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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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Post by kingraf Thu 01 May 2014, 9:58 am

First topic message reminder :

You say tomato, I say Tamara Ecclestone (who michaels has almost certainly probably had a slice of)
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 9:54 am

Kim it is then.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 9:56 am

You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 9:58 am

I can stretch to that. She can meet me at a boozer after work. I'll make a day of it.

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Post by superflyweight Thu 08 May 2014, 9:58 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Steer clear of all you can eat buffets if you want things to progress quickly.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:00 am

superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Steer clear of all you can eat buffets if you want things to progress quickly.  

Good point. Didn't Tino mention that Kimberley is Kim-burly?

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:03 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Steer clear of all you can eat buffets if you want things to progress quickly.  

Good point. Didn't Tino mention that Kimberley is Kim-burly?

She has a very pretty face but thighs like Jason Leonard.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:05 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 10:08 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Steer clear of all you can eat buffets if you want things to progress quickly.  

Good point. Didn't Tino mention that Kimberley is Kim-burly?

She has a very pretty face but thighs like Jason Leonard.

How tall? Can't remember if I asked. Like the sound of the thighs.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 10:08 am

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I've got first dibs on it.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:09 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Steer clear of all you can eat buffets if you want things to progress quickly.  

Good point. Didn't Tino mention that Kimberley is Kim-burly?

She has a very pretty face but thighs like Jason Leonard.

How tall? Can't remember if I asked. Like the sound of the thighs.

 Shocked 

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:10 am

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know. I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part. That might be a deal breaker. I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:13 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Steer clear of all you can eat buffets if you want things to progress quickly.  

Good point. Didn't Tino mention that Kimberley is Kim-burly?

She has a very pretty face but thighs like Jason Leonard.

How tall? Can't remember if I asked. Like the sound of the thighs.

Not sure. Shorter than me and I am about 5'10 ish. Maybe 5'6 or something like that.

Not a midget but not Amazonian either. I should add that her large thighs are attached to an enormous bottom. It has it's own postcode.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:13 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I've got first dibs on it.

Fine with me.  You deserve a session after those stuck-up closet rugmunchers got offended by you having a dump.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 10:15 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Steve Irwin

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:16 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Steve Irwin

Andrew Marr.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:16 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Ask her if she fancies Ray Mears. That should resolve the situation.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:17 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Ask her if she fancies Ray Mears. That should resolve the situation.

Tried that. She said he was even uglier than Jurgen Klopp.

But don't worry, Galted doesn't look like Ray Mears, he just dresses like him. We can rectify that with a bit of teamwork.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:20 am

Heard a decent joke the other day. Jurgen Klopp stated that he was not interested in the Man Utd manager's job, but they could try his brother, Klippety.

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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:21 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Cheers, Tino.  This is me waiting to buy some kittens at the Battersea Dogs And Cats Home.

Spoiler:
The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved - Page 12 Hot+guy

I would have worn my Jack Wolfskin 3-in-1 but I lent it to some orphans for shelter.

Tell her to sort her ar$e out, I'm not doing her if my hands disappear into her buttocks.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:23 am

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Cheers, Tino.  This is me waiting to buy some kittens at the Battersea Dogs And Cats Home.

Spoiler:
The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved - Page 12 Hot+guy

I would have worn my Jack Wolfskin 3-in-1 but I lent it to some orphans for shelter.

Tell her to sort her ar$e out, I'm not doing her if my hands disappear into her buttocks.

Wow, not the mental image I had of you at all. You're not lying are you? That better had be you before I send it on to Kim.

I don't want to mess with her emotions. I will, however, tell her to tone up her buttocks.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 10:23 am

Explain to Kim I can guarantee her at least one orgasm.

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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:24 am

seanmichaels wrote:Explain to Kim I can guarantee her at least one orgasm.

I'll just stay home and have a biiiig w*nk.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:26 am

seanmichaels wrote:Explain to Kim I can guarantee her at least one orgasm.

You're taking a vibrator with you?

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:27 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Explain to Kim I can guarantee her at least one orgasm.

You're taking a vibrator with you?

He is taking someone else with him.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 10:28 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Explain to Kim I can guarantee her at least one orgasm.

You're taking a vibrator with you?

Nope. Just the single barrelled pump action yoghurt rifle.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:30 am

seanmichaels wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Explain to Kim I can guarantee her at least one orgasm.

