Which race do you hate above all others?

For me it's got to be the Monaco Grand Prix - boring as hell yet relentlessly hyped to the point I'd gladly boil the smug presenters and inane interviewees in a vat of burning rubber

or

Men's 100m - 9 seconds of legging like you've just seen Miranda in the buff followed by half an hour of posturing like some sort of grinning c**t.

Any of the Wacky Races. Any of them.

Not funny, clearly corrupt and incredibly dangerous to other road users.

Although I do have a lot of time for the adaptability of the Slag brothers and I probably would slip it to Pitstop.

Rest of them are idiots.

The Boat Race - A load of 7ft American or East European units rowing a boat before chucking a dwarf into the Thames. Don't get it.

Not familiar with the Wacky Races but I shall hate them as passionately as I've learned to hate Hugh Jackman.

The 3000m steeplechase as well. A little square of water on a track, ffs, at least make it deep enough for them to disappear into.

seanmichaels wrote:The Boat Race - A load of 7ft American or East European units rowing a boat before chucking a dwarf into the Thames. Don't get it.

I once ran all the way from The Welcome Inn, Cricklewood to the Hungerford Bridge to chuck a dwarf into the Thames.

The Irish, the French and the Americans

Any woman's race. Pointless.

Egg and Spoon - Just carry the fricking egg, so devoid from reality

DAVE667 wrote:The Irish, the French and the Americans

 


I love Yorkshire.

Roy Race from Roy of the Rovers.

How can anybody be that perfect? Good looking, brilliant footballer and beautiful family. He had the football skills of Pele, the looks of Beckham and the temperament of Lineker. You would have thought he should be a great role model for kids but he just comes across as a smug c*nt.

I should probably add that it's because the Irish Grand National, the Prix de L'Arc de Triomph and the Kentucky Derby are all s**t compared to the English Grand National.

It's as good and excuse as any I suppose.

Other races I hate are The London Marathon....yes it's all in the name of charity but do I really need to have to watch it for seventeen hours whilst Clare Balding and fat Claire from Steps try desperately to get knackered breathless people to speak coherently?

Only think that would make the London Marathon watchable would be the 500 blokes all dressed as Gary Glitter/Jimmy Savile raising money for victims of sexual abuse and an off-shoot charity catering for those who've had a sudden and complete sense of humour failure.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Roy Race from Roy of the Rovers.

How can anybody be that perfect?  Good looking, brilliant footballer and beautiful family.  He had the football skills of Pele, the looks of Beckham and the temperament of Lineker.  You would have thought he should be a great role model for kids but he just comes across as a smug c*nt.

How do you know one of his kids didn't regularly give him a shoeing? These things happen behind closed doors.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Roy Race from Roy of the Rovers.

How can anybody be that perfect?  Good looking, brilliant footballer and beautiful family.  He had the football skills of Pele, the looks of Beckham and the temperament of Lineker.  You would have thought he should be a great role model for kids but he just comes across as a smug c*nt.

How do you know one of his kids didn't regularly give him a shoeing? These things happen behind closed doors.

I don't know that they didn't. That just makes his smugness even more grating.

The Top Gear races where they pit a Bugatti Veyron against a train/aeroplane/bus/cheetah/helicopter/Vespa/sneeze globule. Used to quite enjoy them until I got sick of Top Gear.

DAVE667 wrote: the English Grand National.

That is sh*t as well.

For one day every year an extra 50% of the population walk round pretending they know about horse racing and then the fat gimp that everyone avoids in the office walks round asking for a pound for a office sweepstake.  

No, co*kface, I don't want to pick a horse's name out of a hat and watch the stupid tw*t run headfirst through a bush for 10 minutes.  Now fu*k off before I push my pound coin through your optic nerve.

And that's what you get for asking a Northerner to part with his money.......

TopHat24/7 wrote:And that's what you get for asking a Northerner to part with his money.......

 

I'll give you that one, TopHat. Well done.

That race they have in Backwardland where they chase a wheel of Cheese down a steep hill.

Not nearly enough fatalities for my liking.

The three liked race takes the pi55. I always fall over.

TopHat24/7 wrote:And that's what you get for asking a Northerner to part with his money.......

Riposte of the year. Bravo, sir..!!  

I heard of one race, organised by some manic "ultra runner" about eighteen months ago, called "The Piece of String Race".  

He called it that because he thought it would be fun to organise a race where the entrants weren't told over what distance it would be.  You know.... the "how long is a piece of string" shtick.

Oh, what fun...!!   getting a group of running junkies to take part in an event where none of them would be able to indulge their addiction for event preparation beforehand, and would have to cover all the bases for whatever they took with them, 'just to be on the safe side'.  They wouldn't know when there was only three miles left to go or whatever and just to make it interesting, it would start at midnight so their body clocks were just about set to go into deep coma mode.

One woman, apparently, took part shouldering a rucksack containing (amongst other things) two pairs of trainers, several bottles of water, a thermos flask of chicken soup, several pairs of socks and some talcum powder (to prevent blisters).  Royal Marine Commandoes on patrol in Afghanistan don't carry as much as this woman had, in their Bergens.

I never found out who won / finished / just said "f*ck it" and went home.  I didn't care.

Would be great if the race turned out to be about 50 metres from start to finish or if part of it involved crossing a motorway.

I hate anything billed as a fun run, ignoring the clear oxymoron that is the tag I generally find anything that has to announce it is fun is anything but, be it fun run, fun pub, fun DJ, in my experience the prefix fun normally just announces it will involve some tool in a Hawaiian shirt and novelty tie trying to make you dance to the birdy song.

Rowley wrote: some tool in a Hawaiian shirt and novelty tie trying to make you dance to the birdy song.

Union?

Did not have him in mind, but now you mention it.

