Alien invasion...

A team of intergalactic aliens have been watching cricket on Earth from afar, whilst competing in their very own cricket league (sponsored by Galaxy). They've decided to reveal themselves at long last, and challenge us Earthlings to a one off Test match.

Here are the conditions:

1. The match is to be played at their home ground. As you can imagine, the dry conditions have led to an absolute dust bowl of a pitch, turning square right from day one. Our chosen batsmen and bowlers are going to have to be highly adept at playing in such conditions.

2. They will provide a dome in which the game is played, where gravity is as it is here on Earth (otherwise there would have been some serious 6 hitting!)

3. Using their space age alien technology, they've told us that we can resurrect any humans that are no longer with us, who will be restored to their prime years, should we wish to use them.

The issue we have here is that this alien side is choc full of amazingly talented spinners. They've got all kinds of variations, are difficult to read from the tentacle, and can turn it on ice.

We need to select a team to take the space shuttle up to face these aliens, and give them a whupping!

Who would be your XI for this match...

Going to need some help here. Early suggestions...

Don Bradman
Rahul Dravid
Brian Lara

Andy Flower?

Shane Warne
Bill O'Reilly
Muttiah Muralitharan

Great idea fists!

Bradman, Dravid, Sachin and Lara are certains. Steve Waugh as captain at 5.

Warne, Murali, Waqar, Wasim and McGrath as the bowlers.

1) Dravid
2)
3) Bradman
4) Sachin
5) Steve Waugh (c)
6) Lara
7) Waqar
8) Warne
9) Wasim
10) Murali
11) McGrath

This leaves a wicket keeper batsman needed at 2. Maybe Gilly?

I wouldnt worry too much. They will have a glaring weakness like an allergy to water (the dustbowls is a giveaway here).

Would you go with 3 seamers?

On such a pitch I'd be tempted to go with just the two, get the new ball spell over and then let the spinners work their magic, hence why I included Warne, Murali and O'Reilly.

Sachin would have to be included I guess.

I'd be tempted to go with Flower as my keeper/batsman Gregers, given his ability to play spin, unless anyone has any other suggestions??

I'm not a big flower fan.

Well Wasim and Waqar could bowl on any wicket and mcgrath with warne at the other end would scare even these aliens!

Sachin has to play, given he's the greatest batsman of all time imo

Well I'll start off by questioning the legality of their deliveries with using their tentacles. It is most likely that they bend the tentacle past 15%.

The same questionable issue would be regarding how many tentacles they have, and how many they use to hold the ball when making the delivery.

The other issue would be bouncers. How tall are they, and when would one deem a bouncer over shoulder hight as they most likely do not have shoulders.


As far as selection goes.

Klusener, he bowled a mean legcutter and on a pitch as dry as you would suggest, he would turn the ball square and at pace.

Shane warne would be a dangerous selection as he would have to pitch the ball at the feet of the square leg umpire to hit the wicket, would that be deemed a wide? It won't get any LBW decisions as it pitches way, waaay outside of leg.

Amla will be a good selection as he does play spin remarkable well.

Sourav Ganguly is another that was a masterful player of spin. No doubt there have been some tremendous Pakistani batsman against spin, too.

Their planet, their rules, Biltong! However, for this purpose, their height averages 6ft, they have an impressive set of shoulders and have retracted their additional arms, leaving them to play with two.

1)Hobbs- OK not dustbowls, but able to play innings on spin-freindly 'stickies' that others could only dream of
2)Sehwag-Poor in seaming, swinging conditions, but a master on sub-continental pitches, the nearest thing on Earth to the alien conditions.
3)Bradman-Maybe weaker against spin than against seam, but still pretty damn good against it
4)Tendulkar-See Bradman + he's a pretty good back-up spinner
5)Compton-A great player of spin and, again, able to bowl more than decent spin
6)Sobers-Great batsman, and a very good spin-bowler
7)Flower A.(wk)-A great player of spin bowling
8)Miller-Good batsman, would be able to make good use of the new ball, but was not averse to bowling high class cutters or even off-spin when the mood took him
9)Warne-One of the greatest spinners ever
10)Murali-See Warne
11)Barnes-Medium pace off and leg-spin on a raging turner???!!! Watch out alien scum

So we have batting down to 9. Miller, Barnes and Sobers to share the new ball and Warne, Murali, Barnes, Sobers, Compton, Tendulkar and Miller to use the old one.
Earth 1 Universe 0

Nice side, Hoggy. Did wonder about Sehwag myself, actually.

Clearly we need experience if we are going to defeat the Aliens. This team will completely destroy those nasty little green guys ...

