Has anyone been to Runcorn?

I used to live there, it is is real sh*thole. The highlights are the small field near the shops on the Town Hall estate - although please be careful to avoid the syringes and rusty prams.

There is also the Murdishaw estate which is not lovely at this time of year. Some people like Windmill Hill but I always found that a bit too safe and not quite violent enough. Some people even say please and thank you there.

I would suggest folk go to Reykjavik before trying Runcorn.

Sh*t on here today.

Galted wrote:Sh*t on here today.

Agreed but have you been to Runcorn?

I'd happily reluctantly show you around but CC rules won't allow it.

I have not been to Runcorn, though I may have passed by on my way to Holyhead.

I'm not sure CC rules would apply to the Runcorn thread, especially if we wear our covid masks and are unable to identify each other.

Yes, many times, both old and new towns, what a s**thole.

Did some research on Tripadvisor and the Town Hall, a bridge and a water tower are amongst the top 11 things to do in Runcorn.

Fun fact, the bridge smelled like rotting meat for the longest time due to a closed down abattoir nearby. There was (possibly an urban legend) That there were that many flies in there that when they fumigated the place the carpet of flies was over a foot thick.

Town hall is nice though.

Had a flatmate in Dundee who came from Runcorn. Went by the nickname Mugger Matt because one of the Dundee locals tried to mug him and Matt ended up taking the guy's wallet from him.

superflyweight wrote:Had a flatmate in Dundee who came from Runcorn.  Went by the nickname Mugger Matt because one of the Dundee locals tried to mug him and Matt ended up taking the guy's wallet from him.  

F*ckin right mate. We are proper hard b*stards.

rIck_dAgless wrote:Yes, many times, both old and new towns, what a s**thole.

Beautiful review, rICk.

Galted wrote: a bridge

The bridge is sh*t. It takes you from Runcorn to Widnes. That's like choosing between herpes and the other one that starts with a 'g'. It also, as riCK pointed out, smells of dead meat.

Decent place to watch people jump to their death though.

This thread is alive and well.

Maybe Jeff/Geoff will see it and realise what he is missing.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:This thread is alive and well.

Maybe Jeff/Geoff will see it and realise what he is missing.

My first interaction with Jeff was on the Reykjavik thread.  He accused me of having a high opinion of myself, which shows just how perspicacious he is.  Though nowhere near as perspicacious as me.

People do jump to their deaths but they suffocate rather than drown.

Still no, just to confirm.

Today I did get within a few miles of Runcorn but thought better of it and went home

lostinwales wrote:Today I did get within a few miles of Runcorn but thought better of it and went home

Smart.

It is decisions of that nature that will keep your life prosperous, LiW.

I have to say, that I have missed this thread until now, but it is a great one.

My personal highlights are the Mugger Matt story and the meat smelling bridge. Mmmmmmmmm meat.

The choice of Runcorn and Widnes is also a wonderful description. I have driven via Widnes once whilst returning from Liverpool, but sadly did not cross to Runcorn. I feel like I have missed out on a lovely day now.

RiscaGame wrote:I have to say, that I have missed this thread until now, but it is a great one.

My personal highlights are the Mugger Matt story and the meat smelling bridge. Mmmmmmmmm meat.

The choice of Runcorn and Widnes is also a wonderful description. I have driven via Widnes once whilst returning from Liverpool, but sadly did not cross to Runcorn. I feel like I have missed out on a lovely day now.

It's lovely to have it back in the public eye, RG.

The Mugger Matt story is a zinger.

People in Liverpool sneer at folk from Runcorn if you want some context. We are also known as wools, woolybacks or plastic scousers.

Fancy my chances getting the split on this thread as well.

Galted wrote:Fancy my chances getting the split on this thread as well.

Have you been to Runcorn yet, Galted?

I haven't, Tino. Yet.

It is a dream of mine to visit the Runcorn water tower so, when this terrible pandemic is over, I hope to go. Do you think the language issue is going to be a big problem or will I get by with my excellent English?

I'm doing a Streetview tour and the first four businesses I've found are the Co-Op, the Iceland, the Greggs and the Wetherspoons (Ferry Boat).

Going through a few residential streets and it reminds me a bit of Bath, a more run-down version.

I can't get close enough to the water tower for a good look as the approach road isn't on Streetview, but I can get a glimpse from Norton Lane. It's a fine water tower. Very clever of the Runcorn Tourism Board to restrict Streetview access to get the crowds in.

