The Alternative Six Nations Predictions Thread

[Guest]

That's right, a place to predict what weird and wacky things will happen in the 6Ns. Winner? Who cares. Best try? Booooring. Tackle completion percentage? Oh, shut the fup up!

Instead, what wonderful things do you think will occur this tournament? Along the lines of:

- Basteraud does a William Gallas and sits down on the halfway line midmatch with France trailing against Italy. No-one knows what he's protesting.
- Jack Nowell actually plays 7; Cenydd 'Ken The Sheriff' Owens plays number 8 (like a majestic cannonball)
- Steve Walsh comes out of retirement
- Warren Gatland admits he does like the Irish, really. A LOT. It's just so much easier to hate what you truly want...
- Jonny May breaks free against Wales in the 79th minute with the scores tied at 15-15. Sam Warburton rushes down from the commentary box and chop tackles him 2 metres from the line.
- The IRFU accept a hard border during Irish internationals. Nothing really changes - the Ulster boys don't sing the first song; the Munster boys don't sing the second.
- Referee for the England Wales game, Steve Walsh, sees nothing wrong with Warburton's contribution. "He who controls himself controls the game, boys. Scrum 5 Wales!" Walsh does a Joubert at the final whistle. He's never seen again.

What else...?

[Rugby Fan]

Red card in the Ireland England match.

The autumn internationals seemed to show referees being more lenient than we had seen in the three main Northern leagues. Given some of the fallout from those games (e.g. Farrell's technique, Halfpenny's concussion) it's quite possible officials will become strict again.

I don't have any particular player in mind. Daly has received a red before, and Launchbury got one respectively, but I doubt whether they are at the top of anyone's list of villains.

[lostinwales]

Somebody punches Itoje after he shouts in their face one too many times. It doesn't end well for anybody.

[tigertattie]

For the Refs

The Possible:
Wayne Barnes penalises an Irishman for something

The Improbable:
Nigel Owens penalises somone at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Craig Joubert is bought a pint a Murrayfield

For the coaches:

The Possible:
Eddie Jones says something to insult an entire nation

The Improbable:
Warren Gatland has a smiley face when being interviewed

The Impossible:
Townsend picks the same match squad as 98% of Scotland fans

for the Players:

The Possible:
Dan Biggar or J Sexton complain to a referee constantly

The Improbable:
England become effective at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Scotland win away from home

For the 606v2 community

The Possible:
Everyone says Wales have gone back to Gatlandball and Gatland shouldnt be Lions coach again

The Improbable:
A large contingent of Itallian supporters identify themselves on here

The Impossible:
Jimbopip learns to use the qute function/I buy him a pint in hommage

[Mr Bounce]

AWJ chins Dan Biggar for trying to influence him in a game. Again. Both sent off. France still lose.

England bring on Wilkinson as a tactical sub to kick conversions from the right hand touchline. Farrell gets even angrier than Mike Brown.

France don't know which France has turned up and half of the team end playing for the opposition. Everyone is confused, especially the ref at scrum time. 12 vs 4 really isn't fair.

Sergio Parisse breaks his arm during the Scotland match. Shows Faletau and Vunipola how to do it by using half a roll of Gaffer Tape to fix it and continuing for the rest of the 6N.

Stockdale stops and poses for selfies with fans on the way to the try line. Still scores.

[Collapse2005]

For the Refs

The Possible:
Wayne Barnes penalises an Irishman for something

The Improbable:
Nigel Owens penalises somone at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Craig Joubert is bought a pint a Murrayfield

For the coaches:

The Possible:
Eddie Jones says something to insult an entire nation

The Improbable:
Warren Gatland has a smiley face when being interviewed

The Impossible:
Townsend picks the same match squad as 98% of Scotland fans

for the Players:

The Possible:
Dan Biggar or J Sexton complain to a referee constantly

The Improbable:
England become effective at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Scotland win away from home

For the 606v2 community

The Possible:
Everyone says Wales have gone back to Gatlandball and Gatland shouldnt be Lions coach again

The Improbable:
A large contingent of Itallian supporters identify themselves on here

The Impossible:
Jimbopip learns to use the qute function/I buy him a pint in hommage

Love the Wayne Barnes reference because even though he isn't scheduled to ref Ireland it is still likely that he will somehow penalise Ireland for something.

[maestegmafia]

On a slightly serious note it’s the fear of a red card that is the biggest factor that could influence games maybe cause an upset

It’s so easy to get a red these days. We have seen both the improbable and the unfortunate.

[SecretFly]

Saturday games delayed until Sunday because the Friday game is still going at 2.00pm Saturday

..... well it is Wales/France and Barnes.

[maestegmafia]

Saturday games delayed until Sunday because the Friday game is still going at 2.00pm Saturday

..... well it is Wales/France and Barnes.  

Ha ha ha

Very good, players have to run a watch system to give players rest in a 48 hour match

[munkian]

Itoje shatters both wrists whilst clapping the umpteenth unforced error during dreadful conditions in Dublin.

[LondonTiger]

Parisse to win MotM despite getting injured in the warm up and not actually playing.

SCW to use the phrase "when we won the world cup" over 100 times during his half time analysis causing a massive surge in alcohol sales from those playing 6Ns Buzzword Bingo.

The SRU look to wheel out Jim Telfer for more inspiring words, to find he climbed out the window and ran away.

[jimbopip]

For the Refs

The Possible:
Clownshoes Clancy delivers the matchball at Murrayfield in his red and yellow bumpers- falling off exploding exhaust Caroli Brothers' hatchback.

The Improbable:
Nigel Owens  says something serious and pertinent to the match actually happening all around him: nobody puts it on Facebook.

