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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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Post by kingraf Thu 01 May 2014, 9:58 am

First topic message reminder :

You say tomato, I say Tamara Ecclestone (who michaels has almost certainly probably had a slice of)
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Post by kingraf Wed 07 May 2014, 12:58 pm

If you build it, they will come
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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:00 pm

The only reason you stay here is so you can f*ck my mother and eat her food.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 1:03 pm

Galted wrote:The only reason you stay here is so you can f*ck my mother and eat her food.

We should be discussing this over PM.

And I didn't eat her food.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:08 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:The only reason you stay here is so you can f*ck my mother and eat her food.

We should be discussing this over PM.

And I didn't eat her food.

Really?  I suppose a box of Lunchables can just grow legs and f*cking walk, can it?

Ars*hole.

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Post by superflyweight Wed 07 May 2014, 1:22 pm

Lunch Review:

A box of Lunchables.

Price: N/A - stole them out of Galted's mum's kitchen.
Taste: N/A - they were free.
Service: - 4/5 She let me whip her in the mimsy so I was delighted.


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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 1:22 pm

10 M&S cocktail sausages, 3 M&S Finest mini sausage rolls. Alright particularly as I nicked 3 sachets of HP sauce from the Deli section of the petrol station.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 1:23 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:The only reason you stay here is so you can f*ck my mother and eat her food.

We should be discussing this over PM.

And I didn't eat her food.

Really?  I suppose a box of Lunchables can just grow legs and f*cking walk, can it?

Ars*hole.

Oh sorry, I thought the Lunchables were yours, that's why I ate them.

In that case, I did eat her food.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 1:24 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Service: - 4/5 She let me whip her in the mimsy so I was delighted.  

Coffee. Everywhere. Keyboard ruined. Nose burnt from inside out.

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:24 pm

I've used my excellent sleuthing skills and incisive logic to conclude that it was either superflyweight or Tino who nicked them.

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Post by Union Cane Wed 07 May 2014, 1:26 pm

Floured bap containing chicken, pepper, cucumber, cheese, lettuce & pickle - Very nice.

McCoy's Ridge Cut Cheddar & Onion - Very nice

Hobnobs "Medley" - Very nice

Two apples - Very nice

Satsuma (from ZA, #3029 - perhaps you know it KR?) - Very nice

Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later
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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 1:28 pm

Union Cane wrote:
Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later

Golf w@nker.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 1:31 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Union Cane wrote:
Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later

Golf w@nker.

Agreed.

C*nts.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 1:32 pm

Galted wrote:I've used my excellent sleuthing skills and incisive logic to conclude that it was either superflyweight or Tino who nicked them.

It was superfly. I was busy upstairs with your mum.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:34 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Union Cane wrote:
Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later

Golf w@nker.

Two stories about normal w@nkers...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2622190/Meet-retired-builder-70-spends-hundreds-pounds-month-Gucci-Vivienne-Westwood-clothes.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2622224/Teenager-nicknamed-Nandos-love-fast-food-chain-gets-logo-tattooed-BOTTOM-angry-wont-free-meals.html


And a heart-warming story...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2621766/Seven-months-pregnant-wife-set-fire-Nepalese-husband-family-failed-motorbike-water-buffalo-dowry.html

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Post by Union Cane Wed 07 May 2014, 1:35 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Union Cane wrote:
Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later

Golf w@nker.

Agreed.

C*nts.

Harsh.

I will be in all black this evening, so more like a ninja than a slightly disappointed children's entertainer or whatever it was.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 1:36 pm

Union Cane wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Union Cane wrote:
Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later

Golf w@nker.

Agreed.

C*nts.

Harsh.

I will be in all black this evening, so more like a ninja than a slightly disappointed children's entertainer or whatever it was.

I love you, Union, but this golf thing has really driven a wedge between us.

 drumroll 

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Post by Union Cane Wed 07 May 2014, 1:41 pm

In all honesty there was a fair way between us to start with.

 drumroll 

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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 07 May 2014, 1:42 pm

Union Cane wrote:Banana - Haven't had it yet, saving it for golf later

You can't play golf with a banana.

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 1:42 pm

Union Cane wrote:In all honesty there was a fair way between us to start with.

 drumroll 


200 miles?

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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 07 May 2014, 1:43 pm

Union Cane wrote:In all honesty there was a fair way between us to start with.

 drumroll 


Good joke. I'm green with envy.

 drumroll 

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 1:45 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Union Cane wrote:In all honesty there was a fair way between us to start with.

 drumroll 


Good joke. I'm green with envy.

 drumroll 

Bet he thinks he's Spike Mulligan after such esteemed praise.

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:49 pm

Angry Kiwi Watch

Rant began at 7/5/14 13.40
Ended 13.48

Ferocity of rant: 3/5

Description of rant:
scowling, various incredulous expressions
bellowing "f*ck you", "f*ck this" and "I hate this f*cking place" at his screen, further mutters of "I hate this f*cking place"
slamming his fist into the desk, hitting his the delete button extra hard, kicking a cage and muttering "f*ck this, I'm going on lunch"
trying to slam the door, moving the bit of cardboard obstructing the door out of the way and then slamming the door

Head colour: pink (slightly more so than normal)

Reason for rant: he received an e-mail that used the phrases "high-profile activity" and "high priority"

Attire:  green shirt, black trousers

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:50 pm

Was so busy watching the angry Kiwi that I missed the hole of the golf-punning session.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 07 May 2014, 1:52 pm

Galted wrote:I missed the hole of the golf-punning session.

