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The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 17 Dec 2015, 9:37 am

First topic message reminder :

Jeff's Manbag

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Post by Guest Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:01 pm

My little lad is 20 months old and still delights in playing peeka-aboo when we get him dressed. My wife said she took him out the other day and they saw a lady in a burka. With no hesitation my son points at her and shouts, "Mummy, lady, hiding!"

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:06 pm

Haha. My sister used to hum the teenage mutant ninja turtle theme song when she saw a burka clad woman. Dad taught it to her and my mum spent most of her time praying that they wouldn't get the reference.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:08 pm

Kids are funny. Went to see my mate's daughter (sort of niece) the other day. She is 4 or 5 - started school in September??. She called me a nob, I found it hilarious but her Mum went nuts

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:09 pm

rick_dagless wrote:I wonder if she cites you as her "Close friend" in discussions, so as to be able to prove the FACT that she is not a misguided cockwomble?

To be fair Rick she's never been anything but kind to me and any other person so just put it down to being a bit daft and or upbringing or over exposure to the sun.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:12 pm

As I say Shah, just misguided more than anything else I suspect, maybe cockwomble was harsh, let's go for numpty...

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:14 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Kids are funny. Went to see my mate's daughter (sort of niece) the other day. She is 4 or 5 - started school in September??. She called me a nob, I found it hilarious but her Mum went nuts

My daughter learned the word sh*t a few months back and I managed to change it to ship without letting my wife cotton on. Now for her birthday in november she recieved a lot of nautical themed presents much to my wife's confusion. Will keep that one under wraps until the pregnancy is over and I've done one last sex.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:14 pm

Probably asked this last year but what do you do for Christmas Shah? I seem to remember you said you were having some kind of lamb dish that sounded nice last time

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:24 pm

Last year I was around the Missus parents house, and because I casually mentioned, once, in a discussion, that I don't particularly like a full Christmas dinner, she took this as an excuse not to have to cook a big one, and had a buffet instead.

I was then blamed for the lack of full dinner by the missus, and was unable to do a sex for quite some time.

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Post by Guest Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:25 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Kids are funny. Went to see my mate's daughter (sort of niece) the other day. She is 4 or 5 - started school in September??. She called me a nob, I found it hilarious but her Mum went nuts

My daughter learned the word sh*t a few months back and I managed to change it to ship without letting my wife cotton on. Now for her birthday in november she recieved a lot of nautical themed presents much to my wife's confusion. Will keep that one under wraps until the pregnancy is over and I've done one last sex.

My son carries a muslin sheet with him everywhere (soft lad) and can't quite say "sheet" properly so when he shouts for it, it's hilarious. Also discovered he can't pronounce the letter "L" and just omits it from any words that contain it. Naturally, I've had to tell him what a clock is so now when he goes to Nursery, I hope everyone is mortified.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:31 pm

Yeah taking the family out somewhere on Christmas eve to grill house probably. Wife is heavily prego and mum's beginning to feel her age so won't be getting any specialist dishes this year. Might take the little one to see the lights at night.

Couldn't remember what we had last Christmas so looked it up.

That thread had a lot of laughs in it too.

Wifes going to roast a leg of lamb with mint sauce and tandoori sauce plus some kebabs on the george foreman grill with roast potatoes followed by a fruit salad in double cream and carrot pudding in the evening.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:41 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Kids are funny. Went to see my mate's daughter (sort of niece) the other day. She is 4 or 5 - started school in September??. She called me a nob, I found it hilarious but her Mum went nuts

My daughter learned the word sh*t a few months back and I managed to change it to ship without letting my wife cotton on. Now for her birthday in november she recieved a lot of nautical themed presents much to my wife's confusion. Will keep that one under wraps until the pregnancy is over and I've done one last sex.

My son carries a muslin sheet with him everywhere (soft lad) and can't quite say "sheet" properly so when he shouts for it, it's hilarious. Also discovered he can't pronounce the letter "L" and just omits it from any words that contain it. Naturally, I've had to tell him what a clock is so now when he goes to Nursery, I hope everyone is mortified.

