Random Thoughts.....

Last week’s ‘Random Thoughts’ was suspended after an unsavoury incident in Brazil. Details are sketchy but it apparently involved the Brazilian flag, 8 strippers, a bottle of Listerine, a Vauxhall Corsa, a bowl of green M&M’s, 36 caterpillars and a Lego Millenium Falcon. This week’s ‘Random Thoughts’ is truly sorry for any offence caused to the Brazilian people. Probably.


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The focal point of RAW once again this week was the WWE Championship.......just kidding it was of course John Cena. He kicked off proceedings in a segment with Michael Cole. They had an emotional break up on live television with Cole calling Cena over-rated.

I found that odd because as far as I’m aware nobody has ever rated John Cena.


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When John Laurinaitis crashes the party in his mobility scooter, does anyone else get flashbacks to the heady days of Stone Cold Steve Austin in a Zamboni / Beer truck / Monster truck?

Yeah I thought so.


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It was announced on RAW that Vince McMahon will return to television next week to do an evaluation. Not entirely sure what the point of that one is, because last I heard Vince was reluctant to appear on TV due to his age. For a guy who’s all about the look, it must be disheartening that Father Time is catching up on him. Since he’s coming back to TV, perhaps Vince has managed to roll back the years.

My guess is he’s somehow transplanted his head onto Mason Ryan’s body. No more saggy boobs Vince, HUZZAH!


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Following the CM Punk / Kane match, AJ conducted a backstage interview with Josh Matthews to explain why she smiled at the ‘Big Red Washing Machine’. According to Daniel Bryan Danielson’s former main squeeze, she likes it when men look at her.

I guess nobody decided to tell her that the only reason men look at her is because they’re thinking “How old does she look? 12? 13 tops.”


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Ryback continued his winning run by overcoming the most dominant force in history of sports entertainment; Arthur Rosenberg and multiple-time World Heavyweight Champion Stan Stansky. Goldberg Mk II fought against enormous odds to eke out a win, barely escaping with his life.

Some people claim that WWE won’t be able to recreate the Goldberg formula with Ryback, but to that I say; Who did Goldberg ever beat? Did he beat Arthur Rosenberg? Did he beat Stan Stansky? Umm NO!

Therefore, clearly Ryback > Goldberg.


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The Chunky Munky Punk / Daniel Bryan Danielson / Kane feud gathered pace last week on Smackdown. Punk went to a no contest with the ‘Big Red Monster Munch’ when all heck broke loose and Kane ended up chokeslamming Punk and Bryan before it was announced that Kane was being added to the WWE title match at No Way Out.

We also saw a continuation of the Punk /AJ storyline when she attempted to help out the WWE champion. If this angle doesn’t end with Punk telling AJ “Kill yourself” then it’ll all be for naught in my opinion.


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Shamoose, Deadly Davey Otunga and Alberto Del Rio had a confrontation for the ages to kick off Smackdown. Otunga tried to get Mighty Whitey to apologise for knocking over Johnny Ace. Shamoose responded by telling Otunga that he was gonna shove his coffee mug up his arse fella. Otunga was either concerned by this or curiously aroused, it was difficult to tell.

Before Dangerous Dave could get probed by the World Heavyweight champion, Alberto Del Her Name Is Rio And She Dances On The Sand arrived on the scene. Not too sure what he said as I don’t speak Spanish, but I’m pretty sure it involved something about DEEEESTINY!

Unfortunately, Shamoose didn’t respond by threatening to insert an inanimate object into Alberto’s rectal cavity fella, and this is where WWE are completely missing a trick. Nobody cares about this feud as it’s currently unfolding, but if Shamoose was shoving random items - for example a coffee mug, Eve Torres or the Brazilian flag - up people’s arses fella then fans might finally start taking him seriously as World champion.

I know I would.

And so would you.


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Good news people, the Christian / Cody Rhodes feud won’t be derailed by a suspension! Word is that Cody failed a drug test around the same time as Randall Keith Orton but managed to produce a valid prescription and therefore won’t be facing time on the sidelines.

