The Azzrentice 2019

First topic message reminder :

The football world has changed wholesale since Lord Azzy first welcomed fake online managers into his fake Boardroom more than ten years ago. Today, Lord Azzy is looking for an entrepreneurial candidate who can not only achieve success in the modern game, but make a profit. Are you that candidate?

If you would like to star in this year's Azzrentice, please notify the producers below and they will be in touch accordingly.

CONFIRMED CANDIDATES
Bam Bam
Dolph
Fernando
Trebs
Twist
Renege
Nadz
Fluxy

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Your first task is very simple. The Scottish FA recently appointed Steve Clarke as their new manager, taking over from the dreadful Alex McLeish to right the wrongs of the past two decades of Scottish football.

From each of the two teams I would like you to provide a blueprint for the future of the Scottish national team. From coaching to playing personnel, from tactics and playing style to resolving the stadium issue and improving the quality of available personnel, I want to see your ideas for making Scotland a force in world football once again. The glory days of Souness, Dalglish and Law are long gone - but the "Flower of Scotland" spirit endures. The last major tournament Scotland qualified for was France 98, and this needs to be remedied over the next few years.

I will score your ideas as follows:

Coaching, tactics and playing style /5
Playing personnel /5
Resolving the stadium issue /5
improving the quality of available personnel /5
Other ideas /10

Now, to split you into teams.

Team 1: Dolph, Trebs, Nadz, Fluxy
Team 2: Bam Bam, Fernando, Twist, Renege

You must decide who is your team captain, and decide on a team name. Don't make the mistake of previous Azzrentice losers and pick a wildly inappropriate name for your team - this is a serious fake online managerial competition, and I am looking for serious candidates to fix the broken system in today's global game.

Post your submissions on this page by 12:00 on Wednesday 5 June, and I will see you all in my Boardroom after lunch that same day.

Before I tell you what the next task is, is there anyone who will not be here for the next 10 days? The next task will be a longer one to end on a Tuesday with a Boardroom on a Wednesday.

I am out of office from 11th - 17th June, so will be of little use if its next week.

Trebs is away as well

Well done all, thought both submissions were really good

Twist - think you need to brush up on your Scottish geography.

Playing games at Celtic Park, Ibrox and Pittodrie to cover the 3 major cities.....?

Yep, I'm going away tomorrow and won't be here till the 17th.

Could do the next task over two weeks, maybe keep me and Bam separate to even up the teams? Or if you want to wait a week that suits me better but understand if not

Yeah I wanted to include Easter Road, but there isn't plans to upgrade it. I missed I had changed it when I edited it.

Still don't know why I was on the verge though. Can you graciously resign in this - I don't think I will be much cop as team leader

I shall extend the deadline to allow for you to contribute.

The next task will be "Index This", and will take place from today until the submissions deadline of 11:59 on Thursday 20 June 2019. A new task page will be setup shortly.

I like this one. Can I also say that Team Unicorn is a fookin stupid name, I associate unicorns with what has been promised by Brexit and its supporters

Interesting task.

For those of us that believe in unicorns Brexit it's a fantastic name.

At least you acknowledge Brexit is unicorns

I've had shares in Kepa, and only Kepa, on Football Index since about 2 weeks before Chelsea signed him, expecting his value to shoot up. I bought for 46p

The day they signed him his value, plummeted to less than half and it is only now his value is getting back up. Currently 44p.

Will sell him once it goes into a profit and look for the next youngster to invest in and repeat the whole process!!!

I've just posted my portfolio on the Team Unicorn page, have a look Afro

Nice job. You've done what I intended only to get hammered with Kepa and decide to sit it out until he had recovered his value

Going to cash it out and take it on holiday next week

Azzy wrote:I am going to allow you all to remain in the process.

Everyone contributed on both teams, which is a rarity, and everyone gave something of value. Twist, I would say that you were on the verge, and so I will expect you to be team leader on the next task.

Utterly pointless. Another shambolic decision.

The game is, someone from the losing team is fired. And then letting everyone off in some sort of "the first go is a practice go" ideology is just plain stupid.

BamBam wrote:I like this one. Can I also say that Team Unicorn is a fookin stupid name, I associate unicorns with what has been promised by Brexit and its supporters

To be fair, that’s more fool you. Unicorn is a name with flexibility across what I assumed was to be a variety of task topics, whilst giving a nod to Scotland early on. As something seen as an ideal, unique and hard to come by (the attractive female who would join you and your wife in bed for a threesome, a Brexit that makes everyone better off), whilst also being something attractive, something with a feminine aura and also something lighthearted and/or childish.

If I’d have known we’d have gone from Scottish football to football spreadbetting to what I can only assume will be “make a better mascot than a boiler” then I’d have touted some generic faux masculine name like the usual apprentice nonces.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:what I can only assume will be “make a better mascot than a boiler”

Impossible. Can't be done.

Azzy wrote:

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:what I can only assume will be “make a better mascot than a boiler”

Impossible. Can't be done.

Final task right there.

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:

Azzy wrote:

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:what I can only assume will be “make a better mascot than a boiler”

Impossible. Can't be done.

Final task right there.

I might use that. "Mascot of Mascots", where you have to build the ultimate mascot for world football using body parts from past or present mascots. The tail of Gunnersaurus, the head of Tottenham's man sausage, and the sex appeal of Boiler Man.

FWIW: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/48694803

The Scottish FA has concluded its agreement to purchase Hampden Park and will take ownership of the national stadium on 1 August 2020.

The governing body agreed a £5m deal with owners Queen's Park in September 2018, after discussing a possible move to Murrayfield.

The League Two amateur club have now accepted the final and binding deal.

The stadium built in Glasgow's south side in 1903 has been hosting Scotland matches since 1906.

Since its construction, it has hosted all but 16 Scottish Cup finals and all but seven League Cup finals, along with three European Cup finals, two European Cup Winners' Cup finals and a Uefa Cup final.

The record attendance of 149,415 was for a Scotland v England match in 1937, while the last refurbishment came in 1999.

With a capacity of just under 52,000, Hampden will stage three group fixtures at the 2020 European Championship and one last-16 knockout tie, before the Scottish FA takes control and the end of its current lease period.

"The real work begins now to ensure Hampden Park can continue to serve the needs of the game and be an inspirational home for Scottish football in the future," said Scottish FA president Rod Petrie.

Queen's Park, the oldest association football club in Scotland - founded in 1867, will relocate to Lesser Hampden.

"Whilst it is a sad day for the club as proud owners of the national stadium, the conclusion of these protracted discussions and negotiations, will allow the club to fully focus on building our future at an upgraded Lesser Hampden," said a statement.

"We must now look forward to ensure we remain a vibrant and competitive football club within Scottish football. To this end we will be shortly commencing works, on what is presently known as Lesser Hampden, to convert it into a licensed ground for our competitive matches."

Why did QPR own Hampden anyway? Seems like a long commute for their fans

GSC wrote:Why did QPR own Hampden anyway? Seems like a long commute for their fans

Holiday home.

Country is full of places these rich Londoners are buying up, pushing up the price so the locals can't afford them.

Well you lot do always claim you want investment in the North

BamBam wrote:Well you lot do always claim you want investment in the North

I don't mind you lot going up north. Takes you further away from me......