The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by **seanmichaels** Thu 17 Dec 2015, 9:37 am

First topic message reminder :

Jeff's Manbag

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 1:27 pm

l*l

Fecking I play with my 2inch man sausage at work. I was supposed to be leaving in October and they are now insisting I am in over Christmas to provide cover. I'm doing them a favour by being here still. C*nts. I may walk. Or get serial to cut them up

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 1:29 pm

I was going to edit the above but that bit of swear flitering is probably the best I have seen.

by Guest Tue 22 Dec 2015, 1:44 pm

Sean, these people clearly don't care about anything other than themselves. I'll happily gut them like the pigs they are leaving their entrails scattered all over with the legend "This one's for Sean" in all it's gore encrusted, ensanguined majesty

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:05 pm

They crumbled under pressure and common sense.

My senior manager is such a pu55y. Starts sweating and flaps like a mofo although in all fairness it was the middle manager causing the issue. Fat c**t.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:41 pm

Michaelsed.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:46 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Michaelsed.

I am michaelsing a few at the moment.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:47 pm

Although I am quite pleased with the weightlifting one.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:47 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Michaelsed.

I am michaelsing a few at the moment.

I've been in a meeting. But I'm back now.

What do you want to talk about?

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:49 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Michaelsed.

I am michaelsing a few at the moment.

I've been in a meeting. But I'm back now.

What do you want to talk about?

Ok, who does the Christmas cooking in the windows household and what will it be this year?

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 2:57 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Michaelsed.

I am michaelsing a few at the moment.

I've been in a meeting. But I'm back now.

What do you want to talk about?

Ok, who does the Christmas cooking in the windows household and what will it be this year?

Mrs Windows will be cooking with some help (interference?) from my mother. Mrs Windows is a decent cook.

It will be the traditional turkey with all the trimmings. The one and only time this year I will eat turkey.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:04 pm

I tend to help my old dear when she's had too much wine. Usually around 9.30am. That's why she buys Turkey crowns and all the trimmings pre-prepped from M&S.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:04 pm

seanmichaels wrote:I tend to help my old dear when she's had too much wine. Usually around 9.30am. That's why she buys Turkey crowns and all the trimmings pre-prepped from M&S.

What do you reckon Jeff is having?

Mutton chops?

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:10 pm

Liver and Onions I expect.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:11 pm

Bread and Jam for afters. Butter as well if TSMR is feeling extravagant.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:13 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Bread and Jam for afters. Butter as well if TSMR is feeling extravagant.

Couple of After Eights with his glass of Bells in the evening.

by Guest Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:17 pm

Unless there's a cat run over outside his house, he'll starve

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:27 pm

Sardines on jacob's cream crackers served with white lighning to start.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:31 pm

A bag of pork scratchings as a little amuse bouche?

Really pull out all the stops for Christmas.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:33 pm

Galted's Xmas Menu

Starter - Bloody Mary
Main - Borscht Served With Turnip Mash and Boiled Cabbage
Desert - Vodka Jelly served with Vodka ccoulis

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:34 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:A bag of pork scratchings as a little amuse bouche?

Really pull out all the stops for Christmas.

by Alistair Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:37 pm

Amuse bouche, love that.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:38 pm

Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Glass of Remy Matin Louis XIII cognac

by **seanmichaels** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:41 pm

Serial's Christmas menu

Starter - Sharon
Main - Julie
Dessert - The apple that was in Julies mouth whilst roasting

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:42 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Serial's Christmas menu

Starter - Sharon
Main - Julie
Dessert - The apple that was in Julies mouth whilst roasting

l*l

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:45 pm

Unions Christmas meal

Starter – Dry digestive biscuit
Main - Microwave chicken korma meal for one (from the Asda)
Dessert – A 40,000 piece jigsaw of Grimsby train station

by Guest Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:48 pm

Sean's Xmas menu

Starter - Taurus in a saucer
Main - Taurus on a plate
Dessert - Taurus in a dish
Washed down with Taurus sucked from the front of his vest

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:54 pm

Superfly’s Christmas menu

Starter – Deep fried tub of flora
Main – Deep fried haggis with a side dish of heroin
Dessert – Deep fried Mars bar

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 3:57 pm

Loaded Dog’s Christmas menu

Starter – A snagga from the barbie mate.
Main – A snagga from the barbie mate. What a ripper.
Dessert – A snagga from the barbie mate. Bonza.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:00 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Mrs Windows (via Skype video call)

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:01 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Mrs Windows (via Skype video call)

I'd be w*nking in the background, Jules.

by **ShahenshahG** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:01 pm

Sean's Christmas Menu

Starter: Fisting
Main: Willies
Dessert: A fistful of Willies

by **ShahenshahG** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:03 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Mrs Windows (via Skype video call)

I'd be w*nking in the background, Jules.

So will he once he Caesar drumroll

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:04 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Mrs Windows (via Skype video call)

I'd be w*nking in the background, Jules.

