The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

superflyweight wrote:It's in Edinburgh and it's called the "Pubic Triangle".  Is about 5 minutes from my work and there's always a distressing smell of lube hanging over the area.  

That's the one, thanks super.

Is lube really a distressing smell?

You're mental, superfly, Fridays and Saturdays are for all night shagging. Tuesdays are for all night Sporcle quizzes and stalking Facebook chums.

super wrote:like me, the rest of you have been up all night shagging.  

Pipe Smoking, or carpet making Super?

Galted wrote:stalking Facebook chums.

Stalkerish W@nker

Though someone had to fill the shoes of the Cluture club's resident breeder

rick_dagless wrote:

super wrote:like me, the rest of you have been up all night shagging.  

Pipe Smoking, or carpet making Super?

Pipe smoking, obviously. I do a fine line in rough shag.

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:stalking Facebook chums.

Stalkerish W@nker

Though someone had to fill the shoes of the Cluture club's resident breeder

And correct their spelling and grammar, it's "thought" and "Culture" with a full stop (.) after the sentence.

'Though' could be OK.

"Though" was what I meant

"Cluture" was spelt wrong, as was the punctuation, I am short of time this fine day.

Morning all by the way.

No, michaels.  It bloody well couldn't!

rick_dagless wrote:"Though" was what I meant

"Cluture" was spelt wrong, as was the punctuation, I am short of time this fine day.

Morning all by the way.

No, dagless, you clearly meant "thought" and not "though".

And it's not a fine day, it's a little bit cloudy, and chilly, damn you.

Morning.

Sun trying to pop out here.

And it is payday....

The Sun has got it's hat out, and is considering wearing it. But is currently unsure whether it goes with the rest of it's ensemble.

The sun has looked out the window and thought to itself, "ooh, looks a bit chilly.  And a bit cloudy.  Actually, f*ck that for a game of soldiers, I'm going back to bed".

Galted wrote:The sun has looked out the window and thought to itself, "ooh, looks a bit chilly.  And a bit cloudy.  Actually, f*ck that for a game of soldiers, I'm going back to bed".

The Sun should really wear sensible yet fashionable attire in these conditions. Perhaps a wolfskin 3 in 1?

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:The sun has looked out the window and thought to itself, "ooh, looks a bit chilly.  And a bit cloudy.  Actually, f*ck that for a game of soldiers, I'm going back to bed".

The Sun should really wear sensible yet fashionable attire in these conditions. Perhaps a wolfskin 3 in 1?

You truly are a poet, michaels, that is the most beautiful line I've ever read.

I'm inspired at the moment. Working on a poem about my dislike of women and BMW drivers.

sean wrote:dislike of women and BMW drivers.

Is it Entitled Bloody Motoring Women

It is now

I look forward to the finished version sean!

I'm already so inspired by it that I just went downstairs and punched one of the receptionists in the face.

Galted wrote:I'm already so inspired by it that I just went downstairs and punched one of the receptionists in the face.

I hope she was one of the moody ones who feels that answering the phone during level 358 of Candy Crush is a rude intrusion to her working day.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:I'm already so inspired by it that I just went downstairs and punched one of the receptionists in the face.

I hope she was one of the moody ones who feels that answering the phone during level 358 of Candy Crush is a rude intrusion to her working day.

Nah, one of the charming fat-ar$ed ones with a glittery smile and magnificently professional mien.  I didn't really punch her but I fantasize about it every time I walk past her.

Are you not eating these days, Galted? Not had a review for a while and was worried that you might be pining for Tina and forgetting to eat.

I like Tina, but I had a massive chicken and bacon sandwich and a pack of salt and vinegar McCoys and am now deciding how best to digest a creme egg (I've decided against anal).

Still eating, superfly, but have been making my lunch recently and would find it difficult to offer an unbiased opinion. On the odd occasion I visit Wrap-It-Up I tend to keep a bit quiet about it in case I get noticed by michaels and his missus. I didn't mind his savaging in prose form but if he wrote an award winning poem ridiculing me I should be quite disenchanted.

Did leave the lunch I made at home this morning and was forced to buy a 3-piece kfc variety meal with 2 additional hotwings (£6.98 in total). Was edible.

Phew!

Get over my Wrap-it-up critique. Shes a snob, and I had the equivalent of shellshock having spent more than 5 times my hour long limit in London.

seanmichaels wrote:Get over my Wrap-it-up critique. Shes a snob, and I had the equivalent of shellshock having spent more than 5 times my hour long limit in London.

Will do. Am going to Paris for the weekend so I'll get my revenge by turning my nose up at anything with a "du", "au" or "ette" in the name, laughing throatily and saying "f*cking French".

Galted wrote: laughing throatily

Can you posibly stretch to a "Guffaw" It is criminally underused, both as a word and an action...

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote: laughing throatily

Can you posibly stretch to a "Guffaw" It is criminally underused, both as a word and an action...