You're taking a vibrator with you?

Nope. Just the single barrelled pump action yoghurt rifle.

Yeah, I've seen those for sale on Firebox.

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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:30 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You might have to buy her dinner before she puts out.

Let her know that if she loses a lot of weight without her skin getting flappy I might be interested but it would strictly be a one-off with no meal option and it would be appreciated it if she was already drunk when she arrived at the rendezvous.

I will email her to let her know.  I think you should reconsider the 'no-meal' part.  That might be a deal breaker.  I hope Sean doesn't get upset with you muscling in.

She knows what michaels looks like, would you like me to describe you to her so she can make a considered decision?  

Cheers, Tino.  This is me waiting to buy some kittens at the Battersea Dogs And Cats Home.

Spoiler:
The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved - Page 12 Hot+guy

I would have worn my Jack Wolfskin 3-in-1 but I lent it to some orphans for shelter.

Tell her to sort her ar$e out, I'm not doing her if my hands disappear into her buttocks.

Wow, not the mental image I had of you at all.  You're not lying are you?  That better had be you before I send it on to Kim.

I don't want to mess with her emotions.  I will, however, tell her to tone up her buttocks.

I don't really look like that. I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:37 am

Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on. I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:39 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on.  I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


Thanks, Tino, you're a real pal. Rest assured that no-one's ever come to regret trusting me.

I must insist that she sorts her weight out though.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 10:41 am

Windows looks like a fat Michael McIntyre

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:42 am

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on.  I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


Thanks, Tino, you're a real pal.  Rest assured that no-one's ever come to regret trusting me.

I must insist that she sorts her weight out though.

Do you have a target weight in mind for her? I would estimate she is around 195lbs at the moment. Undeniably big but not in the behemoth class yet.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:43 am

seanmichaels wrote:Windows looks like a fat Michael McIntyre

I'm not fat. I'm not even as fat as Michael McIntyre.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:43 am

I picture him as Michael McIntrye with a moustache and a green polo shirt.
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Post by superflyweight Thu 08 May 2014, 10:43 am

Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:44 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on.  I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


In fairness, it sounds as though Kim would benefit from toning up a bit and so the promise of Galted's admirable physique false photo will do her some good regardless. It's a win-win scenario for her.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:45 am

superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:45 am

Galted wrote:I picture him as Michael McIntrye with a moustache and a green polo shirt.

Pretty accurate. No polo shirt though.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:45 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on.  I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


Thanks, Tino, you're a real pal.  Rest assured that no-one's ever come to regret trusting me.

I must insist that she sorts her weight out though.

Do you have a target weight in mind for her?  I would estimate she is around 195lbs at the moment.  Undeniably big but not in the behemoth class yet.

Jesus! If there were two of them 195lbs would be more acceptable.
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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:46 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

Oh f*ck off, Julius! This is a serious discussion, we've no time for your frivolity.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 10:47 am

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on.  I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


Thanks, Tino, you're a real pal.  Rest assured that no-one's ever come to regret trusting me.

I must insist that she sorts her weight out though.

Do you have a target weight in mind for her?  I would estimate she is around 195lbs at the moment.  Undeniably big but not in the behemoth class yet.

Jesus!  If there were two of them 195lbs would be more acceptable.

I told you she was well covered.  Right from the beginning.

Don't come on all shy now, you knew the rules before this all started.


Last edited by Mind the windows Tino. on Thu 08 May 2014, 10:48 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : arsebags)

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:49 am

Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

Oh f*ck off, Julius!  This is a serious discussion, we've no time for your frivolity.

Cyberbully.

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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:49 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:

I don't really look like that.  I took up gym and rowing shortly after that photo was taken.

Well, I think this may be a mistake, Galted, but I am going to trust you and send the picture on.  I am going to be furious if Kim goes to all the trouble of shedding a bit of timber to meet you and you turn out to look nothing like your picture.


Thanks, Tino, you're a real pal.  Rest assured that no-one's ever come to regret trusting me.

I must insist that she sorts her weight out though.

Do you have a target weight in mind for her?  I would estimate she is around 195lbs at the moment.  Undeniably big but not in the behemoth class yet.

Jesus!  If there were two of them 195lbs would be more acceptable.

I told you she was well covered.  Right from the beginning.

Don't come on all shy now, you knew the rules before this all started.

