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The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

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Post by Rowley Fri 27 Nov 2015, 8:58 am

First topic message reminder :

Sean is a bummer.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:14 am

I get paid £15 an hour to do gardening at the weekends. I sometimes feel guilty given I'm sat on a their mower having a whale of a time. When I'm cutting hedges or chopping down trees £15 an hour is hard earned.....

Did he look happy?

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:16 am

I get paid to talk Sh1t for a living sean, so I wouldn't feel too bad if I were you.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:18 am

rick_dagless wrote:I get paid to talk Sh1t for a living sean, so I wouldn't feel too bad if I were you.

The couple I do it for are lovely. Did about an hour and 20 mins and I insisted they just gave me an hour but he wouldn't have it. £25 and they gave me a dehumidifier (£200 worth) for my flat.

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:19 am

seanmichaels wrote:I get paid £15 an hour to do gardening at the weekends. I sometimes feel guilty given I'm sat on a their mower having a whale of a time. When I'm cutting hedges or chopping down trees £15 an hour is hard earned.....

Did he look happy?

Yeah, always happy. He kept on saying "Namaste" and gave me this acorn type thing at the end. Gives good luck from what I gather.
I gave him cool drinks and a cup of coffee morning and afternoon. At one stage he whipped out his phone and was listening to what sounded like some Nepalese maniac screaming on a video. It was probably just the news though.

He said to me: "Nepal... very bad... very, very bad. Gubment krupt! People angry! Australia... very ni, Gubment good! People very, very ni..."
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:32 am

I worked for Group 4 at an RBS cash vault when I was younger. At weekends I was the only 'guard' there but had 2 Nepalese former Gurkhas for company. They used to love talking about Nepal, brought in a map one weekend and explained how the Geology of the country determines what goes on there.

Big Nepalese community around me. They walk everywhere. Old ones are lovely but the next generations are heavily involved in gang crime apparently.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:40 am

Keep an eye on that f*cker TLD. Standard Asian technique for fleecing white people and gentrified Asians. Don't feel guilty or you'll end up out of pocket next time he comes around.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:41 am

seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

He was probably just trying to rattle the batsman rather than 'spot fixing'.

It's hardly a new thing. I've seen Tino Best do it numerous times. And others. I've seen Andre Nel try it, I've seen Srisanth do it.

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way. Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment. Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:44 am

Also had a knock on the door about 4 hours ago and there was this stunning African girl... about 20, long skinny legs in hot pants with one of those coloured plastic laptops. Sweet face with a cheeky smile. Good English and very confident.

She was going from door to door trying to sign up people to sponsor a child - Save the Children Fund.

I said I would make a donation but she quickly said "we're not allowed to take money.. only sign up sponsors." She also reminded me that a child dies every 5 seconds. She really knew how to work the emotional angle. I had to kindly refuse. I do make contributions to other causes but not to door knockers unfortunately. Feel a bit guilty though.

ShahenshahG wrote:Keep an eye on that f*cker TLD. Standard Asian technique for fleecing white people and gentrified Asians. Don't feel guilty or you'll end up out of pocket next time he comes around.

Noted Shah.
I had to spend a few minutes telling him not to come back tomorrow... too many other workers will be here.


Last edited by The Loaded Dog on Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:46 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

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Post by Adam D Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:51 am

I think today is going to be a good day. I have a feeling today is the day that I ban Hammersmith Harrier for good.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:51 am

The Loaded Dog wrote:Also had a knock on the door about 4 hours ago and there was this stunning African girl... about 20, long skinny legs in hot pants with one of those coloured plastic laptops. Sweet face with a cheeky smile. Good English and very confident.

She was going from door to door trying to sign up people to sponsor a child - Save the Children Fund.

I said I would make a donation but she quickly said "we're not allowed to take money.. only sign up sponsors." She also reminded me that a child dies every 5 seconds. She really knew how to work the emotional angle. I had to kindly refuse. I do make contributions to other causes but not to door knockers unfortunately. Feel a bit guilty though.

You had a great sean-like story going there TLD, then ruined it by not having her really fancy you and being a dead-on cert for a sh@g at the weekend.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:51 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

Why didn't you quote my whole post? You know, the bit where I said I have seen it happen? Or does that not fit nicely into your rather spurious argument?

The no-ball part isn't the important bit. The fact he is taking 4 or 5 yards out of the pitch is. I didn't think I'd need to explain that part. But then it is you, so I should have known better.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:53 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

You don't want to argue with Tino about sports - he's a bit of a sporting expert.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 9:59 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

You don't want to argue with Tino about sports - he's a bit of a sporting expert.

Not just sport, Jules. Pretty much everything.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:04 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

You don't want to argue with Tino about sports - he's a bit of a sporting expert.

Not just sport, Jules.  Pretty much everything.

Except childminding

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:05 am

ShahenshahG wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

You don't want to argue with Tino about sports - he's a bit of a sporting expert.

