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RWC 2015 - The Joke Thread

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Post by No9 Tue 06 Oct 2015, 1:51 pm

How about some RWC humour...

In the great tradition of Rugby Club banter, how about some RWC jokes.

Only rule is, please no out right racist jokes. By this I mean jokes that laugh AT another minority instead of laughing with them.

This thread is supposed to bring some humour back and not attack others..

If you feel it will offend, then please leave now...


Last edited by No9 on Tue 06 Oct 2015, 1:56 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by maestegmafia Tue 06 Oct 2015, 1:54 pm

Did you know that none of the English rugby team are strong swimmers.

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Post by Scottrf Tue 06 Oct 2015, 1:55 pm

Can't even get out of the pool! Boom boom.

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Post by No9 Tue 06 Oct 2015, 1:55 pm

Q: What do Chris Huhne and Chris Robshaw have in common.
A: On reflection they both wish they'd just taken 3 points

----------------

Guy walks down the street and sees a brand new English rugby shirt in a plastic bag. Turns to his friend "Look that’s ridiculous…they cost 5p now!"

----------------

England are out of the Rugby World Cup. Sponsors VW are said to be fuming.

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Post by No9 Tue 06 Oct 2015, 2:00 pm

Stories continue to appear about "BaaBaa" the sheep that can predict the outcome of the rugby world cup matches. Most teams and players have laughed it off as "harmless fun."

However Warren Gatland has said the Welsh are said to be fully behind him.

Spoiler:
Just so the English don't think this is a thread to pick fun Hug

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Post by No9 Tue 06 Oct 2015, 2:07 pm

The Pope was cruising along a beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off-shore. A helpless man, wearing an English rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 30 foot shark.

As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Welsh, Irish and Scottish rugby jerseys. The Scotsman quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the hapless English fan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned all three to see him, 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatred between the Celts and England rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his mates, 'Who was that?'

'It was the Pope,' one replied. 'He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom.'

'Well,' the harpooner said, 'he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK? Or do we need to get another Englishman?'

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Post by mawhis Tue 06 Oct 2015, 2:09 pm

A man goes to a brothel and says, " I have £40-00 will you humiliate me."

The Madam replies, "Here put on this England shirt!"

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Post by RubyGuby Tue 06 Oct 2015, 3:24 pm

I find this sort of thing distasteful and disrespectful





























Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup thumbsup Wales Wales Wales Wales Wales Wales Wales Wales

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Post by Barney McGrew did it Tue 06 Oct 2015, 4:55 pm

It's quite funny for sure. But it'll get funnier next weekend and hilarious the weekend after.
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Post by LordDowlais Tue 06 Oct 2015, 4:58 pm

I put this one on another thread:-

My mate has just phoned me. He said he was walking down the high street in Bristol and he found a carrier bag with a brand new England jersey inside it.

I said to him how mad the English were, do they realise they have to pay 5p for those bags now.

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Post by Biltong Tue 06 Oct 2015, 5:06 pm

15 Japanese walk into a bar "Herro prease, anyone for a game of rugby?"

15 South Africans crawl out the back door
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Post by Breadvan Tue 06 Oct 2015, 5:50 pm

I'm on a few rugby social media pages and the England jokes and memes over the past week has been relentless. You gotta laugh or you'd go crackers...
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Post by Golden Tue 06 Oct 2015, 6:33 pm

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?



A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

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Post by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 06 Oct 2015, 6:37 pm

The English team walks into a bar.

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Post by majesticimperialman Tue 06 Oct 2015, 6:39 pm

I should not tell this one, but here it goes.

Chris Robshaw.

We all ways back our selves at home. Doh Yahoo Yahoo Yahoo

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Post by maestegmafia Tue 06 Oct 2015, 6:40 pm

Biltong wrote:15 Japanese walk into a bar "Herro prease, anyone for a game of rugby?"

15 South Africans crawl out the back door


I saw a photo of the springbok front row set ready to go for a scrum, with Bismark Du Plessis looking up at the sky.

The caption was "dear god, please don't teach Japan to play cricket"!

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Post by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 06 Oct 2015, 6:41 pm

(No, wait there's more.)

The barman says: Wallaby gents?

The entire English team groans and proceeds to walk out dejectedly.

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Post by Cyril Tue 06 Oct 2015, 7:03 pm

Chris Robshaw walks into a bar. He's feeling a bit nervous following the World Cup exit, but the clientele greet him warmly, telling him he gave his best and not to worry.

“Pint, Chris?” asks one.
“Cheers, mate,” he replies.
“Have one on me,” says a second.
“Get another for him,” pipes up a third.