Teach him flux or dress him up in oriental clothing and give him awkward lines to read.

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:45 pm

rick_dagless wrote:Last year I was around the Missus parents house, and because I casually mentioned, once, in a discussion, that I don't particularly like a full Christmas dinner, she took this as an excuse not to have to cook a big one, and had a buffet instead.

I was then blamed for the lack of full dinner by the missus, and was unable to do a sex for quite some time.

You get on pretty well with your in laws then? You should have cooked one for her yourself as a surprise then we would all be drinking or smoking to you in tribute as the man who was sexed to death.

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Post by Adam D Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:45 pm

Today is my last proper day at work, so I thought I would drop you all a christmas goodwill.

To Tina, I hope you strengthen your neck muscles in 2016, to allow you to absorb the batterings the little one will give you. I hope they renew your library card too.

To Rowley, I hope that you find a new job. One preferably where they have lots of wacky theme days, like XMas jumper day and sombrero Wednesdays.

To Micheals, I hope that you get a new partner who idolises boorish behaviour and sodden underwear from Lidls wine.

To Superfly, I hope that you get a new gavel and that all of your legal cases are seasonally festive. Hopefully you will get to represent Dave at some point.

To DAVE. I hope that you get a Slayer T Shirt so you can look like a Kardashian. May your carving knives stay sharp all year.

To my favourite, Julius. I hope that you finally get to have a game with Cliff this year. I also wish you all the best in your retirement. You can now eat Werthers in a non ironic way.

To Shah, I hope that you only lose 15% of your wives this year to martyrdom. And that you remarry at least another 12 times.

To Dolph, I hope that you get your tourettes in front of children under control. I also hope that you get a Bowie saucer tattoo to complete the picture.

To God, I hope that you have another spat with Trussman so I get to ban you again. Trussman is my favourite after Julius.

To Union, I hope they find your body wherever it may be.

To Alistair, I hope the Culture Cup committee take off your CC stabilisers and give you full membership. I have voted for it but Tina still is holding out.

To Rick, I hope that you finally get the recognition that you deserve. And by that, I mean a top 2 placing on Tinas lists.

To everyone else, go screw yourselves.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:49 pm

Shah wrote:You get on pretty well with your in laws then? You should have cooked one for her yourself as a surprise then we would all be drinking or smoking to you in tribute as the man who was sexed to death.

Hmm, you may have something here mate, better than my original "drugged Champagne" classic, and it means I can just lie there...

Sweet.

Cheers Adam, may all your wrestling themed dreams become kayfabe

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Post by ShahenshahG Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:50 pm

Merry Christmas and a happy new year mate. May you get accepted unto the apprentice chase and get mentioned more than twice per culture cup thread.

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Post by Adam D Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:51 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:Merry Christmas and a happy new year mate. May you get accepted unto the apprentice chase and get mentioned more than twice per culture cup thread.

I have more chance of getting on the Chase than being ackowledged twive per 22 pages but here is hoping.

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Post by seanmichaels Thu 17 Dec 2015, 1:54 pm

Don't forget the final round results are tomorrow, and Merry Christmas.

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Post by Alistair Thu 17 Dec 2015, 2:10 pm

Have a good Christmas, Adam!

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Post by Guest Thu 17 Dec 2015, 3:00 pm

Hope Xmas isn't ruined by the discovery of a dismembered and partially burned hooker on your doorstep or next to the bins (in the same way cats often leave slaughtered animals for you as a gift).

If, however, something like (and I mean EXACTLY like that) happens. I was somewhere else and I have (still living...for now) witnesses to back me up.

Merry Bloody Christmas

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Post by Union Cane Thu 17 Dec 2015, 3:35 pm

But I'm not dead!

Ferry mucking Christmas.
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Post by seanmichaels Thu 17 Dec 2015, 10:32 pm

Used to go train spotting at kellingley colliery with my old man. Sad news.

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Fri 18 Dec 2015, 12:56 am

Adam D wrote:
To my favourite, Julius. I hope that you finally get to have a game with Cliff this year. I also wish you all the best in your retirement. You can now eat Werthers in a non ironic way.