Not just sport, Jules.  Pretty much everything.

Except childminding

I've got 4 of them under control. I can't help it that one of them is clearly the son of Conor McGregor and not mine.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:10 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

Why didn't you quote my whole post?  You know, the bit where I said I have seen it happen?  Or does that not fit nicely into your rather spurious argument?

The no-ball part isn't the important bit.  The fact he is taking 4 or 5 yards out of the pitch is.  I didn't think I'd need to explain that part.  But then it is you, so I should have known better.

He is not taking 4 or 5 yards out othe pitch. It is less than a yard. I think altering your run up would also have a detrimental effect on your pace given fast bowling is generally all about rhythm. Anyway....

http://www.crictracker.com/twitter-reactions-shannon-gabriels-no-ball-was-the-talk-of-the-town/

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:11 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

You don't want to argue with Tino about sports - he's a bit of a sporting expert.

Not just sport, Jules.  Pretty much everything.

Except childminding

I've got 4 of them under control.  I can't help it that one of them is clearly the son of Conor McGregor and not mine.

Aye but you still should be embarrassed at having to run away from ice cream vans with "mind the child" written across the top

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:14 am

Did your parents ever tell you that the ice cream man had run out of ice cream when the music plays?

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:16 am

Na, they said take a knife with you just in case the white boys come.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:17 am

although I am feeling really bad for you now, Rick.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:18 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I've only seen a no ball like that from Mohammed Amir....

But, if you and your mate think it's a fix, then I'll back you all the way.  Ban him for life and cut his dads hand off as a punishment.  Who are we to go against you and your (quite possibly fictional) mate.

I have never seen nor heard of bowling no balls to rattle batsmen.

Why didn't you quote my whole post?  You know, the bit where I said I have seen it happen?  Or does that not fit nicely into your rather spurious argument?

The no-ball part isn't the important bit.  The fact he is taking 4 or 5 yards out of the pitch is.  I didn't think I'd need to explain that part.  But then it is you, so I should have known better.

He is not taking 4 or 5 yards out othe pitch. It is less than a yard. I think altering your run up would also have a detrimental effect on your pace given fast bowling is generally all about rhythm. Anyway....

http://www.crictracker.com/twitter-reactions-shannon-gabriels-no-ball-was-the-talk-of-the-town/

Ah I see, I didn't realise Tw*tter was alive with this story.  You should have said that first.  Must be true if it's on there.

Gabriel, you're a f*cking cheat and should be banned for life.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:27 am

Sarcy b@stard.

Get your picks in petal.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:32 am

seanmichaels wrote:Sarcy b@stard.

Get your picks in petal.

Already in!

Difficult round this one.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:39 am

Next round already? FFS sean, I'm used to Tino's pace of one round each time he has a new sprog.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:41 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:Next round already? FFS sean, I'm used to Tino's pace of one round each time he has a new sprog.

Culture Cup III will be launched in the new year, Julio.

It is going to be as slick and dynamic as 2.0.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Guest Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:46 am

Morning all, took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning, someone has managed to drive a lorry into a subway (unsure if it's the food chain or the underground walkway) but whatever it is, it's caused a kerfuffle and no mistake

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:50 am

DAVE wrote:Morning all, took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning, someone has managed to drive a lorry into a subway (unsure if it's the food chain or the underground walkway) but whatever it is, it's caused a kerfuffle and no mistake

Yeah cauased havok here too, C**t

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Post by JuliusHMarx Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:52 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Next round already? FFS sean, I'm used to Tino's pace of one round each time he has a new sprog.

Culture Cup III will be launched in the new year, Julio.

It is going to be as slick and dynamic as 2.0.

Excellent - something to look forward to in 2017.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:55 am

DAVE667 wrote:Morning all, took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning, someone has managed to drive a lorry into a subway (unsure if it's the food chain or the underground walkway) but whatever it is, it's caused a kerfuffle and no mistake

You wonder how these things happen.

Old man lives near stonehenge so I drive down the M3 then A303 which is fairly inoffensive dual carriageway. Recently I have seen two single car accidents (being cleaned up) where the car has over turned and ended up in the bushes. Both on a sunday morning, dry conditions and with barely any traffic on a dead straight section of road. WTF they did to end up like that i'll never know.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:55 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Next round already? FFS sean, I'm used to Tino's pace of one round each time he has a new sprog.

Culture Cup III will be launched in the new year, Julio.

It is going to be as slick and dynamic as 2.0.

Excellent - something to look forward to in 2017.

2016 Jules. Gird your loins.


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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:57 am

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-35060070

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 10:57 am

Shah wrote:although I am feeling really bad for you now, Rick.

Cheers man... Though saved me from being TopHat sized I expect.

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Post by Guest Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:20 am

seanmichaels wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:Morning all, took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning, someone has managed to drive a lorry into a subway (unsure if it's the food chain or the underground walkway) but whatever it is, it's caused a kerfuffle and no mistake

You wonder how these things happen.

