Nine Out Of Ten

First topic message reminder :

I came across this the other day. Rather liked it. Particularly as it gives me the chance to briefly name drop.

I've every confidence it'll sink without trace but anyway here goes. Listed below are ten famous - to varying degrees - people. I've actually met, albeit briefly in some cases, nine of them.

1. Les Gray - lead singer of Mud who had chart topping hits with Tiger Feet and Lonely This Christmas.
2. Florence Welch - of Florence and the Machine, English indie rock band.
3. Buster Edwards - one of The Great Train Robbers.
4. Richie Benaud - please don't ask for a description.
5. Alec Stewart - former England cricket captain.
6. Harold Wilson - former British Prime Minister.
7. Gareth Hunt - tv star of Upstairs, Downstairs, The New Avengers and an early Dr Who episode.
8. Trevor Brooking - football pundit and former England international.
9. Trevor MacDonald - tv broadcaster.
10. Good Golly I'm Olly - renowned poster on these boards.

Ok , so you need to identify the one person above I've not met.

Sounds good to me Pal Joey...think you will get some takers...

You going to kick it off ?

Really enjoyed everyone's answers. I'm up for the countries thing, unless we can recruit more people to the celeb one first.

OK, I'll have a crack at it.

There's only one country in the following list I haven't had the pleasure of visiting. So it's back to a "Nine Out Of Ten".

1. Turkey
2. Cambodia
3. Poland
4. Bahrain
5. Fiji
6. Hungary
7. Brunei
8. Cook Islands
9. Slovakia
10. Japan

I'm going to say Cambodia, but that you are a big fan of The Dead Kennedys.

I know the song but I'm not the biggest fan of them, Jules.

No, I've been to Cambodia. For a few nights only. Stayed in Siem Reap and visited many sites around Angkor Wat. This was before the place got overrun with thousands of Chinese tourists at any given hour. There were only about 30 or so every hour across the whole main temple site early that morning. As a result most of the photos I took didn't have some large guy in a bright yellow shirt taking photos right in front of my fields of view.

There's a slightly scary story associated with this visit. I was working in Saigon at the time and had organised to meet up with my brother and Mum. We had a great time being driven around by the lovely Mr Kang (who was probably about 65-70) in his well kept tuk-tuk. Except that it did break down on a country road once and we were simultaneously accosted by a village of kids. (Wonder if that was a planned thing. You know... family?)  

He was always very punctual. We had a deal with him to pick us up wherever and whenever. One time we saw him take on some young punks (who had tried to cut in on his business) with a full on verbal barrage... wild arm movements threatening to clobber each and every one of them one by one... perhaps tear their limbs off even. These young punks knew one thing: "Mr Kang is the boss!" You should have seen them cowering in fear!

Then he turned to us and smiled like an old family friend and we hopped into his softly spluttering burgundy-coloured motorised chariot and headed through some amazingly lush rice fields with the odd water buffalo calmly but surely being led along by farmers in conical hats. But I digress...

As we were checking in to depart all was going well... no problem. Then when Mum handed over her passport there was some problem. The idiots here didn't issue her with a proper multiple entry visa. We watched as everyone disappeared behind customs and it was futile trying to argue with the Khmer officer who took his responsibilities very seriously indeed. Fair enough; but we were completely stunned not knowing what to do.

Just as we were about to go back into town to sort things out this dodgy-looking guy sensed our predicament. Said he could get the correct visa in about 2-3 hours for US $70. So we spent some time in this beautiful new airport lounge - after handing over Mum's passport! There was not another soul around and we were beginning to wonder whether we'd "been had". What the hell were we going to do if this guy didn't return with the stamp? Cue the frustrated and seemingly hopeless melody of Kim Wilde's "Cambodia" song at this point.

Then, after about 2.5 hours we saw a motorbike come hurtling towards the car park closely followed by a trail of dust. It was our man in Cambodia... complete with the right goods. I was so grateful for his efforts that I tried to tip him another $20 which he refused to accept. What a lifesaver!

