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Has anyone been to Runcorn?

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Has anyone been to Runcorn? Empty Has anyone been to Runcorn?

Post by Mind the windows Tino. Mon May 04, 2020 1:21 pm

I used to live there, it is is real sh*thole. The highlights are the small field near the shops on the Town Hall estate - although please be careful to avoid the syringes and rusty prams.

There is also the Murdishaw estate which is not lovely at this time of year. Some people like Windmill Hill but I always found that a bit too safe and not quite violent enough. Some people even say please and thank you there.

I would suggest folk go to Reykjavik before trying Runcorn.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Tue Mar 30, 2021 3:31 pm

Sh*t on here today.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue Mar 30, 2021 3:34 pm

Galted wrote:Sh*t on here today.

Agreed but have you been to Runcorn?

I'd happily reluctantly show you around but CC rules won't allow it.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Tue Mar 30, 2021 5:12 pm

I have not been to Runcorn, though I may have passed by on my way to Holyhead.

I'm not sure CC rules would apply to the Runcorn thread, especially if we wear our covid masks and are unable to identify each other.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:18 am

Yes, many times, both old and new towns, what a s**thole.

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Post by Galted Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:31 am

Did some research on Tripadvisor and the Town Hall, a bridge and a water tower are amongst the top 11 things to do in Runcorn.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:35 am

Fun fact, the bridge smelled like rotting meat for the longest time due to a closed down abattoir nearby. There was (possibly an urban legend) That there were that many flies in there that when they fumigated the place the carpet of flies was over a foot thick.

Town hall is nice though.

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Post by superflyweight Wed Mar 31, 2021 9:31 am

Had a flatmate in Dundee who came from Runcorn. Went by the nickname Mugger Matt because one of the Dundee locals tried to mug him and Matt ended up taking the guy's wallet from him.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Mar 31, 2021 11:02 am

superflyweight wrote:Had a flatmate in Dundee who came from Runcorn.  Went by the nickname Mugger Matt because one of the Dundee locals tried to mug him and Matt ended up taking the guy's wallet from him.  

F*ckin right mate. We are proper hard b*stards.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Mar 31, 2021 11:02 am

rIck_dAgless wrote:Yes, many times, both old and new towns, what a s**thole.

Beautiful review, rICk.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Mar 31, 2021 11:05 am

Galted wrote: a bridge

The bridge is sh*t. It takes you from Runcorn to Widnes. That's like choosing between herpes and the other one that starts with a 'g'. It also, as riCK pointed out, smells of dead meat.

Decent place to watch people jump to their death though.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Mar 31, 2021 11:06 am

This thread is alive and well.

Maybe Jeff/Geoff will see it and realise what he is missing.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Wed Mar 31, 2021 11:11 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:This thread is alive and well.

Maybe Jeff/Geoff will see it and realise what he is missing.

My first interaction with Jeff was on the Reykjavik thread.  He accused me of having a high opinion of myself, which shows just how perspicacious he is.  Though nowhere near as perspicacious as me.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed Mar 31, 2021 11:25 am

People do jump to their deaths but they suffocate rather than drown.

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed Mar 31, 2021 6:41 pm

Still no, just to confirm.

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Post by lostinwales Wed Mar 31, 2021 10:56 pm

Today I did get within a few miles of Runcorn but thought better of it and went home

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu Apr 01, 2021 12:14 pm

lostinwales wrote:Today I did get within a few miles of Runcorn but thought better of it and went home

Smart.

It is decisions of that nature that will keep your life prosperous, LiW.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by RiscaGame Thu Aug 26, 2021 2:39 pm

I have to say, that I have missed this thread until now, but it is a great one.

My personal highlights are the Mugger Matt story and the meat smelling bridge. Mmmmmmmmm meat.

