Fat-boys XV

by InjuredYetAgain Tue 29 May 2012, 10:11 pm

Ok, it is very easy. If you were picking an international team of tubsters/wobble bottoms, who would you have. These guys could actually have been good players, it's just it was hard to take them too seriously when they pitched up looking like the donkey every club has in their 3rd XV who cannot find a big enough top
Prop - zillions of candidates but let's start the betting at Peter "teapot" Wright
Hooker - Fatt Dunning. Ok, he is out of position but he can't be any worse at hooker than he was as a prop!
Prop - Ollie Le Roux - the only guy to keep puppy fat until his mid-30s
Lock - Craig Quinnell (the Quinnells just had to be represented)
Lock - Ko (number 15)bus Wiese
Flanker - Steffon Armitage. Light bends round him (but even for light, a round trip does take 3 seconds)
Flanker -
No 8 - Thomas Waldron - no witticism required. Honourable mention for Scott Quinnell - great player but his arse had its own postcode
SH - (Chicken piri) Piri Weepu
SO - Andy Foode. His gut is now subject to Ordnance Survey maps
LW - Caucau (thanks for killing that perception that all Fijians are built like Greek gods)
Centre - Scott Gibbs (I'll admit that this one is a bit controversial)
Centre - Matthieu "you fat" Bastereau
RW -
FB - Brendan Laney (forced out of his preferred position). Could/should have been sponsored by Greggs.

I seem a bit "light" on Irish, Saffers and Kiwis though.

Good input, guys. You certainly wouldn't want to be behind this lot in the buffet queue! Still missing a total lard-arse for flankerand there must be a winger from the 70s or 80s who was ahead of his time in that he weighed in at 16st plus

by Looseheaded Wed 30 May 2012, 12:23 am

Winger- Rupeni Caucau
Centre- Basteureud
Winger- Medard
Lock- Craig or Gavin Quinnell

by **Biltong** Wed 30 May 2012, 7:03 am

1. Lawrence Sephaka - useless but huge
2.
3.
4. Kobus Wiese - Pretty much the roundest lock I can remember
5.
6.
7.
8.
9. Piri Weepu - the fattest half back in recent times.
10.
11.
12. Frans Steyn was quite the porky beginning last year
13.

by doctornickolas Wed 30 May 2012, 7:46 am

Scott Gibbs certainly is controversial as I don't think in his playing days he was ever fat. He was very very muscular and just plain hard.

when he made his debut for Wales he was all of 5'9" and 12 stone but he would sit down much bigger opponents.

by **RDW** Wed 30 May 2012, 8:34 am

Seriously - how could you have anyone but the "Chunk" at loosehead??

My brother was speaking to the Edinburgh nutritionist recently who described chunk as anatomically "unique". Apparently Chunk's daily calorie intake is 10 000 - most pro's only require 7500. Also, Chunk can literally eat anything and it doesn't affect his performance or physique.

by **Biltong** Wed 30 May 2012, 8:36 am

Ollie le Roux loved his burgers, he would be a shoo in.

by Rava Wed 30 May 2012, 10:26 am

InjuredYetAgain wrote:Ok, it is very easy. If you were picking an international team of tubsters/wobble bottoms, who would you have. These guys could actually have been good players, it's just it was hard to take them too seriously when they pitched up looking like the donkey every club has in their 3rd XV who cannot find a big enough top
Prop - zillions of candidates but let's start the betting at Peter "teapot" Wright
Hooker - Fat Dunning. Ok, he is out of position but he can't be any worse at hooker than he was as a prop!
Prop - Gareth Chilcott. Lovely fella but .........
Lock -
Lock -
Flanker - Steffon Armitage. Light bends round him (but even for light, a round trip does take 3 seconds)
Flanker -
No 8 - Thomas Waldron - no witticism required. Honourable mention for Scott Quinnell - great player but his arse had its own postcode
SH -
SO - andy Goode. His gut is now subject to Ordnance Survey maps
LW -
Centre - Scott Gibbs (I'll admit that this one is a bit controversial)
Centre -
RW -
FB - Brendan Laney (forced out of his preferred position). Could/should have been sponsored by Greggs.

I seem a bit "light" on Irish, Saffers and Kiwis though.

I resemble that remark Very Happy

We Irish are all very finely honed athletes.
Well except maybe Tony Buckley Wink

by Pete C (Kiwireddevil) Wed 30 May 2012, 10:49 am

Piri Weepu and Caucau both need to be in there somewhere. And Big Bill Cavabati has to be in the front row, heaviest man to play test rugby at 165kg

by dallym Wed 30 May 2012, 10:50 am

as biltong said, Piri is a must for #9

by dummy_half Wed 30 May 2012, 11:23 am

Replacement scrum half has to be Shaun Perry - definitely not the sveltest SH around, and done no favours by the England shrt of the era with the red swoosh that wrapped round the beer gut.

Andy Foode at 10 is the easiest choice of the lot.

Jason Fun Bus Leonard has to be in the running for one of the prop jerseys.