Great story , Pal Joey !

I will take a stab at Poland.

Sorry, Alf.

To start with: I don't recommend flying to Warsaw from Sydney (via Singapore-Frankfurt)... then catching a train all the way down to Katowice then back up another 40 kms to Zawiercie in southern Poland - all in one go. Took us (Dad and I) 38 hours or thereabouts. It nearly killed us!

The purpose of the trip was to visit a machine tool manufacturer in Poreba, which is just north of Katowice. I tell you it was a real eye-opener travelling through the engine room of Poland. I'll never forget some of the things I saw. One was the typical Soviet style 'High St' in some of the industrial worker towns... so drab and cold looking and we were there at the height of summer... and it was damn hot. 38 degrees C.

We stayed in a brand new hotel nearby where we had a great time having dinner with our Polish business buddies and drinking this pure black vodka through a straw made of the local wheat would you believe. It worked very well indeed. Got smashed! It was so balmy and dreamlike being there - but looking at the tall pine forests around the place it wasn't hard to imagine what it would be like in the middle of winter - covered in snow.

Dad went to bed early one night (around 9pm) and I sat outside with some locals having a right old yarn about things. I was recently divorced and they were joking with me about setting me up with some Polish bird. (sorry Jules!) At about the same time, this absolutely stunning looking woman airily walked by our table looking lost it seemed. My new mate's eyes nearly popped out of their heads as one said: "hmm... maybe not her. I think... she is... how you say? working girl."

Another highlight was my awkward episode at the main train station in Warsaw. I was busting to go for a leak and I finally spotted the Mens in a remote corner of the main concourse area. First I had to dig out a few zloty for a piss to get inside a cubicle - which I'd never done before! The trough looked too rusty and dangerous for me. On my way out there was this very large-bosomed middle aged lady in Polish Rail uniform sitting on a chair next to a bucket. She must have been lurking around nearby (when I went in) but she definitely wasn't there when I went through the door opening. Anyway... turns out I also had to give her a tip for the pleasure of relieving myself. She was some sort of security-cleaner person apparently.

p.s.
Don't tell anyone... but back at the height of the Cold War; the Russians forced the Poles to build a large network of oil pipelines from lower Silesia back through eastern Poland and into Belorussia and the USSR. Apparently it was a major bone of contention for the locals as you could imagine.

However we were told by our Polish friend: "But don't worry... we naturally built secret oil pipeline and reconfigure gauge, how you say... as we siphoned off some of the oils for ourselves. Russian (singular) didn't know this... of course!"

You haven't been to Japan but you did see them in concert circa 1981.

No that was Asia. I had tickets but something else cropped up at the last minute. (not really)  

I've been to Japan a few times. So much to see and I found it one of the easiest places to get around. The people are so polite, the streets seemed very clean and everything went like clockwork considering the density of those big cities. Favourite places included Kyoto and Kanazawa, which was one of the few major towns not bombed during WW2, so it retains this magical, almost traditional medieval atmosphere you don't find in similar-sized urban areas in Japan.

During my 2010 visit, I had the fortune of travelling up to Niigata on the Sea of Japan (or north coast) side of Honshu where I visited a factory where they design and manufacture the bullet trains. There were some mind boggling industrial facilities on a massive scale within the company compound. These guys were also doing some work for China and it was so politically sensitive that it was "for your eyes only... please no photographs, Joey-san"

Perhaps the only time something unusual happened was when I went to see a rugby match (Bledisloe Cup Match 4 which was played in Hong Kong... a dead rubber which the Wallabies won of course) at a sports bar in the trendy Roppongi district.

As we (I was with an Australia business customer who was also there for the Big Show - a large engineering exhibition on an island in Tokyo Bay) left the bar and were walking back to the subway - we heard this almighty cacophony from a large horde of protesters nearby and we realised we were directly in their path. Turns out they were very angry about American bases on Okinawa and there had recently been some ugly incident there.

