A 7 year old boy was being beaten by his parents, what the judge did next is genius

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a court room drama yesterday, when he opposed a ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and initially the court ruled he should live with his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations stating that the family unit should be maintained wherever possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they beat him also. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took an unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who he should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare, the judge granted temporary legal custody to the England football team, whom the boy firmly believed are not capable of beating anyone.

The kid obviously didn't see us beat Peru B

Ba dum tiss

An old joke on Indian Cricket team but still fun to hear that on English Soccer team, even before reading the entire article I realized you are targeting English Soccer team   

Ah, but the old gags are the best.   One of my personal favourites goes something like this:



A Scottish father decides to take his young son into Glasgow City centre to buy him a Scotland football shirt for his birthday.   The entire family, father, mother, son and daughter make a trip into town for the occasion.

Whilst on the way, the boy turns to his sister and whispers to her  "Sis, I've decided that I dinnae want to support Scotland, I want tae be an England supporter."  

His sister's eyes widen in surprise and she punches his shoulder painfully before she whispers back to him "Ye cannae dae that..!!    Dad will gae mad.  Yous had better have a re-think, and quick."

After parking in the city centre, the family are walking towards the sports shop.  The boy gets his mother to one side and says "Ma, I've decided I don't want to be a Scotland fan, I want to support England instead."

His mother is aghast. She slaps his face and says  "I won't be hearing talk like that from ye." she says.  "Your father would flay ye alive if he heard it.   You're Scottish and you'll have a Scotland shirt and like it, ya wee sh*te."  

At last, they all arrive in the sport shop and father proudly walks his son to the racks of football shirts.  "Here you go, son.  let's find you a Scotland shirt to wear wi' pride."

His son bites the bullet.  "Dad, I dinnae want a Scotland shirt.  I've decided I want to be an England fan.  Can you get me an England shirt instead."

Everything stops.  The father's jaw drops and words escape him.  As the boy's words carry, for what seems an eternity, nothing moves.... no sound is uttered.  You could hear a pin drop.

Finally, father recovers from his stunned silence.  "Ya wee b**tard.  I cannae believe ma ears.  You're a disgrace to the whole of Scotland and you're no son of mine."   He gives the little lad a resounding smack to the back of his head for good measure and announces in a loud voice  "We're gaeing hame.  I'll deal wi' yous there."

They leave the shop.  The father's face is thunder.  Both mother and sister are looking at the boy with "I told you so" looks and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

On the way home, in the car, the father breaks the silence  "Ye've disgraced yourself', your country and the entire family.  What have ye got tae say for yourself?"

The little lad replies:   "I've only been an England fan fae half an hour and already I hate you Scottish ba*tards."

 



(Oh well, I'm sure there must be somebody out there who hasn't heard this one before)

Jose Mourinho went on a jungle trip in deepest Africa where he came upon this tribe who were playing a ball game but there were no goals in this game. It was all about who had the most ball skills. There was one kid and he was amazing. Mourinho had never seen such skill. So he took the kid back to take part with the Chelsea first team training. He sat all the players including the kid in the center circle and pointed at one of the goals. "Do you see those 2 while posts and that white bar? That is the goal. The object is to put the ball in there." The kid stuck up his hand and said, "I knew that already, Mr. Mourinho."
"Shut up kid, I was talking to Torres."

Some of my favorites were

1] Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee.

2] Q: Why was Wayne Rooney speeding? A: To get three points.

3]Danny Murphy is sad because England would have played Greece in the next round. #GRE are probably f*cking devasted too, Dan

4]What ship holds 20 football teams but only three leave it each season?
The Premier-ship

5]Goalkeeper: I've been asked to sign for a new team, Circus Clown FC.
Defender: As an amateur?
Goalkeeper: No, it's a fool time job!

6]Last but not least

Why did Roy Hodgson bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the World Cup game?
He was hoping his England team would draw the match!

