I am so tense.......

All these threads about how nice other countries are and wishing everyone well is now causing my stomach to twitch.

It is becoming to civil on here, so perhpas it is time to tell the other teams what your team is going to do to them, but keep it civil.

This is what our players are going to do the the Wizards (pardon the pun) of OZ.

Ben, Stephen and Sekope, Jannie, John and Gurthro is going to crush you, a little by little it going to be murder (but with extenuating circumstances), and then just as the last bit of life is pumping through your veins, Bismarck is coming.

Dan and James, whilst Danie is going to run at you hell for leather, victor is going to steal your lineout ball every time you blink.

David, everytime you put your hands into a ruck, Schalk will be waiting for you, he is gonna HUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT you.

Rocky, stay back mate, you can't stop Heinrich, he is too strong, too fast, and watch out for his acting.

Radike, you're old, you're slow, you're lazy, Pierre is too quick, too fast and much younger than you, south Africans are taught to respect their elders, so every time he runs past you don't take offence, especially when he says sorry Sir.

Willy, don't worry mate, du Preez has overshadowed many half backs in his time. tomorrow is your turn.

Quade, BBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, don't fret son, it is only Schalk, Danie and Bismarck.

Pat, Jean de villiers hasn't played for 3 weeks now, he is like a tensed up tiger waiting for the cage to open, don't feign the injury before he hits you first, otherwise Berrick will be too s..t scared to come on.

Adam ashley-Cooper, what can i say, you are facing the best outside centre in world rugby, he doesn't run over people, he runs through them, ask, ROG, Shane Williams, and james Hook.

Digby, respect man, but you are facing the MAN, JP, he makes try saving tackles just to warm up.

James, your mommy is calling, you were supposed to be home 4 weeks ago.

Curtly, good luck mate, you are playinng the future star of SA rugby.


Oh and to all the Ozzie boys, good luck and be nice to our boys, they mean well.

Thats more like it a nice bit of stand up saffer thuggery, 'bout time tee hee

you are facing the best outside centre in world rugby, he doesn't run over people, he runs through them, ask, ROG, Shane Williams, and james Hook.



Somewhere in New Zealand Jaque Fourie has an unexplained reddner as is he is mysteriously overcome with embarrassment.

The Irish are gonna beat seven shades of s**t out of the Welsh team. At the end the boys in red will be battered and bruised and their spirits will be broken. It will take a long time for them to recover physically and some of them will never fully recover mentally.

Or at least that's what I hope happens. Does that make me a bad person?

Due to a technical hitch, and a broken backing track, it will be revealed that POC's inspiring pre-game talks were all lip-synched, and that he really sounds like Alan Carr. This in turn will inspire a dramatic downturn in Irish confidence.
O'Gara will attempt to tackle a mirror on his way out of the dressing room, thinking it's Priestland coming at him, but will somehow miss the tackle.
Kearney will have a moment of clarity and remember who his girlfriend is, and ask himself why he's running around a freezing rugby pitch on the other side of the world in a hopless cause, and jump on a plane.

Wales by 13.

We are going to tenderise some Argentinian hides. We are going to rough you up so good and eat you raw. Blue steaks for us and a few bloody steaks to wash the rest of you down. We are going to leave scorch marks over your backs´backs from the likes of Nonu, Jane and SBW scorching past you and blasting through you.

We will put the AR!!!! in Argentina by making you scream for mercy and nobody is going to cry for you except Madonna and maybe Maradonna but he´s always crying.

Biltongbek here are some home truths for your Bok team:

The Aussie scrum is gonna smash......oh hhmm!

The Wallaby maul is gonna push.....wait.

The Aussie tight 5 is gonna beat up...... let me see.

Cooper is gonna lay a big tackle on....hang on let me just think. No, its O'Connor who will knock over....no that's not it either. Geez I thought this would be easier. Can Beale do it, or perhaps its our biggest back AAC at 80 odd kgs??????

Hell, we aren't going to smash anyone. We are just going to have to run around the Boks. Yep that's it, we are gonna run around you and outpace the Boks. Ha! Try and sleep with that thought.

Bujin wrote:Biltongbek here are some home truths for your Bok team:

The Aussie scrum is gonna smash......oh hhmm!

The Wallaby maul is gonna push.....wait.

The Aussie tight 5 is gonna beat up...... let me see.

Cooper is gonna lay a big tackle on....hang on let me just think. No, its O'Connor who will knock over....no that's not it either. Geez I thought this would be easier. Can Beale do it, or perhaps its our biggest back AAC at 80 odd kgs??????

Hell, we aren't going to smash anyone. We are just going to have to run around the Boks. Yep that's it, we are gonna run around you and outpace the Boks. Ha! Try and sleep with that thought.