It was like one of those Japanese nationalist parades from the 1930s with very large banners, people wearing hachimaki (headbands) screaming down megaphones (obviously very angry!) and war drums beating like there was no tomorrow. We just stopped and were standing on the footpath... like the proverbial deer in the headlights... when a local shopkeeper grabbed our arms and dragged us inside his shop.

In broken English he explained the situation: even though we weren't American; we could easily be mistaken for Americans (i.e. all westerners look the same) and therefore we better not attract their attention. It was quite a bizarre experience but we waited for about 10 minutes until the blaring noise went down the hill and out of sight - then hot-footed it back to the station.

Pal Joey you seem to have a knack of getting into interesting situations in foreign cities !

Now I am wondering what you got up to in Bahrain...

Just a stop-over there in the late 70s, Alfie.

Unfortunately there's no interesting situation to report about Bahrain. We just got off the aircraft and sat in a lounge for a couple of hours. I seemed to remember the whole place smelt of oil... inside and out. Not many people smiling either.

I also remember lots of little orange lights against a very dark black night sky... since it was during the wee hours when we landed there to refuel.

Ah well at least it is another tick for your travel list...

OK how about Turkey ? (Though perhaps I should step back and let someone else have a guess...wonder where guildford is lurking?)

No, go ahead, Alfie. We probably need to get this over and done with.

Visited Turkey around the time of my stint in London... in the summer of 1990. It wasn't really that well planned. I was travelling with some work colleagues through the Greek Islands and ended up on Samos Is. - which is only a short boat trip from the town of Kusadasi and the west coast of Anatolia. We then visited the ancient and historical site of Efes (Ephesus) which was built by the Greeks and one of the 12 cities of the Ionian League. It's an amazing place when you consider it was once bustling with a couple of hundred thousand inhabitants and was a thriving port on the Mediterranean Sea - but is now a few miles inland due to the silting up of the harbour.

There are a few very impressive buildings there including the Great Library, The Agora, Amphitheatre, Temple of Hadrian... some "up-market" homes on the terraces for the wealthy folk as well as workers dwellings with easy access to the local baths and town brothel... which has a hand or footprint (can't remember which) cast into the pavement as an early form of advertising for the certain type of 'health services' available there. Can't miss it...

Interesting situations:

At the start of the guided tour near the top of the town (northern side) we entered the ancient Odeon; where Paul the Apostle apparently often gave his fiery speeches to the locals. Oftentimes, we were told, brawls would break out afterwards and the place would be in a state of sheer pandemonium with the 'in-situ' stonework being the preferred projectiles back in the day.

I was with a group of about 20-30 people... many wearing loud coloured t-shirts, etc. So I waited up the back of the tiers, right at the top, to get a clean snap of the theatre without any people present. I remember being a little impatient since they took a few minutes to all file out of there... like Brown's cows! Just when I pressed the shutter button (an old style camera) the ancient stone block (part of the tier) on which I was standing; tilted forward. It was as if the Gods had pressed a button - telling me to "move on!" and rejoin the rest of the tour group.

I had a backpack (not much in it) and the camera still in my hand. There was that moment when I realised I was about to fall face first - down the bowl of the odeon - and I was imagining the injuries I was about to sustain. However, I somehow managed to 'land' feet first (wearing bloody sandals of course) onto the next tier... which thankfully didn't give way. I considered myself very lucky indeed.

Also visited the Virgin Mary's birthplace in a hillier area a few miles from Ephesus - lovely little part of the world. Secluded and surrounded by a forest with a really fresh and woody aroma. Much cooler there too compared to the blazing heat of the coast.

The other thing about the return trip: All was fine leaving the port of Kusadasi heading back towards Samos about 30-40 minutes away.
Calm seas, sunny, blue skies... but I did notice some whitecaps further out beyond the breakwater... a few miles out in the Ionian Sea.

