11 cricketers you would love to hit

if there was a test side full of players who you would want to hit because they drive you crazy or are nasty, etc.....or for whatever reason you would want to, what would they be....this would be mine

1.Geoffrey Boycott (get on with it, your selfish)
2.Justin Langer( get on with it, instead of trying to start on every bowler in world cricket)
3.Ricky Ponting (no reasons needed)
4.Inzaam ul-haq (really making too much of a big deal over the ball tampering issue)
5.Andrew Symondss ( idiot full stop)
6.Grant Elliott (acted like a muppet after sidebottom 'rugby tackled' him. Leading to a run out.
7.Brendon McCullum (cant stand the man.)
8.Shane Warne (tough one, but he could be brilliant, or he could be a total t**t)
9.Harbajhan Singh (dont need a reason the man is a pillock)
10.Glenn McGrath (aussies arent gonna win 5-0 every time)
11.Mohammed Asif (drugs,spot fixing, and to be honest the man is just trouble, he is banned from dubai!)

I'm struggling with this - perhaps there's something about cricketers that means there are relatively few that you would never tire of punching. OK, Ponting, Symonds, Harby and Asif I'll go with, but a full XI is just too many.

Now make it a football XI or a rugby XV and it would be easy (especially if I can name Ronaldo 11 times and Campese 15...).

dummy there is plenty i came up with 11!!

Wonder who will top Gregers list....

Harbhajan, Sehwag, Hayden, Symonds, Amla (that stupid beard to go with a bald head), Siddle, Steve Smith.

Gayle
Hayden
Gibbs, H
Pietersen
Waugh, S
Broad, S
Symonds
Swann
Singh, H
McGrath
Tait

Couldn't narrow it down to a single wicketkeeper - they all annoy me (not to the extent that I'd want to hit them, just throw something heavy at them).

Hmmm, a couple are stretched slightly.

1. Boycott (on my set of irritating commentators done)
2. Hayden
3. Salman Butt
4. Greg Chappell (WSC 1981, 'nuff said)
5. Michael Bevan (for playing for his average on occasion)
6. Tony Grieg (see 1. above)
7. Trevor Chappell (see 4. above)
8. Greg "The Liar" Dyer
9. Harbajan
10. Chris Pringle (made the NZ team by turning up to the team hotel to blag match tickets during an injury crisis in England, kept his test spot for a couple of years on the back of a 7-fer he got by borrowing Wasim Akram's bottle-top. Only slightly redeemed by bowling a maiden over to Bruce Reid to knock the Aussies out of their own tri-series)
11. Mohammed Asif
12. Mark Nicholas (see 1. above)

Instead of hitting eleven cricketers, could I just hit Mark Nicholas eleven times?

Hoggy_Bear wrote:Instead of hitting eleven cricketers, could I just hit Mark Nicholas eleven times?

I forgot to add
13. Paul Collingwood - 7 runs for an MBE, and for not recalling Grant Elliot after that runout. Though justice was done at the end of that match

Follow Hoggy's example I'd like to use Tait to hit the rest of my selection.

how did i forget about salman butt!

I must say I quite like Mark Nicholas as a commentator, he may not have the best knowledge of the game, but I like the enthusiasm he brings. Works well with a calmer, more knowledgeable co-commentator, and I thought he and Benaud made a great team in 05.

Back on the subject at hand:
Hayden - he had an arrogance and a preacher's attitude I found distasteful.
Salman Butt - wasn't a particularly good player, shoudldn't have been captaining Pakistan, and then the spot fixing.
Inzamam - thought himself above the game, I can't forgive that.
Symonds - just a plonker.
Bopara - things he's great, he isn't.
Samit Patel - to be picked for your country and not be bothered to get into even decent shape when the selectors ask you to is downright disrespectful.
Kamran Akmal - bit of a personal one this, just because he brought the keeper's union into disrepute by being so bad.
Harbajan Singh - see Symonds.
Mohammad Asif - had it all, took drugs, fought with teammates (was that him?) then threw it away for some cash.
Willis - annoying commentator, just spends his time moaning about everything in a really really annoying voice.
Muralitharan - whiny git (though great "bowler").

I get the impression Hayden,Harbajhan & Symonds are going to feature quite strongly.

Mad for Chelsea wrote:I must say I quite like Mark Nicholas

The man's an obsequious lickspittle

At the risk of spoiling a bit of fun, I'm not sure such articles are fair: we only ever see cricketers in an amazingly high pressure environment, and through the eyes of a media who always like a good story (and won't let things such as fairness and impartiality get in the way). A lot of the guys named above may well be very pleasant and charming people off the pitch, even if they appear different on it.