Robshaw smiles broadly and gives his thanks, telling the guys he’ll just go and phone his girlfriend to say he’ll be home late. Unfortunately he can’t get much of a reception so takes a wander round the block. Eventually, after many attempts, he manages to get through and returns find the pub in darkness and realises it’s after closing time.

The moral of the story is you probably should take the three pints when they’re offered.


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Post by Artful_Dodger Tue 06 Oct 2015, 7:06 pm

The Telegraph has suggested that Eddie O'Sullivan is in the running to be the next England Head Coach - whether or not this is a joke I do not know, but it probably should be.

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Post by Cyril Tue 06 Oct 2015, 7:13 pm

Artful_Dodger wrote:The Telegraph has suggested that Eddie O'Sullivan is in the running to be the next England Head Coach - whether or not this is a joke I do not know, but it probably should be.

I'd rather Ronnie O'Sullivan. At least he would know what to do now that England need snookers to get out of the pool.

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Post by Biltong Tue 06 Oct 2015, 7:56 pm

maestegmafia wrote:
Biltong wrote:15 Japanese walk into a bar "Herro prease, anyone for a game of rugby?"

15 South Africans crawl out the back door


I saw a photo of the springbok front row set ready to go for a scrum, with Bismark Du Plessis looking up at the sky.

The caption was "dear god, please don't teach Japan to play cricket"!

I have a couple of very nice ones about the Japanese, but somehow can't get them on here.

One says " during the week we eat sushi, on saturdays we eat Springbok"
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Post by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 06 Oct 2015, 8:22 pm

Ewen McKenzie walks into the RFU for a job interview. Rob Andrew gets on the phone to his PA: "That Link you sent me is not working."

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Post by Blueschief Tue 06 Oct 2015, 9:20 pm

Cuthbert scoring three tries on Saturday Rolling Eyes

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Post by Biltong Tue 06 Oct 2015, 9:28 pm

Blueschief wrote:Cuthbert scoring three tries on Saturday Rolling Eyes

Cuthbert completing 3 tackles


RWC 2015 - The Joke Thread Smiley-music015
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Post by ebop Wed 07 Oct 2015, 5:51 am

RWC 2015 - The Joke Thread Image12

England team photo

For the 2015 RWC quarter final

Just jokes Whistle
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Post by MacKnocked-on Wed 07 Oct 2015, 9:57 am

During his first training session as Stuart Lancaster's replacement, the new England coach says to the players;
'Ok guys, to help me familiarise myself with the squad I'd like you all to assume your normal positions on the field'
So they all went behind the posts to wait for the conversion...

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Post by Biltong Wed 07 Oct 2015, 10:00 am

Hehehe
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Post by Biltong Wed 07 Oct 2015, 10:01 am

I hope next time we play Japan and the referee says get ready before he blows the whistle to start the match we don't all turn around and bend over
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Post by TightHEAD Wed 07 Oct 2015, 12:31 pm

Gatlands record vs SH opposition.
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Post by fa0019 Wed 07 Oct 2015, 12:38 pm

Joe Marler's haircut... bet he regrets that after being the first English prop to be marched by aussies. What a plank.

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Post by TightHEAD Wed 07 Oct 2015, 12:39 pm

Agreed, but just wait until you see Jack Nowells hair
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Post by RubyGuby Wed 07 Oct 2015, 1:02 pm

TightHEAD wrote:Agreed, but just wait until you see Jack Nowells hair

I just think poor Jack just got it wrong when Lancaster told him to work on his conditioning - Easy mistake, my lads do it all the time

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Post by 21st Century Schizoid Man Wed 07 Oct 2015, 4:21 pm

fa0019 wrote:Joe Marler's haircut... bet he regrets that after being the first English prop to be marched by aussies. What a plank.
You should have put a full stop after Marler !
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Post by Cyril Wed 07 Oct 2015, 4:23 pm

Stuart Hogg's attempt at dive wasn't particularly funny, but Nigel Owens humiliating him certainly was!

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Post by SecretFly Wed 07 Oct 2015, 4:26 pm

Bad show by Nigel to make fun of the sport that was hosting his World Cup game.... the rotter!

Seriously though, I'm surprised he got away with that from the football media journalists.............. proof positive that none of them are watching.... Cool

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Post by Cyril Wed 07 Oct 2015, 4:28 pm

SecretFly wrote:Bad show by Nigel to make fun of the sport that was hosting his World Cup game.... the rotter!

Seriously though, I'm surprised he got away with that from the football media journalists.............. proof positive that none of them are watching.... Cool
Indeed. Moments like that show rugby's moral high ground to be a built on pretty poor foundations. Hogg is a proper twit anyway.

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Post by wales606 Wed 07 Oct 2015, 6:09 pm

Cyril wrote:Chris Robshaw walks into a bar. He's feeling a bit nervous following the World Cup exit, but the clientele greet him warmly, telling him he gave his best and not to worry.

