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The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

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Post by kingraf Tue 15 Jul 2014, 11:23 am

First topic message reminder :

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Insects, anyone?

Cooking tips?

Action netball?

I don't play action netball!!
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Post by seanmichaels Wed 16 Jul 2014, 9:19 pm

I'm back. Yay! Had an F-18 rattling my windows along with an A380 pretty much touching the oak in my garden. Bit geeky but I love a plane. Warm here too. Had the mistral for 7 out of 9 days.

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Post by Rowley Wed 16 Jul 2014, 9:30 pm

Welcome back Sean

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Post by seanmichaels Wed 16 Jul 2014, 9:42 pm

Tough week. Got belted the night before I went and lost my phone. Missus not happy. Turns out taxi driver has it. Knocked on every door and neighbours said it was mine. Faith in humanity reformed a bit.

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Post by Pal Joey Wed 16 Jul 2014, 10:14 pm

Belted?
Gotta watch those taps. I was once clouted from behind the bar when I wasn't looking. Almost lost my phone too.
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Post by seanmichaels Wed 16 Jul 2014, 10:51 pm

Belted = razzaqed = banjo'd

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 17 Jul 2014, 8:39 am

Fist. Yay! LOL out loud. Hampton. Pubes. Will Ferrell is a c*nt.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 17 Jul 2014, 8:46 am

Jules wrote:Fist. Yay! LOL out loud. Hampton. Pubes. Will Ferrell is a c*nt

Well, barring some well placed puns and occasional food updates, that has us covered for the day on here Jules, saving everyone else the effort...

Well played!

Morning by the way.

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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 8:56 am

Morning all, it was Will Ferrell's birthday yesterday. He was 47.

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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:00 am

Genuine question for you London types. TSMR and I will be gracing our nation’s capital in a couple of months. Doing pure tourist stuff. I want to go to the Imperial War Museum and she wants to go to The Natural History Museum. Has anyone been to these places, where would be a sensible place to stay to achieve these objectives, are there any other such places I should visit. Will I be mugged?

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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:14 am

Hotel?

Trivago.
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Post by Adam D Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:17 am

Rowley wrote:Genuine question for you London types. TSMR and I will be gracing our nation’s capital in a couple of months. Doing pure tourist stuff. I want to go to the Imperial War Museum and she wants to go to The Natural History Museum. Has anyone been to these places, where would be a sensible place to stay to achieve these objectives, are there any other such places I should visit. Will I be mugged?

You will 100% hear some cockney using the words "mugged off" if that helps.

I hate London.

I have no recommendations for you whatsoever. Other than go somewhere else.


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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:33 am

I share your general dislike of the place Adam, however I only ever tend to go for work, so I tend to spend half my day on the tube, wearing a suit and lugging a laptop round. Couple that with having to meet a complete bell end and discuss things I don’t care about I have to suspect I have not seen the place in its best light. A nice relaxing few days with TSMR visiting places I actually want to go to may soften my stance.

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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:42 am

Very warm today, I seem to be sticking to everything.
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Post by Adam D Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:20 am

A fine new OP to be celebrated!

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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:22 am

Adam D wrote:A fine new OP to be celebrated!

Arse, I was led to believe that my Ray Wilkins anagram would take the honours.

Oh well.
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Post by kingraf Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:26 am

If it's any consolation, I was also lead to believe the same thing.
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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:32 am

Some comments disappeared last night. Believe Union's zinger about his burger preference vanished. Not sure what happened. I have threatened previously to delete some stuff to give the op a touch of randomness, but it wasn't me.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:37 am

I went to Natural History museum. Bloody busy, go early on a weekday.

I always like southbank Jeff. Nice walk along the Thames, nice street food, the Tate. Also you're a 10 minute walk from Waterloo so if there are too many woofties / lefties / foreigners you can get out quick.

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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:46 am

Very strange. I feel robbed, cheated even.

I went to the NHM on a school trip, that was a good ten years or so ago now, it has probably changed a bit. The dinosaur out of one of our dinosaurs is missing was there.

I asked the curator how old it was and he said it was 100,000,004 years old. I asked how he could be so precise, and he said he had worked there four years and it was 100,000,000 years old when he started.

drumroll
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Post by kingraf Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:47 am

I thought Union deleted it himself because
A - he didn't want it known that he eats at Burger King
or
B) he didn't want to seem like he killed the thread. Both are reasonable conclusions, I feel.
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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:52 am

I don't have powers of deletion over here, only on the boxing board which I no longer frequent.

I have no fear of killing the thread, I've done it several times already, although obviously nowhere near as many times as old semen chisel.
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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:56 am

Ah, I can delete my own post if it is the last one. Perhaps I did then, f*ck knows.
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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 11:46 am

This gets better.

Just popped outside to absorb some of this wonderful sunshine and I got shat on by a f*cking seagull. I've managed to get most of it off but I now smell faintly of digested fish.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:07 pm

I appear to have semen chiselled the limerick thread so i will try here...