This, after all those nights out we nearly had together but didnt.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Dec 2015, 7:11 am

Morning cuppers

Happy Friday

Fist

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Dec 2015, 7:34 am

Morning Rickster - us legal eagles are up bright and early.  I'll be Robert Redford and you can be Darryl Hannah.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Dec 2015, 7:44 am

I have always looked good in a fish tail mate, so i'm in!

Morning supes, you anything planned for the weekend?

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Dec 2015, 7:50 am

Not much - taking my daughter onto some kind of Santa steam train outing tomorrow morning and then dinner with the wife's family tomorrow night. Still have a f**kload of presents to buy for my side of the family and for my wife so will have to try to fit that in at some point.

How about you?

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:10 am

Done my shopping but have to go back to Cheshire to see the old man and drop presents off and the suchlike, so doing the family rounds

Hopefully have a few ales with my mates back home as well, so shaping up to be a good one.

I am still waiting for some Amazon deliveries which is a pain however, and we need to beat Aston Villa this weekend, though I am sure Jeff will disagree! Which also could cause some pain.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:17 am

That game has 1-1 draw written all over it.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:24 am

I don't think you are far wrong to be honest mate

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:31 am

Morning All,

Thanks for the seasonal message Adam. If you were on here today I would pretend that you are my favourite, but you're away, so I don't have to.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:38 am

Morning all.

I like you a lot, Jules. And Adam. I like him too.

I like riCK, Superfly, Jeff, Alistair, michaels, Shah, Union, Galted, Glated and Wingrove. I like you all.

I bloody love SerialDAVE.

Merry f*cking Christmas.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:39 am

Morning all.

You're chirpy windows, expected (hoped) you'd be suffering?

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:41 am

Morning Jules/Tino/sean, feeling the Christmas spirit on here today, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy...

May knock a quiz up later, especially as we have found Union alive

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:42 am

good-o rick.

sean, you going to knock anyone up later?

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:46 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:good-o rick.

sean, you going to knock anyone up later?

My mate owns a recruitment company, and recently most Fridays I join him and a few of his team for a a couple of pints at a spit and sawdust pub near his office. They are having their Christmas do tonight and I am invited. I'm kind of torn as to whether to go as I only really know one other reasonably well.

But if I go I will hopefully catch a straggler. 40-55 year old divorcee who has had slightly too much to drink would be nice.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:46 am

seanmichaels wrote:Morning all.

You're chirpy windows, expected (hoped) you'd be suffering?

I really am. Genuinely, I feel like sh*t.

I don't have the strength to fall out with people today so it is peace and love all the way.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:49 am

Morning Tina - how was yesterday? Feeling rough? Did you get to do a sex?

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:53 am

superflyweight wrote:Morning Tina - how was yesterday? Feeling rough?  Did you get to do a sex?

Good, yes and no.

I really tried to tempt her but she wasn't interested. I tried to fondle her, did the whole pressing myself up against her thing. Classic techniques but, as predicted, she told me to f*ck off.

Her actual words were "I'd rather sleep with your f*cking brother than you".

Just no need for it, Superfly. No need to be so cruel.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by seanmichaels Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:53 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Morning all.

You're chirpy windows, expected (hoped) you'd be suffering?

I really am.  Genuinely, I feel like sh*t.  

I don't have the strength to fall out with people today so it is peace and love all the way.

Good to hear.

I probably had too much last night, still chugging away during Question Time. Rhys Mogg destroyed Dimbleby which was very amusing.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 8:57 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Morning all.

You're chirpy windows, expected (hoped) you'd be suffering?

I really am.  Genuinely, I feel like sh*t.  

I don't have the strength to fall out with people today so it is peace and love all the way.

Good to hear.

I probably had too much last night, still chugging away during Question Time. Rhys Mogg destroyed Dimbleby which was very amusing.

We were drinking Rusty Nails about 22:00 last night. Having starting lunch/drinking at 12:15. I was absolutely blasted.