Don't seem to be very many cars about, I expect that's because the people of Runcorn are keep-fit fanatics.

There's a golf buggy repair shop, which is a sure sign of a thriving, upwardly mobile community.

Galted wrote:I haven't, Tino.  Yet.

It is a dream of mine to visit the Runcorn water tower so, when this terrible pandemic is over, I hope to go.  Do you think the language issue is going to be a big problem or will I get by with my excellent English?

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

I would avoid eye contact as much as possible and probably safe to avoid any fish and chip shops. If you need to go to one, there is a lovely one on Festival Way but it isn't like a chippy you'll be used to in Shoreditch. You have to enter, then shout at the top of your voice "2 FISH IN PLEASE LOVE". If you don't do that, you won't get served as they won't put the fish in. There have been stories of some southerners not understanding this, entering the chippy and following the southern policy of queueing politely till its their turn to order, and being ignored completely as they didn't ask for the fish to be put in. Apparently a couple of them have literally died in the shop waiting. It can be intimidating and brutal but I have faith you can do it.

When you've eaten your chips, pop to the Red Admiral pub which is a short walk from the chippy. If you really want to curry favour with the locals, you need to say to the barman that you've just been in the Fezzy Way chip shop and that you've heard the Red Addy is a top drinking establishment (don't, however, call it a drinking establishment unless you want your face cut open). Don't, under ANY circumstances, order a lager top, lager and lime or a Babycham. That is likely to see you eviscerated in the car park.

When you leave, make sure you say goodnight and tell them you're popping to the Asda to buy some tripe for your supper (very important to use the term, supper) as this will likely convince them you are not a homosexual, a southerner, an artisan baker or a combination of those.

Stick to this advice and you'll be reet. You can always give me a call if you get into difficulties. It has been a long time since I left but I might still have enough mates to get you out of trouble. I think Andy Captain Poofinger still lives there. He can handle himself. Just don't shake his hand. Superfly might still have Mugger Matt's number as well.

Hope it goes well for you, pal. Let me know how you get on.

Cheers, Tino.  Touching stuff.

Might avoid fish and chips as it'll be difficult to remember your instructions amidst the panic of placing an order - I'll probably take a couple of tubes of Pringles to keep me going. I don't drink any of the beverages you mentioned, and use the term 'supper', so I'll be ok in that respect. I'll mumble 'ale, please' down the Red Admiral and see what I get (I noticed that there's a pub called the Three Fiddlers, not sure if it's a hangout for nonces or Irish travelling bands but both are good reasons to avoid it). If I was to meet Captain Poofinger should I refer to him that way, or would Andy be more respectful (or too familiar)?

I've been watching Downton Abbey recently so I think I have a good understanding of how Northerners live and speak.  If needs be I can draw on what I've learned.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:...

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

...

Should that be the pot?

Galted wrote:If I was to meet Captain Poofinger should I refer to him that way, or would Andy be more respectful (or too familiar)?

I would address him as Andy. He was never that keen on the Captain Poofinger moniker. Time may have calmed him down a bit but for your own safety, call him Andy.

He is essentially the northern version of Wingrove.

lostinwales wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:...

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

...

Should that be the pot?

That's a fair question, LiW. Depends who you ask round there but I actually make you correct.

So Galted, ask in the cafe if they cook stuff in the pot. I think LiW may just have saved you from having a Stanley blade scraped down your face.

Cheers, Tino. Cheers, LIW.

I'll get Galtova to do the ordering.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:I haven't, Tino.  Yet.

It is a dream of mine to visit the Runcorn water tower so, when this terrible pandemic is over, I hope to go.  Do you think the language issue is going to be a big problem or will I get by with my excellent English?

I think you'll be fine, champ. Just remember to preface any shop with "the" and you can really impress the locals by popping into a cafe and asking if they cook everything in a pot.

I would avoid eye contact as much as possible and probably safe to avoid any fish and chip shops. If you need to go to one, there is a lovely one on Festival Way but it isn't like a chippy you'll be used to in Shoreditch. You have to enter, then shout at the top of your voice "2 FISH IN PLEASE LOVE". If you don't do that, you won't get served as they won't put the fish in. There have been stories of some southerners not understanding this, entering the chippy and following the southern policy of queueing politely till its their turn to order, and being ignored completely as they didn't ask for the fish to be put in. Apparently a couple of them have literally died in the shop waiting. It can be intimidating and brutal but I have faith you can do it.