Apparently Ponting is quite a funny guy (he found the french translation of "hit wicket" as "self-destruct" hilarious), whilst Glen McGrath is about as good an honest and modest bloke you could meet (Australia came over to France before the '05 ashes to visit the war memorials, and France Cricket cashed in on the opportunity to meet a few of the guys; McGrath walked up to our national coach and cool as you like stuck out his hand, saying "hi, I'm Glen McGrath, nice to meet you": our coach was more than a little star-struck).

Anyway, enough of the preaching, the players whose on-field (or on-air for commentators) annoy me a bit:
Gavaskar (the umpiring standard isn't good enough, but hang on, let's not use DRS cos it gives our batsmen out when they've hit the ball and been caught)
Symonds (quite a waste of talent as well as everything else)
Trott (are you ever going to face up to the ball?)
Botham (as a commentator: Botham always has 16 fielders at least at his disposal - 4 slips, 2 gullies, a leg gully, a short leg, a third-man, two men out on the hook, a guy in at mid-wicket, point, mid-off, mid-on; forgetting what a rubbish captain he was)
Kamran Akmal (aside from being rubbish he appeals for everything)
Harbajhan (if there was ever a more annoying cricketer I'm glad I missed him)
Afridi (aside from his "look at me" celebrations, how many times will he retire? How long was he 17 for?)
RTD (great player, but "I won't play for England, I don't feel English. I'm South African" erm...)
Boyd Rankin (my ultimate dream is to play for England, that's what makes me a proud irishman)

That'll do for now.

Gavaskar is a good shout, forgot about him.

An especially strange thread just a week after aspersions were cast at Harold Larwood's Hall Of Fame credentials due to his involvement in "Bodyline" . . . . . . . .

Dale Steyn............for six

surprised shane watson hasn't featured in anyone's list so far

i cant forget that time he bowled chris gayle a couple of winters ago and then cackled maniacally right in his face, chris gayle looked like he was gonna whack him with the bat there and then and i wouldn't have blamed him

rich1uk wrote:surprised shane watson hasn't featured in anyone's list so far

i cant forget that time he bowled chris gayle a couple of winters ago and then cackled maniacally right in his face, chris gayle looked like he was gonna whack him with the bat there and then and i wouldn't have blamed him

I'm a bit schizophrenic on Watson. I like him as a batsman, don't mind him as an ODI bowler, but as a test bowler he's a flukey pie-thower

completely agree rich, he is a right horrible waste of space IMO, just couldnt fit him into my side.

Can it be Afridi 11 times?

Players i would like to hit.

Steve Waugh for making that century against us in the semi final of 99 world cup.

Shane Warne for making Darryl Culinan his bunny.
Darryl Cullinan for being shane Warne's bunny.

Atherton for not walking when he was caught off an edge in 1998.
Then I will forgive Atherton for the 2 most memorable overs bowled by Donald after that incident.
But not really, I would still like to hit him.

Then Jack Russel for that frustrating innings, I think it was with Atherton?

Then all the english tailenders who somehow managed to save two test matches in Dec 2010.

Then Dale Steyn for swinging the ball too much to get an edge against those very same tailenders.

That's about it..

Boycott - for being a bore
Wessels - for being a double turncoat
Gatting - need I explain... just want to hit him real hard
Sehwag - knock some sense into him, then again...
Hussain - just a complete twirp
Slater - his laugh irritates me
Brad Hogg - how annoying is he?
Broad jnr - snotty little spoilt upstart
Haddin - he just deserves a whack in the chops
Swann - don't like his video diaries
Walsh - pick on someone my own size...

Sreesanth - a good 12 slaps would suffice.

rich1uk wrote:surprised shane watson hasn't featured in anyone's list so far

i cant forget that time he bowled chris gayle a couple of winters ago and then cackled maniacally right in his face, chris gayle looked like he was gonna whack him with the bat there and then and i wouldn't have blamed him

Apparently Watto's also a nice guy.

And flukey trundler? Really? I'd like to be as flukey as often as he is...

Oh, I forgot Ian Healy - "Well bowled Shaney" hell he sounds like he needs a nasal drip.

Shane Watson would definitely be in my 2nd XI... along with Steyn and Donald.

Good call Biltong. Very good call.

