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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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Post by Galted Mon 12 May 2014, 9:51 am

First topic message reminder :

Sh1t on here today.
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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 2:31 pm

I've got a couple of questions for you superfly, they're purely hypothetical, of course.

If you're fingering a 15-year-old girl on the eve of her 16th birthday but only get your knob in after midnight can you be had for statutory r*pe?

Similarly, if a girl born in England (let's say Runcorn or Tooting Bec, for argument's sake) has intercourse in Sydney just after she turns 16, could the chap(s) who got his leg over be had for statutory r*pe if it was not yet her birthday in England?
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 2:32 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:That made me lol out loud, Tina.    
 
Where is Dave?  I've been scanning the news to see if any serial killers have been caught, but nothing!

Don't use l*l, superfly.  

His wife was expecting their second child, I think.  That must have happened.


Am sure a goat has been slaughtered in celebration!  

LOL

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 15 May 2014, 2:33 pm

Tino, you seem to be overlooking super's post-modern ironic use of 'lol' by putting 'out loud' after it.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 2:35 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Tino, you seem to be overlooking super's post-modern ironic use of 'lol' by putting 'out loud' after it.

I missed that. Silly me.

Lol out loud.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 2:35 pm

Neither would be r***?

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Post by superflyweight Thu 15 May 2014, 2:38 pm

Galted wrote:I've got a couple of questions for you superfly, they're purely hypothetical, of course.

If you're fingering a 15-year-old girl on the eve of her 16th birthday but only get your knob in after midnight can you be had for statutory r*pe?

Similarly, if a girl born in England (let's say Runcorn or Tooting Bec, for argument's sake) has intercourse in Sydney just after she turns 16, could the chap(s) who got his leg over be had for statutory r*pe if it was not yet her birthday in England?

Am sure both conundrums were covered in gentle dramedy, "Kingdom" starring Stephen Fry.

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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 2:54 pm

Angry Kiwi's going off on one because he received an email with the word "unacceptable". Not the most spectacular tantrum but it's been going on for ages, each time he reads the "unacceptable" out bit his voice gets more bitter and screechy and he keeps asking us the same rhetorical questions. The best part is that he doesn't really understand how any of the process under contention works.
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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 2:56 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Galted wrote:I've got a couple of questions for you superfly, they're purely hypothetical, of course.

If you're fingering a 15-year-old girl on the eve of her 16th birthday but only get your knob in after midnight can you be had for statutory r*pe?

Similarly, if a girl born in England (let's say Runcorn or Tooting Bec, for argument's sake) has intercourse in Sydney just after she turns 16, could the chap(s) who got his leg over be had for statutory r*pe if it was not yet her birthday in England?

Am sure both conundrums were covered in gentle dramedy, "Kingdom" starring Stephen Fry.  

Thanks, superfly but, as I haven't seen this particular dramedy, I'm still none the wiser. Could you get one of your underlings to do some research into this matter please?
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 3:02 pm

Neither would be r*** if it was consensual.
 
You're getting your Fred Wests mixed up with your Jimmy Savilles.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 3:05 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Neither would be r*** if it was consensual.

You're getting your Fred West's mixed up with your Jimmy Savilles.


It would still be statutory r*pe if the girls were under the age of consent.

Wouldn't it, superfly?

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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 3:06 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Neither would be r*** if it was consensual.
 
You're getting your Fred Wests mixed up with your Jimmy Savilles.

I think statutory r*pe can be consensual. Too scared to type it into google at work though in case it gets flagged.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 3:09 pm

Let's wait for Superfly to give the definitive answer then.

There is no point having a lawyer on the Culture Cup committee and then trying to answer it ourselves.


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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 3:13 pm

You can take her to France and Spain to nob it if you can't wait?

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Post by superflyweight Thu 15 May 2014, 3:15 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Neither would be r*** if it was consensual.

You're getting your Fred West's mixed up with your Jimmy Savilles.


It would still be statutory r*pe if the girls were under the age of consent.

Wouldn't it, superfly?

Yep! Do believe (but my knowledge could be seriously out of date) that even with statutory r*pe, there needs to be penile penetration so Galted is hypothetically only guilty of a sexual assualt of a minor in the first case. In Scotland he would be guilty of the common law of "Lewd and Libidinous Practices" - made all the more lewd and libidinous by the hypothetical 15 year old being his hypothetical sister.

