How to "play" referees guide to South African rugby players

I have been very critical of referees especially at ruck time and scrum time, but even though I am sure I wasn’t alone in this crusade I have decided a guide to dummies is in order for SA rugby.

Here is a list of my tips for them.
1.Smile at the referee when you get onto the field (Remember to remove your gumgaurd with the skulls first)

2.Remember to say Sir every time you have spoken to him.

3.Only speak to the referee when spoken too.

4.Never criticise or question his decision (It WILL come back to bite you)

5.If you are in the front row, look into the referee’s eyes and nod in agreement to show him you are listening.

6.When you get tackled let go of the ball, this way you can’t be pinged for holding on (even if it means you knock it on)

7.When you tackle the opposition, immediately release him and run back into position (even if he gets up and run again, it then becomes someone else’s problem)

8.When the opposition creates a maul, do not make contact with it, run away, it is a method to win a penalty as it becomes a truck and trailer.

9.When the opposition is awarded a scrum, don’t move, don’t push, don’t go back, don’t push up, don’t push in, in fact the best is to fake a front row injury and plead for uncontested scrums.

10.When the fly half kicks an up and under, first run 10 paces back, to ensure the referee or assistant referee saw you made every attempt to be on side and then get your defensive lines ready as it will be too late to chase the kick.

11.Before going onto the field, get some colorant on your arms, this will assist to prove you didn’t tackle high. Also ensure there is a tape measure in your pocket to prove the attacking runner was diving under the tackle if there is any colorant around his neck.

12.Whatever you do, do not go off your feet, even when you are tackled remain upright, as going off your feet is a penalisable offence.

13.When there is a scuffle, run away and start crying, better to be called a sissy than copping a red card.

14.Tip tackles are dangerous, if you see a team mate lifting an opposition player, immediately come to the rescue of the opposition, get him to the ground gently, and before the referee steps in, castigate your team mate, read him the riot act and explain to him in no uncertain terms that you will be reporting him to the judiciary committee (you are obviously not going to do it, but the referee will think you are on his side and it might come in handy later on)

15.When the referee awards a free kick or penalty to the opposition, take hands and walk together counting back ten metres. (Do it loudly though, the whole reason is you want the referee to hear you doing it.)

16.When a ruck is over and you are getting up, look around, see if any opposition player needs assistance, help them on their feet, and straighten their hair (Always good for relations and beneficial if the referee sees it)

17.Most of all enjoy the game, after all, we already have two World Cup Trophies, three Tri Nation Trophies and 4 Grandslams, who needs more?

i fear the next time a south african supporter runs on to the field to 'get better acquainted with the ref' it might just be.....

And try not to speak in an Afrikaans accent because all Afirkaaners in movies (from james bond and lethal weapon to hard target) are bad guys, which has subconsciously influenced referees to think that all Afrikaaners on rugby fields are bad guys....(all tongue in cheek of course folks...although I do wonder sometimes...)

Yep, and the worst are these American actors trying to fake an Afrikaner speaking english accent. We sound real dim that way.

I wonder what the New Zealand one will look like, especially for their opensides

Congratulations,Biltongbek a nice sense of humility,and irony a South African with a sense of Humour.A few of my former SA workmates could take lesson from you.I wish David Leigh was here he was another very civilised South African too he never made it over from 606 I miss him.
The day I see a Bok side doing as you suggest is the day I give up watching the game.They have ALWAYS lead the way when stoush and other illegalties occur
as the man said get your retalition in first.There good teachers the allBlacks have obviously been taking lessons.

Thanks alan, glad you enjoyed that. I remember david leigh, nice guy.

Gowales
New Zealand (minus Andy Haden) dont play the referee.
New Zealand plays the game.

Yeah, you are fortunate, you don't have to.

Biltong
What is colorant? I have never heard of it before,is it made with some secret Transvaal recipee which means it cant be picked up by usual drug testing methods looking for performance enhancing drugs?

You use it to colour dough, so by wiping it on your arms, it leaves a mark when you make contact.

Perhaps the forwards could apply the same colour of the opposition jerseys on their forearms ? God only knows how many penalties you could earn for your team by simply pushing the ball towards the opposition half back on the ground in rucks.

kiwis would never have thought of such a thing.Brilliant,.

Biltong,

It's not at all confined to South Africans, but I'd add,

Take as a given that the way the breakdown is being interpreted at this moment is totally different than it was in any of the last 3 games you played in, and indeed different to the way it was interpreted by this ref in the first half of the match!

True, Mrs P, sad but very true.

aucklandlaurie wrote: Perhaps the forwards could apply the same colour of the opposition jerseys on their forearms ? God only knows how many penalties you could earn for your team by simply pushing the ball towards the opposition half back on the ground in rucks.

kiwis would never have thought of such a thing.Brilliant,.

Ah, some more of those "cheating" ideas cropping up, eh?

gowales wrote:I wonder what the New Zealand one will look like, especially for their opensides

1) If the ref tells you to stop doing something, stop doing it (for at least 20 minutes) and try something else.
2) Make good use of the referee and ball radar that every NZ flanker has installed in his brain. Get to the ball first and do what you want until the ref catches up.

How would the All Black's list look.

Easy:


1. When you go onto the field, remind the referee you are the best team in world rugby.
2. Don't move away from him until he has acknowledged that fact.
3. Do whatever you want to do, but act as if it is legal (your little talk at the beginning of the match should at least have the referee in awe until halftime)
4.Use your props as blocking agents at rucks.
5. Run obstruction lines AT PACE, the referee won't be noticing those.
6. Pass flat, it gets your supporting runner into space and if he runs off your shoulder, no-one will notice if it happens to go forward.

Biltong
I think points 5 and 6 are mostly from the Australian play book...

I would agree with number 5 dummy half. 6 is applicable to both.

Biltong

I'm not in the slightest suggesting that the ABs haven't adopted a few tactics from their Wobbly neighbours over the years

You forgot the other AB rule to the ref - the guy in the number 7 shirt is excempt from the off side rule. We used to have a similar dispensation for Dean Richards...

dummy_half wrote:Biltong

You forgot the other AB rule to the ref - the guy in the number 7 shirt is excempt from the off side rule. We used to have a similar dispensation for Dean Richards...

well we have an accepted rule in SA, ever since the days of Fitzpatrick, New Zealand captains ARE the referees. (or at least assistant referees)

biltongbek wrote:

dummy_half wrote:Biltong

You forgot the other AB rule to the ref - the guy in the number 7 shirt is excempt from the off side rule. We used to have a similar dispensation for Dean Richards...

well we have an accepted rule in SA, ever since the days of Fitzpatrick, New Zealand captains ARE the referees. (or at least assistant referees)

NO,that was gobby Wallabies Scrum halves,and a Aussie coach teaching the REF his job.A week before ANY match verses the All Blacks,or Boks.

alan, there you are SPOT ON, it takes me back to our QF of last year........Complaints after Ireland.........