Wrestling Certainties

You know the score, there a certain things that happen in wrestling where you just know what's coming next.

Such as:

If there is a cake in the ring, it will end up in somebody's face.

If we're introduced to a babyface's family member(s), they will be beaten up later in the show by a heel.

If you are playing out 'ownership issues' on TV, none of the fans will care.


Over to you!

If there is a pig in the ring (I don't mean an ugly Diva), Pope will be musclebusted through it.

If there is a match going on in TNA, there will be a run in...probably by Hogan.

If Flair is on my screen he will either be getting stripped out of his "designer" suit or blading.

Despite claims, nobody ever riots.

If Stone Cold offers you a beer, I would advise getting the hell out of dodge!

If someone gets run over, it will be Rikishi. And he will be doing it for a inanimate piece of stone.

If you are the first to 4th person to face the babyface in a gauntlet match, William Hills wont be taking any bets on you to lose - the book is closed on that baby!

If any TV authority figures blames "the network" it is because they can't be bothered to create another character - and no-one will care

If JR gets brought back to WWE it is only so that Vince can humiliate him some more BAH GAWD!

Randy Orton is contractually obliged to look like an ape on heat having a fit once an episode, bounding around the ring banging his fists

The WWE uses more silicon than Silicon Valley

Triple H realised he was onto a good thing banging Stephanie

John Cena has already joined Vince's "Kiss My Ass Club" ... many many times

At any given moment John Morrison is being cuckolded

Tatsu getting clean wins on Superstars

I agree with most above though, run ins are the most common one, or just interference.

If Matt Hardy turns face, no-one will care.

If Matt Hardy turns heel, no-one will care.

If Matt Hardy's ass exploded, everyone would laugh and he'd say his ass didn't explode, his ass is fine and it was WWE's ass that exploded.

At any given time, in any given place Jeff Hardy is sitting naked, covered in his facepaint, eating pinecones smothered in suntan lotion and playing a raccoon like a guitar.

If you're facing Rey Mysterio you will end up between the ropes at some point.

If you're a wrestler and find yourself alone backstage with Melina you will get some (while John Morrison watches from the corner).

If TNA announce via Twitter that they have an announcement that will shock the World then it will probably be the return of the Nasty Boyz

If a "superstar" joins the commentary team for a match, they will either distract the ref or hit their finisher on one of the competitors of the match.

theundisputedY2D2 wrote:If Matt Hardy turns face, no-one will care.

If Matt Hardy turns heel, no-one will care.

If Matt Hardy's ass exploded, everyone would laugh and he'd say his ass didn't explode, his ass is fine and it was WWE's ass that exploded.

At any given time, in any given place Jeff Hardy is sitting naked, covered in his facepaint, eating pinecones smothered in suntan lotion and playing a raccoon like a guitar.

At the start of each year Matt Hardy will claim he is in the best shape of his life and this is the year of Matt Hardy... while munching on 14 cheeseburgers.

If Hogan is on my screen he is calling Jack his brother, Dude.

If your long time partner is grinning like a cheshire cat, he's gonna kick you in the balls.

King Beer wrote:If your long time partner is grinning like a cheshire cat, he's gonna kick you in the balls.

Is that the look Mrs Beer Gives your before she kicks you?

Hogan will start finish and be all over iMPACT!

If Rey is on my screen, he's going to headbutt some kids before botching.

If Kofi is on my screen, he's going to jump about slapping his hands before botching.

If VKM is hauling ass to get to the ring, he's going to bust a quad.

If Kevin Nash is nearing the end of his contract and has been drinking, he's going to tweet some quality stuff.

If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

[quote="uberkiwi"]If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued[/quote

One of you will have a successful solo career and the other will be FE'd and have to go to TNA.

If you see Scott Hall is appearing at a wrestling show, film it.

If you are a brain cell in Mick Foley's head its probably quite roomy by now

If someone is in the ring cutting a promo on TNA, they will be shouting.

Whenever RVD is on TV, he's stoned.

You will never ever see the Ultimate Warrior walk anywhere.

Even when he was a pallbearer at his wifes funeral, he ran with the casket!

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

Hero wrote:

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

or spoliers

If Hornswoggle gets a match, he will win.

Hobo wrote:

Hero wrote:

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

or spoliers

Or Heavyweight

Hero wrote:

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

Hero, You know from now on I will hunting any and all of your grammar mistakes until my revenge is sought?

uberkiwi wrote:

Hero wrote:

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

Hero, You know from now on I will hunting any and all of your grammar mistakes until my revenge is sought?

