About v2Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
+14
GG
owen10ozzy
Liam
mystiroakey
trottb
Beer
compelling and rich
Hibbz
Dave.
Gregers
CFCNick
JamesLincs
GSC
Il Gialloblu
18 posters
The v2 Forum :: Welcome! :: Euro 2012
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Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Il Gialloblu Wed 30 May - 16:48
First topic message reminder :
The Short Premise
Get a team assigned, big them up and belittle your opponents, win awards... and have fun.
The Original Long Premise
The Awards
Insult of the Tournament (within site rules)
Verbal Comeback of the Tournament
Pun of the Tournament
Outlandish Prediction Come Good of the Tournament
Egg-on-the-Face of the Tournament
+ more to be revealed later (when I think of them)
The Groups
Group A
Poland - GG
Greece - martyr_94
Russia - mystiroakey
Czech Republic - owen10ozzy
Group B
Netherlands - TheBrahmaBull
Denmark - Il Gialloblu
Germany - mobilemaster8
Portugal - Gregers
Group C
Spain - compelling and rich
Italy - King Beer
Republic of Ireland - Hibbz
Croatia - Graeme Swann's Cat
Group D
Ukraine - JamesLincs
Sweden - MockingJay33
France - Dodger Dave
England - trottb
All teams have now been assigned... let the verbal diarrhoea commence!
The Short Premise
Get a team assigned, big them up and belittle your opponents, win awards... and have fun.
The Original Long Premise
- Spoiler:
- I’ve had an idea. It might be rubbish, but it might not be.
I’m sure some of you will be having European Championship sweepstakes at work or in the local, so I thought we could have something similar here.
Now, of course there won’t be any money involved, either to enter or as a prize. I’m sure nobody wants to be posting a pound coin to me here in Shanghai and I don’t want to be receiving them and then sending them back to someone when it’s all over.
So what would be the point of this?
Well, in a word, banter.
Entrants would be assigned a team in a random draw and then that would be your team for the tournament, as far as this thread goes. There the sweepstake similarities end.
What you will have to do next is provide such things as pre-tournament bigging up of your team telling us why they will do well, pre-game trash talk against your opponents clearly stating why you will muller them, post-game gloating to rub people’s nose in the mess their side left out on the pitch… and anything else that could be used to win the awards that will be judged when this is all over.
Sorry? What awards?
I’m glad you asked.
After the tournament is over, I will go over the carnage and pick out which posts are deemed worthy of accolades such as the following:
Insult of the Tournament (within site rules)
Verbal Comeback of the Tournament
Pun of the Tournament
Outlandish Prediction Come Good of the Tournament
Egg-on-the-Face of the Tournament
And any others that you good people might suggest.
This whole thing would all be in the name of fun and banter, which might otherwise be missing on an Anglo-centric forum during an international tournament.
I have already proposed some ideas for awards. If you have any more, please post them and they will be considered
I would like to include as many people as possible, if there is interest, so I think that 2 posters per team would be the way to go. Enough for some ganging up but not too many so as to leave the thread too messy and difficult to follow.
I will set a date of Monday 4th June for the first draw so people can learn of their charges and have time to assess their strengths and forget about their weaknesses.
Bear in mind that this will be the first draw. If there is any space left, additional people will be allowed to join and fill it up, up to the kick off of the first game, Poland vs Greece on Friday 8th June.
If nobody has any better suggestions, we’ll go with this.
So if you know your football, are a quick wit, have thick skin or can make a good case for Greece v Czech Republic being exciting or Denmark having a chance against Germany, post your interest below and we’ll see how this turns out.
Happy bantering.
The Awards
Insult of the Tournament (within site rules)
Verbal Comeback of the Tournament
Pun of the Tournament
Outlandish Prediction Come Good of the Tournament
Egg-on-the-Face of the Tournament
+ more to be revealed later (when I think of them)
The Groups
Group A
Poland - GG
Greece - martyr_94
Russia - mystiroakey
Czech Republic - owen10ozzy
Group B
Netherlands - TheBrahmaBull
Denmark - Il Gialloblu
Germany - mobilemaster8
Portugal - Gregers
Group C
Spain - compelling and rich
Italy - King Beer
Republic of Ireland - Hibbz
Croatia - Graeme Swann's Cat
Group D
Ukraine - JamesLincs
Sweden - MockingJay33
France - Dodger Dave
England - trottb
All teams have now been assigned... let the verbal diarrhoea commence!