Mike Selig wrote:

rich1uk wrote:surprised shane watson hasn't featured in anyone's list so far

i cant forget that time he bowled chris gayle a couple of winters ago and then cackled maniacally right in his face, chris gayle looked like he was gonna whack him with the bat there and then and i wouldn't have blamed him

Apparently Watto's also a nice guy.

And flukey trundler? Really? I'd like to be as flukey as often as he is...

I agree, I'd love to be as flukey too. I watched him pick up a fifer vs Pakistan at Lords, and the only wicket of the 5 that came from a goodish ball was the slower ball that Afridi (who was in full boom boom bust mode) skied to mid-on.

I would have thought Andre Nel would be your first choice LB?

PS, can't believe I forgot Sreesanth.

And Adam Parore
And quite a few of the match-fixers - Cronje, Azharudin, Jadeja, Salim Malik, ...

So many to choose from aren't there Biltong?

Brett Lee anyone? Or is he a 'really nice guy'?

Linebreaker wrote:Brett Lee anyone? Or is he a 'really nice guy'?

I'd take a swing if he looked like he was about to start singing

I don't dislike Brett Lee, he always gave you runs.

Don't forget the leg byes too.

Right now? Ajmal

Linebreaker wrote:Don't forget the leg byes too.

how can I forget.

Sreesanth, a total idiot!

Demon Racer wrote:Sreesanth, a total idiot!

No man, Sreesanth is just a little boy wanting to behave lke a brat.

Talking about brats. dominic cork, I would slap the toffee out of that little bad boy brat. Yeah!

biltongbek wrote:

Demon Racer wrote:Sreesanth, a total idiot!

No man, Sreesanth is just a little boy wanting to behave lke a brat.

Talking about brats. dominic cork, I would slap the toffee out of that little bad boy brat. Yeah!

Come on Biltong, Sreesanth swinging the bat above his head after hitting Andre Nel for 6,just bizarre.

re hitting Sreesanth, it's already been done and he cried.

Galted wrote:re hitting Sreesanth, it's already been done and he cried.

Like a baby.

Spoiler:

Ok I did something wrong there.

Gavasker - Talks garbage.
Andrew Hilditch - Stop hooking
Butt - He needs a kick up his.
Mark Nicholas - Really is up the Aussie's backside.
Boycott - Beat up his girlfriend or it may been his wife.
Chris Lewis - Shaved his head in 90 degree heat
Saleem Yousuf - Appealed for everything when he kept for Pakistan in the 80's. A cheat.
Harby - A prat with a hat who needs a slap.
Stuart Broad - He may have had one as he is not as gobby as he once was. And please Appeal.
Sreesanth - Talks the talk but does not walk the walk. And he cried when he did get a slap.
Geoff Lawson - Why such a long run for the lack of pace he generated (I'm struggling now).

Sreesanth would top the list, such a fine tallent, wasted in all those nonsense on the field.
Simmonds, Harbhajan, Stuart Broad, Andre Nell.......
And I somehow feel like taking a swing at Dilshan when he bowls!. And Danny Morrison and Brad Hog when they do commentary.

biltongbek wrote:Oh, I forgot Ian Healy - "Well bowled Shaney" hell he sounds like he needs a nasal drip.

Come off it Biltong, "Well Bowled Shaney"? I think it was mostly either "Bowling Shane" or "Bowling Warney". Occasionally you got a "good area Shane" or a "Like it Warney", sometimes maybe a "Nice Shane" or a "Yes Warney" but never a "Shaney"!

I wonder if Liz Hurley gives him anywhere near as much encouragement as Heals used to?

can imagine her saying "good area Shane"

I'm not sure - it depends if they are allowed to hit back I'd not want Inzamam, Afridi or Hayden/Symonds chasing me down for retribution. Probably hit sreesanth for that silly dance and see if he jiggles. Then keep hitting him until he stops jiggling.

Full Credit wrote:

biltongbek wrote:Oh, I forgot Ian Healy - "Well bowled Shaney" hell he sounds like he needs a nasal drip.

Come off it Biltong, "Well Bowled Shaney"? I think it was mostly either "Bowling Shane" or "Bowling Warney". Occasionally you got a "good area Shane" or a "Like it Warney", sometimes maybe a "Nice Shane" or a "Yes Warney" but never a "Shaney"!

I wonder if Liz Hurley gives him anywhere near as much encouragement as Heals used to?

Full credit, whatever he said it sounded like he needed help. That nasal sounding A just got on my nerves.

Jimmy Anderson - he's always got that grumpy look on his face.