Fish finger butty for dinner, with beans, if I pooed on Union, it may smell faintly of digested fish.

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:32 pm

That's supposed to be good luck, Union. Don't ask me who decided that though.

Got done with a stream of parrot poo once. Yellow, green and semen-like fluid colours.
From the crown of my head, left temple, down my neck and across my shoulders and chest. Guess I'm lucky they weren't live bullets.
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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 12:44 pm

I was standing next to my car, and as the fecal matter was quite watery, the portion that didn't hit me directly hit my rear window and I got caught with the splashback. I swear the f*cker knew exactly what he was doing. I really don't fancy my sandwiches at the moment. Had I not buggered my knee up the other week I would have been playing golf this evening and would have had a spare shirt in the car, as it is I've got to sit here smelling of the seaside. I don't feel lucky.
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Post by Guest Thu 17 Jul 2014, 1:16 pm

Tales of people being sh@t on has really brightened my day. As the father of a 12 week old child, it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Arrived at work at midday to discover the likelihood that I'm also about to be sh@t on (only metaphorically...I hope) from a great height as the denizens of Bradford seem to have gone quite daft overnight.

I've written to the Government suggesting they introduced tranquilizers into the water supply of the homes in certain insalubrious areas, but haven't heard anything back yet.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 17 Jul 2014, 1:23 pm

DAVE wrote:the denizens of Bradford seem to have gone quite daft overnight

They are in a permanent state of daftness DAVE, which particular manifestation of idiocy has impacted you?

Glad to see the breeding programme is going well...

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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Jul 2014, 3:18 pm

Chiselled it again Rick, good work.

Seagull update : Turns out they have some baby seagulls up on the roof, which is why they are being aggressive and dive bombing anyone who goes near them. I know this as one of the baby seagulls has chanced his arm (wing?) and had a go at flying. He wasn't quite ready, and having thudded to the ground in the car park has now been run over and squashed to death by a lorry.
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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 3:22 pm

Who would have thought Tina was Oscar winning film editor Tom Rolf. I never saw that one coming.

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Post by kingraf Thu 17 Jul 2014, 3:59 pm

That is a shocker. When he said he couldn't come to South Africa, I didn't imagine it was because he was on death's door. Drawing of lots to see who gets to raise the feral brood with Mrs Windows?
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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 4:05 pm

kingraf wrote:That is a shocker. When he said he couldn't come to South Africa, I didn't imagine it was because he was on death's door. Drawing of lots to see who gets to raise the feral brood with Mrs Windows?

In all fairness Raf, there are enough kids for us to all take one each and there to still be a few spare. Will say it early I don't want the violent one. Much as I love him for chinning Tina, he does scare me a bit.

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Post by Guest Thu 17 Jul 2014, 4:17 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
DAVE wrote:the denizens of Bradford seem to have gone quite daft overnight

They are in a permanent state of daftness DAVE, which particular manifestation of idiocy has impacted you?

Glad to see the breeding programme is going well...
They just seem to have all tried to rob and pummel each other into oblivion in the last two days and it means I'm going to be extremely busy

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Post by kingraf Thu 17 Jul 2014, 4:19 pm

I'll take him Geoff, think I'll feel safer roaming through the streets of Johannesburg knowing I've got a violent wunderkind protecting/Stalking me.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 17 Jul 2014, 4:55 pm

Summer is here. Winter is dead. But I'm not him.

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Post by kingraf Thu 17 Jul 2014, 5:21 pm

Winter is here, summer is dead. But I'm not her.
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Post by Rowley Thu 17 Jul 2014, 5:32 pm

Winter is Coming (one for the geeks on here)

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Post by Guest Thu 17 Jul 2014, 6:22 pm

Rowley wrote:Winter is Coming (one for the geeks on here)
The geese are getting fat,
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a penny, then God bless you

I know it's not that but all this talk of Winter reminds me that Christmas draws ever nearer

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Post by Galted Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:16 pm

Rowley wrote:Genuine question for you London types. TSMR and I will be gracing our nation’s capital in a couple of months. Doing pure tourist stuff. I want to go to the Imperial War Museum and she wants to go to The Natural History Museum. Has anyone been to these places, where would be a sensible place to stay to achieve these objectives, are there any other such places I should visit. Will I be mugged?

Not too sure on places to stay.  There are plenty of small hotels round Victoria which are within easy walking distance of Hyde Park and Buckingham Palace and, thus, Charing Cross, Trafalgar Square, National Gallery etc.  Any hotel will be ridiculously overpriced so just go for something small and central as you'll be spending most of your time walking around anyway.  You'll be surprised how walkable most places are, don't bother with the tubes as they're just hot and crowded.  If you're knackered the buses are frequent and modern and give you a better view anyway.

