Funniest line

What do you think is the funniest line in the history of film?

Feel free to include honourable mentions.

Life of Brian

previous lines: "It’s his gourd. This is his gourd! We will carry it for you master. Master? He’s gone! He’s been taken up! FOR HE’S BEEN TAKEN UP!!!"

funny line in the history of film: "No, there he is."

I find a lot of things funny and not just 'funny' lines. Sometimes a serious line can be very funny if delivered in a certain way or when you consider the context.

No, I couldn't pick The Funniest line in history - far too many lines, far too many movies.

But we all have many favourites: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. A written message is left by Lee Van Cleef (bad guy called Angel Eyes) for Clint Eastwood and his not so bright sidekick, Eli Wallach.
Clint takes the note and reads it: "See you soon, idiots" Without a moment's hesitation he hands the note to Wallach - "It's for you".

Hear No Evil See No Evil

Braddock - Was there or wasn't there a woman?

Dave - Are you serious?

Braddock - Yes Goddam it

Dave - Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?

Someone at work showed me a sketch on his phone of two puppets out in the street talking to a blonde chick..

Blonde chick : Hello boys

Puppet 1 : Hello Darlin..and what's your name...

Blonde chick : Carmen

Puppet 1 : That's a nice name why do they call you Carmen ?

Blonde chick : Because I like Cars and I like Men...What's your name ?

Puppet 1 : Lager Fanny !!

Cracked me up that one..

Yes its difficult to choose 1 particular line out of so many. For me, Dumb and Dumber has many, many funny lines- one of my favourites being:

(At a charity dinner for endangered Owls)
Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there.

Mary: I beg your pardon?!

Harry: The owls, they're beautiful!

Planes, Train and Automobiles:

"Those aren't pillows!!!"

Trading places

Eddie Murphy in the hot tub

''When we wanted bubble baths we had to fart in the tub''

Randolph Duke - Whats he doing in there?

Coleman - He's singing sir

Randolph Duke - They're very musical people, aren't they.

Very funny scene that demonstrates how the elite upper class viewed poor black folk in 1 line. Always cracks me up.

Rip Torn in Dodgeball - "You're about as much use as a c*ck flavoured lollipop!"

This FRAK classic

Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
Neal: Yes.
Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that Frak dumb-ass smile off your rosey, Frak, cheeks! And you can give me a Frak automobile: a Frak Datsun, a Frak Toyota, a Frak Mustang, a Frak Buick! Four Frak wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of Frak nowhere with Frak keys to a Frak car that isn't Frak there. And I really didn't care to Frak walk, down a Frak highway, and across a Frak runway to get back here to have you smile in my Frak face. I want a Frak car RIGHT Frak NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy, what?
Car Rental Agent: You're Frak!

Yep, that's a side splitter when you see it for the first time.

"Now I have a Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho"

Red Heat:
Arnie: "In Russia, we hold suspect for three days, no lawyers"
James Bekushi: "You're sh!ttin' me?"
Arnie: "I'm not sh!tting on you."

Anyone seen Pumping Iron with Arnie?

Theres that scene when he is talking to someone on the phone I think and the person on the other line suggests he drink milk to which Arnie offers the greatest line in movie history in a way only Arnie could do

''Milk?, milk is for babies''

LOL

The Plaza Suite............

Daughter locks herself in the Parent's suite bathroom and won't leave to marry a rich, prominent guy who's waiting for her in the ballroom...

Mother : The disgrace will break me....You better go down there and talk to them !!...

Father : What do you want me to do ?? Crack a few jokes !!!!!! When he say's I do and there is no one standing next to him people might start to smell a rat !!..........Tell you what why don't I stay here and you go down and marry the kid !!!!!

"Can you fly this plane and land it?"

"Surely you can't be serious?"

"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

''Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather?''

''he made them an offer they could'nt understand''

The Sopranos

James Belushi's line in Red Heat: "You look like Marvin Hagler to me. I LOST MONEY ON HAGLER!"

Stella wrote:Hear No Evil See No Evil

Braddock - Was there or wasn't there a woman?

Dave - Are you serious?

Braddock - Yes Goddam it

Dave - Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?

That whole film could be on this list! So many good lines. Funniest bit for me is when they are on the subway and Wally realises he's black.

"What do you mean I'm not white"
"This is a scandal"
"Does dad know?"

The Womble wrote:

Stella wrote:Hear No Evil See No Evil

Braddock - Was there or wasn't there a woman?

Dave - Are you serious?

Braddock - Yes Goddam it

Dave - Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?

That whole film could be on this list! So many good lines. Funniest bit for me is when they are on the subway and Wally realises he's black.

"What do you mean I'm not white"
"This is a scandal"
"Does dad know?"

The clip when they nick the police car, and dave asks wally to look at the road.

"If it makes you feel better"

Stella wrote:

The Womble wrote:

Stella wrote:Hear No Evil See No Evil

Braddock - Was there or wasn't there a woman?

Dave - Are you serious?

Braddock - Yes Goddam it

Dave - Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?

That whole film could be on this list! So many good lines. Funniest bit for me is when they are on the subway and Wally realises he's black.

"What do you mean I'm not white"
"This is a scandal"
"Does dad know?"

The clip when they nick the police car, and dave asks wally to look at the road.

"If it makes you feel better"

Brilliant, superb film.

Not forgetting the 'I suppose a FRAK is out of the question' line

Great comedy acting.

or when Pryor is being searched and the woman is patting his trousers down, "I don't know what you're looking for but it's a little to the left"

The Last Boy Scout

Mike: Joe, come on. How long we been friends huh?
Joe: How long? Mmm I'd say roughly until you put your dick in my wife.
Mike: You gotta understand---
Joe: I know, I know. It just happened. It was an accident. Sure. You tripped. You said, 'whoops' and accidently Frak my wife. Gee, Mrs H, I'm sorry, just isn't my week.

Nice one! Many good one liners in that film.

multiple from airplane and not just the shirley one:

old lady: nervous?
ted striker: yes
old lady: first time?
ted striker:no ive been nervous lots of times

my personal favourite:

Dr. Rumack: Captain, these passengers don't have much time. How soon can we land?
Oveur: I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack: You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Oveur: What I mean is, I don't know.
Dr. Rumack: Well can't you take a guess?
Oveur:...Not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Oveur: No what I'm saying is we can't land for another two hours.

Excuse me, I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some coffee.
Little Girl: Oh, that's very nice of you, thank you.
[takes coffee]
Little Girl: Oh, won't you sit down?
Young Boy with Coffee: Cream?
Little Girl: No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.
|

Stella wrote:This FRAK classic

Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
Neal: Yes.
Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that Frak dumb-ass smile off your rosey, Frak, cheeks! And you can give me a Frak automobile: a Frak Datsun, a Frak Toyota, a Frak Mustang, a Frak Buick! Four Frak wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of Frak nowhere with Frak keys to a Frak car that isn't Frak there. And I really didn't care to Frak walk, down a Frak highway, and across a Frak runway to get back here to have you smile in my Frak face. I want a Frak car RIGHT Frak NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy, what?
Car Rental Agent: You're Frak!

Only watch this film last night for the first time in years. Had me cracked up that bit.