Last edited by Il Gialloblu on Thu 7 Jun - 14:31; edited 15 times in total
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Beer Mon 11 Jun - 10:33
Are we allowed to attack teams in other groups?
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by GSC Mon 11 Jun - 11:10
Not if you aren't getting out the group
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by CFCNick Mon 11 Jun - 11:31
Today is the day of reckoning. Ukraine beware the super Swedes are gonna chew you up like chicken kiev's.
Zlatan's Gonna Get You!!!
Zlatan's Gonna Get You!!!
- Spoiler:
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Il Gialloblu Mon 11 Jun - 11:33
King Beer wrote:Are we allowed to attack teams in other groups?
The original idea was not to and it might have more structure if people didn't... but Ireland and Russia had words on the first page and it was probably the longest back and forth we've had.
I'm not going to reprimand people for anything really so if it goes quiet KB, do whatever you want to inject some life into it.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by trottb Mon 11 Jun - 11:38
Apologies not been on as often Il, currently flat out in work.
KB it's the only attacking you cowardly Italian muppets will be doing for the Euros.
KB it's the only attacking you cowardly Italian muppets will be doing for the Euros.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Beer Mon 11 Jun - 11:53
trottb wrote:Apologies not been on as often Il, currently flat out in work.
KB it's the only attacking you cowardly Italian muppets will be doing for the Euros.
Cowardly? How's your armada?
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by trottb Mon 11 Jun - 14:22
Sinking, how are your cruise ships? Any other Captains tripped into life boats lately?
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Beer Mon 11 Jun - 14:27
3 actually. But we managed to keep it covered up cause your broke asses needed to borrow £100bn. I hope you didn't stick it on Torres to be top scorer? Got more chance of Aragones working on the 'Kick It Out' campaign.
How did you become so broke? Pumping all that money so one of your 2 good teams could win the Champions league? I do love the irony that Spain's 2 greatest sporting commodities right now happen to be Portuguese. How does that feel?
How did you become so broke? Pumping all that money so one of your 2 good teams could win the Champions league? I do love the irony that Spain's 2 greatest sporting commodities right now happen to be Portuguese. How does that feel?
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Mon 11 Jun - 14:51
trottb wrote:
Jennifer leave the banter to the men, what do women know about football...
If we leave the banter to the men, that'll rule you out straight away, mate...!!
Women know enough about football to put men in their place. Just ask Sian Massey how easy it was to get rid of Andy Gray and Richard Keyes from Sky without even saying a word.
(I like this banter lark)
.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Beer Mon 11 Jun - 14:54
Jennifer1984 wrote:trottb wrote:
Jennifer leave the banter to the men, what do women know about football...
If we leave the banter to the men, that'll rule you out straight away, mate...!!
Women know enough about football to put men in their place. Just ask Sian Massey how easy it was to get rid of Andy Gray and Richard Keyes from Sky without even saying a word.
(I like this banter lark)
.
It'll be better when you're good at it.
Now pop the kettle on love or i'll send Mario round with some fireworks.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by trottb Mon 11 Jun - 14:57
King Beer wrote:Jennifer1984 wrote:trottb wrote:
Jennifer leave the banter to the men, what do women know about football...
If we leave the banter to the men, that'll rule you out straight away, mate...!!
Women know enough about football to put men in their place. Just ask Sian Massey how easy it was to get rid of Andy Gray and Richard Keyes from Sky without even saying a word.
(I like this banter lark)
.
It'll be better when you're good at it.
Now pop the kettle on love or i'll send Mario round with some fireworks.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Hibbz Mon 11 Jun - 15:04
Great start for the Irish. When you have a pub team it's best to get knocked out early so you can enjoy your booze without the need to watch any football.
The Czechs have the right idea as no doubt will the English.
We also managed to provide a couple of comical dives.
The Czechs have the right idea as no doubt will the English.
We also managed to provide a couple of comical dives.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Mon 11 Jun - 15:05
ENGLAND PLAYERS PRACTICED DISAPPOINTED FACES IN TRAINING, HODGSON REVEALS
England's next former manager Roy Hodgson has urged the Liverpool players amongst his 23-man squad not to recapture the form that they showed last season as England prepare to face France in their third from last match of the tournament later today.