The choice of Runcorn and Widnes is also a wonderful description. I have driven via Widnes once whilst returning from Liverpool, but sadly did not cross to Runcorn. I feel like I have missed out on a lovely day now.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Thu Aug 26, 2021 3:15 pm

RiscaGame wrote:I have to say, that I have missed this thread until now, but it is a great one.

My personal highlights are the Mugger Matt story and the meat smelling bridge. Mmmmmmmmm meat.

The choice of Runcorn and Widnes is also a wonderful description. I have driven via Widnes once whilst returning from Liverpool, but sadly did not cross to Runcorn. I feel like I have missed out on a lovely day now.

It's lovely to have it back in the public eye, RG.

The Mugger Matt story is a zinger.

People in Liverpool sneer at folk from Runcorn if you want some context. We are also known as wools, woolybacks or plastic scousers.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Thu Aug 26, 2021 6:50 pm

Fancy my chances getting the split on this thread as well.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:00 am

Galted wrote:Fancy my chances getting the split on this thread as well.

Have you been to Runcorn yet, Galted?

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:04 am

I haven't, Tino. Yet.

It is a dream of mine to visit the Runcorn water tower so, when this terrible pandemic is over, I hope to go. Do you think the language issue is going to be a big problem or will I get by with my excellent English?
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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:06 am

I'm doing a Streetview tour and the first four businesses I've found are the Co-Op, the Iceland, the Greggs and the Wetherspoons (Ferry Boat).
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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:07 am

Going through a few residential streets and it reminds me a bit of Bath, a more run-down version.
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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:11 am

I can't get close enough to the water tower for a good look as the approach road isn't on Streetview, but I can get a glimpse from Norton Lane. It's a fine water tower. Very clever of the Runcorn Tourism Board to restrict Streetview access to get the crowds in.
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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:12 am

Don't seem to be very many cars about, I expect that's because the people of Runcorn are keep-fit fanatics.
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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:13 am

There's a golf buggy repair shop, which is a sure sign of a thriving, upwardly mobile community.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:31 am

Galted wrote:I haven't, Tino.  Yet.

It is a dream of mine to visit the Runcorn water tower so, when this terrible pandemic is over, I hope to go.  Do you think the language issue is going to be a big problem or will I get by with my excellent English?

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

I would avoid eye contact as much as possible and probably safe to avoid any fish and chip shops. If you need to go to one, there is a lovely one on Festival Way but it isn't like a chippy you'll be used to in Shoreditch. You have to enter, then shout at the top of your voice "2 FISH IN PLEASE LOVE". If you don't do that, you won't get served as they won't put the fish in. There have been stories of some southerners not understanding this, entering the chippy and following the southern policy of queueing politely till its their turn to order, and being ignored completely as they didn't ask for the fish to be put in. Apparently a couple of them have literally died in the shop waiting. It can be intimidating and brutal but I have faith you can do it.

When you've eaten your chips, pop to the Red Admiral pub which is a short walk from the chippy. If you really want to curry favour with the locals, you need to say to the barman that you've just been in the Fezzy Way chip shop and that you've heard the Red Addy is a top drinking establishment (don't, however, call it a drinking establishment unless you want your face cut open). Don't, under ANY circumstances, order a lager top, lager and lime or a Babycham. That is likely to see you eviscerated in the car park.

When you leave, make sure you say goodnight and tell them you're popping to the Asda to buy some tripe for your supper (very important to use the term, supper) as this will likely convince them you are not a homosexual, a southerner, an artisan baker or a combination of those.

Stick to this advice and you'll be reet. You can always give me a call if you get into difficulties. It has been a long time since I left but I might still have enough mates to get you out of trouble. I think Andy Captain Poofinger still lives there. He can handle himself. Just don't shake his hand. Superfly might still have Mugger Matt's number as well.

Hope it goes well for you, pal. Let me know how you get on.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 10:41 am

Cheers, Tino.  Touching stuff.

