The Alternative Six Nations Predictions Thread

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Post by miaow on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 1:27 pm

That's right, a place to predict what weird and wacky things will happen in the 6Ns. Winner? Who cares. Best try? Booooring. Tackle completion percentage? Oh, shut the fup up!

Instead, what wonderful things do you think will occur this tournament? Along the lines of:

- Basteraud does a William Gallas and sits down on the halfway line midmatch with France trailing against Italy. No-one knows what he's protesting.
- Jack Nowell actually plays 7; Cenydd 'Ken The Sheriff' Owens plays number 8 (like a majestic cannonball)
- Steve Walsh comes out of retirement
- Warren Gatland admits he does like the Irish, really. A LOT. It's just so much easier to hate what you truly want...
- Jonny May breaks free against Wales in the 79th minute with the scores tied at 15-15. Sam Warburton rushes down from the commentary box and chop tackles him 2 metres from the line.
- The IRFU accept a hard border during Irish internationals. Nothing really changes - the Ulster boys don't sing the first song; the Munster boys don't sing the second.
- Referee for the England Wales game, Steve Walsh, sees nothing wrong with Warburton's contribution. "He who controls himself controls the game, boys. Scrum 5 Wales!" Walsh does a Joubert at the final whistle. He's never seen again.

What else...?

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Post by Rugby Fan on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 3:42 pm

Red card in the Ireland England match.

The autumn internationals seemed to show referees being more lenient than we had seen in the three main Northern leagues. Given some of the fallout from those games (e.g. Farrell's technique, Halfpenny's concussion) it's quite possible officials will become strict again.

I don't have any particular player in mind. Daly has received a red before, and Launchbury got one respectively, but I doubt whether they are at the top of anyone's list of villains.

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Post by lostinwales on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 4:07 pm

Somebody punches Itoje after he shouts in their face one too many times. It doesn't end well for anybody.

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Post by tigertattie on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 4:36 pm

For the Refs

The Possible:
Wayne Barnes penalises an Irishman for something

The Improbable:
Nigel Owens penalises somone at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Craig Joubert is bought a pint a Murrayfield

For the coaches:

The Possible:
Eddie Jones says something to insult an entire nation

The Improbable:
Warren Gatland has a smiley face when being interviewed

The Impossible:
Townsend picks the same match squad as 98% of Scotland fans

for the Players:

The Possible:
Dan Biggar or J Sexton complain to a referee constantly

The Improbable:
England become effective at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Scotland win away from home

For the 606v2 community

The Possible:
Everyone says Wales have gone back to Gatlandball and Gatland shouldnt be Lions coach again

The Improbable:
A large contingent of Itallian supporters identify themselves on here

The Impossible:
Jimbopip learns to use the qute function/I buy him a pint in hommage




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Post by Mr Bounce on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 4:44 pm

AWJ chins Dan Biggar for trying to influence him in a game. Again. Both sent off. France still lose.

England bring on Wilkinson as a tactical sub to kick conversions from the right hand touchline. Farrell gets even angrier than Mike Brown.

France don't know which France has turned up and half of the team end playing for the opposition. Everyone is confused, especially the ref at scrum time. 12 vs 4 really isn't fair.

Sergio Parisse breaks his arm during the Scotland match. Shows Faletau and Vunipola how to do it by using half a roll of Gaffer Tape to fix it and continuing for the rest of the 6N.

Stockdale stops and poses for selfies with fans on the way to the try line. Still scores.

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Post by Collapse2005 on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 4:46 pm

tigertattie wrote:For the Refs

The Possible:
Wayne Barnes penalises an Irishman for something

The Improbable:
Nigel Owens penalises somone at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Craig Joubert is bought a pint a Murrayfield

For the coaches:

The Possible:
Eddie Jones says something to insult an entire nation

The Improbable:
Warren Gatland has a smiley face when being interviewed

The Impossible:
Townsend picks the same match squad as 98% of Scotland fans

for the Players:

The Possible:
Dan Biggar or J Sexton complain to a referee constantly

The Improbable:
England become effective at the breakdown

The Impossible:
Scotland win away from home

For the 606v2 community

The Possible:
Everyone says Wales have gone back to Gatlandball and Gatland shouldnt be Lions coach again

The Improbable:
A large contingent of Itallian supporters identify themselves on here

The Impossible:
Jimbopip learns to use the qute function/I buy him a pint in hommage



Love the Wayne Barnes reference because even though he isn't scheduled to ref Ireland it is still likely that he will somehow penalise Ireland for something.

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Post by maestegmafia on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 6:21 pm

On a slightly serious note it’s the fear of a red card that is the biggest factor that could influence games maybe cause an upset

It’s so easy to get a red these days. We have seen both the improbable and the unfortunate.

