Let's rewrite the law book

If the IRB requested ideas for new or amended laws of the game, what would you suggest?
Opening gambits:-
No one apart from tight 5 forwards can wear scrum caps. Outcome - a penalty to the non offending side which is advanced 10m more to reflect how far about 5, the number on your back is.
When SHs get gobby, you are allowed to punch them without penalty (this sanction is also available to refs)
Anyone earring one of those silly nose strips gets a sin die ban
Every time an international kicker misses an easy kick, they have to drink a dirty pint in one straight away
A 4th XV appearing in matching kit - instant expulsion from the league. No team lower than the 2nd's ever have the same tops; they are clearly ringers

And just to be total radical, how about putting the ball in straight at scrum time
(That last one was just a joke, obviously. The IRB would never allow a law like that)

Feigning injury: players from both teams are allowed to inflict real injury on the one that is pretending without penalty or sanction.

Anyone waving their hand around like they have a card in it should have said hands chopped off

Riskysports wrote:Anyone waving their hand around like they have a card in it should have said hands chopped off

Cue the politically incorrect but extremely funny Frankie Boyle comment about the Saudi Arabian Paralympic team?

Anyone box kicking gets kicked in their box?

To continue the scrum cap punishment, if you are a back and take it off to have a kick at goal, the opposing team immediately gets the 3 points.

Anyone with theose stupid bits of of performance tape on their biceps or calves gets punched by Julian White (or another retired front 5'er).

Same punishment for anyone telling the crowd to be quiet after scoring.

Black boots for all.

Anyone with their own website to have their head removed from their own ar$e.

Already got this covered through gratuitous but legal punching of all scrum halfs

InjuredYetAgain wrote:Already got this covered through gratuitous but legal punching of all scrum halfs

This was for LT - sorry

French teams must play in a consistent manner for a whole tournament, for the whole of each game ie awesome or crap. If they change from one to the other Wayne Barnes shall be executed.

All four props shall be kicked in the goolies after a scrum collapse. Time will naturally be stopped.

Any three quarters with a jersey still in pristine condition at halftime shall serve as the welcome mat for the forwards into the changing room.

Loving the black boots.

Any bell end who swallow dives or celebrates a try should have to take the kick at goal if they are not an established kicker. If so then the opposition can charge from the ten metre line. Preferably all forwards and late tackles are not illegal in this scenario.

If a team is playing the All Blacks after a bout of food poisoning, their nutritionist must take all kicks at goal.

Rucking shall be reinstated, encouraged and worshipped as the one true way to ensure quick ball.

Any posing number 10 that fails to attempt a tackle should be shipped off to Australia for a jail term of 3 years

disneychilly wrote:All four props shall be kicked in the goolies after a scrum collapse.

Can we extend that to any scrum that is incompleted will end up with each of the backs being allowed to kick the opposition props in the cods.

ScarletSpiderman wrote:

disneychilly wrote:All four props shall be kicked in the goolies after a scrum collapse.

Can we extend that to any scrum that is incompleted will end up with each of the backs being allowed to kick the opposition props in the cods.

This will be paired for any back that runs 5 metres in front of the back line to block runners get a nipple twister from the locks

Any second row found on the wing, gets a wet willy

And any prop found to have jubblies for hands in the back line will be banned from every touching real ones again

Ten minute multi-ball when phone vote from crowd reaches 20,000. One of the multi-balls will randomly explode after 3 minutes, Four sets of posts. Ball boys can be brought on to the pitch as human shields. DONE.

Excessive body art - no offence as it is usually on some half-crazed Samoan, Jim Hamilton or Matt Bananaman

Forwards complaining of having tight (or, in fact, any) hamstrings - expulsion to the backs at training
Deliberately not engaging at scrum-time - sanction for this is being awarded multiple free kicks and penalties leading to winning the 6n.
Having a dodgy haircut - being awarded the back up fly half jersey at Leinster
Being born in SA - outcome is being given the chance to play for England

Should the "journo" Stephen Jones write something sensible every Rugby fan in the World must pay him £10,000.fret not,your money is safe as houses!

Anyone waving their arms in the air a la Stringer or POC. Will be taken out by sniper fire

Players whose number on their back increases as they get older need to be taken to see a dietician as there must be a reason for the weight loss (says the guy whose number went from 13 to 15 before, embarrassingly, seeing the number drop like a stone, stopping only at 4 <hangs head in shame>)

Any front row forwards with more hair on the top of his head than on his chin to be summarily decapitated.

Definitely with the rest of you on the black boots and punching gobby scrum halfs. Only problem with the last of these is it won't leave much time for the rugby.

However, some of the suggestions are silly - straight put in at the scrum?

Oh, and this one:

And any prop found to have jubblies for hands in the back line will be banned from every touching real ones again .

I'm struggling within the inclusion of the word 'again'. Suggests that there must be a prop forward somewhere who has actually been in physical contact with a woman

Dummy most front row forwards have their own.

No need to rewrite the laws, just play better to the referee than the other team.







Or so I am told.

Fair point, Bilts. But I would still love to see a game played with the suggestions made here

InjuredYetAgain wrote:Fair point, Bilts. But I would still love to see a game played with the suggestions made here

Particularly if Morgan Parra was one SH. Perhaps we could persuade Matt Dawson out of retirement as well...