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The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Fri 07 May 2021, 10:43 am

Welcome back to the Culture Cup, the CC, where users of an internet forum get to post their opinions with proud confidence. Thank god we have found a space for the demographics we have here to share their voices.

This edition of the CC is another novelty special. We've had Covid-19, we've had Christmas, but we have never tried to work out who the biggest c*nt is. Now, the swear filters (and public decency) mean we cannot use that name, as 606v2 changes Kumquat to kumquat. But I am no quitter, I may lose Hartlepool but I will win the war. We (the CC running community) decided on Cumquat as it keeps the alliteration, is a bit disgusting and men just don't get to talk about cum nearly enough.

The goal of the competition is simple: name the biggest c*nt. There are rules, of course, and a format to follow.

You will be asked to name at least 10 c*nts. Send me, your host, 10-20 names. You do not need to discuss them here beforehand, it will help keep the mystery flowing if you don't completely give your list away, and then I will bring the names together to create a knockout bracket.

No politicians - I just can't be bothered.

A c*nt/kumquat/cumquat is not just the worst person. Hitler isn't a fitting choice. It's more likely to be someone you hate for no good reason or someone who annoys you when you hear their voice or turn on the TV. Like how people viscerally react to seeing Jack Whitehall or how Piers Morgan is a complete c*nt.

Not the Aussie version either. No "good c*nts."

Oh, and no users of the v2 forum. We see you argue all the time, we get it.


Depending on votes, it'll either be 32 or 64 names. The amount of people would dictate the format, might have earlier 3 or 4 person voting rounds before one-to-ones.

Feel free to discuss the concept, people nad any feedback/ideas/questions.


Last edited by Dolphin Ziggler on Wed 12 May 2021, 2:33 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Fri 07 May 2021, 10:44 am

You might also enjoy noting that the swear filter does not work on PM subject lines.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 07 May 2021, 12:51 pm

I'm in, as long as we can class objects, entities and animals

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Post by superflyweight Fri 07 May 2021, 12:52 pm

I'm in - will take me a while to whittle my choices down to 20.

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Fri 07 May 2021, 5:32 pm

rIck_dAgless wrote:I'm in, as long as we can class objects, entities and animals

They'd have to be a specific animal, object or entity. Galted's cat would be fine, choosing all lamps would be the opposite, regardless of how much we all hate lamps.


Last edited by Dolphin Ziggler on Fri 07 May 2021, 7:36 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : I bet that shite is going to tell me about the edits)

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 07 May 2021, 6:42 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:You might also enjoy noting that the swear filter does not work on PM subject lines.

Or on the notes about why you edited a post.


Last edited by JuliusHMarx on Fri 07 May 2021, 6:42 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Wanker - see?)

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Post by Samo Fri 07 May 2021, 9:10 pm

My list of c*nts has been submitted. I've tried to pick a mix of musicians, sports personalities and TV "stars". I think I've got some proper c*nts on there.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Mon 10 May 2021, 8:42 am

When do we need to put our picks in, flipper?

Ignore, sent mine


Last edited by rIck_dAgless on Mon 10 May 2021, 2:16 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : I have sent my cunts)

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Tue 11 May 2021, 12:33 pm

No rush, only got a few (I’ve had more messages from Tino than is acceptable).

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Post by rIck_dAgless Tue 11 May 2021, 12:42 pm

The guy has anger issues, when he gets his insect army, best be on the none c**t list, it's shorter than the c**t list

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 11 May 2021, 1:04 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:No rush, only got a few (I’ve had more messages from Tino than is acceptable).

You never answer so I have to keep spamming you.

Just give me your home address, and I'll deliver them in person?

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by superflyweight Tue 11 May 2021, 2:03 pm

Dolphin, for the avoidance of doubt, the PM I sent you that just said "c*nt" was not related to this cup.

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Tue 11 May 2021, 9:41 pm

I did wonder why the message was blank.

One more for 10, gonna try nudge some folks

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Post by Beer Tue 11 May 2021, 9:51 pm

I'm in!!

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 1:56 pm

I have 116 names. 29 groups of 4 and 3 special qualifiers for a final 32? 14 groups of 8 and I can hold the 4 top name backs as seeded picks?

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Post by superflyweight Wed 12 May 2021, 1:58 pm

Seeded pricks!

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 2:05 pm

Hadn't noticed someone sent in "wasps"

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 2:10 pm

Someone just sent in enough to make a perfect 124, 16 groups of 8. 4 groups a day for 4 days, lovely.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Hadn't noticed someone sent in "wasps"

Unless someone can convince me wasps are people. I've left in Waffle the Wonder Dog, so wasps may sneak in

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 12 May 2021, 2:12 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Someone just sent in enough to make a perfect 124, 16 groups of 8. 4 groups a day for 4 days, lovely.

With the winner being Superflyweight.

Excellent. All done and thanks for running the tournament, Flipper.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 12 May 2021, 2:14 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Someone just sent in enough to make a perfect 124, 16 groups of 8. 4 groups a day for 4 days, lovely.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:Hadn't noticed someone sent in "wasps"

Unless someone can convince me wasps are people. I've left in Waffle the Wonder Dog, so wasps may sneak in

White Anglo Saxon Protestants.


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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 2:21 pm


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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 12 May 2021, 2:28 pm

Jesus, group 4 is a tough one.