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Post by SecretFly on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 9:11 pm

Saturday games delayed until Sunday because the Friday game is still going at 2.00pm Saturday

..... well it is Wales/France and Barnes.

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Post by maestegmafia on Tue 29 Jan 2019, 9:18 pm

SecretFly wrote:Saturday games delayed until Sunday because the Friday game is still going at 2.00pm Saturday

..... well it is Wales/France and Barnes.  

Ha ha ha

Very good, players have to run a watch system to give players rest in a 48 hour match

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Post by munkian on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 7:55 am

Itoje shatters both wrists whilst clapping the umpteenth unforced error during dreadful conditions in Dublin.
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Post by LondonTiger on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 9:15 am

Parisse to win MotM despite getting injured in the warm up and not actually playing.

SCW to use the phrase "when we won the world cup" over 100 times during his half time analysis causing a massive surge in alcohol sales from those playing 6Ns Buzzword Bingo.

The SRU look to wheel out Jim Telfer for more inspiring words, to find he climbed out the window and ran away.

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Post by jimbopip on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 9:47 am

tigertattie wrote:For the Refs

The Possible:
Clownshoes Clancy delivers the matchball at Murrayfield in his red and yellow bumpers- falling off exploding exhaust Caroli Brothers' hatchback.

The Improbable:
Nigel Owens  says something serious and pertinent to the match actually happening all around him: nobody puts it on Facebook.

The Impossible:
The opening weekend is ruined by referees insisting that every put in at every scrum has to be straight down the middle.

For the coaches:

The Possible:
Eddie Jones says nothing at all. Or at least he might say something but the media conspire to ignore it.

The Improbable:
Warren Gatland is modest and gracious in defeat

The Impossible:
Townsend picks the same match squad before and after breakfast

for the Players:

The Possible:
Dan Biggar or J Sexton lodge a joint complaint to the Awards Committee for this years Oscars after being overlooked again.

The Improbable:
England become everyone's second favourite team

The Impossible:
Scotland win playing ugly, 10 man rugby. The Scottish nation refuse to accept the Grand Slam and insist the tournament is replayed, "properly, mind".  Toonie exiled to Pukekohe.

For the 606v2 community

The Possible:
Everyone says Wales have gone back to the 1970's and rediscovered the joy of rugby.

The Improbable:
France go back to the 1970's and play some exhilarating, free flowing rugby and lose the Wooden Spoon decider 3-0 to Wales.

The Impossible:
Jimbopip learns to use the qute function/I buy him a pint in homage Tattie learns to use the spell-check "qute"  picard  By my reckoning you owe me a damn sight more than one pint. Tight fisted Luvvie that you are.






Last edited by jimbopip on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 3:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by LondonTiger on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 2:40 pm

Gotta love when someone proves the point Smile

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Post by Pie on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 3:41 pm

Italy win a game

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Post by lostinwales on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 9:52 pm

Out of the 100's of points scored across the 15 games there will be one or two drop goals only, and yet we will still have someone complaining that drop goals are unbalanced

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Post by maestegmafia on Wed 30 Jan 2019, 10:19 pm

France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

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Post by LondonTiger on Thu 31 Jan 2019, 7:11 am

maestegmafia wrote:France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

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Post by maestegmafia on Thu 31 Jan 2019, 7:42 am

LondonTiger wrote:
maestegmafia wrote:France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

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Post by Mr Bounce on Thu 31 Jan 2019, 9:05 am

maestegmafia wrote:
LondonTiger wrote:
maestegmafia wrote:France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

That Uini Atonio is a big hungry chap!!

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Post by maestegmafia on Thu 31 Jan 2019, 10:07 am

Mr Bounce wrote:
maestegmafia wrote:
LondonTiger wrote:
maestegmafia wrote:France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

That Uini Atonio is a big hungry chap!!

Lovely post on bbc about Adam Jones and Kyle Sinkler place kicking for buckets of fried chicken. Apparently Sinkler is not great at the tee, hence he is slightly more in shape than the bomb

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Post by robbo277 on Thu 31 Jan 2019, 1:01 pm

Ireland vs England special

Kyle Sinckler and Tadhg Furlong partake in an impromptu "Run it straight challenge" off the kick off. Seismologists everywhere get excited.

Daly drops the first 3 high balls that Ireland put up. After the game Jones, unable to speak to Daly, writes him a letter expressing why he is being dropped. Daly drops it as John Mitchell hands it to him.

Manu Tuilagi looks devastating for England for 30 minutes before getting injured. Jones subs on Ford and, happy with the joy we're getting down the 12 channel, tells him to run "like-for-like". Farrell sends Ford on the crash ball 5 times for a net gain of -23m.