“Pint, Chris?” asks one.
“Cheers, mate,” he replies.
“Have one on me,” says a second.
“Get another for him,” pipes up a third.

Robshaw smiles broadly and gives his thanks, telling the guys he’ll just go and phone his girlfriend to say he’ll be home late. Unfortunately he can’t get much of a reception so takes a wander round the block. Eventually, after many attempts, he manages to get through and returns find the pub in darkness and realises it’s after closing time.

The moral of the story is you probably should take the three pints when they’re offered.

laughing laughing laughing
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Post by Cardiff Dave Wed 07 Oct 2015, 6:17 pm

TightHEAD wrote:Gatlands record vs SH opposition.

Contracted till after 2019 RWC too.

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Post by Cardiff Dave Wed 07 Oct 2015, 6:22 pm

ebop wrote:RWC 2015 - The Joke Thread Image12

England team photo

For the 2015 RWC quarter final

Just jokes Whistle

Gonna need a bigger telly soon to fit in all the Brits.

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Post by ebop Wed 07 Oct 2015, 10:17 pm

Following England's unfortunate performance in the Rugby World Cup, it has been revealed that some players were unhappy with a sponsor's restriction on their choice of headphones. This is a joke right?
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Post by dallym Thu 08 Oct 2015, 9:01 am

Following England's early exit, Steve Hansen and Richie McCaw go around to the English team hotel to comfort Stuart Lancaster.

"But how do you stay so successful?" asks Lancaster, whilst crying.

"It's easy," says Shag. "It's all about having smart players. Watch this."

Hansen calls over McCaw.

"Richie, who is the son of your father, but isn't your brother?"

"That's too simple," smiles Richie, "it's me!"

"See Stu. It's all about smart players"


***

Lancaster decides to test out Hansen's theory. He goes to Sam Burgess's room.

"Hey Sammy," he asks, "who's the son of your father, but isn't your brother?"

"I dunno coach," mumbles Burgess, after he had thought about it for a few minutes.

"Well ponder it tonight, and I'll ask again at breakfast tomorrow," says Lancaster.

That evening Burgess thinks and thinks but can't find the answer. He decides to call Sonny Bill Williams, his old mate from his rugby league days. SBW will know the answer.

"Hey Sonny!" says Burgess. "Who's the son of your father, but isn't your brother?"

"Too easy cuz! It's me!!" laughs Sonny-Bill.


****

At breakfast the next day Sam Burgess heads over to see Lancaster. Lancaster repeats the question.

"Sam. Who's the son of your father, but isn't your brother?"

"It's too easy. I can't believe I couldn't figure it out earlier. It's Sonny-Bill Williams!!"


.....


.....



......



.......



"No you bloody idiot," yells Stuart Lancaster. "The answer is Richie McCaw!"

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Post by Rugby Fan Fri 09 Oct 2015, 12:54 am



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1vJ1T7DeDU

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Post by ebop Fri 09 Oct 2015, 1:59 am

That was a pretty good one dallym. I laughed, but not too loud. Out of respect Wink
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Post by Cyril Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:11 am

I'm waiting for the usual NZ excuses. They're normally vaguely amusing/pathetic.

Get some good ones this time, guys! Smile

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Post by ebop Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:18 am

Excuses for what Cyril?

Getting knocked out of a RWC?

ps. I may add, you guys 'on here' are taking it well so respect for that. It sucks, we've been there, it's horrible but the Phoenix rises perhaps.
Hug
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Post by Scottrf Fri 09 Oct 2015, 9:42 am

The things you endure when you support your country, rather than just pick an international team you like.

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Post by RubyGuby Fri 09 Oct 2015, 11:15 am

I've just thought of this one all by myself:

Robshaw and Wood walk into a bakers - Fella behind the counter recognises them and says "I guess you two will be wanting some turnovers" Yahoo Yahoo Hug

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Post by R!skysports Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:12 pm

The Welsh team were playing England at Twickenham and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Gareth Edwards getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Gareth to go out on his own.

“No worries,” Gareth told them, “I’ll join you later and tell you what happened.” After the game Gareth headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.

“What!” said a furious Ray Gravell, “How did you let them get three points?” Gareth replied apologetically: “I was sent off with 20 minutes to go.”

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Post by lostinwales Sat 10 Oct 2015, 7:40 pm

No9 wrote:Q: What do Chris Huhne and Chris Robshaw and Sam Warburton have in common.
A: On reflection they both wish they'd just taken 3 points




Had to be done..

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Post by No9 Sun 11 Oct 2015, 11:01 pm

Just come accross this.. its contagious..



https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=KHOu2JhvM90&app=desktop

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