck has soup for breakfast?

Me, had no time to go to the canteen, had a cup'o'soup on my desk and a roll I was going to use at lunch.

Raf had chips for breakfast