That's put me right off my Christmas dinner.

by **Dolphin Ziggler** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:23 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Glass of Remy Matin Louis XIII cognac

Not looking like a good year for me

by **ShahenshahG** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 4:28 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Julius's Christmas menu

Starter - Dolphin pate served in a Galapagos turtle shell
Main - Roasted swan with truffle oil and gold leaf
Dessert - Glass of Remy Matin Louis XIII cognac

Not looking like a good year for me

A worse one for Tino.

by **Galted** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 6:37 pm

Whilst reading the Christmas menus I l*lled out loud, not once, but several times. That led me to the realisation that, if I had to list all the times I've l*lled out loud all year, about half would be from the Culture Cup, a quarter from the angry Kiwi's tantrums and a quarter from the cat attacking Galtova.

Just goes to show what a pile of sh1t tv is at the moment, not even Dave is funny anymore (the channel, not the serial killer). Not much of a surprise seeing as, when you turn on the tv, you're confronted with crap like Sue Perkins, Alan Davies, Sarah Millican, Russell Howard (in fact, the entire shower of sh1te that is Mock the Week), Greg Davis, Alan Carr and the f*cking princess of c*ntish antifunniness, Jack Whitehall.

That's all I have to say on that matter.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 8:33 pm

Galted, surely you can find the odd Will Ferrell movie on TV to give you a laugh.

by Rowley Tue 22 Dec 2015, 8:38 pm

I am pleased galted slagged off Russell Howard. That pleased me enormously.

by **Galted** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 10:27 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Galted, surely you can find the odd Will Ferrell movie on TV to give you a laugh.

If he died painfully on Christmas Day it would probably raise a chuckle or two.

by **Galted** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 10:28 pm

Rowley wrote:I am pleased galted slagged off Russell Howard. That pleased me enormously.

In his defence he does have an exceptionally punchable face.

by **Galted** Tue 22 Dec 2015, 10:36 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:Tino is a fine man to use the same cure as me, a very fine man, though still less impressive than Jeff.

You're a fine man as well, Galted. I'm not comparing you to any other poster as I don't need the reference point. You're just a fine man.

That Tino certainly is a fine, fine man. I do adore him so.

by **ShahenshahG** Wed 23 Dec 2015, 6:41 am

God Rest Ye Merry GentleRick
Let nothing you dismay
remember the saviour praised us
when we stoned a gay
To save us all from satan's power
when we were gone astray

O tidings of comfort and joy

Fist Bitches

by Rowley Wed 23 Dec 2015, 7:45 am

Morning Shah, Rick and any others who may grace the CC with their presence today. Bit early but my new year resolution is to be especially nice to Tina and get invited for the meal with him and his brother next year. He already considers me family so I think it could happen. Galted is already in the area so I am sure he can tag along as well.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 23 Dec 2015, 7:54 am

Rowley wrote:Morning Shah, Rick and any others who may grace the CC with their presence today. Bit early but my new year resolution is to be especially nice to Tina and get invited for the meal with him and his brother next year. He already considers me family so I think it could happen. Galted is already in the area so I am sure he can tag along as well.

Morning all.

It's a pretty exclusive gig, Jeff. You'll have to be very nice for very long periods of time for me to even consider opening it up to other CC members. I think you and my brother would actually get along though. He is desperately snobbish about music and goes to gigs all the time. He also stopped watching boxing about 15 years ago as the modern era is full of, and I quote, "poofs and cheats who won't fight each other".

I do consider you all family, this is correct. Even Sean. He is like the cousin that no-one really wants to see at Christmas but has to to keep the peace. The embarrassing one that sh*ts himself on Christmas Day night after too much sherry. But family nevertheless.

by Rowley Wed 23 Dec 2015, 8:20 am

Your brother does indeed sound fantastic. He is fat as well, potentially fat enough to make me look svelte, which is another plus .

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 23 Dec 2015, 8:25 am

Rowley wrote:Your brother does indeed sound fantastic. He is fat as well, potentially fat enough to make me look svelte, which is another plus .

Loves the Charlatans. He has seen them at least 20 times I would guess. Seen the Roses close to 10 times. Although bizarrely, he is obsessed with Johnny Cash. Can't decide if that is good or bad.

He is a dead ringer for Jo Brand. You'll look devilishly handsome next to him.

I can't say the same if Galted turns up. We may as well all go home if Galted turns up with his muscular arms and waspish good looks. Leaving a trail of gash behind him.

by **ShahenshahG** Wed 23 Dec 2015, 8:30 am

Life oh lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
do do do do
life oh life ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life

I must confess you aren't completely unpleasant c*nts.

by Guest Wed 23 Dec 2015, 8:34 am

Morning all...have noted Galted's comments about Russell Howard and have decided to like him again, not that I didn't before, I just prefer Tina who is my favourite in case you hadn't heard.

Russell Howard reminds of the c*nt Rob Newman who was famous for not being as funny as his unfunny mate David Badiell who then decided to be unfunnier than the unfunny Frank Skinner. Anyway, Newman and Howard...a pair of c*nts who only are popular with simpering teenage girls. However, neither is as unfunny or c*ntish as Russell Brand

by **seanmichaels** Wed 23 Dec 2015, 8:44 am

Morning. Struggling today, not a particularly bad hangover, more wear and tear. Drinks with some ex-colleagues, 3 of which are a good 8+ / 10. I have to go out tonight as well....

Talking of TV, how did Mitchell get that bird with the massive bangers who does the quiz after / before University challenge? I would suckle on them.

by Rowley Wed 23 Dec 2015, 8:50 am

She is called Victoria Coren and the show is called Only Connect. You have been told both of these things on more than one occasion.

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