Whilst Orton failed for marijuana and Dianabol, I’m told that Cody failed his test because he had elevated levels of tongue in his head. He was excused when his prescription revealed that he is the son of Duthty Rhodeth.

Dunno how Jack Swagger keeps slipping through the net though.


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Sin Cara made his triumphant return to Smackdown, picking up a win over ‘The Phenom’ Heath Slater. Cara has now been off our TV screens because of suspension for failing a Wellness test and because of injury, so the book is open on what the next cause of him missing TV time will be.

The top contenders are:
• Being sent to fat camp to lose weight.
• Creative having nothing for him.
• Arn Anderson declaring he doesn’t know how to work.
and
• Triple H disowning him and deciding he was actually hired by Shane McMahon.

That last one’s the hot favourite by the way.


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It’s been revealed that the primary cause for John Cena’s divorce isn’t revelations of illicit affairs, drug-fuelled debauchery or any other kind of depraved reason you can think of (See that thing you’re thinking? It’s not it). No, the main reason Cena and his missus are splitting is because they had a fall out over renovations to their house. RENOFRIGGINGVATIONS!!

Typical John Cena, even the cause of his divorce is rated PG.


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Sting defeated the TNA World Heavyweight champion Bobby Roode in a Lumberjack match which kicked off the LIVE! edition of (Jefferson) Impact. Hulk Hogan wandered out after Sting had made the champ tap out to the Scorpion Death Lock (which is a complete misnomer, as far as I’m aware nobody has died from being put in this hold) and declared that Sting would take on Bobby Roode in a match at Slammiversary and it would be for the World Heavyweight Championship! GULP!

I must admit to being surprised when Hogan referred to Sting as “The number one guy in TNA”. I mean that was a total slap in the face to guys like Bobby Roode, Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, AJ Styles and Garrett Bischoff who were in / around the ring at the time. Sting hasn’t been around for months and then just like that he’s being referred to as the “The number one guy in TNA”.

Next week, I can totally see Sting coming out and cutting a promo where he states that he’s there to legitimise TNA, he wants the name of the show changed to ‘(Jefferson) Impact starring Sting’ and he wants full use of Dixie Carter’s corporate BMX. He’ll also have new ring attire sponsored by Jimmy Jack Donaldson’s Beef Jerky and Artie McGrew’s Tractor Showroom.

FACKT!


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As for ‘The Icon’ what was going on with his wrestling tights? It looks as if he went halfsies on a one-piece ring outfit with Jeff Hardy:

“We’ll just cut it at the waist and I’ll wear the tights and you can wear the top, okay Jeff?”

“Awlraht. Kin Ah paint yewr face?”

“No”.

“Dagnabbit”.


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Speaking of the ‘Charismatic Enigma’ Jeff Hardy, you just know that when the referee was showing him the TV title belt prior to his match with Devon on the LIVE! (Jefferson) Impact Jeff was looking at it and thinking “What the fudge is THAT?!”


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The Kazaniels / AJ Styles / Dixie Carter angle continued this week on the LIVE! (Jefferson) Impact. After beating down Styles and his tag team partner for Slammiversary Kurt Angle, Kazaniels went on to play a recording of a phone conversation between ‘The Phenomenal One’ and ‘The Dense One’. Aside from the fact that Kazaniels have madder spying skills than Jack Bauer, the gist of this segment was AJ and Dixie trying to arrange a rendezvous without Mr. Clueless Serg Salinas getting wind of it.

This whole angle reeks of it being revealed that AJ and Dixie were trying to arrange a surprise birthday party for Dixie’s husband. If this turns out to be the case then I swear to Jebus it’ll be the GREATEST ANGLE IN THE HISTORY OF OUR GREAT SPORT!

“I thought you guys were having an affair or something?”

“Nope, we were just organising a secret birthday party for you!”

“So you’d rather have me thinking that you were playing away behind my back than let me find out about a surprise party?”

“Umm........yes?”