The second case has me genuinely flummoxed, but if in doubt, "hang the paedos".

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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 3:16 pm

seanmichaels wrote:You can take her to France and Spain to nob it if you can't wait?

 Laugh 

If superfly's unavailable michaels can be called upon for sound legal advice.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 3:18 pm

Thank God that Galted is hypothetically not a dribbling pervert who hypothetically preys on hypothetical girls.

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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 3:18 pm

superflyweight wrote: made all the more lewd and libidinous by the hypothetical 15 year old being his hypothetical sister.  

 

She said she was 37 though mum says she lies through what's left of her teeth when she's on the meths.
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Post by superflyweight Thu 15 May 2014, 3:29 pm

Tomorrow I will be running a masterclass on somnambulistic homicide so get your questions in early.

If that goes well, Monday will be a full and frank discussion on the ancient Scottish law of spuilzie.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 3:36 pm

OK, I'll go first.

If I somnambulistically kill my wife and then somnambulistically have sex with her, does that still count as necrophilia or does the fact I am asleep make any difference?

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Post by superflyweight Thu 15 May 2014, 3:39 pm

It's still necrophilia - you'd just have a plea in mitigation.

If sean ever gets to lend Katie Price a portion he will also be guilty of necrophilia.

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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 3:42 pm

What if you hump a 15 year-old-girl in your sleep on the eve of her birthday?
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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 3:49 pm

Part 2 of my hypothetical question. If you murder your wife/husband in your sleep, can you be convicted if you dreamed that you were murdering her/him?
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 3:52 pm

Can a 4 year old be convicted for GBH on his father?

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Post by superflyweight Thu 15 May 2014, 3:56 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Can a 4 year old be convicted for GBH on his father?

Not if Tina's the father.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 4:07 pm

He is not 4.

You set of c*nts.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 4:10 pm

superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Can a 4 year old be convicted for GBH on his father?

Not if Tina's the father.  

Well......

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Post by superflyweight Thu 15 May 2014, 4:12 pm

Lol out loud.

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Post by Union Cane Thu 15 May 2014, 4:23 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:He is not 4.

You set of c*nts.

I believe that the correct collective noun is 'bunch'.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 4:28 pm

Union Cane wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:He is not 4.

You set of c*nts.

I believe that the correct collective noun is 'bunch'.

Concurred. Windows is having a mare today.

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Post by Galted Thu 15 May 2014, 4:30 pm

Pack of c*nts is a viable alternative.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 4:32 pm

I like a 'gaggle' of cnuts

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 15 May 2014, 4:42 pm

You're a pod of c*nts.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 15 May 2014, 4:46 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You're a pod of c*nts.  

You're a dipstick.

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Post by Rowley Thu 15 May 2014, 5:26 pm

Galted wrote:Pack of c*nts is a viable alternative.

I would always choose pack.

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Post by The Boss Thu 15 May 2014, 7:38 pm

Shower of c*nts also works

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Post by trottb Fri 16 May 2014, 5:26 am

Apologies, for the delay, Tino.
 
Spider 1:
The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved - Page 12 Spida210
 
Spider 2:
The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved - Page 12 Spida310
 
I eagerly await the views of the Culture Cup.

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Post by Pal Joey Fri 16 May 2014, 6:56 am

Looks like a male or a young female. It's in attack mode with legs and fangs up... looks angry. Amazing how it stayed alive on the flight (quite dry air and with no food) but they are pretty hardy creatures. Had several close shaves with many of them... my neighbour was bitten by one (through thick gloves) but the antidote had just been developed and she was fine. She said the pain was immense.
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Post by seanmichaels Fri 16 May 2014, 7:43 am

Little f'ker would get napalmed if it came within 20 meters of me.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 16 May 2014, 7:48 am

Ps sh1t on here today

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Post by kingraf Fri 16 May 2014, 7:50 am

Hungover and incredibly sleepy, gonna be a long day today.
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Post by Galted Fri 16 May 2014, 7:54 am

I gave my pubes a trim earlier in the week and now they're itching a tiny bit. Life just isn't fair.
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Post by seanmichaels Fri 16 May 2014, 7:55 am

Galted wrote:I gave my pubes a trim earlier in the week and now they're itching a tiny bit.  Life just isn't fair.