Still up for it, the requisite weight-shedding may take a little longer than anticipated though.
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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 10:50 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

Oh f*ck off, Julius!  This is a serious discussion, we've no time for your frivolity.

Cyberbully.

Run away!
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 10:54 am

Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

Oh f*ck off, Julius!  This is a serious discussion, we've no time for your frivolity.

Cyberbully.

Run away!

I'm very upset. Could you write an emo poem for me, to express my feelings?

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 11:08 am

I'll do a 195-er.

Just saw the Jordan video. She needs to pull her finger out a bit. Once did a bird who had a similar physique. She would have been brilliant long term but her clothes smelt of cooking. Couldn't hack it.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 11:16 am

seanmichaels wrote:I'll do a 195-er.

Just saw the Jordan video. She needs to pull her finger out a bit. Once did a bird who had a similar physique. She would have been brilliant long term but her clothes smelt of cooking. Couldn't hack it.

I work in IT. I once had a bird whose clothes smelt of hacking. Couldn't cook it.

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Post by Galted Thu 08 May 2014, 11:23 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

Oh f*ck off, Julius!  This is a serious discussion, we've no time for your frivolity.

Cyberbully.

Run away!

I'm very upset. Could you write an emo poem for me, to express my feelings?

It's sh1t being old, but you young folk don't care
That my face is now leather and my nostrils sprout hair
My monocle's busted, old age took my friends
I have no teeth left to chew on my Cremes Parissienes
I crap in my bed, I can't help where I wee
my youngest granddaughter just turned eighty-three
Young Tino's a-wooing my wife with no shame
He stalkerishly bought her a new zimmer frame
my children won't visit, they say I'm a bore
when I tell them my tales of the Crimean war
I know I go on a bit and perhaps I'm being silly
but there's creaking whenever I get a rise from my willy
I've had enough being positive, my motto's now "screw it"
I'd top myself if I could only recall how to do it
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 08 May 2014, 11:28 am

Excellent!

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 08 May 2014, 11:33 am


Forevermore
© Caroline Olin
I look up into the clear sky
The tears run like liquid crystals down my face
Because of this the angels cry
Because I have this life to waste

The frost and snowflakes bites me
The beauty of their faces clear
The loveliness is just to spite me
And they run down, they turn to ice; my tears

I see red all around me
What is this, what is sounding?
Why does the blood run down from my eyes?
Is that why I did? Did I cry?

Through the window I see
I see your face, full of longing,
Fingers reaching out like a tree
But we can never reach

What is that I see in the mirror?
Is that I? In the reflection?
Why do I look like I am dead?
Because I am being cut apart, section by section…

Is this the time, or is it too late?
Should I choose to stay or choose to jump?
For living in a world with all this hate
Can make a person want to die

I have feelings too, you know
I may always talk in monotone
But look more closely, for it is a mask
The only reason that I do not tell…is not one cares enough to ask

The fire in my heart,
It has long gone out
The twists, the blood, the veins, they are like art
Every heartbeat is just a-shout, a-shout, a-shout

I reach in the dark
I long for some light,
For what is the point of being,
If you have to live in fright?

She would feel the ice creeping, growing in her chest
And soon, she knew, she would ever rest
But there was one last thing she had to do
She had to say goodbye, I love you too

And then, the angels said,
The poor girl perished into the land of dead
For all of it she could take no more
And there she shall wait, forevermore




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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 08 May 2014, 11:35 am

Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Have we ruled out the possibility that Kim might be Toppy in a wig?  

Or that Kim might be Top Hat in a, er, top hat.

Oh f*ck off, Julius!  This is a serious discussion, we've no time for your frivolity.

Cyberbully.

Run away!

I'm very upset. Could you write an emo poem for me, to express my feelings?

It's sh1t being old, but you young folk don't care
That my face is now leather and my nostrils sprout hair
My monocle's busted, old age took my friends
I have no teeth left to chew on my Cremes Parissienes
I crap in my bed, I can't help where I wee
my youngest granddaughter just turned eighty-three
Young Tino's a-wooing my wife with no shame
He stalkerishly bought her a new zimmer frame
my children won't visit, they say I'm a bore
when I tell them my tales of the Crimean war
I know I go on a bit and perhaps I'm being silly
but there's creaking whenever I get a rise from my willy
I've had enough being positive, my motto's now "screw it"
I'd top myself if I could only recall how to do it

 Laugh 

Bravo.

Mind the windows Tino.
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