The Impossible:
The opening weekend is ruined by referees insisting that every put in at every scrum has to be straight down the middle.

For the coaches:

The Possible:
Eddie Jones says nothing at all. Or at least he might say something but the media conspire to ignore it.

The Improbable:
Warren Gatland is modest and gracious in defeat

The Impossible:
Townsend picks the same match squad before and after breakfast

for the Players:

The Possible:
Dan Biggar or J Sexton lodge a joint complaint to the Awards Committee for this years Oscars after being overlooked again.

The Improbable:
England become everyone's second favourite team

The Impossible:
Scotland win playing ugly, 10 man rugby. The Scottish nation refuse to accept the Grand Slam and insist the tournament is replayed, "properly, mind".  Toonie exiled to Pukekohe.

For the 606v2 community

The Possible:
Everyone says Wales have gone back to the 1970's and rediscovered the joy of rugby.

The Improbable:
France go back to the 1970's and play some exhilarating, free flowing rugby and lose the Wooden Spoon decider 3-0 to Wales.

The Impossible:
Jimbopip learns to use the qute function/I buy him a pint in homage Tattie learns to use the spell-check "qute"    By my reckoning you owe me a damn sight more than one pint. Tight fisted Luvvie that you are.

[LondonTiger]

Gotta love when someone proves the point

[Pie]

Italy win a game

[lostinwales]

Out of the 100's of points scored across the 15 games there will be one or two drop goals only, and yet we will still have someone complaining that drop goals are unbalanced

[maestegmafia]

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

[LondonTiger]

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

[maestegmafia]

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

[Mr Bounce]

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

That Uini Atonio is a big hungry chap!!

[maestegmafia]

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

That Uini Atonio is a big hungry chap!!

Lovely post on bbc about Adam Jones and Kyle Sinkler place kicking for buckets of fried chicken. Apparently Sinkler is not great at the tee, hence he is slightly more in shape than the bomb

[robbo277]

Ireland vs England special

Kyle Sinckler and Tadhg Furlong partake in an impromptu "Run it straight challenge" off the kick off. Seismologists everywhere get excited.

Daly drops the first 3 high balls that Ireland put up. After the game Jones, unable to speak to Daly, writes him a letter expressing why he is being dropped. Daly drops it as John Mitchell hands it to him.

Manu Tuilagi looks devastating for England for 30 minutes before getting injured. Jones subs on Ford and, happy with the joy we're getting down the 12 channel, tells him to run "like-for-like". Farrell sends Ford on the crash ball 5 times for a net gain of -23m.

England, targeting Ireland's dangermen for a bit of rough treatment, decide that there's too many of them and just call "99".

[Wiglaf]

England get 4 red cards in first 10 minutes.

Final score Ireland win 104 - 3, Sexton scores 99 points including 15 tries. Daly kicks penalty from
own 25.

Itoje eats Sextons Batphone. Best accuses England of using camouflage in Dublin blizzard.

In Paris:- "Poirot arrests Welsh driving maul."

[Guest]

England start commissioning a Grand Slam video before the second week of the tournament...

[Guest]

France don't know which France has turned up and half of the team end playing for the opposition. Everyone is confused...

Errrrr...thought this was meant to be satirical?





Anyone got any more predictions as we're now into the second week of the tournament?

[LondonTiger]

Eddie Buttler to pronounce Sisi's first name as Daveeed all game.

Maro Itoje to be discussed more than any other player on these boards during the weekend.

Sonia McLoughlin to ask Chris Farrell what it is like to play under his dad's coaching.

[tazfalklands]

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

I think biting is illegal

[Collapse2005]

Bastereau to score the winning try for France then give birth to twins under the posts.

[lostinwales]

Bastereau to score the winning try for France then give birth to twins under the posts.

Twin what? I don't think I want to know

[carpet baboon]

Bastereau to be picked at 8 against Italy. Will score a hat trick then be given a straight red for a flying headbut

[Breadvan]

Anscombe and Parkes combine to score then celebrate by doing the Haka, leading to the IRB scraping the eligibility rule entirely.

Sinckler offends South Wales by demanding the Severn bridge tolls be reinstated leaving the principality.

Scotland Ireland game descends into a farce when Sexton and Kearney have their own personal kicking competition.

[Guest]

Donald Tusk reveals that the 'special place in hell' is in fact a neverending Italy and France game which is stuck in a constant loop of France throwing an intercept deep in the Italian half, Italy getting to halfway and then kicking it, several chasers combining to fumble the kick ahead giving France the opportunity run it deep into Italy's half again. And repeat.

[Luckless Pedestrian]

A touch judge notices a player is offside from a box kick.

No, that's too far-fetched....

[carpet baboon]

A touch judge notices a player is offside from a box kick.

No, that's too far-fetched....

Yeah refs seem to have abandoned that rule completely

[Guest]

Anscombe and Parkes combine to score then celebrate by doing the Haka, leading to the IRB scraping the eligibility rule entirely.

Sinckler offends South Wales by demanding the Severn bridge tolls be reinstated leaving the principality.

Scotland Ireland game descends into a farce when Sexton and Kearney have their own personal kicking competition.

Actually, there are plenty of us that think the tolls never should have been removed in the first place!

[Geordie]

- Jack Nowell actually plays 7

Well he did pack down at 7 v Ireland at one stage so well done on that score!

[Guest]

Welsh rugby goes and does its best to pull the rug from under its own feet with the national team vying for a Grand Slam in a World Cup year...

[Pie]

Welsh rugby goes and does its best to pull the rug from under its own feet with the national team vying for a Grand Slam in a World Cup year...

Will you please shut the f up. I thank you.

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