I'll give it ago, if I balls it up they hopefully won't know to mock as they guffaw in foreign. Guffawing's a bit like opening automatic weapon fire on a busload of orphans, haven't done it yet and never thought I would.

Galted wrote:Guffawing's a bit like opening automatic weapon fire on a busload of orphans, haven't done it yet and never thought I would.

it is a bold step I grant you, but imagine the potential effect if nailed, it could stop a farmers market quicker than they stop working, and start blockading.

We could unite all nations who've had to endure the smug superiority of Parisian waiters by staging walk-by guffawings in groups.

Galted wrote:We could unite all nations who've had to endure the smug superiority of Parisian waiters by staging walk-by guffawings in groups.

I'm in, we can also recruit all the Japanese who get hit with 'Paris Syndrome'

Not sure about sean, may be too pecked...

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:We could unite all nations who've had to endure the smug superiority of Parisian waiters by staging walk-by guffawings in groups.

I'm in, we can also recruit all the Japanese who get hit with 'Paris Syndrome'

Not sure about sean, may be too pecked...

Don't know about the Japs, watched Letters From Iwo Jimo they top themselves whenever the going gets a bit tough.

Michaels might be a good call, I think he can speak the lingo so could be handy for getting us out of scrapes. Shah's aggression would be quite an asset.

Galted wrote:Shah's aggression would be quite an asset.

Hand him a radio and send him into the fray...

Superfly is Scottish, he must've headbutted a waiter at some point due to a cold battered Mars Bar or something, so his experience will help...

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:Shah's aggression would be quite an asset.

Hand him a radio and send him into the fray...

Superfly is Scottish, he must've headbutted a waiter at some point due to a cold battered Mars Bar or something, so his experience will help...

The problem with the Scots when invading is that they just tend to befriend the local population and start breeding so we possibly can't count on him

Galted wrote:The problem with the Scots when invading is that they just tend to befriend the local population and start breeding so we possibly can't count on him

But think of the long term effect of having Gallic ginger children everywhere.

I'm not sure I can guffaw. I have more of a Sid James laugh and no acting skills. I do know a fat old man with a moustache (dyed brown with dried ale) who has a Blessed-esque demeanour. He's probably your man to sock it to your Garcons.

Up to 4 and a half verses and I haven't got to BMW's yet.......

sean wrote:I'm not sure I can guffaw. I have more of a Sid James laugh and no acting skills. I do know a fat old man with a moustache (dyed brown with dried ale) who has a Blessed-esque demeanour. He's probably your man to sock it to your Garcons.

Lets get him onside, send your missus to sneer at his pork scratchings

rick_dagless wrote:

sean wrote:I'm not sure I can guffaw. I have more of a Sid James laugh and no acting skills. I do know a fat old man with a moustache (dyed brown with dried ale) who has a Blessed-esque demeanour. He's probably your man to sock it to your Garcons.

Lets get him onside, send your missus to sneer at his pork scratchings

Ok. He's a borderline racist though.

Hmm are we talking Borderline like Ron Atkinson or "Borderline" like Chris Rock?

rick_dagless wrote:Hmm are we talking Borderline like Ron Atkinson or "Borderline" like Chris Rock?

When I say borderline I mean just a bit over the border. As in he probably hasn't realised we've stopped fighting the Zulus.

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:The problem with the Scots when invading is that they just tend to befriend the local population and start breeding so we possibly can't count on him

But think of the long term effect of having Gallic ginger children everywhere.

I promise not to breed with any French waiters if that helps?

super wrote:I promise not to breed with any French waiters if that helps?

It has put my mind at rest super...

I've been trying to not have a poo since Tuesday in the hope of saving it all up for a sewer-buster when I get to Paris but my rectum is about to split.

Galted wrote:I've been trying to not have a poo since Tuesday in the hope of saving it all up for a sewer-buster when I get to Paris but my rectum is about to split

Just bob down to dover, curl an epic one out, with prevailing currents and the right wind you may both make landfall at the same time, at which point plant a flag in it and let merriment commence

Found out last night the mother in law has sorted a house out for the summer. One of her friends, and I helped them shift some stuff last year. Cracking place, Zinedine Zidane amongst others live just up the road.

sean wrote:Zinedine Zidane amongst others live just up the road.

Wasn't that where Sophie Ellis Bexter was found dead?

Apparently there was Murder on Zidanes Floor...

(sorry)

rick_dagless wrote:

sean wrote:Zinedine Zidane amongst others live just up the road.

Wasn't that where Sophie Ellis Bexter was found dead?

Apparently there was Murder on Zidanes Floor...

(sorry)

If I was to murder her I'd strangle her. Her neck annoys me.

Is choosing how we'd kill celebrities a new low or new high for the culture cup?

If I was to murder Adrian Chiles I would suffocate him with a clear plastic bag over his head. I think his jowly face would look funny as he tried desperately to gasp for the last remnants of air.