Old man lives near stonehenge so I drive down the M3 then A303 which is fairly inoffensive dual carriageway. Recently I have seen two single car accidents (being cleaned up) where the car has over turned and ended up in the bushes. Both on a sunday morning, dry conditions and with barely any traffic on a dead straight section of road. WTF they did to end up like that i'll never know.
this one could be possibly a heart attack, fell asleep at the wheel, wet roads, brakes failed, unfamiliar with the road layout, lost control. It's a busy road in the mornings and whilst it's very sad there's been a single fatality, had it happened at 7am and not 2am it could have been catastrophic

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:39 am

DAVE667 wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:Morning all, took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning, someone has managed to drive a lorry into a subway (unsure if it's the food chain or the underground walkway) but whatever it is, it's caused a kerfuffle and no mistake

You wonder how these things happen.

Old man lives near stonehenge so I drive down the M3 then A303 which is fairly inoffensive dual carriageway. Recently I have seen two single car accidents (being cleaned up) where the car has over turned and ended up in the bushes. Both on a sunday morning, dry conditions and with barely any traffic on a dead straight section of road. WTF they did to end up like that i'll never know.
this one could be possibly a heart attack, fell asleep at the wheel, wet roads, brakes failed, unfamiliar with the road layout, lost control. It's a busy road in the mornings and whilst it's very sad there's been a single fatality, had it happened at 7am and not 2am it could have beeren catastrophic

Or a false widow or escaped pet tarantula dropped down in front of his/her face from behind the sun visor.

Sara Lee French Cream Cheesecake... about 90% defrosted. 7.5/10


Last edited by The Loaded Dog on Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:42 am; edited 1 time in total
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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:41 am

TLD wrote:Or a false widow or escaped pet tarantula dropped down in front of his/her face from behind the sun visor.

Could have been immigrants because reasons....

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:45 am

rick_dagless wrote:
TLD wrote:Or a false widow or escaped pet tarantula dropped down in front of his/her face from behind the sun visor.

Could have been immigrants because reasons....

Precisely.
Maybe they saw a truckload of immigrants cutting their way out with a frightened Belgian driver at the wheel... approaching at speed in the rear view mirror.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:50 am

Sounds plausible mate...

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 11:59 am

Heard a loud series of bangs outside the front door a few weeks ago.

When I went out after 30 seconds or so (you know when you try and pretend you didn't hear something?) there were already about 5 or 6 people milling about on the street.

A middle aged lady had accidentally put her foot on the accelerator - instead of the break - when doing a 180 through a roundabout.

She had flattened a give way sign, clipped a decent sized tree, gone through a steel fence... then come to a halt right on the corner of someone's brick wall. Airbag went off in her face/chest and there was a decent sized V-shaped dent in the bonnet, shattered windscreen.

This is true (Jules)... an attractive foreign student was on her way to the station... missed her kneecaps by less than 5 metres. Amazing how quickly the police, ambulance, tow truck arrived. The woman was pretty shaken until some clever person offered her a cup of tea.


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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:01 pm

The Loaded Dog wrote:
escaped pet tarantula dropped down in front of his/her face from behind the sun visor.

We have just re-homed two rabbits from an animal charity as well.

We now have 5 kids, 4 bantam chickens, 2 rabbits, a goldfish and a tarantula.

I'm like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with a bit of Dr Dolittle thrown in.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Alistair Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:02 pm

Amazing how a cup of tea solves everything.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:06 pm

Alistair wrote:Amazing how a cup of tea solves everything.

It was probably the dose of Rohypnol that contributed to your success rather than the tea

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Post by Alistair Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:07 pm

She didn't complain....

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Post by Guest Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:09 pm

Alistair wrote:Amazing how a cup of tea solves everything.
Has anyone told Tyson Fury?

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:14 pm

Some cute bird on the weather channel with a slight lisp saying "thirty thix... chanth of thundersthorms..." all with a smiley face... sort of a light joyous laughter at the end of it.

She always does that. "from the Northwestht to the southeastht..."

Now some serious meteorologist is telling us the real serious facts.
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Post by Alistair Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:14 pm

Do thick as sh*t gypos like him drink tea?

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Post by Rowley Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:22 pm

Afternoon all. Glad to see we have managed to steer the conversation away from sport, was getting extremely concerned scrolling down the page.

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Post by Pal Joey Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:28 pm

Rowley wrote:Afternoon all. Glad to see we have managed to steer the conversation away from sport, was getting extremely concerned scrolling down the page.

It's even worse when you scroll up the page.

Afternoon Rowley.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:43 pm

Shah wrote:It was probably the dose of Rohypnol that contributed to your success rather than the tea

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 10 Dec 2015, 12:52 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
Shah wrote:It was probably the dose of Rohypnol that contributed to your success rather than the tea

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil?

Aye plus it gives his noodle time to dry out and harden

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