“WHAT A GREAT IDEA! Hoo boy you had me going! And I hear AJ’s wife filed for divorce! HAHA! Oh you guys! You’re the best!”

THIS IS AWESOME! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP-CLAP-CLAP!


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Dixie Carter SHOCKED THE WORLD AND CHANGED THE FACE OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING FOREVER when she revealed that Slammiversary would host the first ever induction into the TNA Hall of Fame. Speculation is thin on the ground as to who will be the first to enter the TNA HOF; Sting? Jeff Jarrett? Kurt Angle? Jeff Jarrett? Cheex? Jeff Jarrett? The Flying Elvises? Spaceman Frank Hickey? Or could it be Jeff Jarrett?

I’m going to stick my neck out and say that the first inductee into the TNA Hall of Fame will be Brooke Hogan.


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Speaking of which, Brooke Hogan made her debut as the General Executive Vice Manager President of Knockout Relations this week on the LIVE! (Jefferson) Impact. This was apparently all Dixie Carter’s idea and had NOTHING to do with Hulk Hogan. Belie’ dat!

After Dixie gave her the big build up, out tottered Brooke looking like a 2nd rate stripper in an outfit that just screamed “I HAVE A POSITION OF AUTHORITAH! RESPECT ME!” Way to make a first impression Brooke.

Now that Hulk Hogan’s daughter will most likely be featured regularly as an on-air character it can’t be long before we see her involved in angle where someone tries to usurp her authoritah by getting it on with her. The question is who would TNA put in an angle that involves macking on Brooke?

My money’s on Hulk Hogan.


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We were shown a vignette of James Storm riding a horse around his ranch with his daughter McTavish (Yeah, like you know what her name is!) in tow. Storm said he liked being at home with his family but that he didn’t like letting down his family, the fans or Dixie Carter (Why, is he nailing her too?). He then went on to tell us he’d made a decision regarding his future. It was at this point his daughter piped up and asked if this meant he was going back to wrestling. Storm responded by telling the camera crew to stop filming.

Many people will think that James Storm stopped filming to convey the emotion of the situation or whatever, but I can exclusively reveal that in actual fact he was downright embarrassed by his daughter’s promo ability. I can’t say I blame him, I mean her delivery was so wooden she made John Morrison (Remember him? Me neither) look like Roddy Piper. I’ve also been told by my sources that it took her 836 takes to deliver that one line.

To counteract her woeful promo skills, TNA are going to hire Paul Heyman to play James Storm’s daughter in all future vignettes.

Paul Heyman on a horse will be all kinds of awesome.


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Reports suggest that Samoa Joe may be done with TNA and heading for the WWE.

Man I can’t wait for the debut of Hawaii Hector.

Failing that, he’ll be brought in as 2maga.

Or Yoko2na.


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Amazing. John Cena's PG divorce!

Simply put, the best weekly episodic forum based thread in the history of forum based threads! A tip of the hat to you sir!

“We’ll just cut it at the waist and I’ll wear the tights and you can wear the top, okay Jeff?”

“Awlraht. Kin Ah paint yewr face?”

“No”.

“Dagnabbit”.

Love it!

Top reading once again!

I acctually love this hahahahahhahaha Brilliant. My favrioute this week

Ryback continued his winning run by overcoming the most dominant force in history of sports entertainment; Arthur Rosenberg and multiple-time World Heavyweight Champion Stan Stansky. Goldberg Mk II fought against enormous odds to eke out a win, barely escaping with his life.

Some people claim that WWE won’t be able to recreate the Goldberg formula with Ryback, but to that I say; Who did Goldberg ever beat? Did he beat Arthur Rosenberg? Did he beat Stan Stansky? Umm NO!

Therefore, clearly Ryback > Goldberg.

This is one of the best things about this forum, top work as usual

Awesome as usual man

Not up to your usual standard I can see this column only getting worse as you slip up and falter....



Sorry just got fed up of everyone saying how great this was so felt I'd cut a heel response for a change. (loved it really)

Paul Heyman playing James Storms' daughter and riding a horse had me in stitches!