With England’s starting eleven expected to feature Glen Johnson, Steven Gerrard and Stewart Downing, and with striker Andy Carroll on the bench as a non-impact substitute, Hodgson has urged the Liverpool contingent to not play anything like they did last season.
“I’ve seen these players under-performing week in, week out for their club,” said Hodgson. “If they bring their league form to the tournament then everyone back home can look forward to 90 minutes of aimless crosses floating harmlessly out of play, misplaced passes and being caught in possession...... And that’s just Stewart Downing..!!”
Hodgson also revealed that the players have been practising their disappointed faces in training. "Of course you can’t recreate the pressure that goes with looking dejected at a major tournament, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and prepare,” he revealed.
“We’ve spent a lot of time standing with our hands on our hips, shaking our heads, using our shirts to wipe away tears and rehearsing interviews where we can’t put our finger on what went wrong.”
The former Fulham, Liverpool and West Brom manager went on to reveal he had no fears about using young players with little experience in playing at international level. “I’m confident that the players who have no tournament experience can step up if called upon.”
“Wayne Rooney is suspended for the first two games, but he has spent time with the younger players showing them how to make obscene gestures at the England fans, and mouth-off at TV cameras.”
“Wayne’s disappointed that he can’t play in the first two games, but he’s hoping that if the lads do the business he’ll get the chance to tell the nation to sod right off when we're eliminated after our last game of the tournament against Ukraine.”
.
England's next former manager Roy Hodgson has urged the Liverpool players amongst his 23-man squad not to recapture the form that they showed last season as England prepare to face France in their third from last match of the tournament later today.
With England’s starting eleven expected to feature Glen Johnson, Steven Gerrard and Stewart Downing, and with striker Andy Carroll on the bench as a non-impact substitute, Hodgson has urged the Liverpool contingent to not play anything like they did last season.
“I’ve seen these players under-performing week in, week out for their club,” said Hodgson. “If they bring their league form to the tournament then everyone back home can look forward to 90 minutes of aimless crosses floating harmlessly out of play, misplaced passes and being caught in possession...... And that’s just Stewart Downing..!!”
Hodgson also revealed that the players have been practising their disappointed faces in training. "Of course you can’t recreate the pressure that goes with looking dejected at a major tournament, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and prepare,” he revealed.
“We’ve spent a lot of time standing with our hands on our hips, shaking our heads, using our shirts to wipe away tears and rehearsing interviews where we can’t put our finger on what went wrong.”
The former Fulham, Liverpool and West Brom manager went on to reveal he had no fears about using young players with little experience in playing at international level. “I’m confident that the players who have no tournament experience can step up if called upon.”
“Wayne Rooney is suspended for the first two games, but he has spent time with the younger players showing them how to make obscene gestures at the England fans, and mouth-off at TV cameras.”
“Wayne’s disappointed that he can’t play in the first two games, but he’s hoping that if the lads do the business he’ll get the chance to tell the nation to sod right off when we're eliminated after our last game of the tournament against Ukraine.”
.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Mon 11 Jun - 15:07
trottb wrote:King Beer wrote:Jennifer1984 wrote:trottb wrote:
Jennifer leave the banter to the men, what do women know about football...
If we leave the banter to the men, that'll rule you out straight away, mate...!!
Women know enough about football to put men in their place. Just ask Sian Massey how easy it was to get rid of Andy Gray and Richard Keyes from Sky without even saying a word.
(I like this banter lark)
.
It'll be better when you're good at it.
Now pop the kettle on love or i'll send Mario round with some fireworks.
Mario's busy round your house right now, servicing your missus with John Terry. Well, somebody has to do the job properly, don't they..?
Jennifer1984- Posts : 336
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by trottb Mon 11 Jun - 16:15
Highly unlikely old racist John would be sharing a woman with a black man. If he is though, fair play at least he's making some progress with his problems.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by CFCNick Mon 11 Jun - 20:57
Ibrahimovic scores when he wants to, he only scores when he wants to!
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Hibbz Mon 11 Jun - 21:07
MockingJay33 wrote:Ibrahimovic scores when he wants to, he only scores when he wants to!
