PGA Tour: Tim Finchem's Christmas Cards: Notes from the Ballwasher

1).In the bleak midwinter, Frosty wind may moan, Earth stood hard as iron, Water Like a stone.

2).In Tim's bleak midwinter, Frosty winds may blow, Fist clenched hard as iron, No velvet glove on show.

3)."Bah humbug," Finchem snarls, "Suspensions? I'm a meanie, Jeff Overton and Daly, Rory Sabbatini.

4).I like to fix awards, Don't care if it's a howler, Rookie of the Year? To Rickie bloody Fowler.

5).Presidents Cup is always fun, When up to my malarkey, Screw the International Team, I fixed Bar Steward Sharky.

6).Don't like no foreigners, Sponsors such as Hyundai, We'll sort out those Koreans, End their tournament on Monday.

7).Tiger's putting well now, Lesson from Steve Stricker, No Xmas stocking by his bed, Just Kelly Tilghman's knickers.

8).Just bought Winged Foot, Merion, Listen to my wheeze, Riviera and Oak Hill, Now they're TPC's.

9).USGA, R&A, Here's something to enrage yer, Agreed with Woods that, Chevron's the new fifth Major.

10).Merry Christmas golf board, Ballwasher out of notes, Snow is falling snow on snow, Long ago.

Merry Christmas kwini. Excellent derivative piece from "A Christmas Carol" and more. And not fair to the Grinch if that's whom Finchem is portraying.

Here's my destruction of stanza 3:

3. Enough of him, whom Chubby once 
 
Worshiped night and day,

A breastful of milk 
 
From Caroline they say;

Enough of him, no Masters
 
After the fall-down on Ten,

But no pox on his ass and caddie 
 
U.S. Open the score.

All apologies to Christina Georgina Rossetti who penned the original.

Very good as always Kwini. Merry Christmas to you and all the other Kwinis.
Grumps

Merry Christmas venice, Grumpy.

Christmas Carols offer so many temptations for satire!

Hi Kwini
Fellow Pompey fan (only other one on here I think) and just wanted to say a Merry Xmas and belated thanks to you for all the info you share from the other side - been a keen follower for many a while.
Tried to do something along the lines of Good king McIlroy looked out on the feast of Finchem but
a) it turns out Good King Wenceslas is really an Easter piece that got hijacked and
b) I've nowhere near the ability to make it worth reading!
so will gracefully leave it to others.

Do keep up the good work in 2012

Turnip

Hi Kwini, and a merry christmas to you.

I am struggling through work as last night was office Christmas party followed by another party. So reading this was a pleasure and certainly got me back into the Christmas spirit.


"Just bought Winged Foot, Merion, Listen to my wheeze, Riviera and Oak Hill, Now they're TPC's."

Not even dickens could conceive of something so dire and bleak!




What Christmas songs/carols do you listen to at home kwini?

Cheers turnip, Sad to see Len Phillips's death this week, the last of the Champions.

Hi Mac,
Thought you'd like that verse! Only listen to Shane McGowan and Kirsty here . . . . . (Trouble is, I remember her father . . . . )

Merry Christmas all.

Great Job Kwini. Best to you and yours ... Looks like a White Christmas for you Northerners!

Hi Kwinnie,

are their no skills you have not mastered?A great seasonal touch to your verse with a hint(or more)of acerbic wit.

Here is wishing you all the best for Christmas and the New Year.

Dewsweeper

Merry Christmas Kwini, & everyone else on v2.
Enjoy the festive season

Cheers dewsweeper,
Half right anyway, acerbic if not witty.


Merry Christmas Shotrock,
Not much snow, the white that was forecast mostly fell on brown ground under grey skies as rain. But temps-a-plunging so likely a skid-pan as I embark on my Christmas shopping tonight.


Enjoy the baby/toddler b_t_b perhaps a little dose of ?


venice,
All I want for Christmas is a win for coach Cunneyworth - see he's in the Quebecois chez chien for not speaking Francais. It's our long Christmas road-trip so things likely to get a lot worse.
Hope your Santa doesn't fall foul of Santa Ana . . . .

Thanks kwini. Looks like it's going to be a typical Christmas day in SoCal with sunny skies and 70F. Luckily the Santa Ana's have been blowing the sands in the surrounding deserts while barely touching the shoreline.

Is Cunneyworth (Doesn't speak French??!) the coach for the most storied hockey franchise in the history of the world but who are quickly turning into melted ice? Your team doesn't make any sense in their current form: one could mention that the defense was out of position on each of the 4 goals scored against them last night yet they arguably have the best defensive lines in the NHL. And being the 8th worse team in the league for scoring ain't helping matters. Looks like Santa has a sled full of coal addressed for Montreal.

Don't think Santa speaks Francais either. Tres disappointing.

I see the pgatour.com clowns are rating their players to follow. Eight of the top ten are American. Don't they follow the results?

To all the "Ballwasher" contributers and of course to the author, have a great christmas................

Cheers John, caught this late.
Happy New Year to you . . . .