All it takes is a perfectly timed Schalk burger tackle on Quade Cooper to rattle him enough that he starts his shenanigans of throwing flick passes to nobody in particular on his own tryline

Tense?

Why not unwind by bungee jumping, dwarf tossing, camera theft, sexual harrsement, cheating on your new wife, lying to your manager, and wearing a branded gumshield?

Are you OK Biltong?

I hope for your sake PdV's masterstroke 3N programme will reap it's desired purpose on Sunday.

Didn't you realise the Quade's blind flick pass was not only a gimme to raise false hopes for Ireland's campaign... but also to help put your guys out of their inevitable misery a little bit earlier?

Peter Seabiscuit Wheeler wrote:Tense?

Why not unwind by bungee jumping, dwarf tossing, camera theft, sexual harrsement, cheating on your new wife, lying to your manager, and wearing a branded gumshield?

HAHAHAHAHA Love it!

biltongbek,
Sorry, my friend, but I am just not feeling the angst from your article here. You wrote it too pat, to cliche, too........well, too nice.

You need to become subsumed in the emotion. You need to be like an actor. Never taken acting lessons? Well, let me help. My credentials, you ask? I dated an actress once. Lasted til she realised I wasn't here for her recitation of Shakespeare.

If you want to stop the amity and get the blood up, you need to get into the role of agent provacateur. Let the emotion roll over you like a tidal wave. Let the hate build until you are ready to burst in a sea of virulent anger. Then, for exanple, you can go tell the Aussies you are going to sink theri f**kin, rat a** island and have Gurthro s**t all over their f**kin Harbour Bridge. Now that might get a reaction.

Disclaimer: This was an example. There are no known examples of myself ever slating the Aussies in public. Any similarities to actual countries such as Australia are purely coincidental.

doctor_grey wrote:biltongbek,
Sorry, my friend, but I am just not feeling the angst from your article here. You wrote it too pat, to cliche, too........well, too nice.

You need to become subsumed in the emotion. You need to be like an actor. Never taken acting lessons? Well, let me help. My credentials, you ask? I dated an actress once. Lasted til she realised I wasn't here for her recitation of Shakespeare.

If you want to stop the amity and get the blood up, you need to get into the role of agent provacateur. Let the emotion roll over you like a tidal wave. Let the hate build until you are ready to burst in a sea of virulent anger. Then, for exanple, you can go tell the Aussies you are going to sink theri f**kin, rat a** island and have Gurthro s**t all over their f**kin Harbour Bridge. Now that might get a reaction.

Disclaimer: This was an example. There are no known examples of myself ever slating the Aussies in public. Any similarities to actual countries such as Australia are purely coincidental.

Discalimer: Other types of s**t are also available

I've sneaked a peak at the commentators script for tomorrow. Interesting reading...

7 minutes
"Gethin Jenkins takes the ball at pace and heads straight for O'Gara.... ooohh Ronan's head bounces off the turf and... and Jenkins trips over him. Jamie Heaslip is in and manages to steal the ball. That really was shocking by O'Gara. Human speedbump"

79 minutes
"Cian Healy takes the ball at pace and heads straight for Priestland.... ooohh Priestlands gone missing ... again ... and Healy is under the posts.
32 - 6 to Ireland"

You can't argue with that Welshlanders.

doctor_grey wrote:biltongbek,
Sorry, my friend, but I am just not feeling the angst from your article here. You wrote it too pat, to cliche, too........well, too nice.

You need to become subsumed in the emotion. You need to be like an actor. Never taken acting lessons? Well, let me help. My credentials, you ask? I dated an actress once. Lasted til she realised I wasn't here for her recitation of Shakespeare.

If you want to stop the amity and get the blood up, you need to get into the role of agent provacateur. Let the emotion roll over you like a tidal wave. Let the hate build until you are ready to burst in a sea of virulent anger. Then, for exanple, you can go tell the Aussies you are going to sink theri f**kin, rat a** island and have Gurthro s**t all over their f**kin Harbour Bridge. Now that might get a reaction.

Disclaimer: This was an example. There are no known examples of myself ever slating the Aussies in public. Any similarities to actual countries such as Australia are purely coincidental.

How horrible you are doctor!

It's raining hard here (and predicted to get heavier all weekend) - so the soft Guthro s**t will just slide right off our lovely bridge... and we are a continent too by the way - holding up friggin' Africa!

Come on!!!.... you'll need to THINK BIGGER than that to upset our stocky marsupials!

Linebreaker wrote:

doctor_grey wrote:biltongbek,
Sorry, my friend, but I am just not feeling the angst from your article here. You wrote it too pat, to cliche, too........well, too nice.

You need to become subsumed in the emotion. You need to be like an actor. Never taken acting lessons? Well, let me help. My credentials, you ask? I dated an actress once. Lasted til she realised I wasn't here for her recitation of Shakespeare.