I am sweating like crazy this morning. And I stink. I just ate an apple and could smell my own breath on it.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:00 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Morning Tina - how was yesterday? Feeling rough?  Did you get to do a sex?

Good, yes and no.  

I really tried to tempt her but she wasn't interested.  I tried to fondle her, did the whole pressing myself up against her thing.  Classic techniques but, as predicted, she told me to f*ck off.  

Her actual words were "I'd rather sleep with your f*cking brother than you".

Just no need for it, Superfly.  No need to be so cruel.

I know how you feel Tino. I once upset Mrs Windows and she said "I'd rather sleep with my f*cking husband than you".

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:00 am

What is a rusty nail? Is it the opposite of a rusty sherriff's badge?

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:06 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:

I know how you feel Tino. I once upset Mrs Windows and she said "I'd rather sleep with my f*cking husband than you".

I can't imagine a gentleman like you could upset a lady, Julio.

It's a mixture of scotch and drambuie, Sean. With some other stuff thrown in. Very moreish but lethal.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Posts : 19335
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:10 am

Morning bitches. Habit is a mofo. Woke up at 5 and struggling to get back to sleep. I've been going through emails and messages to maybe bore me back to sleep instead I've found memories of Rick rolling Tino so I had to pop in and mock Tino at his lowest ebb. Consider yourself mocked Tino.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:14 am

ShahenshahG wrote:Morning bitches. Habit is a mofo. Woke up at 5 and struggling to get back to sleep. I've been going through emails and messages to maybe bore me back to sleep instead I've found memories of Rick rolling Tino so I had to pop in and mock Tino at his lowest ebb. Consider yourself mocked Tino.

I bloody love you, Shah. Even with the beheadings, the stoning of the gayers and general terrorism. I still bloody love you.

Mind the windows Tino.
Beano
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Posts : 19335
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:26 am

I love you too Tino. You shall be foremost amongst the slaves in the not-to-be-bummed pen. This order will apply to all culture cup members except Adam (who though personable and amusing is a Jew and therefore doesn't count) and sean who underwent hunger strikes and threatened to take me to court unless I rescinded this order.

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Post by Pal Joey Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:36 am

ShahenshahG wrote:I love you too Tino. You shall be foremost amongst the slaves in the not-to-be-bummed pen. This order will apply to all culture cup members except Adam (who though personable  and amusing is a Jew and therefore doesn't count) and sean who underwent hunger strikes and threatened to take me to court unless I rescinded this order.

You have a memory like 7 camels.
Lucky we don't have any Welsh cc members.
I can't imagine the types of horrors that would be waiting for them in your perfect world order, Shah.
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Post by Adam D Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:49 am

The Loaded Dog wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:I love you too Tino. You shall be foremost amongst the slaves in the not-to-be-bummed pen. This order will apply to all culture cup members except Adam (who though personable  and amusing is a Jew and therefore doesn't count) and sean who underwent hunger strikes and threatened to take me to court unless I rescinded this order.

You have a memory like 7 camels.
Lucky we don't have any Welsh cc members.
I can't imagine the types of horrors that would be waiting for them in your perfect world order, Shah.

I am welsh as well as possibly (ie not) being a Jew

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 18 Dec 2015, 9:58 am

The Loaded Dog wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:I love you too Tino. You shall be foremost amongst the slaves in the not-to-be-bummed pen. This order will apply to all culture cup members except Adam (who though personable  and amusing is a Jew and therefore doesn't count) and sean who underwent hunger strikes and threatened to take me to court unless I rescinded this order.

You have a memory like 7 camels.
Lucky we don't have any Welsh cc members.
I can't imagine the types of horrors that would be waiting for them in your perfect world order, Shah.

As it happens I've planned for such an eventuality TLD, the Welshie shall be fed viagra with every meal then released into the paddock. There he shall find in the distance hundreds of recently shorn (read nude) sheep. Running awkwardly towards them like a thirsty man to an oasis he shall find that the sheep are muzzled and wearing a chastity belt. It'll be the Islamic states version of reality TV.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Dec 2015, 10:03 am

I bloody love TLD. I might have forgotten him earlier but I do bloody love him.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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