Good call from Biltong on Kobus Wiese - was the shape of a prop but about half a foot taller.

JD2 or Manu Tuillagi at outside centre? Both are certainly on the shorter and stockier side and either would form a good pairing with the worlds fastest prop in the 12 jersey.

Craig Quinnell at 4, Scott Quinnell at 8 (move Waldrom to 6). Pity Mrs Quinnell having to food shop and cook for that family.

Marcus Rose, England's useless fullback of the 80s, has to be in the running (very slowly) for the 15 shirt. Certainly carried a bit more timber than most of his contemporaries.

Can I also nominate Shane Williams for one wing spot - OK, most of his career he was fairly trim, but he did try and bulk up for a couple of years and turned into a bit of a porker (and wasn't even half the player as he was when fit).

by LordDowlais Wed 30 May 2012, 11:47 am

Ricky January has got to be the scrum half, also how can you have this side without Martyn Madden and Darren Morris.

by **Biltong** Wed 30 May 2012, 11:55 am

True, January could pack a few pounds, but he is rather mickey mouse compared to Weepu.

by bluestonevedder Wed 30 May 2012, 11:59 am

JD2 or Manu?! Dummy_half they're both units!! Hardly any fat on them! Definitely Basteureud in the centre- he's a porker and a half.

by LordDowlais Wed 30 May 2012, 12:00 pm

Yeh but Weepu is naturally big, January was rather slight to start with, but by the time he was playing for the Ospreys he would blend in with the front rowers. laughing

by bluestonevedder Wed 30 May 2012, 12:02 pm

Kiwireddevil wrote: And Big Bill Cavabati has to be in the front row, heaviest man to play test rugby at 165kg

How do you tackle that? Headscratch

by **Biltong** Wed 30 May 2012, 12:04 pm

bluestonevedder wrote:
Kiwireddevil wrote: And Big Bill Cavabati has to be in the front row, heaviest man to play test rugby at 165kg

How do you tackle that?

No need to tackle him, you fall in front of him, e can't jump and if he tries he'll lose his footing.

Just imagine you oppose him in a match, your end of match stats says 7 missed tackles, but he didn't gain one meter. Whistle

by Pete C (Kiwireddevil) Wed 30 May 2012, 12:18 pm

LordDowlais wrote:Yeh but Weepu is naturally big, January was rather slight to start with, but by the time he was playing for the Ospreys he would blend in with the front rowers.

Spoiler:

by bluestonevedder Wed 30 May 2012, 12:20 pm

biltongbek wrote:
bluestonevedder wrote:
Kiwireddevil wrote: And Big Bill Cavabati has to be in the front row, heaviest man to play test rugby at 165kg

How do you tackle that?

No need to tackle him, you fall in front of him, e can't jump and if he tries he'll lose his footing.

Just imagine you oppose him in a match, your end of match stats says 7 missed tackles, but he didn't gain one meter.

My assumption was that he would eventually sit down after tiring himself out over the length of about 5-10m. Therefore, all you do is trail him and pick up the ball when he voluntarily 'retires' himself to the ground.

by rapidsnowman Wed 30 May 2012, 12:35 pm

Couple of Irish options:

Des Fitzgerald - (Father of Luke the Irish winger) he played for Ireland in 80's and early 90's, and he wasn't skinny!

Nick Popplewell was fairly rotund.

by rapidsnowman Wed 30 May 2012, 12:36 pm

Des and Nick both played prop by the way!

by Thomond Wed 30 May 2012, 1:37 pm

I resemble that remark We Irish are all very finely honed athletes.
Well except maybe Tony Buckley

We're a nation of backrowers.

by LordDowlais Wed 30 May 2012, 3:53 pm

Kiwireddevil wrote:
LordDowlais wrote:Yeh but Weepu is naturally big, January was rather slight to start with, but by the time he was playing for the Ospreys he would blend in with the front rowers.
Spoiler:

Cannot argue with that Kiwi. Erm

by InjuredYetAgain Wed 30 May 2012, 9:03 pm

Right chaps. The team sheet has been updated but, on a point of principal, I need Irish. Those already suggested were just too darned skinny.

by **George Carlin** Thu 31 May 2012, 10:58 am

Nationality of the biggest test player ever?

Yep, Scottish. thumbsup

Big Richard Metcalfe was 7' tall and 22 stone.

There were surely no pies remaining untouched in the Metcalfe household.

by Geordie Mon 04 Jun 2012, 12:12 am

Your all forgetting big Norm hadley of Canada...and if my memory serves me...was the Canada fly half Gareth Rees a fairly portly chap...

Gareth Chilcott was rotund aswell...

by Mr Bounce Wed 06 Jun 2012, 11:57 am

I know it's yet another prop, but what about Peter Fatialofa from Samoa? Even his nickname was "Fats"!!!! Very Happy

by Mr Bounce Wed 06 Jun 2012, 3:43 pm

Oh, and Micky Skinner for a flanker's position - always had a bit of a tum and loved his beer thumbsup

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