The Nineteenth Hole

Here we go folks, my first Article on this board.

This is a daft but true account of a Saturday post golf discussion.

We were all sat round the table in the Clubhouse, about ten of us, you know the normal post golf reprobates discussing all things golf, scores, weather, difficulty of the course, good rounds bad rounds etc. etc. As time went on and following much imbibing – the subject turned to nursery rhymes; well, let me tell you, this led to much heated and sometimes serious debate.

It all started with that Humpty Dumpty bloke; why on earth did he sit on that wall, especially in his fragile condition? We reckoned he must have been drunk – for he then proceeded to fall off. Now somebody must have had some form of a medieval communicator because all the Kings horses were soon on the scene, accompanied by all the Kings men but, even with all their resources, they couldn’t put Humpty together again.

This led to some severe criticism of Little Bo Peep. Ok, fair enough it’s pretty easy to lose one sheep but to lose all her sheep was downright careless. What about Jack and Gill, a likely story, are you telling me that they both went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. Moreover, Jack fell down and broke his Crown and Gill came tumbling after – oh yeah! this has to be an insurance scam! The more we examined these stories the more suspicious and cynical we became. What’s this with simple Simon, ok so he’s walking to the fair – what’s the chances of meeting a Pie man – now if Simon had been walking on the golf course, then there would be a chance of bumping into Colin; much more believable.

The grand old Duke of York, now he’s got some explaining to do…. Firstly, he walks his ten thousand men to the top of the hill and then for no apparent reason he walks all ten thousand of them down again; I suppose when they were up they were up and when they were down they were down, but we just couldn’t see the point.

Finally, three blind mice – not one, not two but three! That’s a hell of a coincidence, next people will be telling us that the rodent often referred to as ‘hickory dickory dock’ was witnessed running up a clock and what little Miss Muffet was doing, other than sitting on her tuffet and eating her curds; what possessed that spider to sit down beside her we’ll never know.

That’s the sort of rubbish we talk about in our nineteenth hole.

Cheers

I heard that Little Miss Muffet was sat on a tuffet with her knickers all tattered and torn...

It wasn't a spider that sat down beside her - it was Little Boy Blue with the horn

What are they putting in your beer?

LSD by the sounds of it.

Oh, I should have remembered don't mix the medication with the alcohol, one never learns I suppose - nice to see you both active on this board London and Super.

Yadsendew wrote:Oh, I should have remembered don't mix the medication with the alcohol, one never learns I suppose - nice to see you both active on this board London and Super.

Yep. I dropped 606 some time ago. It became a complete waste of time rather than an interesting waste of time.

Davie wrote:I heard that Little Miss Muffet was sat on a tuffet with her knickers all tattered and torn...

It wasn't a spider that sat down beside her - it was Little Boy Blue with the horn

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor doggie a bone, when she bent down the dog came around and gave her a bone of his own - Good old Judge Dredd

These are all far more credible tales than three wise men travelling through the desert with valuable cargo, you know, gold, frank, incense, myrrh, and not getting mugged, camel-jacked, or some other biblical malfeasance. Likely story.

kwinigolfer wrote:These are all far more credible tales than three wise men travelling through the desert with valuable cargo, you know, gold, frank, incense, myrrh, and not getting mugged, camel-jacked, or some other biblical malfeasance. Likely story.

About is likely as the world ending. Wait a second, this is reality right? I am not posting this from the queue to a fiery end.

McLaren wrote:

kwinigolfer wrote:These are all far more credible tales than three wise men travelling through the desert with valuable cargo, you know, gold, frank, incense, myrrh, and not getting mugged, camel-jacked, or some other biblical malfeasance. Likely story.

About is likely as the world ending. Wait a second, this is reality right? I am not posting this from the queue to a fiery end.

Yeah you are. I have my arson kit ready for you. Just working down the list at the moment. Bear with me.

For those older statesmen on here, remember when the Beatles were doing drugs and coming up with some really weird sh1t? Well, I think they have been reincarnated in Yads golf club

drive4show wrote:For those older statesmen on here, remember when the Beatles were doing drugs and coming up with some really weird sh1t? Well, I think they have been reincarnated in Yads golf club

You mean Yoko Ono?

Rocky Raccoon all of a sudden has an entirely new meaning . . . .

drive4show wrote:For those older statesmen on here, remember when the Beatles were doing drugs and coming up with some really weird sh1t? Well, I think they have been reincarnated in Yads golf club

For all the older posters, I'll have you know that I'm currently residing in a 'Yellow Submarine' and our Captain is Pugwash..... along with Roger and all his able seamen.

How they got away with that, I'll never know

Yadsendew wrote:

drive4show wrote:For those older statesmen on here, remember when the Beatles were doing drugs and coming up with some really weird sh1t? Well, I think they have been reincarnated in Yads golf club

For all the older posters, I'll have you know that I'm currently residing in a 'Yellow Submarine' and our Captain is Pugwash..... along with Roger and all his able seamen.

How they got away with that, I'll never know

They didn't. The cabin boy's name was Tom.

Much more of this and my naive illusion that For The Benefit Of Mr.Kite was about a right-wing Texas golfer with pebble specs will be shattered forever.

Not sure this will be allowed but it was on another 606v2 thread.

A newspaper article about inappropriate behaviour in a boys choir was written by Roger Boyce.

Yads: and then of course there is the hardly credible tale of Georgie Porgie pudding and pie (SR's best mate). Did he really 'kiss the girls and make them cry' was his breath that bad? Most of the girls I know around here, impromptu kiss = knee in b0ll0x

Noshankingtonite,

Yes, Georgie Porgie...... a likely story; big mate I understand of little Jack Horner known for sitting in the corner, they both liked their pies.

Yads,
Not to mention Little Jack liked his plums, perhaps a little bit too much . . . .

Is Georgie Porgy in fact Shane Lowery in disguise?

What about that fella whos missus wouldn't eat lean. Must have been depressing for that skinny git

Yes Noshanking, come to think of it that's an uncanny observation - I've never seen Shane Lowrie and Georgie Porgie in the same room together.

Very true Kwini, plums were Jack's specialty I think that's where the expression 'Namby Pamby' originated?

The first person to mention Wee Willie Winkie gets banned

Davie wrote:The first person to mention Wee Willie Winkie gets banned

Davie....you just have.

BANNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, the more I read, the more I realise that I am, by a long way, the sanest poster, on these boards!

I just wish, that a remedy could be found, for my very serious attack, of punctuation overload, more commonly known as, Comma-itis!

oldshanker wrote:You know, the more I read, the more I realise that I am, by a long way, the sanest poster, on these boards!

First rule of head messery. The worst ones always say that.

What about

" Ill give you the boston buglar, coming in here with your knickers all torn, and saying you found a tanner"

Iterpret that one, the next time, you wish to discuss such things.