Might avoid fish and chips as it'll be difficult to remember your instructions amidst the panic of placing an order - I'll probably take a couple of tubes of Pringles to keep me going. I don't drink any of the beverages you mentioned, and use the term 'supper', so I'll be ok in that respect. I'll mumble 'ale, please' down the Red Admiral and see what I get (I noticed that there's a pub called the Three Fiddlers, not sure if it's a hangout for nonces or Irish travelling bands but both are good reasons to avoid it). If I was to meet Captain Poofinger should I refer to him that way, or would Andy be more respectful (or too familiar)?

I've been watching Downton Abbey recently so I think I have a good understanding of how Northerners live and speak.  If needs be I can draw on what I've learned.
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Post by lostinwales Fri Aug 27, 2021 11:10 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:...

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

...

Should that be the pot?

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri Aug 27, 2021 11:14 am

Galted wrote:If I was to meet Captain Poofinger should I refer to him that way, or would Andy be more respectful (or too familiar)?


I would address him as Andy. He was never that keen on the Captain Poofinger moniker. Time may have calmed him down a bit but for your own safety, call him Andy.

He is essentially the northern version of Wingrove.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri Aug 27, 2021 11:17 am

lostinwales wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:...

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

...

Should that be the pot?

That's a fair question, LiW. Depends who you ask round there but I actually make you correct.

So Galted, ask in the cafe if they cook stuff in the pot. I think LiW may just have saved you from having a Stanley blade scraped down your face.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 11:19 am

Cheers, Tino. Cheers, LIW.

I'll get Galtova to do the ordering.
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Post by superflyweight Fri Aug 27, 2021 12:03 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:I haven't, Tino.  Yet.

It is a dream of mine to visit the Runcorn water tower so, when this terrible pandemic is over, I hope to go.  Do you think the language issue is going to be a big problem or will I get by with my excellent English?

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

I would avoid eye contact as much as possible and probably safe to avoid any fish and chip shops. If you need to go to one, there is a lovely one on Festival Way but it isn't like a chippy you'll be used to in Shoreditch. You have to enter, then shout at the top of your voice "2 FISH IN PLEASE LOVE". If you don't do that, you won't get served as they won't put the fish in. There have been stories of some southerners not understanding this, entering the chippy and following the southern policy of queueing politely till its their turn to order, and being ignored completely as they didn't ask for the fish to be put in. Apparently a couple of them have literally died in the shop waiting. It can be intimidating and brutal but I have faith you can do it.

When you've eaten your chips, pop to the Red Admiral pub which is a short walk from the chippy. If you really want to curry favour with the locals, you need to say to the barman that you've just been in the Fezzy Way chip shop and that you've heard the Red Addy is a top drinking establishment (don't, however, call it a drinking establishment unless you want your face cut open). Don't, under ANY circumstances, order a lager top, lager and lime or a Babycham. That is likely to see you eviscerated in the car park.

When you leave, make sure you say goodnight and tell them you're popping to the Asda to buy some tripe for your supper (very important to use the term, supper) as this will likely convince them you are not a homosexual, a southerner, an artisan baker or a combination of those.

Stick to this advice and you'll be reet. You can always give me a call if you get into difficulties. It has been a long time since I left but I might still have enough mates to get you out of trouble. I think Andy Captain Poofinger still lives there. He can handle himself. Just don't shake his hand. Superfly might still have Mugger Matt's number as well.

Hope it goes well for you, pal. Let me know how you get on.

I've lost contact with him, I'm afraid. Last time I saw him he was walking menacingly along Shandwick Place in Edinburgh and he grunted something about living in Portobello. That was more than 15 years ago and christ knows how many wallets he's nicked in the meantime.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri Aug 27, 2021 12:11 pm

Is there anywhere in Runcorn where I can get my shaft upgraded?

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri Aug 27, 2021 12:37 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Is there anywhere in Runcorn where I can get my shaft upgraded?