You will hunting?

uberkiwi wrote:

Hero wrote:

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

Hero, You know from now on I will hunting any and all of your grammar mistakes until my revenge is sought?

"Grammatical errors" would probably have been the better phrase to use in that situation!

No no, my sentence was suffice

Apart from the Will Hunting bit, damn it #fail

uberkiwi wrote:

Hero wrote:

uberkiwi wrote:If you are in a successful Tag Team, at one point in your career

your partner will attack you and start a fued
you will attack your partner and start a fued

If you're on a wrestling forum it's a guarantee that over half the people posting cannot spell feud.

Hero, You know from now on I will hunting any and all of your grammar mistakes until my revenge is sought?

I know! It just always makes me laugh with feud as it reminds me of the urban dictionary post about it:

1. fued

Somebody on a message board, mostly wrestling ones, showing their level of intellect by talking about two wrestlers having a "fued", rather than a feud which they are actually having.

Normally I wouldn't mind, but it seems there are hundreds of people that can't spell the damn word right, so I'm doing them a favour.
"i hope we see and exciting fued between jbl and john cena." - Bad spelling, bad grammar, and a complete inability to spot a talented wrestler in favour for a couple of really bad ones.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fued

lol thats actually quite funny, I guess since im new to Wrestling boards I reserve the right to use my 'noob' card!

LOL how long you going to use that badboy

I still reserve the right to play that card and I've known you for years Gaff.

I think ive just use its currency in one go - next time I fail i am in some trouble

Milk it like Melina would milk........ah nevermind

Somewhere, right at this moment, Melina tastes like Mike Knox.

Somewhere, right at this moment, Val Venis is ranting on Twitter about somebody.

Somewhere, right at this moment, the Iron Sheik is making someone humble.

And..................Somewhere, anywhere Ric Flair is blading

Somewhere at this moment in time, Samoa Joe is eating some friend chicken while playing beek-a-boo under a towel.

Cena will be respecting the honour of the hustle

Ric Flair will be jumping in and out of Wheelchairs randomly "Woo"ing before elbow dropping his sportscoat.

Mr Anderson will be running up to random people in the street yelling that he should be world Champion and calling them A'holes.

JR will be eating ribs covered in his BBQ sauce to remove the bitter taste of humiliation that VKM piles on him.

Vince McMahon will be ogling Steph.

Linda McMahon's womb will be infested by demons.

Shane McMahon will be doing his dance.

Shawn Michaels will be having a conversation with someone and they won't know which eye to look at.

Kevin Nash will be playing with his hair, telling himself he's still Big Sexy.

Dixie Carter will have a confused smile.

Hogan will be ogling Brooke
Vince will be thinking of ways to introduce an incest angle to TV-PG
Steph will be ogling Jericho
Triple H will be burying someone
Jeff Hardy will be off his head

Somewhere in the world someone will typing up an article on the following:

The Montreal Screwjob - who was wrong?
Chris Benoit
Is Wrestling fake?
Did Macho Man bang Steph?

Each and everytime they'll think they're the first to have written an article on it.

If a commentator ends a pay per view with "This is the greatest {insert name of PPV here} OF ALL TIME!" then you know it's not been that good.

If you're watching TNA you will at some point during the broadcast say out loud "What the Chuck?!"

Hero wrote:Somewhere in the world someone will typing up an article on the following:

The Montreal Screwjob - who was wrong?
Chris Benoit
Is Wrestling fake?
Did Macho Man bang Steph?

Each and everytime they'll think they're the first to have written an article on it.

I think I was the first to ever write articles on at least two of those.....

And I wrote the first articles on the other two

Hero wrote:Somewhere in the world someone will typing up an article on the following:

The Montreal Screwjob - who was wrong?
Chris Benoit
Is Wrestling fake?
Did Macho Man bang Steph?

Each and everytime they'll think they're the first to have written an article on it.

Somewhere in the world someone will be typing up an article on the following:

Fixed that for you

If two Knockouts are going head to head on the mic, someone will get called a bitch or a slut or a silicone whore.

John Cena's next t-shirt will be more garish than his last.

If a heel comes to the ring in an expensive car at a PPV and loses...there is a good chance it will get wrecked by the face.

If there is a match happening in TNA, the crowd will be chanting "This is awesome", "This is wrestling", "Holy Poopie" or "This is BS".