The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

I hope Jules is quick enough to get the thread split with one of his puns. Would hate it to be something tedious.

He's died I reckon. He came back from death before so not unduly worried but still, being a northerner, he might be reluctant to part with yet another coin to pay Charon. Can just imagine the ferryman trying to pry the coin loose from Ricks clamped teeth.

And Rick never held the record, it was Tino from his Hong Kong visit, no one can break it.

ShahenshahG wrote:And Rick never held the record, it was Tino from his Hong Kong visit, no one can break it.

I guess..........  unless there is some unfortunate bastarde who lives a bit further east?

Gidday!

Morning notches, was at a conference yesterday and back in the North today so will resume duties on here, how are we all?

Charon sends his regards Shah, and thanks you for all the business you are sending his way.

If Rick's working in Bradders today he may be stuck in traffic, there was an accident on the M62 and every man and his dog was trying to find an alternate route to the City Centre...to quote that guy on the Malibu advert, it was "toe-tal grid-lack"

Oh morning all, Shah, still no update re my neighbour's f*nny.

Morning DAVE, I was stuck on F***ing canal road for an age, with added fog and mouth breathers driving like total bell ends...

rick_dagless wrote:Morning DAVE, I was stuck on F***ing canal road for an age, with added fog and mouth breathers driving like total bell ends...

Probably why there was an accident on the motorway in the first place...at least the sun is now burning the fog off.

Got another brain scan this afternoon. They want to inject some dye into me this time for a gander. In years gone by they'd probably have cut me open and gathered round for a look to see what's what. Gonna be sweating my 'nads off in that bloody MRI scanner for an hour again.

At least your brain will be a fetching colour. Are you planning on accessorizing?

Are there any fitties in the hospital?

Hope it all goes well for you mate.

rick_dagless wrote:At least your brain will be a fetching colour.  Are you planning on accessorizing?

Are there any fitties in the hospital?

Hope it all goes well for you mate.

Was think of wearing my diamante hotpants with matching nipple tassles

Solid combo, and it will not mess with the magnets, nice work.

Good luck Dave - hope they find your brain.

There is a director called Anita Roche at my workplace and of course she's the one holding up all the traffic in the business park.

Gutentag Hoes

FIST

Happy Friday!

P*ssing down this morning, welcome change from the heat. Thunder rumbles and the wind howls.

From the Guardian this morning on the "Brexit was a revolt against liberalism. We’ve entered a new political era"

LudZwer wrote:

Vesemir wrote:

It was a revolt against being ignored

It was a reminder of why we ignore them.

Morning notchslappers. Bit moist this morning gonna be a hectic afternoon of catching up on lawns then train for a night out in sarf landin.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/08/toads-eating-tarantulas-alive-battle/

Spiders are sheeet

Morning Sean the porn gated will be waiting around the corner where you noshed him off the last time

ShahenshahG wrote:Morning Sean the porn gated will be waiting around the corner where you noshed him off the last time

Near the gated community?

This weather reminds of the time galted got custard pie'd by a falling leaf. Makes me chuckle

JuliusHMarx wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:Morning Sean the porn gated will be waiting around the corner where you noshed him off the last time

Near the gated community?

That's what he fort but it was actually a prison.

seanmichaels wrote:This weather reminds of the time galted got custard pie'd by a falling leaf. Makes me chuckle

First custard pie'd by a falling leaf and after tonight cream pie'd by a fallen chief. How poetic.

Morning all, halfway through my MRI they took me out as the fire alarm went off and they decided it wouldn't be prudent to leave me in there on the off chance that it wasn't a false alarm so had to do the whole f*cking thig again...then they said they'd run it again with the dye injected into me...I said I though that's what they'd just done but...oh no!

C*NTS!!!!!!!

Did they find your brain?

Results in a couple of weeks...I'm hopeful!

From the bottom of the CC crew's heart for Dave, our resident shaved fanny.

https://youtu.be/q-9kPks0IfE

Rick has drowned in the flood methinks. Alas poor Rick I knew him well.

Maxi chicken fillet burger * 1.5 and a litre of gold top milk. 11/10

seanmichaels wrote:This weather reminds of the time galted got custard pie'd by a falling leaf. Makes me chuckle

I still cringe instantly when I think about it.

A lot of bellends in London last night.