Within a few minutes it seemed, the ferry encountered very rough seas of biblical proportions! Huge rolling swells. I'd estimate 6-8m together with a howling wind. It was around the time of the 1990 World Cup and there were a few Swedish fans drinking heavily at the back of the ferry laughing and not taking things too seriously. As we just managed to get inside the main cabin, this huge wave came right over the top (from the front) and absolutely smashed the Swedes. I recall large torrents of waters gushing along the narrow side decks.

Inside; they were playing a recording of The Eagles "Last Stand"? farewell concert on a large screen. I thought, so this is it... this is how it all ends!

People were wailing and crying. I saw this woman putting receipts from her pockets into her handbag as if it was a forgone conclusion that she would drown so she'd better have everything in order when the inevitable happened. At least they'd find the handbag. She smiled at me as I noticed this.

But just when all seemed hopeless, we had reached the crescendo of the song "The Last Resort" and the slow and peaceful fade out towards the end had begun, giving me some hope. Sure enough, the waves had miraculously subsided and we cruised into old Samos Town and were met by the friendly faces of the locals at the port; who may (or may not?) have had any idea of what we'd all just gone through.

It was probably quite a normal daily thing, yeah?

Hi Joey - thanks for your earlier comments. About time I gave this one a go. Some good stories already. I'll say it's the Cook Islands ....

I was lucky to go there towards the end of the last century, Guildford.

It's both a tiny drop in the ocean... and the tip of a massive volcano surrounded by reefs.

If you've ever seen "Blue Hawaii" with Elvis and all that ukulele playing and girls dancing in grass skirts - and you like that sort of thing - then the Cook Islands or Rarotonga or even just plain Raro is the place to be.

For me, those unique South Sea sounds seemed unusual, amusing and somewhat invigorating at first, then a little captivating... mesmerising... and after an hour or so, incessant to the point of producing a type of hypnotic affect on your psyche where you are still 'hearing it' as you try to fall asleep in this tropical paradise. And it's still going strong when you walk into the restaurant for breakfast the next morning.

Amusing anecdote:

Went to the local police station in Avarua to get the bike (moped) licence. We were met by a large chap in a skirt near the office door; which fronted onto a courtyard... which was, say 35m x 35m in size. There was a solitary tall skinny palm tree almost slap bang in the middle of the courtyard.

"You see the palm tree, my friend? I want you to go around it clockwise... then come back here."

About 20 seconds later I had completed the encirclement of the tree and returned.

"OK, my friend... now do it again and come back here."

So I did it again... this time in only about 15 seconds.

"OK, now go inside and get your driver's licence from the lady behind the desk."

If you ever go there I highly recommend the cross island walk. One part of it has these giant tree roots which you have to clamber up (not too hard)... but it felt like King Kong (or some giant spider or snake) was nearby. When you get to the top of the ridge (or highest point on the island) there is a stunning view down to the south coast on the other side. It's only a 3-4 km walk and takes a few hours with lunch provided along the way.

Fernando wrote:I hope for your sake it's #10

Just noticed this unacceptable slander. I am a pleasure to meet, especially when being given free access to the members area at The Oval...

Good Golly I'm Olly wrote:

Fernando wrote:I hope for your sake it's #10

Just noticed this unacceptable slander. I am a pleasure to meet, especially when being given free access to the members area at The Oval...

Indeed. Our meeting was a joint honour.

Pal Joey wrote:If you've ever seen "Blue Hawaii" with Elvis and all that ukulele playing and girls dancing in grass skirts - and you like that sort of thing - then the Cook Islands or Rarotonga or even just plain Raro is the place to be.

Would have thought Hawaii would be the place to be.

How about Slovakia. You were trying to get there but ended up in Slovenia, because everyone gets them mixed up.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:If you've ever seen "Blue Hawaii" with Elvis and all that ukulele playing and girls dancing in grass skirts - and you like that sort of thing - then the Cook Islands or Rarotonga or even just plain Raro is the place to be.

Would have thought Hawaii would be the place to be.

How about Slovakia. You were trying to get there but ended up in Slovenia, because everyone gets them mixed up.