Sing when you're winning, you only sing when you're winning, sing when you're wiiiiiinning, you only sing when you're winning.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Tue 12 Jun - 4:16
trottb wrote:Highly unlikely old racist John would be sharing a woman with a black man. If he is though, fair play at least he's making some progress with his problems.
From what I've heard, that's how she likes it.
Didn't you know..?
.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Tue 12 Jun - 4:31
Good morning everybody, Ms Hilary Waffling-Blogger here, just popping in to offer support to those plucky Irish footballing fellows in their quest to win jolly old Euro 2012.
I'm not one to deal in cheap, tacky national stereotypes, to be sure, to be sure, but I think it's time us British (even if you're not actually "British", if you see what I mean) stick together against Johnny Foreigner over there.
You show me an Englishman who says he has no Irish family connections and I'll show you a German so, come on chaps, get your laughing gear around a few pints of the Liffey Liqueur and roar the boys in green on when they play their next game.
Everybody loves the Irish. It's just like watching Brazil..... only not as good at football.... and a bit fairer of complexion.... well, mostly.
Toodle-pip for now..!!
.
I'm not one to deal in cheap, tacky national stereotypes, to be sure, to be sure, but I think it's time us British (even if you're not actually "British", if you see what I mean) stick together against Johnny Foreigner over there.
You show me an Englishman who says he has no Irish family connections and I'll show you a German so, come on chaps, get your laughing gear around a few pints of the Liffey Liqueur and roar the boys in green on when they play their next game.
Everybody loves the Irish. It's just like watching Brazil..... only not as good at football.... and a bit fairer of complexion.... well, mostly.
Toodle-pip for now..!!
.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by CFCNick Tue 12 Jun - 8:11
Hibbz wrote:MockingJay33 wrote:Ibrahimovic scores when he wants to, he only scores when he wants to!
Sing when you're winning, you only sing when you're winning, sing when you're wiiiiiinning, you only sing when you're winning.
True, although I was on the chatbox and have been having trouble trying to find something banter worthy to do with Sweden and Ukraine. As an Englishman I think a Ukraine win is a better result than a draw the way the fixtures are. We beat Sweden, France do Ukraine and we just need a point against Ukraine.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Hibbz Tue 12 Jun - 14:08
Jennifer1984 wrote:Good morning everybody, Ms Hilary Waffling-Blogger here, just popping in to offer support to those plucky Irish footballing fellows in their quest to win jolly old Euro 2012.
I'm not one to deal in cheap, tacky national stereotypes, to be sure, to be sure, but I think it's time us British (even if you're not actually "British", if you see what I mean) stick together against Johnny Foreigner over there.
You show me an Englishman who says he has no Irish family connections and I'll show you a German so, come on chaps, get your laughing gear around a few pints of the Liffey Liqueur and roar the boys in green on when they play their next game.
Everybody loves the Irish. It's just like watching Brazil..... only not as good at football.... and a bit fairer of complexion.... well, mostly.
Toodle-pip for now..!!
.
Oi, get your own team Winston Smith.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Thu 14 Jun - 15:54
Hibbz wrote:Jennifer1984 wrote:Good morning everybody, Ms Hilary Waffling-Blogger here, just popping in to offer support to those plucky Irish footballing fellows in their quest to win jolly old Euro 2012.
I'm not one to deal in cheap, tacky national stereotypes, to be sure, to be sure, but I think it's time us British (even if you're not actually "British", if you see what I mean) stick together against Johnny Foreigner over there.
You show me an Englishman who says he has no Irish family connections and I'll show you a German so, come on chaps, get your laughing gear around a few pints of the Liffey Liqueur and roar the boys in green on when they play their next game.
Everybody loves the Irish. It's just like watching Brazil..... only not as good at football.... and a bit fairer of complexion.... well, mostly.
Toodle-pip for now..!!
.
Oi, get your own team Winston Smith.
Oh, very droll... Winston Smith. 1984. Good spot.
Do you think you're my big brother or something..?
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by compelling and rich Thu 14 Jun - 15:56
spanish are going to smash the irish tonight... that is all
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Thu 14 Jun - 16:11
RIO FERDINAND TO REPRESENT IRELAND IN MATCH VERSUS SPAIN
Out of favour England skipper Rio Ferdinand will be appearing at Euro 2012 - representing the Republic Of Ireland - sources close to his best mate down the Southport working men's club revealed exclusively to this reporter.