Fist Notches

He was sittin' at the bar, sippin' on a regular Coke
We were drinkin' and smokin' and makin' him the butt of our jokes
We all said, "Man, what happened to you? Why can't you just have a few?"
He said, "I would if I could, but it's probably best that I don't."
Cause the more I drink, the more I drink
Yeah, I'm the world's greatest lover and a dancin' machine
I get loud, I get proud....and it gets worse
Well if I have one, I'll have thirteen
Naw, there ain't no in-between
Cause, the more I drink, the more I drink.
A couple of cold ones, and somebody hands me a shot.
Hell, even buck-tooth and bow-legged women start lookin' hot
And pretty soon I'm bummin' cigarettes and sweet talkin' some big brunette
Yeah, once I get on a roll, ain't no tellin' where I'll stop
Cause the more I drink, the more I drink
Yeah, I'm the world's greatest lover and a dancin' machine
I get loud, I get proud....and it gets worse
Well if I have one, I'll have thirteen
Naw, there ain't no in-between
Cause, the more I drink, the more I drink.
Yep-yep
Humm, that's what I'm talking about
Man, if I have one, I'll have thirteen
And they can't get me off the kareoke machine,
The more I drink...the more I drink.
Yeah, the more I drink, the more I drink, the more I drink.

How went t'weekend?

Morning Shah, I won't leave you hanging (like you lot do with various infidels). Watched the 'pool annihilate Chelsea then chuckled as Utd went down to Watford (they did us twice last season so I confidently predict that Karma will see us brutalized by Derby and Hull this week because I dared to laugh at Utd's misfortune)

Armed Police stopped a guy on a scooter on one of the major roads leading into Bradford so traffic piling up nicely whilst dippy c*nts behind fail to see the numerous flashing lights and still try to overtake or undercut and you just hope one of the officers lets off a couple of rounds.

Weather is f*cking grim and looks like staying that way for the rest of the day.

Apart from that, everything is rosy

Country and Soul music weekend for me. Roberta Flack is one fine sanger. Spent Saturday at a vegetarians house, it was worse than Ramadan and Sunday did an excellent workout at the gym then watched various how to videos on youtube, envying the skill of the people making stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEmOiH6Xh8M

Then I realized I could do it myself If I had the tools and looked forlornly at all the weapons clogging up my shed.

There's a guy moving into the house behind mine...looks like his parents/in-laws are helping him out massively. Someone who could even be his grandfather is doing up the house and I sit and grind my teeth at the array of fabulous tools/gadgets he has that I feel I need to validate me as a man but know I will never use thus defeating the purpose of having them.

I'm avoiding letting my two year old son watch them working as I fear he's soon going to ask, "Daddy, why can't you do that?" and I'll have to kill him or leave home in disgrace.

ALDI or "the ALDI" occasionally have offers on fabulous looking things that I've convinced myself I'm one day going to buy. Have had my eyes on a concrete breaker/pneumatic drill, hammer drill with chisel feature, sledge hammer and large axe. Mrs667 is eying me with suspicion and rarely turns her back on me these days

I've got a slightly used Full Boar pneumatic hammer drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
There's a choice of two bits... and a nice red case. You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

The Loaded Dog wrote:I've got a slightly used Wild Boar pneumatic drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

Cheers TLD, I agree, the cost outweighs the benefits but, still, I want one. Thankfully, I have regular phases of wanting stuff so badly I think I might die if I don't get it and imagine all sorts of scenarios where my life is ruined for lack of said thing....then after about three weeks, I've gone off the idea completely and moved onto something else. Almost made my wife's life unbearable in my quest for a new coat...then finally said "F*ck it" and bought a boring hoodie instead. I never go anywhere except work and why the f*ck do I need to look presentable and professional for that?

DAVE667 wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:I've got a slightly used Wild Boar pneumatic drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

Cheers TLD, I agree, the cost outweighs the benefits but, still, I want one. Thankfully, I have regular phases of wanting stuff so badly I think I might die if I don't get it and imagine all sorts of scenarios where my life is ruined for lack of said thing....then after about three weeks, I've gone off the idea completely and moved onto something else. Almost made my wife's life unbearable in my quest for a new coat...then finally said "F*ck it" and bought a boring hoodie instead. I never go anywhere except work and why the f*ck do I need to look presentable and professional for that?

Whatever happened to the Dave we knew and grew to fear?  The Dave who could solve all of life's problems with a claw hammer, a hacksaw and a shovel (provided life's problems were prostitutes and neighbours)?

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:I've got a slightly used Wild Boar pneumatic drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

Cheers TLD, I agree, the cost outweighs the benefits but, still, I want one. Thankfully, I have regular phases of wanting stuff so badly I think I might die if I don't get it and imagine all sorts of scenarios where my life is ruined for lack of said thing....then after about three weeks, I've gone off the idea completely and moved onto something else. Almost made my wife's life unbearable in my quest for a new coat...then finally said "F*ck it" and bought a boring hoodie instead. I never go anywhere except work and why the f*ck do I need to look presentable and professional for that?