Not me.

This is the kind of thing that should've been covered in the Covid cup.

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:If you've ever seen "Blue Hawaii" with Elvis and all that ukulele playing and girls dancing in grass skirts - and you like that sort of thing - then the Cook Islands or Rarotonga or even just plain Raro is the place to be.

Would have thought Hawaii would be the place to be.

How about Slovakia. You were trying to get there but ended up in Slovenia, because everyone gets them mixed up.

Not me.

This is the kind of thing that should've been covered in the Covid cup.

Basically, you wanted a geography quiz.

Not quite, more a culture quiz featuring Slovenia/Slovakia and Barton Fink.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:If you've ever seen "Blue Hawaii" with Elvis and all that ukulele playing and girls dancing in grass skirts - and you like that sort of thing - then the Cook Islands or Rarotonga or even just plain Raro is the place to be.

Would have thought Hawaii would be the place to be.

How about Slovakia. You were trying to get there but ended up in Slovenia, because everyone gets them mixed up.

Having also been to Hawaii, I felt Rarotonga had considerably more urgency in their island beats, Jules. A more friendly frenzy one could say.

No, I wasn't trying to stalk Melania Knavs. I ended up in Slovakia on purpose. In the Polish adventure above, we could see the mountain range known as the Tatras which form part of the Carpathian Mountains and this meant that the Czech and Slovak Republics weren't very far away. Only 20 miles or so to the border from southern Poland.

It is a very picturesque train journey starting from Katowice heading south. After crossing the border into Czechia near Novy Bohumin and passing through Ostrava, the railway line runs alongside a river with wooded hills either side. Very pleasing to the eye. After Brno, the country starts to open up as you head towards the Danube and our destination, Bratislava, the capital city of Slovakia.

Not much to report here other than there is an impressive castle overlooking the river and town and you can see why the area was fought over for hundreds of years (and more) due to its location on the Danube and the fact that Vienna is not far - only a stone's throw - away from there.

Can't let this die yet...on with the Pal Joey World tour...

Brunei , perhaps ?

alfie wrote:Can't let this die yet...on with the Pal Joey World tour...

Brunei , perhaps  ?

Much like my midnight sojourn in Bahrain, I once had a very brief stop-over in Bandar Seri Begawan... also in the middle of the night.

Highlight:
The shimmering golden domes of some large mosques which are lit up at night. As you approach the runway they look like miniature models.

Lowlight:
I was on my way to Vietnam and I had foolishly purchased a small tube of suntan lotion. 110 ml to be exact.
I was quite horrified when the customs person took it out of my carry-on bag and told me the maximum amount allowed was 90 ml.

He then tossed it into a basket next to the benches. Honestly... you could open a decent-sized gift store with the amount of stuff they had in there!
Of course, all the other armed guards were sort of smirking at each other as if to say... 'here's another idiot who fell into the trap.'

Harsh place. Not the friendliest destination but I believe some of the areas nearby have a certain tropical charm - in terms of the landscape.

What's left? Hungary and Fiji?

Can I go 50:50 and remove an incorrect answer?

I'll say Fiji.

Bingo!

Well done Jules!    

I've been to paradise.... but I've never been to Fiji.

Hungary: many times... including once when it was behind the Iron Curtain.

Nice work PJ. Especially like the pop culture reference to 1980s one-hit wonder Charlene.

Where have I have been? Where haven't I been?! Woof!

Taiwan
Canada
Barbados
Japan
Qatar
South Africa
Dubai
The Czech Republic
Hong Kong
Scotland

Looking forward to your tales of wonder , Julius.

Have you actually been to Hong Kong ?

I have. I went there with work for a few weeks in 1997, back when the old runway was used, which meant flying about 3 feet above the apartment blocks before landing on a needle sticking out in to the sea. Stayed in a 4-star hotel and was given the equivalent of £70 a day expenses - in cash

I really liked the mix of old and new there. One weekend took the ferry to Lantau island to see the big Buddha statue which was pretty impressive. Also remember going into a restaurant by myself where the menus were entirely in Chinese, so I had to point to something and hope for the best. Think I had bird's nest chicken.