"It's all true," my source revealed. "Rio was proper peeved at being left out of the England squad by Roy Hodgson, and reports suggest that he'd enjoy nothing more than a head to head with the Spaniards so, with this in mind, a few canny Irishmen got their heads together and decided to approach Rio with the offer of a few games representing Ireland. It seems he jumped at the chance."
According to sources, Bono, Jedward, Graham Norton, and Dara O'Briain put their heads together and came up with a deal which Rio will find difficult to refuse.
"He'll be on free Guinness and Kerrygold butter for the rest of his natural," Jedward said. "And we'll make him a Freeman of Ballykissangel, or something like that. He's been to Ireland on holiday once, and he owns a dog called Paddy so he should have no trouble getting his addition to the squad approved by UEFA."
"I had a chat with Sir Alex Ferguson, and Giovanni Trapatonni," My source went on. "And they were quite happy with the arrangement. Sir Alex wished Rio "All the luck in the world, but make sure you come off after half an hour in all your games so you're not knackered for the start of next season. Don't forget who pays your wages." Trapattoni has promised to accomodate Rio in the Irish back four. Rio is chomping at the bit. He'll for sure be in the starting eleven against Spain tonight. "
I asked former Manchester United and Republic of Ireland favourite Paul McGrath for a comment, but he was being taken away in an ambulance following a drink related incident in Moss Side, which apparently had him falling head first out of a window, into a skip, entangled with a Thai ladyboy.
Out of favour England skipper Rio Ferdinand will be appearing at Euro 2012 - representing the Republic Of Ireland - sources close to his best mate down the Southport working men's club revealed exclusively to this reporter.
"It's all true," my source revealed. "Rio was proper peeved at being left out of the England squad by Roy Hodgson, and reports suggest that he'd enjoy nothing more than a head to head with the Spaniards so, with this in mind, a few canny Irishmen got their heads together and decided to approach Rio with the offer of a few games representing Ireland. It seems he jumped at the chance."
According to sources, Bono, Jedward, Graham Norton, and Dara O'Briain put their heads together and came up with a deal which Rio will find difficult to refuse.
"He'll be on free Guinness and Kerrygold butter for the rest of his natural," Jedward said. "And we'll make him a Freeman of Ballykissangel, or something like that. He's been to Ireland on holiday once, and he owns a dog called Paddy so he should have no trouble getting his addition to the squad approved by UEFA."
"I had a chat with Sir Alex Ferguson, and Giovanni Trapatonni," My source went on. "And they were quite happy with the arrangement. Sir Alex wished Rio "All the luck in the world, but make sure you come off after half an hour in all your games so you're not knackered for the start of next season. Don't forget who pays your wages." Trapattoni has promised to accomodate Rio in the Irish back four. Rio is chomping at the bit. He'll for sure be in the starting eleven against Spain tonight. "
I asked former Manchester United and Republic of Ireland favourite Paul McGrath for a comment, but he was being taken away in an ambulance following a drink related incident in Moss Side, which apparently had him falling head first out of a window, into a skip, entangled with a Thai ladyboy.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by mystiroakey Thu 14 Jun - 16:25
Good story.
but........
but........
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by JamesLincs Thu 14 Jun - 16:27
this is hibbz.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN1WN0YMWZU
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by mystiroakey Thu 14 Jun - 16:30
lol classic sketch..
'We' all think that is Hibbz.
'We' all think that is Hibbz.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Jennifer1984 Thu 14 Jun - 16:41
mystiroakey wrote:lol classic sketch..
'We' all think that is Hibbz.
Sorry, I can't stop to watch the video clip, I'm currently involved in fighting aliens trying to get on the spaceship 'Promethius'.
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by mystiroakey Thu 14 Jun - 16:48
I hope your not watching that dodgy Cam. Its not worth it..
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Re: Inaugural 606v2 Major Championship Banter Tournament
by Hibbz Fri 15 Jun - 17:02
JamesLincs wrote:this is hibbz.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN1WN0YMWZU
Ha ha that is me as well. Guess it makes you the other one though mate ha ha. Thank you it made me smile. I take it you have to be a fan of Mitchell and Webb because they're English?
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