For eating, most of the Leicester Square/Covent Garden is overpriced and sh1t though there's a Wrap-It-Up near Charing Cross to keep you going.  If you like Korean there are some decent places on the SW corner of Leicester Square (I think it's Panton Street) and loads southeast of Tottenham Court Road.  There's such a huge variety that you'd be best off doing research beforehand or pm TopHat.

The walk along south bank from London Bridge to the London Eye is pretty good, includes Tate Modern and BFI and good views of St Pauls Cathedral and the river (especially at dusk/night), lots of ok and fairly cheap (for London) restaurants, Cheapside on the other side of the river near the cathedral is also ok for restaurants.  You also get a good view of the Shard and the rest of the new buildings (Gherkin, Heron Tower, Cheesegrater & Walkie-Talkie) that northerners love to hate.

Natural History Museum is worth a visit, it's very close to the Science Museum and Victoria and Albert museum which are also worth a go.  As was previously mentioned it's best not to go on a weekend as they're pretty rammed.  If there's a big queue out front of the NHM try round the side (Exhibition Road between NHM & V&A) as there's another entrance though you have to guess your way through the sh1tty Red Zone (rocks and volcanoes etc) to get to the animal exhibits.

The War Museum is a bit out of the way though it's within walking distance via Westminster Bridge.  Definitely worth a visit, my favourite museum in London, sombre as it is.  Good timing as it's been closed for the whole year for refurbishment, think it reopens this weekend.

With any attraction where you have to pay I'd advise buying tickets beforehand, even if you pay a bit more, as the queues can be a right c*nt and are going to be full of f*reigners which would p*ss you off even more.  If you want to give Romanians a good shoeing there are normally some camping in parks round Mayfair and more playing that "which one is it under?" game on Westminster Bridge.

I'd recommend the following places:
National Gallery (& the adjoining National Portrait Gallery)
Natural History Museum
Science Museum
V&A
Wallace Collection
London Eye
Tower of London
Greenwich (take the DLR from Bank station, elevated for most of the journey so you get some good views.  The DLR is normally driverless so don't panic when it starts and, with luck, you can sit right at the front and pretend that it's you who's driving)

Don't go to the following places as they're sh1t:
London Dungeon
London Aquarium
London Zoo wasn't great either though it's nearly 2 decades since I was there

Ps, if you walk along the Mall from Buckingham Palace towards Trafalgar Square keep a lookout for the small nose carved into one of the bricks on Admiralty Arch (you'd be better off looking it up on the net beforehand) as this will really impress TSMR.  Not too many locals are aware of it.  Apparently there are a few of these noses around London.
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Post by Pal Joey Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:33 pm

Too much info, Galted but very impressive nonetheless.

I did a prt scr screendump for future reference.  OK 
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Post by Galted Fri 18 Jul 2014, 12:10 am

Cheers lb. Would've preferred it to be a day's worth of posts with my grammar and punctuation being ridiculed but I have limited v2 opportunities these days.
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Post by Galted Fri 18 Jul 2014, 12:11 am

Will Ferrell and Jack Whitehall are c*nts.


Last edited by Galted on Fri 18 Jul 2014, 12:13 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : complete and utter cunts.)
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Post by Rowley Fri 18 Jul 2014, 7:27 am

Many thanks Galted, you have now replaced superfly as my current favourite culture cup member.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Jul 2014, 7:42 am

Morning Jeff, was at the NHM about a month or so back and had a very pleasurable time, don't let the outside queues put you off as they motor along. And the V&A is literally next door..

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Post by Union Cane Fri 18 Jul 2014, 7:46 am

rick_dagless wrote:Morning Jeff, was at the NHM about a month or so back and had a very pleasurable time, don't let the outside queues put you off as they motor along.  And the V&A is literally next door..

Read that as "outside queers".
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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Jul 2014, 7:58 am

Union wrote:Read that as "outside queers".

They are generally quite accomodating, and often provide a cold beverage on a warm day.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Jul 2014, 8:20 am

Rowley wrote:Many thanks Galted, you have now replaced superfly as my current favourite culture cup member.

That hurts!

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Jul 2014, 8:24 am

Union Cane wrote:Chiselled it again Rick, good work.

Seagull update : Turns out they have some baby seagulls up on the roof, which is why they are being aggressive and dive bombing anyone who goes near them. I know this as one of the baby seagulls has chanced his arm (wing?) and had a go at flying. He wasn't quite ready, and having thudded to the ground in the car park has now been run over and squashed to death by a lorry.  

What type of gull was it? As you well know, technically there is no such thing as seagull.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Jul 2014, 8:25 am

superflyweight wrote:
Rowley wrote:Many thanks Galted, you have now replaced superfly as my current favourite culture cup member.

That hurts!

You're still my favourite, Superfly.

Actually, you're way below Julius in my affections but you're still in second.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Jul 2014, 8:31 am

You're not my favourite either, Tina.

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