Whatever happened to the Dave we knew and grew to fear?  The Dave who could solve all of life's problems with a claw hammer, a hacksaw and a shovel (provided life's problems were prostitutes and neighbours)?

Since having children I've had to drastically curb my natural inclination towards solving problems without having to resort to diplomacy (or in some cases, speech) first.

Violence is never the answer...unless the question is, "What is never the answer?"

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:I've got a slightly used Wild Boar pneumatic drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

Cheers TLD, I agree, the cost outweighs the benefits but, still, I want one. Thankfully, I have regular phases of wanting stuff so badly I think I might die if I don't get it and imagine all sorts of scenarios where my life is ruined for lack of said thing....then after about three weeks, I've gone off the idea completely and moved onto something else. Almost made my wife's life unbearable in my quest for a new coat...then finally said "F*ck it" and bought a boring hoodie instead. I never go anywhere except work and why the f*ck do I need to look presentable and professional for that?

Whatever happened to the Dave we knew and grew to fear?  The Dave who could solve all of life's problems with a claw hammer, a hacksaw and a shovel (provided life's problems were prostitutes and neighbours)?

Since having children I've had to drastically curb my natural inclination towards solving problems without having to resort to diplomacy (or in some cases, speech) first.

Violence is never the answer...unless the question is, "What is never the answer?"

Very good, I shall use that joke so often that, over time, I will start to think that I came up with it.

The Loaded Dog wrote:I've got a slightly used Full Boar pneumatic hammer drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
There's a choice of two bits... and a nice red case. You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

If there were no tomorrow, why would you want to spend today drilling through concrete?

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:I've got a slightly used Wild Boar pneumatic drill lying around, Dave. Breaks through concrete like there's no tomorrow.
You are quite welcome to have it.

Wonder how much it would cost to ship it over to you? More than it's worth I'd dare say.

Cheers TLD, I agree, the cost outweighs the benefits but, still, I want one. Thankfully, I have regular phases of wanting stuff so badly I think I might die if I don't get it and imagine all sorts of scenarios where my life is ruined for lack of said thing....then after about three weeks, I've gone off the idea completely and moved onto something else. Almost made my wife's life unbearable in my quest for a new coat...then finally said "F*ck it" and bought a boring hoodie instead. I never go anywhere except work and why the f*ck do I need to look presentable and professional for that?

Whatever happened to the Dave we knew and grew to fear?  The Dave who could solve all of life's problems with a claw hammer, a hacksaw and a shovel (provided life's problems were prostitutes and neighbours)?

Since having children I've had to drastically curb my natural inclination towards solving problems without having to resort to diplomacy (or in some cases, speech) first.

Violence is never the answer...unless the question is, "What is never the answer?"

Very good, I shall use that joke so often that, over time, I will start to think that I came up with it.

That's exactly what I did (and continue to do with most of my jokes) May it serve you well and you get laid in ways Sean only wishes would happen to him.

Thank you so much, SerialDAVE. To show my appreciation, if I get another cat I will suggest naming it SerialDAVE. Or the 667 cat.

How many lives do 74.1111 cats have?

Shut up, Ada!

Morning notches, fist and returned from a messy Saltaire festival good times.

You're dying too often Rick, What happened to that dependable northern sturdiness we used to admire. Next you'll be working from home every time you get a cold like tino

I should be death free for a wee while now with any luck, at least for a month anyway.

How is life with your dear chap? Did you have an acceptable weekend?

It was passable, Lot of working out, a lot of good music but spent saturday at a vegetarians house so it cancelled out every good. What about yours, what did you get up to at the festival?

Just had friends over, and drank lots and ate lots, watched some local bands etc. It is more a food and drink festival rather than a music one if truth be told.

A mate has just given me free access to Spotify premium also which is nice.

Not feeling work today, I have lots of emails from idiots, and I have only been in an hour...

Yeah. The dreaded return to work. All the stress you've shed during the days off returns at the first look at your inbox. Went to the toilet and we have proper toilets here with each toilet separated by a brick wall and a proper door. Can hear the guy in the next toilet firing it out at a rate of knots. He must have eaten a road runner or a tasmanian devil. Sounds like someone running for their life.

Pretty much...

Nice, I ate a lot of spicy stuff over the weekend, I would imagine it was like the flag of Japan down there yesterday.

I often hear people sleeping in the toilets here.