The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

Sh1t on here today.

No - holiday is next week. Disappointing - no one else was up for it, despite the fact that I didn't do a Michaels and bung up my toilet with a barely digested curry.

I thought long and hard about how to mark my 15,000th post. Was considering underplaying it and just making it my usual poorly constructed and ill thought out grammatical minefield that is typical of the other 14,999, but such laziness just will not suffice. If the culture cup has taught us anything, and I cling to the fantasy that it has, it is that the only true art form and means of self expression left to us is bad EMO poetry.

Where once was a green badge, the respect of my peers
Sits a husk of a man, a face stained with tears
Julius mocks me, makes me depressed
Michaels seems happy, but is clearly repressed
Can happiness be found in a pair of hi tecs
Or a fictitious wife and imaginary sex?
Tina hates me and I don’t know why
He prefers the pseudo ways of superfly.
I look in the mirror and things seem so black
Maybe the boxing board will welcome me back.

I just tried to have a dump but nothing's coming out. The combination of straining and inadvertently pressing on my pressure points caused my legs to go to sleep and I had huge difficulty walking up the stairs and back to my desk. A coffee should put that right.

Rowley wrote:I thought long and hard about how to mark my 15,000th post. Was considering underplaying it and just making it my usual poorly constructed and ill thought out grammatical minefield that is typical of the other 14,999, but such laziness just will not suffice. If the culture cup has taught us anything, and I cling to the fantasy that it has, it is that the only true art form and means of self expression left to us is bad EMO poetry.

Where once was a green badge, the respect of my peers
Sits a husk of a man, a face stained with tears
Julius mocks me, makes me depressed
Michaels seems happy, but is clearly repressed
Can happiness be found in a pair of hi tecs
Or a fictitious wife and imaginary sex?
Tina hates me and I don’t know why
He prefers the pseudo ways of superfly.
I look in the mirror and things seem so black
Maybe the boxing board will welcome me back.

Bravo Jeff. Beautiful stuff and a fitting post to mark the occasion.

One thing, I don't hate you. Although I do prefer Superfly. That much is true.

Rowley wrote:
Where once was a green badge, the respect of my peers
Sits a husk of a man, a face stained with tears
Julius mocks me, makes me depressed
Michaels seems happy, but is clearly repressed
Can happiness be found in a pair of hi tecs
Or a fictitious wife and imaginary sex?
Tina hates me and I don’t know why
He prefers the pseudo ways of superfly.
I look in the mirror and things seem so black
Maybe the boxing board will welcome me back.

Douze Points.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:One thing, I don't hate you.  Although I do prefer Superfly.  That much is true.

In all fairness Tina I prefer superfly to me so can't hold it against you too much.

Very good Jeff, you haven't disgraced yourself in the battle of the milestones, or the "milestone battle" as I like to call it. Post 15001 was quite good as well. Sorry about the dump story.

Galted wrote:Very good Jeff, you haven't disgraced yourself in the battle of the milestones, or the "milestone battle" as I like to call it.  Post 15001 was quite good as well.  Sorry about the dump story.

I think he beat me in the "milestone battle" or "battle of the milestones" as I like to call it.

Jeff outwitted me and made me talk about soccerball.  I have been thinking about the footy thing, Jeff/Galted.  If, and I mean if, I could get the £200 million together, I will make Aston Villa play in a wilted spinach coloured green strip with pullovers.  Hope that won't upset you Villans too much.

Galted, I tried to inject a bit of culture with a Caligula reference but you dumped (or not) all over it.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Very good Jeff, you haven't disgraced yourself in the battle of the milestones, or the "milestone battle" as I like to call it.  Post 15001 was quite good as well.  Sorry about the dump story.

I think he beat me in the "milestone battle" or "battle of the milestones" as I like to call it.

Jeff outwitted me and made me talk about soccerball.  I have been thinking about the footy thing, Jeff/Galted.  If, and I mean if, I could get the £200 million together, I will make Aston Villa play in a wilted spinach coloured green strip with pullovers.  Hope that won't upset you Villans too much.

Galted, I tried to inject a bit of culture with a Caligula reference but you dumped (or not) all over it.