Openers - dressed in Black suits
Will Smith
Tommy Lee Jones

Middle Order
William Shatner
Joaquin Phoenix (using the baseball bat from "Signs")
Sigourney Weaver

W/K
Spock (with those ears he LOOKS like Gilly)

Bowlers
Arnold Schwarznegger (nickname The Predator)
David Duchovny (has the X factor)
Jeff Goldblum (the nerdy spinner)
Superman (ex Alien now naturalised Earthling)

My captain would be Don Bradman - because his averages were out of this world anyway.

12th man would be Tom Cruise - just as long as he doesnt bring that squealing girl from War of the Worlds with him!

lets see the Aliens beat that lot!

welcome to the forum, slaters.

How'd you hear about us, as a matter of interest?

1.Virender Sehwag
2.Graeme Smith (C)
3.Jacques Kallis
4.Rahul Dravid
5.Sachin Tendulkar
6.Kapil Dev
7.Adam Gilchrist (WK)
8.Saqlain mushtaq
9.Michael Holding
10.Joel Garner
11.Muralithrain

Saqlain over Warne, really?

yup

its not a best of side, its a side i think would win in those conditions

Right.

I'd still have to have Warne, though. Bowls something different - leg spin, and is the best spinner of all time. Warne and Murali in tandem, with Bill O'Reilly as a possible 3rd spinner would be quite something.

i would expect the side i picked to do the job

sehwag to get the side off to a flyer, smith can hold his own. Class in the middle order,with dev and gilchirst hitting the ball to all parts

holding and garner would batter the things with saqlain doing the containing job and murali tearing through the order.

slaterslc wrote:Clearly we need experience if we are going to defeat the Aliens. This team will completely destroy those nasty little green guys ...

Openers - dressed in Black suits
Will Smith
Tommy Lee Jones

Middle Order
William Shatner
Joaquin Phoenix (using the baseball bat from "Signs")
Sigourney Weaver

W/K
Spock (with those ears he LOOKS like Gilly)

Bowlers
Arnold Schwarznegger (nickname The Predator)
David Duchovny (has the X factor)
Jeff Goldblum (the nerdy spinner)
Superman (ex Alien now naturalised Earthling)

My captain would be Don Bradman - because his averages were out of this world anyway.

12th man would be Tom Cruise - just as long as he doesnt bring that squealing girl from War of the Worlds with him!

lets see the Aliens beat that lot!

Now that is what I call a team. Fight the aliens with those accustomed to dealing with them.

Hi Fists... ive been around for years under various non de plumes - mostly Slaterslovechild in the old BBC forum. Had a new login in here but it seems to have disappeared without a trace so I started a new one. Must confess ive mainly been reading without comment but that may change now...

Oh right, that's strange!

No worries, and welcome aboard. Hopefully you continue to contribute, always good to get the thoughts of new members on the various issues, and this cricket section is ticking along quite nicely.

Cracking first comment anyway, my post of the day, however little cricket related content it contained! Haha.

welcome slater

Wouldn't be bothered about winning - just send the idiots like KP, Gibbs, Harbhajan, Gayle, Hayden & all the match-fixers over with insufficient rocket fuel for a return trip.

Barring that would just send Lara & Bradman over to play for a draw by themselves and see how long they can bat for.

Like all Hollywood films with aliens in them we have to kick arse. We need a team that is going to take no prisoners and who can bully and intimidate these aliens. Find their weakness and play mercilessly on that. So out goes anyone wearing glasses, who looks feeble and no spin balls. We need to take heads off (sometimes heads in the plural with one ball!).

It´s not so important to have batsmen. Let´s face it. We can sit down with these aliens for years and even with their intellect they´re still not going to fathom the rules. Cricket is a sport you have to grow up with and learn organically. You can´t sit down and learn it. IT DOES NOT COMPUTE. So we just have to fill our team with menacing fast bowlers who will inflict damage. They won´t know who wins in the end but they will recognise who is still standing at the end.

My team:

1) Joel Garner
2) Malcom Marshall
3) Curtley Ambrose
4) Michael Holding
5) Allan Donald
6) Craig McDermott
7) Denis Lillee
8) Wasim Akram (the short run up will confuse them and the bouncer should do untold damage)
9) Andre Nel
10) Andrew Flintoff
11) Merv Hughes (not express pace but what alien wouldn´t be afraid facing that?!

Ha, nice one kia, though you may be all out for about 5.

Flintoff will be disappointed batting beneath the likes of Garner et al, too

Would get rid of McDermott and put Sylvester Clarke in instead. They probably would get rolled for about 5 but the opponents would declare at 0/2 with a couple in the hospital.

lol freddie should be opening the batting out of that lot.

In all seriousness:

The best players of spin bowling I've seen in my lifetime are M. Waugh, Lara and A. Flower. All are technically better than Tendulkar who has a tendancy to play alongside and sometimes behind his front pad, leaving him open to LBWs.

