The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:50 pm

First topic message reminder :

superflyweight wrote:It's in Edinburgh and it's called the "Pubic Triangle". Is about 5 minutes from my work and there's always a distressing smell of lube hanging over the area.

That's the one, thanks super.

Is lube really a distressing smell?

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:05 am

superflyweight wrote:Is choosing how we'd kill celebrities a new low or new high for the culture cup?

If I was to murder Adrian Chiles I would suffocate him with a clear plastic bag over his head. I think his jowly face would look funny as he tried desperately to gasp for the last remnants of air.

Ha!

I'd like to see Vanessa Feltz force fed like that fellow in 7even.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:05 am

I may kill Jack Whitehall by choking him to death with his own hipster facial hair

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:06 am

Other celebs with annoyingly long necks :

Barrack Obama
Deidre Barlow
Peter Crouch
Gwyneth Paltrow

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:13 am

I'd give Jack Whitehall and Russell Brand a razor blade each and force them to fight to the death at gunpoint, having cunningly lied that the winner would be granted his freedom.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:22 am

I forgot Celine Dion is the Queen of annoying long necks.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:23 am

Tulisa has a long neck but I'd smash it regardless.

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:27 am

One of my schoolmates used to have a comically long-looking neck because he didn't have a chin. He topped himself.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:28 am

Galted wrote:He topped himself.

Didn't hang himself I take it?

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:31 am

rick_dagless wrote:
Galted wrote:He topped himself.

Didn't hang himself I take it?

No, he took an overdose of sleeping tablets if I remember correctly.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:32 am

Galted wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:
Galted wrote:He topped himself.

Didn't hang himself I take it?

No, he took an overdose of sleeping tablets if I remember correctly.

Necked em down did he

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:45 am

Where is Julius these days by the way?

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:52 am

rick_dagless wrote:Where is Julius these days by the way?

Waiting for the bus with a few of his b*tches.

Spoiler:

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:55 am

Thought he was off work this week. I have just had an image of Tino Rowley and Julius strolling amongst the dales like last of the summer wine

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:58 am

One of them ending up in a cart trundling down the hill being chased by the other two who're waving walking sticks in the air.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:02 am

I could genuinely see that being true...

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:03 am

Galted wrote:One of them ending up in a cart trundling down the hill being chased by the other two who're waving walking sticks in the air.

Tino thought he was in the clear when there were no kids about. Big mistake Laugh

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:06 am

Shah wrote:Tino thought he was in the clear when there were no kids about

When you have as many offspring as Tino, they are always around aren't they?

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:09 am

They might be visiting their real fathers

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:12 am

Shah wrote:They might be visiting their real fathers

Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, Fedor, Bruce Lee and Godzilla?

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:16 am

Trussman and Coxy......

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:18 am

rick_dagless wrote:
Shah wrote:They might be visiting their real fathers

Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, Fedor, Bruce Lee and Godzilla?

No, Tophat

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:19 am

ShahenshahG wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:
Shah wrote:They might be visiting their real fathers

Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, Fedor, Bruce Lee and Godzilla?

No, Tophat

I can picture Tophat propping his gut up on Mrs Windows' back.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:23 am

seanmichaels wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:
Shah wrote:They might be visiting their real fathers

Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis, Fedor, Bruce Lee and Godzilla?

No, Tophat

I can picture Tophat propping his gut up on Mrs Windows' back.

Its how she stays thin but I was suggesting artificial insemination as tophats winkle is swallowed by his belly button

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:28 am

Maybe everytime they sleep together she gives him a biscuit.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:31 am

rick_dagless wrote:Maybe everytime they sleep together she gives him a Melton Mowbray.

by Rowley Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:34 am

She'd have had to have given him a block of lard to account for top hat's girth.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:34 am

It'd have to be a biscuit factory rick

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:35 am

Rowley wrote:She'd have had to have given him a block of lard to account for top hat's girth.

Rather disturbed you know the width of tophats Winkle Rowley

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 10:36 am

Maybe it was Sea Biscuit... Grilled

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:12 am

So the Culture Cup round 6 is still going?
Every page an exciting new turn.
Although I have to say, with deep regret
The last few days have been as fun as a Chinese burn.

But I’m glad to be back with my chums, to spread merriment and good tidings.
Armed with my wit, charm and intellect and ready to dish out some hidings.

We still have our Jeff, with his sharp Yorkshire wit.
He would be my favourite poster if he wasn’t so full of sh*t.

