The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by **JuliusHMarx** Fri 10 Oct 2014, 10:46 am

First topic message reminder :

Phucking Phirst.

by kingraf Tue 21 Oct 2014, 9:49 am

Well. I suppose, once murder was thrown off the table, a five odd year sentence was on the whole the likely result.

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 9:51 am

He seems 'armless enough...

by **seanmichaels** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 9:53 am

Will he go to a prison where he'll be someone's biatch like the one's Ross Kemp went to?

2 years of getting systematically bummed senseless will probably be justice enough in the end.

by kingraf Tue 21 Oct 2014, 9:57 am

Doubtful. Probably go to a prison similar to the Dewani one, nice view, TV, afternoon walks etc. He won't be getting bummed.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 9:58 am

B0llocks.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:19 am

seanmichaels wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:When Tino gets back on here he's going to have a fit.

Anthropoids. Arthropods. Google them.

Well if he does have a fit it is less likely to be down to being bitten by a false widow following my actions last night. Absolutely definitely was one having looked at the interweb this morning. More concerned about Ray and Claude than myself. I expect a bite could cause them some damage.

I’ve moved false widows from my house, by hand, more than once. Surprisingly enough I’ve never been bitten. I wrote to the Mail to see if they wanted to publish a story about a man who didn’t lose an arm from one of these killing machines but apparently they only want to publish scaremongering stories about them. False widows that haven’t actually killed a single soul. Bites are rare, but the Mail have jumped all over it and publish every scare story available. They only bite when they get stuck in clothing or something like that.

I have just done the most brutal school run ever. It is hosing it down and it was blowing a f*cking a gale here in the home counties. I like the look of windswept and bedraggled MILF’s though so it wasn’t all bad.

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:24 am

Isn't the term MILF used to describe women of your mother's age who you would like to, well, you know.

As you are approaching 40 this would put these women in the 60-70 age bracket wouldn't it?

Bluergh.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:27 am

Union Cane wrote:Isn't the term MILF used to describe women of your mother's age who you would like to, well, you know.

As you are approaching 40 this would put these women in the 60-70 age bracket wouldn't it?

Bluergh.

I don't think so. I think it is just any mother of any age (non Yewtree) that you would like to supply with a length.

Sean will probably know the correct technical definition if I'm wrong.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:29 am

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=milf

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:30 am

So it is anything that has had a head through it. I stand corrected.

by **Pal Joey** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:30 am

Not necessarily, Glasshopper.

Observe these chopstick and that old fry resting on window sill.

Please excuse... hom derivery van now arrive offering much cheaper deal with plastic knife and fork thrown in for flee.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:32 am

Union wrote:So it is anything that has had a head through it. I stand corrected.

Here to help Union...

On an unrelated note, do we think we have not seen Shah for a while due to the new laws around internet trolling making this place a minefields for him?

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:34 am

I think we all know why Shah hasn't been around.

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:34 am

rick wrote:On an unrelated note, do we think we have not seen Shah for a while due to the new laws around internet trolling making this place a minefields for him?

Possibly, or it could be that he is simply laying minefields.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:35 am

Tino wrote:I think we all know why Shah hasn't been around.

Do we? I must have missed the fun.

Minefield related anyway Union

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:38 am

rick_dagless wrote:
Tino wrote:I think we all know why Shah hasn't been around.

Do we? I must have missed the fun.

Minefield related anyway Union

I'm not sure Kobane is that much fun, Ricko, but each to their own.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:44 am

Yes, I love windswept women. There is something animalistic about the look.

Difficult one. My missus is 8 years older but she's not a MILF. Her friend who is the same age as her, has 2 kids, big knockers, gets pi55ed and talks dirty is certainly a MILF.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 10:45 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:
Tino wrote:I think we all know why Shah hasn't been around.

Do we? I must have missed the fun.

Minefield related anyway Union

I'm not sure Kobane is that much fun, Ricko, but each to their own.

I dunno. Attracting big crowds of spectators on that hilltop on the Turkish side

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 11:47 am

(This is what happens when golf talk is banned.)

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 11:50 am

Anyone play golf?

by **seanmichaels** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 11:54 am

used to enjoy a hit.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 12:12 pm

Honey and mustard glazed pork joint, Bubble and Leek (sic) cake, cabbage a gravy.

9.5/10

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 12:21 pm

Club sandwich, chips, free range egg, cup of tee (using a caddy).

by kingraf Tue 21 Oct 2014, 12:28 pm

Steak and eggs.
Satisfactory.