3 of my picks in 1 group. I need to decide who is the least c*ntish of the 3.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Beer Wed 12 May 2021, 2:29 pm

It's about time the Culture Cup received recognition for it's groundbreaking tournaments.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 12 May 2021, 2:32 pm

Votes cast, I feel Bono is low hanging fruit

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 2:32 pm

Beer wrote:It's about time the Culture Cup received recognition for it's groundbreaking tournaments.

The nation needs to know that this website hates: Emma Watson, Stephen King, Sara Pascoe and Tim Henman. Those well-known swines

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 12 May 2021, 2:36 pm

Why is Musk getting so many votes.

He is a bit of a t*t but not a c*nt.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 12 May 2021, 2:38 pm

He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

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Post by Beer Wed 12 May 2021, 2:39 pm

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Seconded.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 12 May 2021, 2:40 pm

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Yeah but he going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Wed 12 May 2021, 2:40 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Yeah but he going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars.

If he does, he will be a massive c**t about it.

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Post by superflyweight Wed 12 May 2021, 2:46 pm

Musk is a dictionary definition c*nt.

My votes are cast. Branson must be delighted to be in Group 4 - he might have romped home in any other group.

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Post by lostinwales Wed 12 May 2021, 2:56 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

Yeah but he going to rescue Matt Damon from Mars.

Unfortunately when someone else more qualified actually does rescue Matt Damon from Mars (why?) Musk will write something allegedly libelous about them

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 12 May 2021, 3:15 pm

Harsh on Virat Kohli in group 2.

No way is he twice as big a c*nt than Swanny.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by Galted Wed 12 May 2021, 6:08 pm

Bit upset at everyone for hiding away on this thread without telling me it exists.

If it's not too late I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.
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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 6:28 pm

Galted wrote:I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Shah was way ahead of you. Might as well have been a hitlist.

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Post by Galted Wed 12 May 2021, 6:48 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:
Galted wrote:I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Shah was way ahead of you. Might as well have been a hitlist.

Haha, please tell me that one of the groups is composed entirely of CC full members.
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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Wed 12 May 2021, 8:35 pm

Galted wrote:
Dolphin Ziggler wrote:
Galted wrote:I'd like to nominate everyone on here except myself.

Shah was way ahead of you. Might as well have been a hitlist.

Haha, please tell me that one of the groups is composed entirely of CC full members.

I took us all out, taking out posters so as not to allow Tino to be targeted

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Post by king_carlos Thu 13 May 2021, 3:18 pm

I can't believe I've only just noticed this. Heartbroken to have missed out on another CC!

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Post by Samo Thu 13 May 2021, 6:50 pm

rIck_dAgless wrote:He's a prize c**t wannabe stoner and meme lord proclaiming to be a peoples hero whilst making a sh*t load of money from conflict gems.

C**t

He made me a few hundred quid on Dogecoin so he's alright in my book.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 14 May 2021, 8:18 am

Glad you got a few quid, Samo, but this is a prime example why he is a c**t, he plays dogecoin with memes like a fiddle, goes against everything that crypto stands for.


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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 14 May 2021, 12:49 pm

rIck_dAgless wrote:Glad you got a few quid, Samo, but this is a prime example why he is a c**t, he plays dogecoin with memes like a fiddle, goes against everything that crypto stands for.


Yeah, but he makes rockets. I love rockets. Big rockets.

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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Tue 18 May 2021, 12:47 pm

With one day of voting to go on four rounds, our guaranteed qualifiers are:

Noel Edmonds
Tucker Carlson
Gemma Collins
Tim Martin
Elon Musk
Meghan Markle
Eddie Hearn
Katie Price
Frankie Boyle
Bono
David Warner
Julia Hartley Brewer
Olly Smith from Saturday Kitchen
Owen Jones
Sean Hannity
Russell Brand
Gavin Henson
Piers Morgan
Nick Ferrari
Richard Littlejohn

These people came joint second in their group and will go into an extra qualifying round:

Richard Keys
Prince Andrew
Kim Kardashian
Kevin Pietersen
Tyson Fury
Laura Kuenssberg
Wayne Lineker
Sam Smith
Joe Rogan

They will compete for the remaining places in the final 32 with a list I forgot to include:

Axel F – creator of Crazy Frog
Li Zuocheng (chinese military)
Shi Zhengli (chinese Wuhan lab scientist)
Jared Kushner
Bill O’Reilly
Alec Baldwin

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Post by Pal Joey Tue 18 May 2021, 1:16 pm

Thanks Flipper.

That is one almighty list of c**ts. Those names ought to be carved on a stone obelisk somewhere.
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Post by lostinwales Tue 18 May 2021, 1:33 pm

I might have been mixing up the katie's earlier on. The hate monger with the one who made her later career with a 'poor me look at my disabled son' routine. I am very sorry for her son but wonder if she ever bothered to look up the symptoms of foetal alcohol syndrome.

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Post by Beer Tue 18 May 2021, 1:38 pm

lostinwales wrote:I might have been mixing up the katie's earlier on. The hate monger with the one who made her later career with a 'poor me look at my disabled son' routine. I am very sorry for her son but wonder if she ever bothered to look up the symptoms of foetal alcohol syndrome.

Her earlier career was 'look how many blokes i've shagged'.

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Post by superflyweight Tue 18 May 2021, 1:48 pm

Can we all just agree now that it's Tim Martin and spare Flipper the admin?

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Post by rIck_dAgless Tue 18 May 2021, 2:04 pm

superflyweight wrote:Can we all just agree now that it's Tim Martin and spare Flipper the admin?  

Yes.

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