England, targeting Ireland's dangermen for a bit of rough treatment, decide that there's too many of them and just call "99".

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Post by Wiglaf on Thu 31 Jan 2019, 6:24 pm

England get 4 red cards in first 10 minutes.

Final score Ireland win 104 - 3, Sexton scores 99 points including 15 tries. Daly kicks penalty from
own 25.

Itoje eats Sextons Batphone. Best accuses England of using camouflage in Dublin blizzard.

In Paris:- "Poirot arrests Welsh driving maul."


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Post by miaow on Mon 04 Feb 2019, 4:34 pm

England start commissioning a Grand Slam video before the second week of the tournament...

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Post by miaow on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 6:34 pm

Mr Bounce wrote:France don't know which France has turned up and half of the team end playing for the opposition. Everyone is confused...

Errrrr...thought this was meant to be satirical?





Anyone got any more predictions as we're now into the second week of the tournament?

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Post by LondonTiger on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 6:42 pm

Eddie Buttler to pronounce Sisi's first name as Daveeed all game.

Maro Itoje to be discussed more than any other player on these boards during the weekend.

Sonia McLoughlin to ask Chris Farrell what it is like to play under his dad's coaching.




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Post by tazfalklands on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 7:03 pm

maestegmafia wrote:
LondonTiger wrote:
maestegmafia wrote:France vs Wales abandoned as the massive French patch get hungry in the second half and eat their backs

Ah, but the French backs are all skin and bones with Basteraud not playing. Much better eating on North and Adams, though catching them may be harder.

That is the kind of defensive tactic that even shaun Edwards is probably not prepared for.

I had a brief look and no specific rule deals with possible cannibalism at the ruck or mail...!

This french team might just eat their way to the World Cup final...!

I think biting is illegal Sad

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Post by Collapse2005 on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 7:20 pm

Bastereau to score the winning try for France then give birth to twins under the posts.

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Post by lostinwales on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 8:00 pm

Collapse2005 wrote:Bastereau to score the winning try for France then give birth to twins under the posts.
Twin what? I don't think I want to know

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Post by carpet baboon on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 8:04 pm

Bastereau to be picked at 8 against Italy. Will score a hat trick then be given a straight red for a flying headbut

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Post by Breadvan on Thu 07 Feb 2019, 8:56 pm

Anscombe and Parkes combine to score then celebrate by doing the Haka, leading to the IRB scraping the eligibility rule entirely.

Sinckler offends South Wales by demanding the Severn bridge tolls be reinstated leaving the principality.

Scotland Ireland game descends into a farce when Sexton and Kearney have their own personal kicking competition.
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Post by miaow on Fri 08 Feb 2019, 8:19 am

Donald Tusk reveals that the 'special place in hell' is in fact a neverending Italy and France game which is stuck in a constant loop of France throwing an intercept deep in the Italian half, Italy getting to halfway and then kicking it, several chasers combining to fumble the kick ahead giving France the opportunity run it deep into Italy's half again. And repeat.

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Post by Luckless Pedestrian on Fri 08 Feb 2019, 12:34 pm

A touch judge notices a player is offside from a box kick.

No, that's too far-fetched....

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Post by carpet baboon on Fri 08 Feb 2019, 1:16 pm

Luckless Pedestrian wrote:A touch judge notices a player is offside from a box kick.

No, that's too far-fetched....

Yeah refs seem to have abandoned that rule completely

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Post by The Oracle on Fri 08 Feb 2019, 1:32 pm

Breadvan wrote:Anscombe and Parkes combine to score then celebrate by doing the Haka, leading to the IRB scraping the eligibility rule entirely.

Sinckler offends South Wales by demanding the Severn bridge tolls be reinstated leaving the principality.

Scotland Ireland game descends into a farce when Sexton and Kearney have their own personal kicking competition.


Actually, there are plenty of us that think the tolls never should have been removed in the first place!
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Post by GeordieFalcon on Fri 08 Feb 2019, 3:13 pm

miaow wrote:
- Jack Nowell actually plays 7

Well he did pack down at 7 v Ireland at one stage so well done on that score! Yahoo Very Happy

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Post by miaow on Tue 05 Mar 2019, 8:09 pm

Welsh rugby goes and does its best to pull the rug from under its own feet with the national team vying for a Grand Slam in a World Cup year...

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Post by Pie on Wed 06 Mar 2019, 7:01 am

miaow wrote:Welsh rugby goes and does its best to pull the rug from under its own feet with the national team vying for a Grand Slam in a World Cup year...

Will you please shut the f up. I thank you. Very Happy

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