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 12:33 pm

kingraf wrote:Steak and eggs.
Satisfactory.

by kingraf Tue 21 Oct 2014, 12:56 pm

More than anything else in life, I hate Family Guy

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 1:09 pm

Fried egg sandwich.

3 x fish (flavoured) sticks.

2 x tomatoes.

5 x After Eight mints.

Black coffee.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 1:10 pm

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 1:32 pm

Tino wrote:Fried egg sandwich.

3 x fish (flavoured) sticks.

2 x tomatoes.

5 x After Eight mints.

Black coffee.

Quite an eclectic mix there Tino, packed it yourself did you?

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 1:43 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
Tino wrote:Fried egg sandwich.

3 x fish (flavoured) sticks.

2 x tomatoes.

5 x After Eight mints.

Black coffee.

Quite an eclectic mix there Tino, packed it yourself did you?

Hell yeah, Ricko.

Rummaged around the kitchen for something to fill a sandwich. Found some eggs. Seemed appropriate given the rather inclement weather. It really hit the spot.

The fish sticks were an unnecessary plate filler but the tomatoes were nice.

Not sure where the After Eights came from, but I suspect they belong to my mother in law who is still staying with us. She won't notice there are 5 missing.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 1:45 pm

Tino wrote:Rummaged around the kitchen for something to fill a sandwich. Found some eggs. Seemed appropriate given the rather inclement weather. It really hit the spot.

The fish sticks were an unnecessary plate filler but the tomatoes were nice.

Not sure where the After Eights came from, but I suspect they belong to my mother in law who is still staying with us. She won't notice there are 5 missing.

Fair enough mate, After Eights are a Christmas thing at my place, like Eggnog, though I have just got some fresh goose eggs from a friends allotment, looking forward to those bad boys later.

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 1:49 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
Tino wrote:Rummaged around the kitchen for something to fill a sandwich. Found some eggs. Seemed appropriate given the rather inclement weather. It really hit the spot.

The fish sticks were an unnecessary plate filler but the tomatoes were nice.

Not sure where the After Eights came from, but I suspect they belong to my mother in law who is still staying with us. She won't notice there are 5 missing.

Fair enough mate, After Eights are a Christmas thing at my place, like Eggnog, though I have just got some fresh goose eggs from a friends allotment, looking forward to those bad boys later.

We wouldn't usually have After Eights knocking around the house before late December, that's why I suspect they are the mother in laws. Not sure if they can get them in Canada so she is probably gorging herself on them before she goes back. If she ever goes back, that is.

What are you going to do with the goose eggs?

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:08 pm

No idea for the goose eggs outside what i would normally do, any bright ideas welcome.

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:14 pm

Let the scramble for the best egg related puns begin...

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:17 pm

Eggceptional start Union

by kingraf Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:17 pm

I had some ideas, but om'elette you figure it yourself.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:26 pm

Probably straining under the yolk of expectation...

by Mind the windows Tino. Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:29 pm

Shell we do something more interesting than puns?

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:35 pm

Can't think of any egg-related puns. Must be having a mem-brain freeze.

by **Union Cane** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:42 pm

I can't think of any more, I'm albumentally drained.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 2:50 pm

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a chalazae

by **superflyweight** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 3:12 pm

I've had un ouef of these egg related puns.

by Adam D Tue 21 Oct 2014, 3:36 pm

Someone poached my joke from underneath me

by Adam D Tue 21 Oct 2014, 3:36 pm

These jokes are eggshellent

by kingraf Tue 21 Oct 2014, 3:48 pm

I see Rowley hasn't chimed in, Egg puns must not be a hit on Yolkshire.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 3:53 pm

I'm not Raphael Ravenscroft. You can scotch that rumour.

by Adam D Tue 21 Oct 2014, 3:56 pm

And I dont have a constant craving for savoury cakes or to put it another way, I am not a Bunaddict

by **Galted** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 5:12 pm

For lunch I had the ciabatta that I baked on Sunday, it wasn't a great success. It did look a bit like a ciabatta but one that had been dropped from about 15000 ft. It was also about as hard as a fossil. I have identified the 4 reasons behind this:
sh*t baking instructions
sh*t ingredients
sh*t baking tray, way too small for the load
the cat kept trying to stick her head into the bowl when I was mixing the load up. Cats'll do that though, f*ck you up.

Did consider posting this in the cooking section but then my congratulating Julius on his excellent g*lf puns would have made no sense.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 5:31 pm

Thank you Galted. My superb golf-based luncheon post would have otherwise passed without comment. You have salvaged the day for me.

by **Galted** Tue 21 Oct 2014, 6:18 pm

I'm glad that I could. It breaks my heart that you battle the philistines alone, Julius. Phucking breaks my heart.

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