When you've eaten your chips, pop to the Red Admiral pub which is a short walk from the chippy. If you really want to curry favour with the locals, you need to say to the barman that you've just been in the Fezzy Way chip shop and that you've heard the Red Addy is a top drinking establishment (don't, however, call it a drinking establishment unless you want your face cut open). Don't, under ANY circumstances, order a lager top, lager and lime or a Babycham. That is likely to see you eviscerated in the car park.

When you leave, make sure you say goodnight and tell them you're popping to the Asda to buy some tripe for your supper (very important to use the term, supper) as this will likely convince them you are not a homosexual, a southerner, an artisan baker or a combination of those.

Stick to this advice and you'll be reet. You can always give me a call if you get into difficulties. It has been a long time since I left but I might still have enough mates to get you out of trouble. I think Andy Captain Poofinger still lives there. He can handle himself. Just don't shake his hand. Superfly might still have Mugger Matt's number as well.

Hope it goes well for you, pal. Let me know how you get on.

I've lost contact with him, I'm afraid. Last time I saw him he was walking menacingly along Shandwick Place in Edinburgh and he grunted something about living in Portobello. That was more than 15 years ago and christ knows how many wallets he's nicked in the meantime.

Is there anywhere in Runcorn where I can get my shaft upgraded?

JuliusHMarx wrote:Is there anywhere in Runcorn where I can get my shaft upgraded?

You'll find someone willing to upgrade your shaft in pretty much any car park. One with a burnt out Vauxhall Nova is always a good sign.

Not sure I'm a fan of the smut that's found its way onto this thread recently.

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g580428-d5775785-Reviews-Silver_Crown-Runcorn_Cheshire_England.html

Found this lovely restaurant in Runcorn. You should ignore all the angry reviews - concerning funny-tasting chicken, poisoning children and salty chips - as they're obviously written by jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

Duty281 wrote: jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

More importantly, are you an artisan baker?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Duty281 wrote: jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

More importantly, are you an artisan baker?

Yes, I founded Greggs.

Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown. I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Duty281 wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Duty281 wrote: jealous southern homosexuals (like me).

More importantly, are you an artisan baker?

Yes, I founded Greggs.

For the sake of f*ck, Duty. I don't care who you sleep with, I can even overlook the southern thing but being an artisan baker is too much. You and me are really going to fall out one of these days.

Given how quickly industrialised bread making became a thing compared to what we now call artisan bread, I am sure the process of determining what is acceptable could be reversed given time.

Galted wrote:Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown.  I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Let me know when you go, G-Unit. I'll book a table somewhere close.

It has been a long time since I had a bar brawl but I'll see if I can round up Captain Poofinger and a few of the lads. We'll look after you when your table gets flipped by the waitress and she rams a butter knife through your neck.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown.  I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Let me know when you go, G-Unit. I'll book a table somewhere close.

It has been a long time since I had a bar brawl but I'll see if I can round up Captain Poofinger and a few of the lads. We'll look after you when your table gets flipped by the waitress and she rams a butter knife through your neck.

Your advice has been much appreciated, Tino, but I'm onto the fourth season of Downton Abbey and I've come to realise that northerners are soft as f*ck.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Those reviews have tempted me to visit the Silver Crown.  I shall ask for an halloumi burger accompanied by courgette fries.

Let me know when you go, G-Unit. I'll book a table somewhere close.

It has been a long time since I had a bar brawl but I'll see if I can round up Captain Poofinger and a few of the lads. We'll look after you when your table gets flipped by the waitress and she rams a butter knife through your neck.

Your advice has been much appreciated, Tino, but I'm onto the fourth season of Downton Abbey and I've come to realise that northerners are soft as f*ck.

That is a good reference point. The North is exactly like Downton Abbey.

It's a bit more opulent than I pictured it, to be fair. Some of the butlers and police officers can be quite intimidating but the gentry and the yokels are susceptible to a sound thrashing with a sturdy walking stick.

Galted wrote:It's a bit more opulent than I pictured it, to be fair.  Some of the butlers and police officers can be quite intimidating but the gentry and the yokels are susceptible to a sound thrashing with a sturdy walking stick.

You sound like Chris Eubank. I hope you can fight like him.

I reckon I fight like One Punch Mickey.

Thinking about it though, Lady Mary did kill a Turkish gentleman with her fanny so maybe I'd use others to stir up a bit of unrest and gauge the situation before I waded in.

Galted wrote:

Thinking about it though, Lady Mary did kill a Turkish gentleman with her fanny

I have no idea what you're talking about but it is very arousing nonetheless.