We had a family holiday there two years ago and I was slightly disappointed. Maybe I'm getting old and jaded, but it didn't have the same excitement and it just seemed uncomfortably crowded at times.

I suppose you popped over to Taiwan on your first visit there. Perhaps?

Pal Joey wrote:I suppose you popped over to Taiwan on your first visit there. Perhaps?

Whether Julius did or didn't go to Taiwan, that's a neat bit of backing both creatures in a two horse race by Joey.

Pal Joey wrote:I suppose you popped over to Taiwan on your first visit there. Perhaps?

No I didn't.

Taiwan was a separate couple of visits for work, a year or two later I think. Don't remember much of it, except I thought Taipei was a bit of a dump.
The locals at work had chosen Western names for their first names, although some had chosen Western surnames. I remember one guy whose adopted first name was Johnson.
We were also taken to a 'proper' Chinese restaurant which our host was very proud of, but the food was unlike any Chinese food in the UK (possibly over here they cater for the Western palate) and tasted revolting - but of course we had to eat it, smile and say how delicious it was.
The Taiwanese guy I was working with was a nice guy but relatively incompetent, and the days before go-live were long enough (regularly 12 hours plus, for a couple of weeks), without his mistakes adding extra hours to them - at one point after he'd deleted some files I'd created, it is one of the rare times, maybe 2 or 3 in 35 years, where I've lost my temper and shouted at someone. Poor old Willie Yung!

Geez... that sounds like some of the people I worked with in Vietnam. All nods and smiles when you give them an instruction but a hell of a lot of time wasted through either complete misunderstanding or sheer incompetence.

OK, I'll go Czech Republic next. I'm hoping for an interesting anecdote here...

I'm going for South Africa, I suspect that Julius threw it in after doing some research on Steve Biko/BCM for his latest production.

Pal Joey wrote:

Geez... that sounds like some of the people I worked with in Vietnam. All nods and smiles when you give them an instruction but a hell of a lot of time wasted through either complete misunderstanding or sheer incompetence.

OK, I'll go Czech Republic next. I'm hoping for an interesting anecdote here...

Keep waiting PJ, because although I have been to the Czech Republic, for a weekend in Prague, and it was very nice, I can't really think of any particularly interesting anecdotes. It was just a nice break.

Galted wrote:I'm going for South Africa, I suspect that Julius threw it in after doing some research on Steve Biko/BCM for his latest production.

September '77, Port Elizabeth, weather fine.....

.....does not describe my trip to South Africa, as they are the opening lyrics to Biko by Peter Gabriel.

In fact, I have never been to South Africa. Galted steals in with a winner!

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Geez... that sounds like some of the people I worked with in Vietnam. All nods and smiles when you give them an instruction but a hell of a lot of time wasted through either complete misunderstanding or sheer incompetence.

OK, I'll go Czech Republic next. I'm hoping for an interesting anecdote here...

Keep waiting PJ, because although I have been to the Czech Republic, for a weekend in Prague, and it was very nice, I can't really think of any particularly interesting anecdotes. It was just a nice break.

I'm just glad you had a nice time.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:I'm going for South Africa, I suspect that Julius threw it in after doing some research on Steve Biko/BCM for his latest production.

September '77, Port Elizabeth, weather fine.....

.....does not describe my trip to South Africa, as they are the opening lyrics to Biko by Peter Gabriel.

In fact, I have never been to South Africa. Galted steals in with a winner!

GET IN THERE! Reading the play like Guildford in his pomp and timing the strike to perfection.

My contribution is:

Austria
Denmark
Finland
Germany
Latvia
Mozambique
Poland
Russia
South Africa
Zimbabwe

Nice work Galted.

I'll go Austral... I mean Austria.

Pal Joey wrote:Nice work Galted.    

I'll go Austral... I mean Austria.

