Dear SRU - Job interveiw

Dear SRU

I am writing to you in request of the position of SRU team facilitator, under soil manager. I believe that I have the relevant skills and experience to be a positive (or not) impact on the game within Scotland.

I currently reside in London, but would be willing to travel up to the regions to meddle in their under soil preparations (*A recent example of my forward thinking - out of the box success, was putting the grass under the earth, growing downwards - out of position grass you say, but my very own stats showed over 3 years, the grass made significant progress - even if no blades of grass actually showed through). I believe that my experience in London will also allow me to fully understand the international nature of Scottish Rugby, where home grown talent is not required to play, and searching the globe (Although can I suggest a cost saving expertise and looking at bar staff in London for new players) to 'half inch' talent to play in Scotland is the way forward.

I fully understand the future of Scottish Rugby is based on getting people through the turn styles and success breeds success - however I feel that the unique 'reverse grass' playing surface, will be a huge draw in itself. Also the cultured surface that it provides, suits the Scottish game plan of forward play and kicking the ball - the 'mudograph lite' (Patent Pending) surface would provide Scottish players with the ideal surface to dominate the games in Scotland (and has the added benefit of softening the blow when a knock on occurs and players have to dive down to stop the opposition taking our ball. Also allows 'the chunk' to plow the land near the wings.)

I am a results driven man, and fully believe that I can fit into the SRU culture, and I accept nothing less than 'winning the stats battle' and having a full and professionally coached excuseorama on hand to point out how we actually have won all matches, regardless of the score.

I have also been provided my mama a brand mew Spiderman watch, that has a count down (60 mins max) which means I will never miss the ideal time to swap all players on the pitch (I am happy to use this at my own expense), although the alarm only works on occasion, but I feel that this is the best time to take off the captain

I have attached my CV (which to save trees only shows my rugby successes - and is on a post-it pad - summary - almost got selected for trial in the West of Scotland - but it was robbed by the half time orange boy - there were no blood oranges) and I look forward to you offering my this role. I also fully understand that we will be able to have a team building day, where we are able to brainstorm fictitious targets and goals, although I would like in writing that these can only for fun and will not be used in real life.

Your

Risky Sports

PS - I have also got a mate interested in head grass cutting consultant, While he has run on grass before he has never actually mowed any, but I believe there is a fast track role to be head coach of one of the regionally teams - as long as he passes his probation period (through being able to justify that a cutting coach, does not need to actually cut the grass to be successful)

Nice one

Sadly I am overqualified for the grass cut jobbie as I have in fact used a lawnmower (with some success).

The patent on the 'mudograph lite' (Patent Pending) surface is already lodged in australia, as down under all grass is planted upside down.

Entertaining read though.

Darn those Ozzies - i bet they stole my idea

Risky, I think cutting the grass falls within Sean Lineen's role following his "promotion".

Sorry to be the one to break it to you.

Rats - they need to update their job description

Nice one Risky Serious point though as it obviously happened with the Bath Buffoon

Well the CV is in the post -

2 baffoon central -
I have photos of u street
Judge me on results
Scotland
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