You know you're getting old when............................

When you decide to build a snowman for you littlest and after three scoops of snow...........You think aaargh too cold !! Let's go in....

You can't be bothered gesturing to some t**t that has just cut you up on the road !!.......

You stop dreaming of naked Women............

You start play fighting with your Mrs on the bed and then stop and look at eachother and think ...Let's just go to sleep !!....

You aren't swearing at the players and threatening the referee when you're team is playing crap...........A relief to the Didsbury 2nd team no doubt !!

You can't even be bothered writing Wummish Mayweather threads anymore or suggesting Lewis is Canadian !!

Yes old age can be a terrible thing...

You fall asleep at 21.00 on a Saturday night

You repeatedly tell people how cold it is

You're just having a midlife crisis Trussy.

Have an affair and buy a sportscar........

good call with the snow there Truss,

going to town just doesn't appeal, the pubs are too loud and you lament at how cold everyone ust be,

You buy a tube of haemorrhoid cream from a packed Boots and you're not remotely embarrassed.

Your Winkle won't get erect.

You get more of a head rush from standing up suddenly that you ever did when you took recreational drugs.

You unwrap a chocolate bar and put the wrapper in your pocket until you can find a waste bin.

You walk into a clothes shop for a new pair of jeans and immediately turn around thinking, "they won't have anything that suits me"

You see young women out with their crop tops and short skirts and your first reaction is, "She needs to put a cardigan on!"

You don't think a trip to the garden centre will be a f*cking massive of time and as boring as f*ck!

You enjoy looking through the Betterware catalogue and occasionally think about buying some of the nifty gadgets they advertise.

However, you know you're getting old when an attractive woman walks past and you don't bother sucking your stomach in and pretending you're made of iron.

Before you bend down to pick something up, you think it over first.

When entering the word ´mature' on pornhub, the women are about your age.

aja424 wrote:Before you bend down to pick something up, you think it over first.

then you do it in three stages.........

With a huffing noise

You clothes shop for comfort over style

Your old clothes have come back into fashion...for a second time

You think they should stop with all thing fancy-dan nonsense and call Magnolia and Oatmeal paint what it really is...beige!

You read about someone who has died and you think "Eeeh, it's no age at all!"

When people ask if you watched last night's tv, you say "No, but I did video it to watch it later"

DAVE667 wrote:]You clothes shop for comfort over style

Your old clothes have come back into fashion...for a second time

You think they should stop with all thing fancy-dan nonsense and call Magnolia and Oatmeal paint what it really is...beige!

You read about someone who has died and you think "Eeeh, it's no age at all!"

When people ask if you watched last night's tv, you say "No, but I did video it to watch it later"

That you even know what video was...

That your record collection (on vinyl) has become cool in a retro way.

That you are refusing to grow a beard (in current Lumbersexual fashion) because after 2 days of not shaving all you can see are grey (or even worse, gingerish) hairs sprouting through your face...

when you put your hampton away pi55 dribbles all down your leg

seanmichaels wrote:when you put your hampton away pi55 dribbles all down your leg

When you only buy black trousers to avoid people noticing the above

When you think leisure shoes with Velcro straps might be a good idea.

When kids ask you what YOU did during the War

When you can remember the days when "that was all fields".

When you start/finish a sentence with "in my day"

When you look at that half a bottle of red and think "I'd better not I've got work in the morning"

When you get up to go for a p!ss far in excess of the number of drinks you've had that night.

When you wife starts in on about buying things to "make the house look nice" (ie they serve no practical f*cking purpose) and you decide not to put up an argument.

When all the food in your fridge was bought with the sole purpose of keeping your digestive system running smoothly

DAVE667 wrote:When you look at that half a bottle of red and think "I'd better not I've got work in the morning"

When you get up to go for a p!ss far in excess of the number of drinks you've had that night.

When you wife starts in on about buying things to "make the house look nice" (ie they serve no practical f*cking purpose) and you decide not to put up an argument.

When all the food in your fridge was bought with the sole purpose of keeping your digestive system running smoothly

you have to push when you pee.

You don't pee when you think you need to pee.

When you have a sore back for at least ten minutes every morning until you get your circulation going..

When, of the two conversations running in the office, the one where Gary is talking about the three birds he f*cked at the weekend is less interesting that Alan's conversation about his caravanning holiday

DAVE667 wrote:When, of the two conversations running in the office, the one where Gary is talking about the three birds he f*cked at the weekend is less interesting that Alan's conversation about his caravanning holiday

...........I watched a British movie once where two couples were caravanning together and were playing "bridge" with the other one's partner as their team mate....

One of the guys goes out for a pee and starts peeing up against the caravan...........His Wife apologies profusely only for his bridge partner the other guy's Wife to say...

"Don't apologise it's the first time all night I've known what's been in his hand!!!" Classic !!

When you go to jump over a low wall/fence and worry that you won't make it

When you decide that you have enough friends (even if you have none) as the idea of meeting new people is just too dreadful to contemplate.

You'd rather wash up the dirty dishes after having friends round than carry on talking to them.

You see you in-laws and can see yourself wearing their clothes in a few years.




Anyway, two women in the cinema. One turns to her mate and says, "the guy sat next to me is having a w*k" Her friend says, "What's the problem?" and she replies, "He's using my hand!"

When you find your slide projector under the stairs, complete with the box of slides from your holiday in Jersey in 1972 and while you're setting up the screen you tell yourself that your grandchildren will be just as excited to see them as you are.

If my eldest ever decides to get a girlfriend............It might not be long before I'm called that ghastly term....Grandad...

Makes me shudder to think about..

When your w@nking/shagging/smoking/swearing/sleeping/hormone-induced adolescence is over in about half a year's time.

When recovering from a hangover involves being sick and laying on the sofa begging the kids to keep it down instead of going off to the pub for 'hair of the dog' and doing it all again

Can't take my drink these days................and when I do take the Red sea out.. I'm usually yawning by midnight........

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:Can't take my drink these days................and when I do take the Red sea out.. I'm usually yawning by midnight........

That's nothing to do with the drink TRUSSY, you are both bored of each other and clearly need to move to pastures new...Jo has her heart set on a "beautiful little cottage surrounded by green fields" (it's actually the Didsbury 2nd eleven changing rooms but you get the idea)

TRUSSMAN66 wrote:If my eldest ever decides to get a girlfriend............It might not be long before I'm called that ghastly term....Grandad...

Makes me shudder to think about..

Oh, I don't know..... I quite like being a Grandpa. I've said before that I love my grandchildren so much that I wish I'd had them first. They exhaust me but I love it.

You'll get used to it, Trussers.