Apologies, Tino, though Caligula is about as relevant to culture as Debbie Does Dallas or White Dicks Black Chicks vol 2.

You'd change the Villa strip to green at your peril as people would be pointing at you in the street saying "Villa w*nker" unless you changed your wardrobe to, say, claret and blue.

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:One thing, I don't hate you.  Although I do prefer Superfly.  That much is true.

In all fairness Tina I prefer superfly to me so can't hold it against you too much.

I prefer me too.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Very good Jeff, you haven't disgraced yourself in the battle of the milestones, or the "milestone battle" as I like to call it.  Post 15001 was quite good as well.  Sorry about the dump story.

I think he beat me in the "milestone battle" or "battle of the milestones" as I like to call it.

Jeff outwitted me and made me talk about soccerball.  I have been thinking about the footy thing, Jeff/Galted.  If, and I mean if, I could get the £200 million together, I will make Aston Villa play in a wilted spinach coloured green strip with pullovers.  Hope that won't upset you Villans too much.

Galted, I tried to inject a bit of culture with a Caligula reference but you dumped (or not) all over it.

Apologies, Tino, though Caligula is about as relevant to culture as Debbie Does Dallas or White Dicks Black Chicks vol 2.

You'd change the Villa strip to green at your peril as people would be pointing at you in the street saying "Villa w*nker" unless you changed your wardrobe to, say, claret and blue.

Chim, chimney
Chim, chimney
Chim, chim, cher-oo
Who are those w*nkers in claret and blue?

Rowley wrote:I thought long and hard about how to mark my 15,000th post. Was considering underplaying it and just making it my usual poorly constructed and ill thought out grammatical minefield that is typical of the other 14,999, but such laziness just will not suffice. If the culture cup has taught us anything, and I cling to the fantasy that it has, it is that the only true art form and means of self expression left to us is bad EMO poetry.

Where once was a green badge, the respect of my peers
Sits a husk of a man, a face stained with tears
Julius mocks me, makes me depressed
Michaels seems happy, but is clearly repressed
Can happiness be found in a pair of hi tecs
Or a fictitious wife and imaginary sex?
Tina hates me and I don’t know why
He prefers the pseudo ways of superfly.
I look in the mirror and things seem so black
Maybe the boxing board will welcome me back.

15 thou
That's grand

In fact, it's 15 grand

Geoffrey!
Rowley!

Galted wrote:I just tried to have a dump but nothing's coming out.  The combination of straining and inadvertently pressing on my pressure points caused my legs to go to sleep and I had huge difficulty walking up the stairs and back to my desk.  A coffee should put that right.

Just had a terrific poo myself. Think the coffee from the canteen has more loosening qualities than the coffee from the machine.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:I just tried to have a dump but nothing's coming out.  The combination of straining and inadvertently pressing on my pressure points caused my legs to go to sleep and I had huge difficulty walking up the stairs and back to my desk.  A coffee should put that right.

Just had a terrific poo myself. Think the coffee from the canteen has more loosening qualities than the coffee from the machine.

No joy yet with a poo or a coffee, though the numb-legged walk upstairs is probably good practice for getting old.

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:I just tried to have a dump but nothing's coming out.  The combination of straining and inadvertently pressing on my pressure points caused my legs to go to sleep and I had huge difficulty walking up the stairs and back to my desk.  A coffee should put that right.

Just had a terrific poo myself. Think the coffee from the canteen has more loosening qualities than the coffee from the machine.

No joy yet with a poo or a coffee, though the numb-legged walk upstairs is probably good practice for getting old.

Definitely. It also helps if you're trailing poo and dribbling coffee at the same time.

Bit of an anticlimax after all the milestones being reached within such a short space of time. A good thing that we've got my excellent thread-opener.

He opened
the thread

He gives his sister head

Galted!
Galted!

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:He opened
the thread

He gives his sister head

Galted!
Galted!

No
I don't

I'd like to but she won't

Dumb b1tch!
Lesbo!

She does it
for me

She lets me drink her wee

Galted's sister!
Galted's sister!

Sh!t on here
today

I like to read that every day

Opener!
Opener!

How did the big match go last night, Jules?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:How did the big match go last night, Jules?