You'll find someone willing to upgrade your shaft in pretty much any car park. One with a burnt out Vauxhall Nova is always a good sign.

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Post by Galted Fri Aug 27, 2021 6:35 pm

Not sure I'm a fan of the smut that's found its way onto this thread recently.
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Post by Duty281 Fri Aug 27, 2021 6:45 pm

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g580428-d5775785-Reviews-Silver_Crown-Runcorn_Cheshire_England.html

Found this lovely restaurant in Runcorn. You should ignore all the angry reviews - concerning funny-tasting chicken, poisoning children and salty chips - as they're obviously written by jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue Aug 31, 2021 11:29 am

Duty281 wrote: jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

More importantly, are you an artisan baker?

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Post by Duty281 Tue Aug 31, 2021 6:03 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Duty281 wrote: jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

More importantly, are you an artisan baker?

Yes, I founded Greggs.

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Post by Galted Wed Sep 01, 2021 9:01 am

Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown. I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Sep 01, 2021 9:53 am

Duty281 wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Duty281 wrote: jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

More importantly, are you an artisan baker?

Yes, I founded Greggs.

For the sake of f*ck, Duty. I don't care who you sleep with, I can even overlook the southern thing but being an artisan baker is too much. You and me are really going to fall out one of these days.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by lostinwales Wed Sep 01, 2021 9:56 am

Given how quickly industrialised bread making became a thing compared to what we now call artisan bread, I am sure the process of determining what is acceptable could be reversed given time.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Sep 01, 2021 9:57 am

Galted wrote:Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown.  I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Let me know when you go, G-Unit. I'll book a table somewhere close.

It has been a long time since I had a bar brawl but I'll see if I can round up Captain Poofinger and a few of the lads. We'll look after you when your table gets flipped by the waitress and she rams a butter knife through your neck.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:04 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown.  I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Let me know when you go, G-Unit. I'll book a table somewhere close.

It has been a long time since I had a bar brawl but I'll see if I can round up Captain Poofinger and a few of the lads. We'll look after you when your table gets flipped by the waitress and she rams a butter knife through your neck.

Your advice has been much appreciated, Tino, but I'm onto the fourth season of Downton Abbey and I've come to realise that northerners are soft as f*ck.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:10 am

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown.  I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Let me know when you go, G-Unit. I'll book a table somewhere close.

It has been a long time since I had a bar brawl but I'll see if I can round up Captain Poofinger and a few of the lads. We'll look after you when your table gets flipped by the waitress and she rams a butter knife through your neck.

Your advice has been much appreciated, Tino, but I'm onto the fourth season of Downton Abbey and I've come to realise that northerners are soft as f*ck.

That is a good reference point. The North is exactly like Downton Abbey.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:16 am

It's a bit more opulent than I pictured it, to be fair. Some of the butlers and police officers can be quite intimidating but the gentry and the yokels are susceptible to a sound thrashing with a sturdy walking stick.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:17 am

Galted wrote:It's a bit more opulent than I pictured it, to be fair.  Some of the butlers and police officers can be quite intimidating but the gentry and the yokels are susceptible to a sound thrashing with a sturdy walking stick.

You sound like Chris Eubank. I hope you can fight like him.

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Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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Post by Galted Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:28 am

I reckon I fight like One Punch Mickey.

Thinking about it though, Lady Mary did kill a Turkish gentleman with her fanny so maybe I'd use others to stir up a bit of unrest and gauge the situation before I waded in.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed Sep 01, 2021 10:40 am

Galted wrote:

Thinking about it though, Lady Mary did kill a Turkish gentleman with her fanny

I have no idea what you're talking about but it is very arousing nonetheless.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Outside there's a box car waiting, outside the family stew. Out by the fire breathing, outside we wait till face turns blue. I know the nervous walking, I know the dirty beard hangs. Out by the box car waiting, take me away to nowhere plans. There is a wait so long (so long, so long). You'll never wait so long. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius. Here comes Julius.

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