Having said that Tendulkar is a great player of spin also, but IMO less good than the 3 mentioned above. M. Waugh is also a useful off-spinner and of course a genius close to the wicket which could prove handy.

Bradman must play, despite his slight weakness against spin, as he'd probably still get you a hundred.

Sobers plays for his all-round ability (also the greatest ever leg-slip fielder).

We need every half-chance to be taken so Knott is going to get the gloves. He'd be worth it even if he doesn't score any runs.

Warne and Murali of course.

Bowling wise, given the probably abrasive surface we need some reverse swing. It's a toss up between Waqar and Wasim, but I'll go for the latter due to sheer personal preference.

Then Mr Barnes of course, bowling fast off-breaks, he'd be unplayable.

We need another batsman, preferably an opener. Hayden had that tremendous tour of India, he just gets the final slot ahead of Sachin (who could also open) and Shewag. Don't forget Hayden is also a great close-in fielder. M. Waugh has opened in ODIs so will do the job here.

Hayden
M. Waugh
Bradman
Lara
A. Flower
Sobers
Knott
Warne
Wasim
Murali
Barnes

I think that should do it!

Solid team, Mike.

Mike Selig wrote:

We need every half-chance to be taken so Knott is going to get the gloves. He'd be worth it even if he doesn't score any runs.

Mike - understood and agreed. Worth adding that Knott could often be relied upon to score runs when the England top order failed.

Galted wrote:Would get rid of McDermott and put Sylvester Clarke in instead. They probably would get rolled for about 5 but the opponents would declare at 0/2 with a couple in the hospital.

I didn´t have McDermott in for his bowling. More for his aggression. And given my line up he´ll open the batting. Plus the harmful UV rays in space will need protection and as he was a zinc monkey, his never-ending supply of zinc will prove invaluable for the team.

It´s all about intimidation. We earthlings tend to have an inferior attitude to aliens. Those big heads and big brains and we come across as stupid, petulant baboons. But aliens are little guys. It´ll be like playing against children. Most of them wouldn´t be allowed on any of the fun Disneyland rides. We´re warmongers on earth and we´ll be warmongers in space. Make them know that we´re not to be f***ed with. Bodyline series. Everyone will remember this showdown by that name. The earlier one will be renamed the handbag series.

Don't think McDermott's very intimidating Kia, though you do make a good point regarding the zinc (Donald could cover for this). Thought if the aliens did manage to see off the rest of the quickies they'd be relieved to see Clarke ambling in then not so relieved when the ball rears up off a length & smites them mightily in the face.

Yeah fair enough. Donald was also a zinc monkey so good call.

McDermott may not have been an intimidating bowler but he had a fiery character. Can't comment on Clarke but I´ll take your word for it.

My halfwit manager is standing near me thinking I'm working when I'm following a debate about which cricketers would intimidate aliens the most, got to love the internet.

haha yeah if you want to look busy, like George Costanza said, just act angry. Bang away on that typewriter, answer the phone in a gruff manner, people will assume you´re stressed out from working too hard.

thanks for the advice - I frown at the screen occasionally and sigh in exasperated fashion - as good as a "do not disturb" sign. Hope he doesn't follow 606 v2, though I think he's too thick to read.

haha top stuff galted

love it.

Love this thread guys!

Can we have Wes Hall in that case? The sight of him running up more or less from the boundary would surely scare even the bravest of aliens...

Would be a great game and what an atmosphere

Stella wrote:Would be a great game and what an atmosphere

The expression "get my coat" springs to mind...

He's here all week...

Mike Selig wrote:

Stella wrote:Would be a great game and what an atmosphere

The expression "get my coat" springs to mind...

The old ones are the best

No room for Zaheer Abbas anyone?

That is a very decent shout, shah. Cracking player of spin.

My theory...the aliens will be used to playing huge turn and class spinners due to their pitches, therefore I propose selecting Paul Harris and/or Ashley Giles. It will deceive them completely.

There are also the indian spin qaurtet to consider - I wouldn't put waqar in personally - Frighteningly fast but on that pitch he lacks the variations of Akram and only one should make it. Might be advised to get Lance Gibbs in - fantastic bowler.

GG wrote:My theory...the aliens will be used to playing huge turn and class spinners due to their pitches, therefore I propose selecting Paul Harris and/or Ashley Giles. It will deceive them completely.

Haha. Good Idea.

Zaheer Abbas
Don Bradman
Rahul Dravid
Gary Sobers
Brian Lara
Alan Knott
Inzamam
Wasim Akram
Shane Warne
Muttiah Muralitharan
Lance Gibbs

Inzamam - I think I might be a little guilty of letting bias come into my pick - But I was always impressed by how late he tended to play the ball and by how his big contributions led to victory more often than not.