It was like all my life's dreams have been setting themselves up to be shattered and last night was the hammer.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:How did the big match go last night, Jules?

It was like all my life's dreams have been setting themselves up to be shattered and last night was the hammer.

So Beryl from the nursing home smashed you again?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:How did the big match go last night, Jules?

It was like all my life's dreams have been setting themselves up to be shattered and last night was the hammer.

So Beryl from the nursing home smashed you again?

Worse, she then rejected my post-match advances.

By the way, turns out dagless was H R Giger.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:She does it
for me

She lets me drink her wee

Galted's sister!
Galted's sister!

F*ck you
Tino

Stay off her camel toe

F*ck you
F*ck you

JuliusHMarx wrote:By the way, turns out dagless was H R Giger.

Nah, he said he'd be off to Ireland for a few days.

To paraphrase certain Celtic supporters:

He's off to Ireland in the green
F*ck the Queen

He killed the thread
Mentioned Rick took the queen to bed
Superfly Superfly

He's our favourite
Scotsman

He dines with Gok Wan

Superfly!
Superfly!

Left over chicken a la barrymore, 3 M&S cocktail sausage rolls and some pineapple chunks. Instigated poo number 2.

What's chicken a la Barrymore? Something you fished out of a swimming pool?

Gok Wan is an anagram of go w@nk.

JuliusHMarx wrote:What's chicken a la Barrymore? Something you fished out of a swimming pool?

Outstanding!

The "chicken a la Barrymore" bit was exceptionally funny in its own right.

Sandwich, fruit and that.

Was ok.

superflyweight wrote:Gok Wan is an anagram of go w@nk.  

Even for a pseudo-intellectual, that is poor. Or op is is an anagram for poor...

Just watched the video of Jay Z getting beaten down by his sister in law. Sheesh, give these women one inch and they'll karate kick you to hell and back

Two corned beef sandwiches. Both with brown sauce. (7.95/10)

Packet of Walkers Deep Ridge salt and vinegar crisps. (5.89/10)

5 pink marshmallows (9.133/10) a Penguin bar (7.118/10) and a banana (6.875/10). Pint of water (3.257/10) and a black coffee (8.414/10).

I am scared to go in the canteen after Kim sat next to me so I've been having sarnies.

Shouldn't have had corned beef though. Brought back distressing memories from my time at Goose Green.

Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is there the obiligatory "Clifford F*ckwit and 11 others like this"?

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

Do you get annoyed at intrusive lines of questioning like Julius's or does it secretly thrill you that he's read your post and not forgotten to respond?

I FB'd a colleague at work on Friday night in the taxi home. I was horrified when I read it on Saturday morning.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

she's a person I used to sponge off of in high school. Ever since I finished school, and got a job, she's been some girl.

kingraf wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

she's a person I used to sponge off of in high school. Ever since I finished school, and got a job, she's been some girl.

Have you seen the bird who's getting her back doors smashed in by the barman recently?

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

Do you get annoyed at intrusive lines of questioning like Julius's or does it secretly thrill you that he's read your post and not forgotten to respond?

I feel it's my duty to help the elderly in their pursuit of technological dexterity, so I play along

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

Please tell me you don't have a Facebook account, Jules. That would destroy my last remnants of faith in humanity.

How good would Facebook be if there was an "xx thinks you're a c*nt button" next to the "like" button?

Just to clarify then - the brother of someone you know well enough to be friends with on Facebook is dying, if not already dead?

seanmichaels wrote:

kingraf wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Logged onto facebook, and some girl is posting a message about how her little brother is in hospital and they're struggling to resuscitate him.

Its rather disturbing that one posts a blow by blow account of something this personal.
Some idiot just posted his condolences... the kid isnt dead yet idiot

Is the 'some girl' a facebook friend of yours, or do you just gets posts from random people?

she's a person I used to sponge off of in high school. Ever since I finished school, and got a job, she's been some girl.

Have you seen the bird who's getting her back doors smashed in by the barman recently?

1) F.uck you Sean.
2) Not lately, but I saw barman a few weeks ago when I went to the Martin Murray fight, which took place where he worked. If he was a foot shorter, and didn't outweigh me by 50lbs, or I'd beat him up