If you want to stop the amity and get the blood up, you need to get into the role of agent provacateur. Let the emotion roll over you like a tidal wave. Let the hate build until you are ready to burst in a sea of virulent anger. Then, for exanple, you can go tell the Aussies you are going to sink theri f**kin, rat a** island and have Gurthro s**t all over their f**kin Harbour Bridge. Now that might get a reaction.

Disclaimer: This was an example. There are no known examples of myself ever slating the Aussies in public. Any similarities to actual countries such as Australia are purely coincidental.

How horrible you are doctor!

It's raining hard here (and predicted to get heavier all weekend) - so the soft Guthro s**t will just slide right off our lovely bridge... and we are a continent too by the way - holding up friggin' Africa!

Come on!!!.... you'll need to THINK BIGGER than that to upset our stocky marsupials!

I'm not sure that parading around in women's underwear is a good idea, even if your fancy actress girlfriend did leave you and you're getting anxious about the rugby.

Man walks into the doctor and goes,

"Doc, I dont know whats happening to me... I feel like a wigwam and a teepee all rolled into one"

Doc says

"Its OK Sir, you are just two tents"...........

Bowe is not going to give any kisses or hugs to his fellow Ospreys players until after the match!

Linebreaker,
Are you telling me that my s**t is not good enough?
My s**t is not big enough?
Then I will have to try harder next time. Apologies for my inadequacies.

No doctor... I'm sure you get your recommended daily intake of iron.

It's was Gurthro's s**t you were 'prescribing'.... wasn't it?

I can't wait to give those Frenchie's a damn good licking....

Grrrrrr! England will do quite well against those French chaps, just you wait and see.

doctor_grey wrote:biltongbek,
Sorry, my friend, but I am just not feeling the angst from your article here. You wrote it too pat, to cliche, too........well, too nice.

You need to become subsumed in the emotion. You need to be like an actor. Never taken acting lessons? Well, let me help. My credentials, you ask? I dated an actress once. Lasted til she realised I wasn't here for her recitation of Shakespeare.

If you want to stop the amity and get the blood up, you need to get into the role of agent provacateur. Let the emotion roll over you like a tidal wave. Let the hate build until you are ready to burst in a sea of virulent anger. Then, for exanple, you can go tell the Aussies you are going to sink theri f**kin, rat a** island and have Gurthro s**t all over their f**kin Harbour Bridge. Now that might get a reaction.

Disclaimer: This was an example. There are no known examples of myself ever slating the Aussies in public. Any similarities to actual countries such as Australia are purely coincidental.

So doc, you are saying I must enact the character of Bakkies Botha (bless the man) in enforcer mode?

Be the Enforcer........Be the Enforcer.................GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR............I AM BECOMING THE ENFORCER.






GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, (Grunt, scream shout and all those things mean)

I AM THE ENFORCER.


Now where is Chuck Norris when you feel like hitting the out of someone?

Submachine wrote:I've sneaked a peak at the commentators script for tomorrow. Interesting reading...

7 minutes
"Gethin Jenkins takes the ball at pace and heads straight for O'Gara.... ooohh Ronan's head bounces off the turf and... and Jenkins trips over him. Jamie Heaslip is in and manages to steal the ball. That really was shocking by O'Gara. Human speedbump"

79 minutes
"Cian Healy takes the ball at pace and heads straight for Priestland.... ooohh Priestlands gone missing ... again ... and Healy is under the posts.
32 - 6 to Ireland"

You can't argue with that Welshlanders.

80 minutes

submachine trips up and blows his foot off

biltongbek wrote:

doctor_grey wrote:biltongbek,
Sorry, my friend, but I am just not feeling the angst from your article here. You wrote it too pat, to cliche, too........well, too nice.

You need to become subsumed in the emotion. You need to be like an actor. Never taken acting lessons? Well, let me help. My credentials, you ask? I dated an actress once. Lasted til she realised I wasn't here for her recitation of Shakespeare.

If you want to stop the amity and get the blood up, you need to get into the role of agent provacateur. Let the emotion roll over you like a tidal wave. Let the hate build until you are ready to burst in a sea of virulent anger. Then, for exanple, you can go tell the Aussies you are going to sink theri f**kin, rat a** island and have Gurthro s**t all over their f**kin Harbour Bridge. Now that might get a reaction.

Disclaimer: This was an example. There are no known examples of myself ever slating the Aussies in public. Any similarities to actual countries such as Australia are purely coincidental.

So doc, you are saying I must enact the character of Bakkies Botha (bless the man) in enforcer mode?

Be the Enforcer........Be the Enforcer.................GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR............I AM BECOMING THE ENFORCER.






GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, (Grunt, scream shout and all those things mean)

I AM THE ENFORCER.


