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The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan

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Who is the biggest cumquat? THE FINAL

The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan Vote_lcap33%The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan Vote_rcap 33% 
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The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan Vote_lcap67%The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan Vote_rcap 67% 
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Total Votes : 12
 
Poll closed

The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan Empty The Culture cup Presents: The Cumquat Cup Final - Tim Martin vs Piers Morgan

Post by Dolphin Ziggler Thu 17 Jun 2021, 10:06 pm

Well here it is, the final of the Cumquat Cup, the most controversial competition in forum history. 

It looked all set up for a Katie Hopkins final, she would have been the favourite to win it. But this forum plays by its own rules, and the underdog Tim Martin has made his way into the final.

After beating Hopkins, some might make Martin favourite, but then we get to his rival. Piers Morgan, a man who was starting to rescue his reputation a little with his fierce interview technique coming up against a lacklustre politicians in the middle of a pandemic. 

To get to this stage, they have beaten some heavyweight foes - 

Martin: Hopkins, Kyle, Brand and Prince Andrew, as well as topping a group with Bezos, Emma Watson, Stephen King, Tim Henman, Musk, Lewis Hamilton, Sara Pascoe. 

Morgan: Carlson, Littlejohn, Keys and Henson, whilst Morgan topped a group consisting of Crooks, Walliams, Suarez, Karren Brady, Vince McMahon, Jai Courtney and Nick Ferrari. 


So on the day of England vs Scotland, is there anything more fitting than sitting inside and arguing who is the biggest cumquat?! 


Last edited by Dolphin Ziggler on Tue 22 Jun 2021, 1:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Jun 2021, 8:56 am

If a professional troll beats a guy who has actively f**ed up so many businesses and companies, I will be mildly disappointed

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Post by Galted Fri 18 Jun 2021, 9:52 am

A bit disappointed with how it's all panned out, I expected a lot more from my c*nts.
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Post by lostinwales Fri 18 Jun 2021, 10:03 am

Piers Morgan is currently a professional troll, but he is nothing like as cuddly as that description would imply. Well worth remembering his previous career as a tabloid editor coincided with the phone hacking scandals (Millie Dowler and all). Just checking dates he wasn't obviously active when Daniel Morgan was murdered but his career developed inside the press culture of that time.

Just in case (again) we have forgotten who Tim Martin is

LostinWales:
He's the very brexity friend of the Tories best known as the man behind the Weatherspoons pub chain. He looks (and probably sounds) like a less coherent and much hairier version of Father Jack.

Most recently he's been in the news bemoaning the lack of cheap EU staff, although he's now denying it
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-57314682

And the excellent post from Samo

Samo:
Tim Martin has managed to convince people he is a successful businessman despite his business model being as simple as “sell Poopie beer cheaply”. A few of my favourite Tim Martin moments:

- convincing people that Brexit would be a good thing because it would allow us to do trade deal with countries outside the EU. To prove this point he started selling a range of beers, wines and spirits from these countries. While we were still EU members.

- telling his staff to go and work for Tesco while furloughed, and refusing to top up the governments payments to 100% of their wages despite Wetherspoons making £1.8bn turnover.

- calling for more EU immigration to help his pubs after campaigning furiously for the exact opposite.

Even looking at him from outside the Brexit argument, the man is a Kumquat who treats his customers like idiots and his staff like Poopie. Frak Tim Martin - and all business owners like him.

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Post by BamBam Fri 18 Jun 2021, 10:20 am

Let’s not forget Piers put fake stories about the army on the front pages. I’m not exactly one of those who think the British Army is above all reproach, but that was pretty shocking for its time

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 18 Jun 2021, 10:26 am

And he had a tantrum when a part time weatherman got the better of him intellectually.

Although I did vote for Martin. Mainly because I've had a tantrum over Morgan beating my man Carlson.

Mind the windows Tino.
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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 18 Jun 2021, 10:43 am

I voted for Piers Morgan. Never heard of Tim Martin - no idea who he is.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Jun 2021, 12:00 pm

Lead singer of Coldplay.

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Post by Galted Fri 18 Jun 2021, 1:03 pm

That's Chris Pringle. Tim Martin is a retired American tennis player, surprised Julius doesn't know who he is.
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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Jun 2021, 1:45 pm

Which one is Tim from The Office?

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 18 Jun 2021, 1:51 pm

They call me... Tim.

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Post by superflyweight Fri 18 Jun 2021, 2:29 pm

You manky Scots git!

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Post by Galted Fri 18 Jun 2021, 2:39 pm

superflyweight wrote:Which one is Tim from The Office?  

He's in the Canterbury Tales of Chaucer... and Shakespeare.
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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Sun 20 Jun 2021, 10:37 pm

Piers has taken it. 2021's Cumquat is quite clearly Mr Morgan. Well done, Piers.

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Post by BamBam Mon 21 Jun 2021, 9:23 am

He would win in most years

Do we get to see the nominations?

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Post by Galted Mon 21 Jun 2021, 11:20 am

Gutted for Jack Whitehall after all the work he's done over the past few years but the pollsters have spoken.

Thanks, Flipper. It's good to have some form of closure on this, or at the very least a yardstick against which to mention my favourite c*nts.
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Post by Dolphin Ziggler Mon 21 Jun 2021, 6:13 pm

I have got other ideas in mind for more Culture Cups in the future. I'll pass them on to Tino, they'll be safe there.

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