Galted, O Galted. New laces? He’s no moaner.
I must remember to tell him about the time I went down on Winona.

There is Jules, the clever wordsmith. He’s a cunning old fox.
Even at 85 years old, he is still a huge lover of c*cks.

Seany, Mr Michaels. Our private school scamp.
How can such a privileged education only produce a tramp?

Morning to superfly, my old Celtic buddy.
Too much deep fried Irn-Bru has made his complexion all ruddy.

We have Adam, our leader, who bestowed on me a badge I hold dear.
He really likes Moulin Rouge but that doesn’t necessarily make him queer.

Shah, the deranged Indian. Or is he from Pakistan?
His wife told me he looks just like a fat Amir Khan.

Dagless, from Cheshire, known to us all as Rick.
He is from my part of the world so I will overlook his consumption of d*ck.

Hide from the 667 killer. We all call him Dave.
It’s amazing he is so cheerful after a decade being Trussmans sex slave.

There is also TopHat, or fat lad as he is affectionately known.
I once saw him polish off a family bucket. He didn’t even waste the bone.

Lastly, there is Linebreaker. Lover of all things ‘pod.
The man shares his loft-space with a huntsman. To me that makes him a God.

Morning all.

by TopHat24/7 Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:16 am

Nice to see the abuse continuing even without me on here to defend myself!

And welcome back Tino....

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:20 am

TopHat24/7 wrote:Nice to see the abuse continuing even without me on here to defend myself!

And welcome back Tino....

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:20 am

Jesus f*cking Christ!!! Bob Crow's still alive!

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:20 am

Toppy wrote:Nice to see the abuse continuing even without me on here to defend myself!

to be fair, Jeff was saying what a large Gentlemens area Toppy so that is not all bad...

Welcome back Tino, glad to see you back on the board and having enough energy to type.

Good effort on the poetry too...

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:22 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
TopHat24/7 wrote:Nice to see the abuse continuing even without me on here to defend myself!

And welcome back Tino....

So thats why you've got 47 kids? So you can hug tophat.

Welcome back Tino

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:23 am

Welcome back, the conspiracy theories have been running amok.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:24 am

Thanks guys.

I would have loved the Bob Crow theory to be correct (without the dying bit) as that would have wound TopHat up more than any fat jibes could ever do.

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:26 am

Michaels is about to release his latest work as well. Could turn into a poetry version of East Coast West Coast rivalry.

by TopHat24/7 Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:26 am

Damn straight it would have, would've picketed your funeral!!

by **superflyweight** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:28 am

He's been hiding in Peru
He works in B&Q
It's Tina, It's Tina.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:53 am

Galted wrote:Michaels is about to release his latest work as well. Could turn into a poetry version of East Coast West Coast rivalry.

I read the draft to the missus last night. She was impressed even though it is scathing of her sex. I am eager to release the work but I feel I have to have at least one writing session on it whilst inebriated. It is when I am at my most creative. When are you going to gay Paris?

Oh and welcome back Mick Philpott. Good to have you back on board.

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:56 am

Going tomorrow, still undecided whether to keep my head down or cause a diplomatic row.

by **Galted** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:05 pm

Here's a little welcome back gift, Tino:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26747922

by **Pal Joey** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:16 pm

Galted wrote:Going tomorrow, still undecided whether to keep my head down or cause a diplomatic row.

Cause a diplomatic row by smuggling in your own English cheese and urinating on Cleopatra's Hampton.

If you have some time up your sleeve... may I suggest wiping your arse on a waiter's face and fogging up that damn awful glass pyramid with some of your special comeuppance sauce as well.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:18 pm

Attach an electric generator to the eiffel tower then shoots bolts of lightening to anyone who smells faintly of raw onion. They get to live if its fried onion but not if the lightning bolt fries it.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:23 pm

Ask everyone if they are Belgian

by TopHat24/7 Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:25 pm

Maybe try the Yank line of "you'd be speaking German if it wasn't for us....".

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:37 pm

Take truss with you

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:37 pm

superflyweight wrote:He's been hiding in Peru
He works in B&Q
It's Tina, It's Tina.

When you say your PA booked the wrong tickets, do you mean your PA or the office PA?

You don't have your own PA do you?

by **superflyweight** Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:40 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:He's been hiding in Peru
He works in B&Q
It's Tina, It's Tina.

When you say your PA booked the wrong tickets, do you mean your PA or the office PA?

You don't have your own PA do you?

She works for me and two other people. She's about 67 and is quite, quite mad. And deaf!

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