Is itching as bad as farting when you've veeted your bum crack?

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Post by kingraf Fri 16 May 2014, 7:56 am

Galted wrote:I gave my pubes a trim earlier in the week and now they're itching a tiny bit.  Life just isn't fair.

Planning to meet up with any hypothetical 15-year olds?
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Post by Galted Fri 16 May 2014, 8:10 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:I gave my pubes a trim earlier in the week and now they're itching a tiny bit.  Life just isn't fair.

Is itching as bad as farting when you've veeted your bum crack?

That's quality, though noise control is a bit difficult.
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Post by Galted Fri 16 May 2014, 8:12 am

kingraf wrote:
Galted wrote:I gave my pubes a trim earlier in the week and now they're itching a tiny bit.  Life just isn't fair.

Planning to meet up with any hypothetical 15-year olds?

There are a few issues for superfly to clear up before that can happen again.
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Post by seanmichaels Fri 16 May 2014, 8:16 am

Was down at the club last night and the president's alcoholic son is back at home. He's in his late 40's and is an absolute mess. We all know he's been away at rehab but apparently he's rejoined the SAS and has spent the last few months in Australia deep sea diving. Wrecked his ears by all accounts and has totally messed up his balance.....
 
I was going to do a drinks review but I only had fosters last night. I'll try some more exotic beers over the weekend  so I have something of interest to say.

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Post by kingraf Fri 16 May 2014, 8:33 am

seanmichaels wrote:Was down at the club last night and the president's alcoholic son is back at home. He's in his late 40's and is an absolute mess. We all know he's been away at rehab but apparently he's rejoined the SAS and has spent the last few months in Australia deep sea diving. Wrecked his ears by all accounts and has totally messed up his balance.....
 
I was going to do a drinks review but I only had fosters last night. I'll try some more exotic beers over the weekend  so I have something of interest to say.

No worries mate, I'll fill in with my drink review from last night.

Student Night in Jo'burg, where dirt cheap alcohol is... dirt cheap. Arrived at the bar at 10pm, with a few mates.
Smirnoff Guarana price, R8.99 (about 55 pennies, I suppose) for a can. Had half a dozen.
Taste 9/10
Price 10/10
efffectiveness - 4/10

Smirnoff vodka. Price R5 for a shot (40 pennies, give or take). Had three,possibly four
Taste 2/10 (I mean its neat vodka)
Price 9/10
Effectiveness - 8/10, got me dancing.

Random birthday celebration mix. Price R8 a glass (about half a liter). Had four-six
Price - 10/10
Taste - NA
Effectiveness - NA

Free iced Water - Free
Price 10/10
Taste 10/10
Effectiveness (at sobering me up) 0/10, like fighting a shark with a water gun.

Overall, got wasted on less than ten pounds, and I feel like Poopie today. P!ssed a lot as well

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Post by superflyweight Fri 16 May 2014, 8:36 am

Got a day of high culture ahead of me tomorrow. Meeting two of my mates (my only two mates) at 13:00 in Edinburgh and going straight to a German pub called Brahaus to indulge in an orgy of football:

15:00 - Scottish Cup Final between St Johnstone and Dundee United (glamour tie whichever way you look at it)
17:00 - Spanish title decider between Barcelona and Atleti (despite my enormous man love for Iniesta I'm hoping Atleti do it)
19:00 - German Cup Final between Dortmund and Bayern (c'mon Dortmund).

My last train home is 11:30, which means that, if my arithmetic is holding up under the excitement, gives me 10.25 hours of drinking time (I'll need 15 minutes to stumble my way to the train station).

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 16 May 2014, 8:40 am

You can really sit and watch 3 soccerball matches between 6 teams you don't even follow?

You sad f*cker.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by superflyweight Fri 16 May 2014, 8:44 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You can really sit and watch 3 soccerball matches between 6 teams you don't even follow?

You sad f*cker.

Give me some alcohol and a semi-attractive bar maid and I'd watch Galted shave his pubes all day.

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