Now where is Chuck Norris when you feel like hitting the out of someone?

Article Two of Biltong's log

Is there any truth in the theory (statistically) that during week before the pre knockout phase of RWC competition 606V2 posters went stark raving bonkers. Discuss

Well, Gatts no statistics are necessary, this is one of those cases where the evidence in clear for all to see.

Answer: A resounding yes, we all went nuts.

Very good people.
We'll just be nice to our fellow argies as we're the hosts.
But if at half time the scores are close... All the superb descriptions above apply!

Speak for yourselves, I'm too busy to go nuts. I've still got to wash the lawn, milk a couple of eggs for my breakfast and trace my own outline on the lounge wall with a bright green crayon before I can even think of the rugby tomorrow.

Whoot-whoot!

PS Has anyone seen my camel?

PJHolybloke wrote:Speak for yourselves, I'm too busy to go nuts. I've still got to wash the lawn, milk a couple of eggs for my breakfast and trace my own outline on the lounge wall with a bright green crayon before I can even think of the rugby tomorrow.

Whoot-whoot!

goners

biltongbek wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:Speak for yourselves, I'm too busy to go nuts. I've still got to wash the lawn, milk a couple of eggs for my breakfast and trace my own outline on the lounge wall with a bright green crayon before I can even think of the rugby tomorrow.

Whoot-whoot!

goners

Hmmm, have you got my camel Biltong? If you have, he won't like it - he left Africa for a reason you know - anyway, must dash I've got to put some shoes on the roof before I hinge the cat.

PJHolybloke wrote:

biltongbek wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:Speak for yourselves, I'm too busy to go nuts. I've still got to wash the lawn, milk a couple of eggs for my breakfast and trace my own outline on the lounge wall with a bright green crayon before I can even think of the rugby tomorrow.

Whoot-whoot!

goners

Hmmm, have you got my camel Biltong? If you have, he won't like it - he left Africa for a reason you know - anyway, must dash I've got to put some shoes on the roof before I hinge the cat.

Leave the fecking cat alone you miscreant

Gatts wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:

biltongbek wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:Speak for yourselves, I'm too busy to go nuts. I've still got to wash the lawn, milk a couple of eggs for my breakfast and trace my own outline on the lounge wall with a bright green crayon before I can even think of the rugby tomorrow.

Whoot-whoot!

goners

Hmmm, have you got my camel Biltong? If you have, he won't like it - he left Africa for a reason you know - anyway, must dash I've got to put some shoes on the roof before I hinge the cat.

Leave the fecking cat alone you miscreant

Thanks Gatts, nearly forgot - here kitty-kitty...

PJHolybloke wrote:

Gatts wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:

biltongbek wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:Speak for yourselves, I'm too busy to go nuts. I've still got to wash the lawn, milk a couple of eggs for my breakfast and trace my own outline on the lounge wall with a bright green crayon before I can even think of the rugby tomorrow.

Whoot-whoot!

goners

Hmmm, have you got my camel Biltong? If you have, he won't like it - he left Africa for a reason you know - anyway, must dash I've got to put some shoes on the roof before I hinge the cat.

Leave the fecking cat alone you miscreant

Thanks Gatts, nearly forgot - here kitty-kitty...

PJ don't you have some villages to Cuddle in a bad way and woman to plunder?

Done all that Biltong - I'm off to get some shut-eye now, up at 5.40 "c'mon Ireland!"

Then the big showdown against Les Bleus.

Bricking it to be fair

PJHolybloke wrote:Done all that Biltong - I'm off to get some shut-eye now, up at 5.40 "c'mon Ireland!"

Then the big showdown against Les Bleus.

Bricking it to be fair

support the taffs you saxon scrote

Mornin folks. Hope everyone in the NH had a nice long sleep and everyone in the SH is rippin ready to go. What a great weekend. Today is NH day, tomorrow is SH day. Just TV and mates. Right now I am going out to an early morning pub to watch. So excited I could s**t.

Forget the Irish back row. Today dan the man lydiate, warburton and Toby faletau will show Ireland what a back row can do. Forget the Irish boys. These welsh youngsters are the real deal and will create the platform for our hard runners to devastate Ireland. Come on boys!!!!

Gatts wrote:

PJHolybloke wrote:Done all that Biltong - I'm off to get some shut-eye now, up at 5.40 "c'mon Ireland!"

Then the big showdown against Les Bleus.

Bricking it to be fair

support the taffs you saxon scrote

Gatts, I'm half Irish you feckin doughnut - that's never going to happen.

Didnt sleep too well but here we go.All the best to both sides.

Doesn't that explain everything.

Which half?

Well anyway the other half should listen to the voices in your head and support the boys in red

How about you support the micks in the first half and the Taffs in the 2nd?