Me too, i was making some tee.

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 1:57 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
Galted wrote:I missed the hole of the golf-punning session.

Me too, i was making some tee.

I wood give anything to say something so clever.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 07 May 2014, 1:58 pm

Galted wrote:I wood give anything to say something so clever.

My puns need to be ironed out to be fair...

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Post by Pal Joey Wed 07 May 2014, 1:59 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
Galted wrote:I missed the hole of the golf-punning session.

Me too, i was making some tee.

With your handicup?

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 2:01 pm

Hello, Lb. Good to see you chipping in as well.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 07 May 2014, 2:03 pm

Galted wrote:Hello, Lb. Good to see you chipping in as well.

he can be excused being a bit late to the punnery as he lives a fairway from here

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Post by Union Cane Wed 07 May 2014, 2:04 pm

Some quality punnage on show here, putting my effort to shame.
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Post by Pal Joey Wed 07 May 2014, 2:06 pm

G'day mate. Shocking put wasn't it?

Watching "Bite Me with Dr Mike Leahy" - he showed some awful, very sore looking pus infections shearers can get from infected sheep. One poor bastard has this "globe" of pus about the size of the top third of an orange on his head. Yeow!! (apparently it goes away after 6 weeks)

Ahh... he's found a taipan now. Lovely.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 2:10 pm

Galted wrote:

Attire:  green shirt

Wilted spinach colour?

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 07 May 2014, 2:10 pm

Hope all these high standard golf puns don't become an albatross around our necks.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 07 May 2014, 2:11 pm

Julius wrote:Hope all these high standard golf puns don't become an albatross around our necks.

It hopefully will not with wordsmith admins such as yourself keeping an eagle eye on proceedings Julius...

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 2:18 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

Attire:  green shirt

Wilted spinach colour?

Lighter than that, possibly due to use.

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 2:21 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

Attire:  green shirt

Wilted spinach colour?

Lighter than that, possibly due to use.

Worked in DIY a while has he?

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Post by Union Cane Wed 07 May 2014, 2:23 pm

That was a slice of luck.
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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 2:43 pm

The Angry Kiwi's back from lunch, ranting even worse than before.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 07 May 2014, 2:48 pm

Galted wrote:The Angry Kiwi's back from lunch, ranting even worse than before.

What is he on the GAKFS now?

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 2:49 pm

Still 3, seemed on the verge of breaking a 4 but has gone off now to do whatever it was the email requested him to do.

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Post by ShahenshahG Wed 07 May 2014, 2:50 pm

Galted wrote:The Angry Kiwi's back from lunch, ranting even worse than before.
Bite into a kiwi fruit and say look, i'm eating your mum out - it'll calm him down I promise
























 Fingers Crossed

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 2:53 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:
Galted wrote:The Angry Kiwi's back from lunch, ranting even worse than before.
Bite into a kiwi fruit and say look, i'm eating your mum out - it'll calm him down I promise
























 Fingers Crossed

He'd probably be vaguely ok with that. If I said, "going forward, please cascade the information that I'm going to eat your mum out" he'd cut me up with his Stanley knife.

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 3:03 pm

Ask him round your desk for a brainstorming session with a flipchart.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Wed 07 May 2014, 3:04 pm

Kiwi fruits originated in China.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 07 May 2014, 3:10 pm

Charles II was allergic to Braeburn apples.

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Post by superflyweight Wed 07 May 2014, 3:11 pm

Chinese food originates in New Zealand.

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Post by Rowley Wed 07 May 2014, 3:28 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Ask him round your desk for a brainstorming session with a flipchart.

I would like the angry Kiwi to work in the Civil Service, he would go Dumblane before lunch time.

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 3:30 pm

superflyweight wrote:Chinese food originates in New Zealand.  

I was thinking of you the other day. Desperate for a cr@p on sunday morning but had the bird's friends staying over. Fabricated a story that I needed to clean her car so drove off, dumped the car at one of those east european car washes and strolled into town. All the shops were shut and public toilets closed. By this time my ring was at its wits end so picked the clean car up, drove home and opted for the dump / shower combo.

Unfortunately the curry I cooked the night before had played havoc with my guts and the bog was destroyed. Despite opening the window and blocking the door with a towel, the fumes got caught in a jet stream type airflow, straight downstairs to the kitchen where the missus and her girl friends were eating there breakfast. I was mortified. Missus made me apologise.

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Post by Galted Wed 07 May 2014, 3:39 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Chinese food originates in New Zealand.  

I was thinking of you the other day. Desperate for a cr@p on sunday morning but had the bird's friends staying over. Fabricated a story that I needed to clean her car so drove off, dumped the car at one of those east european car washes and strolled into town. All the shops were shut and public toilets closed. By this time my ring was at its wits end so picked the clean car up, drove home and opted for the dump / shower combo.

Unfortunately the curry I cooked the night before had played havoc with my guts and the bog was destroyed. Despite opening the window and blocking the door with a towel, the fumes got caught in a jet stream type airflow, straight downstairs to the kitchen where the missus and her girl friends were eating there breakfast. I was mortified. Missus made me apologise.

Did you use your guts to threaten them into a foursome?

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 07 May 2014, 3:42 pm

Galted wrote:
Did you use your guts to threaten them into a foursome?

I blew that on Saturday night. Turned up stinking of booze, diesel and fags (not supposed to be smoking). Food restored some points but I was pretty lashed up by poontang time.

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