The Pope, Barack Obama, Ban Ki-moon, Justin Bieber, David Beckham and a 8-year old school girl were all on a plane. The pilot made an announcement that they had lost all power and the plane was definitely going to crash. He said that all the crew would stay at their posts and go down with the plane but there were 5 parachutes in the back of the plane. This meant one passenger was not going to survive. Barack Obama said "I am the president of the USA, I must get a parachute" and he took one. Ban Ki-moon said "I am the Secretary General of the United Nations, I too need to survive." and he took one. Justin Bieber said "I am the biggest pop star in the world so I need to have a parachute or millions will mourn." and he took one. David Beckham said "I am the most popular footballer on the planet so I need one too." and he took one. That left the Pope and the girl. The Pope said to the girl, "You take the last one as I am an old man and you have all your life in front of you" The girl said "Don't worry about it, there is still one for you, David Beckham has just lifted my school bag.

The England manager walks into the dressing room to discover a large steaming pile of excrement....anyway, that's not the joke,

Roy Hodgson walks into the dressing room to see a big poo in the middle of the floor.

"Who's sh!it on the ground?" screams the boss

Danny Welbeck puts his hand up and says" Me boss, but Rooney's even worse in the air"

There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Definitely sucks if you ask me (nicely)

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Definitely sucks if you ask me (nicely)

I'll be blowed if there's a nice way to ask you anything!

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Definitely sucks if you ask me (nicely)

I'll be blowed if there's a nice way to ask you anything!

In my estimation Duty, you have most certainly gone down (sound a bit like Yoda there...do I...Hmmm!!!!)

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Definitely sucks if you ask me (nicely)

I'll be blowed if there's a nice way to ask you anything!

In my estimation Duty, you have most certainly gone down (sound a bit like Yoda there...do I...Hmmm!!!!)

I'll just have to swallow that, won't I?

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Definitely sucks if you ask me (nicely)

I'll be blowed if there's a nice way to ask you anything!

In my estimation Duty, you have most certainly gone down (sound a bit like Yoda there...do I...Hmmm!!!!)

I'll just have to swallow that, won't I?

Unless you make a complete fist of things

Duty is not really gay it is just a false personna he created. Last year he pretended he was a girl so I wouldn't take his word for it that he is gay or that he is 18.

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Duty281 wrote:There's this woman, she's completely stupid, and she can never remember anything, and her husband's in a bomber over Berlin ..

No gays in this joke Duty?

Bloody fascist!!!

I know, none at all!

What a bummer, eh?

Definitely sucks if you ask me (nicely)

I'll be blowed if there's a nice way to ask you anything!

In my estimation Duty, you have most certainly gone down (sound a bit like Yoda there...do I...Hmmm!!!!)

I'll just have to swallow that, won't I?

Unless you make a complete fist of things

I'd have to really screw up for that to happen!

Champagne_Socialist wrote:Duty is not really gay it is just a false personna he created. Last year he pretended he was a girl so I wouldn't take his word for it that he is gay or that he is 18.

The truth has been exposed....

Dear me, C_S cares about me rather a lot!

I'm still unsure as to where I've said I'm a girl before on this forum. I remember one poster asked me what gender I were, once, and I replied I was most definitely male. That's the only time I've ever discussed my gender, I believe.

He's just upset you rejected him last time duty and that you wouldn't give him your twitter   

Think it's about time something was done about C_S blatant wumming should have no place on this forum.

Hammersmith harrier wrote:Think it's about time something was done about C_S blatant wumming should have no place on this forum.

Well he has been banned again!

Hammersmith harrier wrote:Think it's about time something was done about C_S blatant wumming should have no place on this forum.

Just open a twitter account and link it to your profile. Worked for me.

Derbymanc wrote:He's just upset you rejected him last time duty and that you wouldn't give him your twitter   

Poor C_S!

Let us not take pity on him, this extra free time just gives C_S more time to expand upon his youtube billions.

       

I'm just relieved C_S didn't find out what me and Lord Lucan were up to all those years ago! He was so close to uncovering the truth...

Duty281 wrote:I'm just relieved C_S didn't find out what me and Lord Lucan were up to all those years ago! He was so close to uncovering the truth...

If you really are 18 its highly unlikely you were ever up to anything with Lord Lucan.   


Now if you'd said that bloke from Right Said Fred...   

Seems his ban is now permanent.

Carried out on his shield.

He will be back some sunny day, probably under a different name.