Oh for f*ck's sak... I mean well done.

Galted wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Nice work Galted.    

I'll go Austral... I mean Austria.

Oh for f*ck's sak... I mean well done.

Sorry!

Pal Joey wrote:

Galted wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Nice work Galted.    

I'll go Austral... I mean Austria.

Oh for f*ck's sak... I mean well done.

Sorry!

Joey - that was bang out of order!

Galted - for a small consolation prize, I would like to hear about your trip to Finland. Mrs Bat and I went there for a few days last year with another couple to see an old pal who had married a Finnish lass and settled there.

We flew to Rovaniemi and stayed there a couple of days before flying onto Helsinki for a few more days. Two highlights of Rovaniemi. Firstly, going ice fishing, caught the smallest fish ever but - who cares?! - it was the only catch of the day and captured for posterity on film by the half dozen Chinese tourists on the same excursion. Secondly, that night we went to a restaurant in the town called Amarillo - and we irritated the hell out of the locals by asking, yes, you've guessed it, ''Is this the way to Amarillo?''.

Helsinki was good but more for the ladies. Considerable culture and expense as I recall.

Being around for so long, I might be able to cobble another nine names I've met over the years. See what I can do ....

And I would like to hear about your trip to Russia and how you purchased Galtova.

JuliusHMarx wrote:And I would like to hear about your trip to Russia and how you purchased Galtova.

That was done online.

guildfordbat wrote:

Galted - for a small consolation prize, I would like to hear about your trip to Finland. Mrs Bat and I went there for a few days last year with another couple to see an old pal who had married a Finnish lass and settled there.

We flew to Rovaniemi and stayed there a couple of days before flying onto Helsinki for a few more days. Two highlights of Rovaniemi. Firstly, going ice fishing, caught the smallest fish ever but - who cares?! - it was the only catch of the day and captured for posterity on film by the half dozen Chinese tourists on the same excursion. Secondly, that night we went to a restaurant in the town called Amarillo - and we irritated the hell out of the locals by asking, yes, you've guessed it, ''Is this the way to Amarillo?''.

Helsinki was good but more for the ladies. Considerable culture and expense as I recall.

Being around for so long, I might be able to cobble another nine names I've met over the years. See what I can do ....

Afraid it was nowhere near as interesting or extensive as your trip, Guildford, I only threw it in there as a red herring.  And no geography-based puns from what I can remember.

We didn't actually stay there, arrived by plane and caught a taxi to the port as we were taking a ferry to St Petersburg.  My first impression of Helsinki was that the rush hour rivals that of London, the cab driver was getting a bit tense as time dragged on, though that was partly due to unsolicited driving advice from the missus.

We had a bit more time on the way back, walked from the port to the railway station and had a wander about.  Most of it was closed as it was a Sunday which was convenient for photographic purposes. The trains were very clean and efficient, which I've come to expect from places in Europe going by names other than UK or Italy.

Whilst on your travels Galted, did you bless the rains down in Africa?

Of course, I grew restless longing for some solitary company.

I hold you in even higher regard having been brave enough to venture South of the Equator.

Hokey doke folks, here's another 10 names for you. I'm not the grandfather to any of them but have met 9!

1. Lady Astor - of the Profumo Scandal (look it up if necessary).
2. Martin Bell - of the white suit [not the ski suit]. UNICEF ambassador, former BBC war reporter and former independent MP.
3. Muriel Jakubait - who campaigned unsuccessfully for her executed sister Ruth Ellis to be pardoned.
4. Bishan Bedi - India cricketer of the '60s and '70s.
5. Rohan Kanhai - West Indies cricketer of the '50s through to the '70s.
6. Geoff Arnold - England cricketer of the '60s and '70s.
7. John Motson - 'Motty'.
8. Mark Palios - former Chief Executive of the English Football Association.
9. Jimmy Greaves - 'Greavsie'.
10. Eric Longworth - semi-regular in Dad's Army playing the bumptious town clerk Mr Gordon.