The Rat Race

JuliusHMarx wrote:The Rat Race

The biggest problem with the rat race is that the rats are winning.

The Fourth Lion wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:The Rat Race

The biggest problem with the rat race is that the rats are winning.

Not even four lions can stop them

The Fourth Lion wrote:I heard of one race, organised by some manic "ultra runner" about eighteen months ago, called "The Piece of String Race".  

My mate used to be really into his ultras (i.e. any distance greater than 26.2 miles), the longest I remember him doing (which may have been what broke him) was the Grand Union Canal ultra. 144 miles from Birmingham into London, ending in Little Venice.

He broke down after about 120 miles. Worst thing about that being not the f*cked ankles but the fact he was stuck in Hayes or somewhere grotty like that!

My wife told me a story about how she and her Mum went to Oxford a few years ago to surprise my wife's sister who was taking part in a cycling event.

Seems my sister-in-law gave up quite early on and rang her Mum to let her know how badly she'd done. Her Mum didn't want to let on that they'd drive twice around the planet to get to them so said "Oh dear, never mind love" and they went home having spent somewhere in the region of 20 minutes in Oxford.

TopHat24/7 wrote:

The Fourth Lion wrote:I heard of one race, organised by some manic "ultra runner" about eighteen months ago, called "The Piece of String Race".  

My mate used to be really into his ultras (i.e. any distance greater than 26.2 miles), the longest I remember him doing (which may have been what broke him) was the Grand Union Canal ultra.  144 miles from Birmingham into London, ending in Little Venice.

He broke down after about 120 miles.  Worst thing about that being not the f*cked ankles but the fact he was stuck in Hayes or somewhere grotty like that!

Poor chap.  That's enough to break the strongest man.  However, it could have been worse.  He could have been trapped in Kingston upon Hull which (if I recall the entry in the 2003 edition of the book mentioned in the link),  "Smells of death".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crap_Towns


PS. No offence to any site members who live in Kingston upon Hull and rather like it. I'm just quoting the book. Don't shoot the messenger. Please.

Anything that invloves Horses. I personally cannot stand it and don't even classify it as a sport! It solely exists for the gambling Industry. If sports betting was suddenly abolished, horse racing would cease to exist. Nothing more annoying than radio commentary for any event being interupted on 5 live for a horse race. Keep it in the betting shops where people actually care!

Breadvan wrote:Anything that invloves Horses. I personally cannot stand it and don't even classify it as a sport! It solely exists for the gambling Industry. If sports betting was suddenly abolished, horse racing would cease to exist. Nothing more annoying than radio commentary for any event being interupted on 5 live for a horse race. Keep it in the betting shops where people actually care!  

I know this is a thread about races, but you've said "anything that involves horses" so I figure you would include Show Jumping and Dressage in that.  I might nip into my bookies later today and see if I can take a cheeky punt on whether William Fox-Pitt will get top marks for half-trot, traverse or counter-canter at his next event.  

I do hope I get good odds.


Signed
Irritating little pedant.    

I had to look pedant up....

Dressage? Yes. How is a horse, with its mane all nicely platted, prancing around to music a sport? Not fussed on show jumping.
Horses are magnificent animal though.

The Fourth Lion wrote:

Breadvan wrote:Anything that invloves Horses. I personally cannot stand it and don't even classify it as a sport! It solely exists for the gambling Industry. If sports betting was suddenly abolished, horse racing would cease to exist. Nothing more annoying than radio commentary for any event being interupted on 5 live for a horse race. Keep it in the betting shops where people actually care!  

I know this is a thread about races, but you've said "anything that involves horses" so I figure you would include Show Jumping and Dressage in that.  I might nip into my bookies later today and see if I can take a cheeky punt on whether William Fox-Pitt will get top marks for half-trot, traverse or counter-canter at his next event.  

I do hope I get good odds.

Signed
Irritating little pedant.    

Not a gambling man myself but if you go into your local betting shop and ask to put a bet on the dressage I have a feeling you'll be odds on to get a good kicking before you leave.

Breadvan wrote:I had to look pedant up....

Dressage? Yes. How is a horse, with its mane all nicely platted, prancing around to music a sport? Not fussed on show jumping.
Horses are magnificent animal though.

One might ask the same question about fat b*astards throwing darts at a board.  

I think the irony of my previous message may have been missed.

DAVE667 wrote:

The Fourth Lion wrote:

Breadvan wrote:Anything that invloves Horses. I personally cannot stand it and don't even classify it as a sport! It solely exists for the gambling Industry. If sports betting was suddenly abolished, horse racing would cease to exist. Nothing more annoying than radio commentary for any event being interupted on 5 live for a horse race. Keep it in the betting shops where people actually care!  

I know this is a thread about races, but you've said "anything that involves horses" so I figure you would include Show Jumping and Dressage in that.  I might nip into my bookies later today and see if I can take a cheeky punt on whether William Fox-Pitt will get top marks for half-trot, traverse or counter-canter at his next event.  

I do hope I get good odds.

Signed
Irritating little pedant.    

Not a gambling man myself but if you go into your local betting shop and ask to put a bet on the dressage I have a feeling you'll be odds on to get a good kicking before you leave.

Not quite. I managed to convince the crowd gathering around me, putting knuckle dusters on their fists and holding broken bottles by the neck end, that "Dressage" is the name of a greyhound that had been entered in the very next race at Catford dog track and I had it on good authority from Harry the B*astard that it was a dead cert to romp home, nudge nudge, wink wink.

Such was the rush to the counter to put a bet on that I was able to make my escape in a leisurely manner and merge into the high street crowd before anybody realised that Catford dog track closed down ten years ago.

Punters...... don't ya just love 'em...?

  Quality. I got the irony, just having another rant...